Prayer for Healing

A 9 year old child, praying over a picture of her sister, begging God-"Please not her, please not her, please not her."

That was me, in 1998 at the Westside Middle School shooting. We all have different stories about that horrific day, but as another day much similar to that one unfolds today for the poor babies and families in Newton, Connecticut-we are remembering painfully what happened here in our own community, and the heartbreak we feel because we know what that town is experiencing right now. 

Father God,

I lift up to you, as are people around the entire world right now, the community of Newtown CT. There are parents and siblings Lord, just like me, who simply hold a picture and pray that their family was not one of the ones killed. Lord, there are pure and innocent children, like my sister and SO many others, who will forever remember the gunshots, remember the blood stained hallways, remember the screams, remember everything. forever. Hold them near. Lord there are teachers, like our sweet Mrs Spencer and so many others here, who risked their lives today to save their students. There are families who have waited and waited and waited, only to find out that their mom or son or daughter is not coming out alive. And Father, I ask you to wrap your Daddy arms around them, all of them, and comfort them in a supernatural way today. Send your angels to do battle in the heavenlies so the sweet sweet souls affected by this tragedy today are not mocked by the enemy and are safely able to grieve and to weep and to learn and to grow from this, without outside interference. Many paths will be chosen today God, for many people, and I ask that you be there with them as I know you already are, guiding the decisions they make and the healing that will take place for the rest of their lives. God I thank you today, for the Glory I know is yours, and the beauty that I know you will turn this mess into. Because that is who you are, and something very beautiful will come of this awful tragedy. It just has to. And whether that gift is faith or forgiveness or grace for the human race we may not ever know, but we can rest assured that You Father are THERE. You are in this. And You have something to say. God I thank you from the bottom of my heart for my sister. When I hear of tragedies like this I am no longer a 25 year old level headed adult--I am a terrified 9 year old child praying over a picture of her sister, begging you, "please God, not Brittany. Please God, not her." And it wasn't her. And thanking you once will never be enough for me although I know you know how grateful I am to still have her. We all take for granted the loved ones in our lives Lord and the unconditional love that we should always show them, as well as our brothers and sisters in the world. Father may we take many lessons from this tragedy, LOVE, being one of them. I pray for the peace in which only you can provide God, for the community of Newtown. I seek guidance for the community of Jonesboro--may we unite and find a way to collectively be there for the families in Connecticut. The entire world was with us here during our tragedy, and Lord may we find the strength and the ability to be there for them during theirs. One of the most helpful tools in healing God is knowing we are not alone in the fight, that we have people rooting on our behalf. Well God, I ask that you show us as the Jonesboro community, how to root on the behalf of Newtown, Connecticut. Lord we love you so much, and we trust that you are faithful and have plans of GOOD for us and not of harm. So we offer this up to You. We surrender our grief and our pain and understand that you have bigger and better plans for those sweet babies who lost their lives today, and wow what we KNOW you are going to do in the lives of the families here on earth who lost them. Thank you for taking this from us. We know you are big enough to handle our questions and our anger and our confusion, and as our perfect Daddy we thank you for that, for you too know what it's like to lose a son. Thank you for Him. And it's in His name I pray to you now,

Amen

The Humble Elf

So this week has been interestingly stressful. I have been sick with the crud for what seems like forever (but really has only been a week of course) all while trying to prepare for several Christmas performances all happening the same week. Oh yes, and someone tried to break into my house....while I was in there. Needless to say, I was bitten by the stress bug for a while. Well I woke up today after many home remedies, antibiotics, and a new thing of mace, a new woman! I feel like a million bucks compared to last week!

Of course in our moments of "light at the end of the tunnel" the Lord loves to show us our behavior while in that dark tunnel and heal us from the mechanisms that have trained us to respond and react the way that we do in life situations. So in the Elf on the Shelf Spirit, the Lord has sent me Humble. Humble is magical creature with the ability to show you error in a situation. Especially a situation where you behaved the same way you might have judged someone else in that situation for.

Over the weekend I performed at a Christmas production my church was having to celebrate the season with one another. It's a time of joyous celebration, eating, entertainment--the works. Well, during the festivities a great friend of mine seemed to be having a miserable time. Everything about her demeanor, her attitude, remarks even, showed she was ready to go home before it ever started. Now, I almost said something to her even. About her hateful comments and unnecessary attitude because those around her were a little intimidated as well as pretty shocked. However, I did not say anything in hopes to diffuse a potential blow up.

