You Are For Me...

I am a bit of a perfectionist. Not with everything, but with a lot of things. I know that I will never be perfect-that is not the issue at all. The issue, I truly believe, is just being the best version of myself so that when others look upon me they see me at my best. Clearly I know there is much toxicity in this way of thinking. A little lie that the enemy LOVES to whisper to me is that I am not good enough. That I am simply faking it until I make it. This lie pops up daily,

I am a teacher of drama and musical theater-a job I was never technically trained for or certified in. I was selected through reputation and experience, love of children and passion for the arts. All very good qualities, don't get me wrong. However, I am challenged daily with praying that I am doing the best at teaching something that I myself was never technically taught. Satan loves to come beside me and remind me of the million things I do not know and how my children would be better off with someone else as a teacher.

I am also a performer by nature. I sing and act in any capacity that I can. Currently, I am in a musical, Titanic, with a principle role in what I am learning to be is the most challenging musical I have ever done. I am not vocally trained other than high school choir (which was a good 6 years ago) and fiddling around on my praise team at church. Satan loves to come alongside of this area of my life too, whispering to me all sorts of horrible things-from my range to my tone to my ability to hear pitch to my lack of breath support-and about a million other things. Sure, these are all things singers need to know. Yet Satan is not so kind to tell me that I can be taught--instead I feel hopeless and un-teachable. Sometimes I leave rehearsal or a performance, even karaoke nights with friends, and am convinced I have reached my prime singing time and that not only will I not get any better, but in fact am getting worse! He gets me so locked in a corner sometimes that I lose all interest to perform at all. Because I am scared of failure, or simply because I become indifferent to how much I adore it and tell myself that it's ok to just hide in the shadows a while.

Wow. What an un-fun way to live huh? And like I said, it doesn't happen all of the time-particularly just when faced with the kinds of situations where I get to choose whether to believe what God says about me and what the enemy is telling me to believe. Clearly, I have been choosing to believe the enemy.

I bet that breaks God's heart. Don't you think?

What He tells me is that WOW, He LOVES when I sing to Him. He tells me that He is everything I will ever need and that in my weaknesses He is strong. He does what I can't. He goes on when I can't take another step, or hit another note, or conquer another song. He is more than enough-always. So why do I not lean on that and take advantage of His presence? I guess because in that way that you look at things from an outside perspective, it looks a little nutty to simply rely on a supernatural relationship to cover you in areas you might be failing. Is it that easy? To simply ask God to sing for me, because He knows I can't do it without Him?

Maybe so. Maybe if that reliance is so truthful and faithful and so.....desperate, He will show up in our lives in BIG ways where we need Him. Maybe if we are solely depending on Him in that way, we won't care what the heck we sound like because we are singing for the King of all Creation who ADORES when we allow ourselves to be used the way He designed us to be used!!

So what needs to happen in my life, is a battle. A battle between truth and lies.A battle between good and evil. A battle that, in fact, has already been won-yet I am living a postwar life as if my God did not win. I am listening to the whispers of the enemy instead of the things God is loudly telling me everyday is true!

I am worthy. I am made in the image of the King. As a woman I am the crown of all creation and it has captivated the heart of my Lord. He gave me the talents and the passions that He has so that I might use them to bring glory to His name....well, believing Satan when he tells me that I suck, is not bringing glory to the name of God.

I encourage you today to look at any area of your life you might be struggling to believe truth. Whether it be performance based, body image, eating disorders, anxiety, and the list goes on and on. I ask you to lay that issue at the Cross today, knowing the Lord will take that burden and wear it as His own so that we will no longer feel the weight of the world crashing down upon us. Our Father's shoulders are HUGE and made for exactly that-the issues of this world we try to carry on our own. Well guess what? We can't do it. But he can! He is sufficient. He will NEVER forsake us in our weaknesses. He is always there, always enough, and always waiting in the wings of our lives hoping we choose Him. To believe Him. To love Him.

Let's choose Him.

In Him,
Meg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySP33gQmoNY