So with Humble the elf around there are not many situations like that, that go unnoticed and untaught (in terms of a lesson I clearly need to learn as well). Tonight was one of my rehearsals for the Christmas show I am in and be it 3 days before opening night everyone was on edge. It's hard to remember to be kind and joyous and energetic and compassionate when crammed on stage with 50 other people all awaiting cues and moving props and lugging set pieces and a million other things going on. I have been counting my blessings that I am only singing and in a small enough role I never dreamt I would stress about it. Well I get out there and what do I do? Complain! The music wasn't loud enough so I couldn't hear my cues; nobody knew who was to carry mics and who was to get which one; choreography had to change on the fly to accommodate the mic situation. And I just lost all manners, acting like it was a huge deal when it's not at all. We are literally the tiniest part of this show and I complained about a mic stand!! Haha it's so ridiculous when I think about it now. And immediately I thought of my friend on Sunday. And how she reacted in a very similar way under stress to what was supposed to have been a fun stress free joyous situation.

So what I think Humble is trying to teach me more than just humility is also that we are filled with the Holy Spirit and representatives of Christ. And when we act entitled and complain or raise heck about things that don't matter who are we really showing the world Christ is? Being filled with goodness means you are not filled with junk and what comes out of you is a true account for what's in side of you. So I'm aware too of the need and desire to spend more time in the Word and in prayer communicating with God. And also one more thing--being stressed out should never EVER give you a reason to treat another human being like they are less than valued! Ever! So thank you Humble for entering into my life this holiday season and teaching me so many sweet lessons about being more like my precious Savior.

Until next time
In him
Meg

Shane

In the "NOTES" section in my iphone, you will find a section called "Blogs" with pages and pages of potential blogs just waiting to be written. When inspiration strikes, or the Lord teaches me a lesson, I log it in there so as not to forget it. There they wait, anxious to be written and viewed by the 30 people who read this blog.

Those ideas, however, are just going to have to wait. Because there are some very important life changing things happening for some of my friends and I feel the need to log somewhere in the world how special and important they are to me. So prepare yourself, as the next few posts from me, will probably be about people that I love. And if you love me, then you should (and probably will) love them too. So I encourage you to read, as this one is about my Shaney.

Shane and I met at church during the Easter musical in which he wrote/directed 3 years ago. I was a baby Christian and fresh on the scene at Southwest church after having taken a leaf of absence for several years. I knew him as the amazingly talented directed with a voice bigger than his body (and a sass to go along with it!) Over the course of the summer, as we found ourselves thrust into all of the same extracurriculars and same posse of friends, we decided to become friends on our own accord. Hanging out and sharing life with one another. The type of person that Shane was then intimidated the type of person that I was then. He was the kind of guy I was desperate to be liked by because he held strong opinions of everything in his life. And I longed to be something he held a great opinion of. Neither one of us were very gentle with the other one's heart. Things got ugly. God intervened. Then things got beautiful.

I had the privilege of teaching alongside Shane on Wednesday nights to 3rd and 4th graders. We were on the praise team together, and every Sunday I got to hear his beautiful tenor voice behind me was nothing short of a wonderful blessing. Come two Easters later, after much growth from both of us, we decide to tackle the Easter musical again--together. It was an amazing time where a beautiful narrative was told and the broken, hurt, and angry people telling it 2 years prior were now blossoming into instruments that the Lord was using daily. Thriving in all He had prepared us to walk through. Our bond was strengthened as we needed one another to accomplish a common goal. Shane was no longer someone I was desperate to be liked by, he was now a beloved friend whom I knew loved me. And not because of what I had or hadn't done---but because of who I am. He was one of the very first people in my life to ever point things out about myself that I never knew. And never in a judgmental or condemning way....but in a way that was grace filled and accepting of loving me for exactly who I was. No expectations. And I love that about Shane, because he has grown to love and see everyone in that same way.

His presences has challenged many people in our church, community, and circle of friends. He has challenged us to look beyond material things and recognize the hurt in a broken world. Hurt that money can't fix. He has challenged us to live a life that looks more like the life of our Savior. He has challenged us to put our money where our mouths are and to get off our butts and DO SOMETHING. To stop complaining and stand up in the name of Christ to fix the problems we can and pray about the ones we can't--all while loving others as Christ would have us love. And love them as we ARE loved. One of the most important things Shane challenged us to do, was to be a family. A community of friends who are there for one another in the good, the bad, and the horribly ugly. He encouraged us to walk through our lives together, sharing every heartache, every bruise, every tragedy--for only then would we be able to see God's glory first hand when He took those heartaches, bruises, and tragedies and turned them into a vibrant healed heart beating the Lord's rhythm for all who is listening. We shared that. Together. And in large part to Shane and his motivation to always seek to be living how the Lord instructed brothers and sisters in Christ to live.

I will forever be thankful for knowing him and forever be grateful that he has loved me in return.

"I thank my God for every remembrance of you"
In Him,
Meg

Mario and Jesus

As most of you know who faithfully read my blog, there is no small life-detail that goes unnoticed when it comes to the Lord teaching me a share-worthy lesson. Today's lesson: Mario.

I nanny 4 children, 2 of whom are boys ages 10 and 6. The 6 year old loves to play Mario, and more than that, he loves for me to watch him. One day, while I was upstairs staring at the giant tv screen and listening to the all too familiar Mario music, the Lord sent me a sweet vision relating Mario, and life.

In the game, there are courses, and each course represents different levels. Throughout each course there are things that try to eat you, freeze you, catch you on fire, shrink you, and kill you. (Sounds like life already, huh?) But in these obstacle courses, are also Mystery Boxes--you know the ones. You press the correct button combo for jumping, hit your head on a box, and something useful pops out.

When I was younger and would play this very same game, I remember speeding through the course to get to the end. I would never hit boxes, collect coins, or anything useful. I would also rarely die or encounter any problems either. Until, that is, when I would get to the end or a section in the course where something in those boxes would have proven useful. Like hitting a box and blowing up really BIG! Then you get to the end to face the giant and are killed instantly--because you didn't take the time to hit that mystery box.

Those who speed through life, often find that when they reach the end of a season they are not prepared or have not learned what they needed in order to get out of it and move on to the next "level" if you will. God gives us Mystery Boxes (or Blessing Boxes if you will), in order to prepare us for what is next. Sometimes these boxes are filled with tools, useful knowledge, a new group of people to support and love on you. Sometimes, these boxes are filled with things that are not that fun either. Things that hurt, and challenge us, and ultimately and painfully shape us so that we are ready for the next round with the giant. ((These boxes are my least favorite, because let's face it, who likes being repeatedly hurt or let down? Or always feeling like you are always the one forced to be the bigger person or be the one growing or learning something hard?))

Nevertheless, our Blessing Boxes give us power and strengthen our spirit to defeat what's at the end of the course. But if we don't stop, or slow down, and take the time to hit our head on the box....we will find we come to the end of a season, unable to defeat what lies ahead.

Even though learning is painful and growing is often times not fun, it is a BLESSING to become more and more like our Lord and closer and closer to Him with each level we pass.

My reminder to you, as well as myself daily, is to slow down. Hit your head on the box. Learn the lesson that pops out. And grab onto that tool, so that you can bring it with you to the end. Remember, the hard times are life shapers. Maybe you feel like your life is being beaten to a pulp but certainly not shaped...well, nobody said it would ever be easy. But we ARE promised, that it's WORTH it.

In Him,
Meg

Big Auto Body Shop in the Sky

First of all, I have been without internet for a while--so excuse my absence in blogging, you 30 regular readers I have. I know you missed me (Catherine) :) 

The other day, I was pulling out of City Water and Light after paying a bill, and across the street, also pulling out, was a mini van with a badly dented (assuming non-working) side door. It was not only dented, but covered in tape and barely looked held together at all. I found myself judgmental at first wondering why he would drive around town that way and never get it fixed. Then, as quickly as I started to judge, the Lord hit me over the head with this notion in my own life.

For those of you who know me and have ever ridden with me, you might recall the inability to roll the passenger side window down. Or wonder why I drive with my brights on down the backroads home when there is plenty of light. Well, the answer--my window, once rolled down, does not roll back up. And my headlight has been out most of the year, so driving with my brights on ensures that I am not "cock-eyed". 

All in a matter of minutes, while waiting to pull out onto the street, I start pondering why it was that I never got these problems fixed. The reasonable answer was that after a while, they seemed barely noticeable and quite easy to live with. However, just like the guy with the broken van door, I am certain that the problems were QUITE noticeable to others. 

For instance, if you were riding with me on a long roadtrip and started getting car sick and asked me to put the window down...I would not be able to. And in that moment, my small problem becomes a big hindrance to someone else. Think about the man with the broken side door--I wonder how much of a hindrance it is to his children when it is raining very hard and they have to maneuver inside their source of shelter in a way quite difficult to a small child. So, why don't we fix these problems?

Most of the time the reasoning is true enough--we don't have the time, we don't have the money, we don't have the support. But really, those are just what they are--excuses. In actuality, the enemy tricks us into believing that these 'problems' these, ISSUES of ours, are a security blanket that we are unable to let go of. So after a while, we don't fix them out of fear or out of pure complacency and our lack of vision to there being any problem at all anymore.

In this scenario God painted for me, He showed me Himself as a giant mechanic. All too often He waits in His shop all day for those who never come. For those who simply stopped recognizing that there is a problem to be fixed, and are living a destructive lifestyle or in a matter that is a hindrance to those around them. While in the mean time, the problems not only get bigger but they multiply. If you have ever had car trouble you know this part to be true. If you don't get A fixed then it will start to do something to B that in the end will ruin your C and require you to buy a D and an E just to attempt to make it function again. 

Satan in this scenario, is the salvage man. Making bank off of your spare parts and what's left of your car (heart). He is the manipulative factor convincing you that you are no longer worthy or useful or whole so you might as well start trading all of your stuff in for what he can offer you in return. He tells you that your problems are too big and too many to be fixed now, so let him take them "off your shoulders"--when really, he trades them in for even bigger issues than when you started. 

God is waiting. And He is no idiot. He knows we are flawed, broken people. But He has the answers. The solution. The healing lies in Him. And not in the emotional Sunday morning "my life was changed by a sermon but I am going to turn around and continue living in this toxic way" kind of "healing"....but true, healing. Where we are made whole. Our CRAP is brought to light, where there is no running or hiding behind false images where the Father is concerned. And right there in his Big Auto Body Shop in the Sky--we are HEALED. The van door is fixed, the window rolls down, and people once again, feel comfortable riding with us.

If people are scared or too uncomfortable to get into our cars, then how in the world are we supposed to show them the love of Christ.

Word of advice: FIX YOUR CAR! Because soon you will stop having any passengers at all.

((And remember, that once a year tuneup or that 3 month oil change, or that 3000 mile tire rotation---those are set in place as reminders of the healing we constantly need. Not a one time fix and then we never go in again. This is a lifelong process maintaining a car, and a lifelong process of healing our broken hearts.))

In Him,

Meg

Communication is Key.

The Lord is so good, and His timing is perfect. Sometimes He will allow me to see or realize something about myself, about others, about life--at the exact time I am supposed to learn it. This week, He talked to me about communication. Now, communication is what I studied in college (and by no means am I an expert in it at all), but it is definitely something I like to get better at, to work on, to spot in others, and in my opinion one of the most important tools in life. It is not just a tool of ourselves, but also a tool the enemy likes to twist and manipulate in order to reek havoc in situations which essentially breaks up friendships, families, churches, and relationships of all kinds.

A few days ago, within a situation, the Lord showed me a lie of the enemy that I was unaware I was even believing until He showed me. I blogged last year about life decisions--and how every choice we make is in response to whose story we are going to believe. The Lord's. Or the Enemy's. Everyday I am hit harder with the realization that this is actually not only true but true almost ALL of the time, in ALL situations. Including, yes, you've got it, communication. 

So I was telling someone a story the other day. It was a brief "in passing" thing that was describing something going on in my life. She asked briefly about a house I did not move into. So I answered briefly with a giant run-on sentence with examples that would've explained the situation better had I not sped through them so quickly. The conversation looked something like this:

Me-And I am moving into my new apartment this week.

Her-Oh is it that one place you showed me?

Me-No i couldnt commit to that place since it was in such a bad part of town and then I told that guy I was going to move in with that i couldn't live with a stinky boy so I am at an apartment of Paige

She politely smiled, having zero idea probably what I was talking about. The reason she didn't know was because I did not take the time to fully develop any of the story. Later that night I thought about why I didn't and the Lord sure as heck told me. I do not feel that others value what I have to say (sometimes it's because they don't, and other times it's more of the stigma I have caused by believing lies of the enemy about my worth). Because I don't feel valued, I assume that people don't want to hear my long stories, or bad jokes, or hear me talking at all for an extended length of time--so I hasten the pace, I skip important details, and even when I know that what I am saying is interesting, I always attempt to make it as less painful for the listener as possible. WOW! Poor communication skills Meg! 

When God showed me this about myself I laughed of course. Because I never realized it at all! But I do it-OFTEN! It's that choice too, every time, of whether I am going to believe the story of the Lord or the story of the enemy. Do I believe I am worthy and something to be valued? Or do I believe that the person on the receiving end doesn't give a flip about what I have to say and I'm wasting my breath? The conversation with whom the Lord chose to use as an example to show me all of this, was the PERFECT person to use. Because I KNOW that she loves me (and I her) SO much, and I KNOW that she values what I have to say. We have invested into each other's lives so there is no doubt about her care and her love for me and my silly stories.

Multiple times this week, God used what He had shown me. I teach drama classes at a non profit organization called the Foundation of Arts. In several situations with my kiddos this week, I had to pause and remind them that what they say and do matter. To slow down their pace. To take a deep breath. And to take the time to engage their audience (because good delivery is everything right?)

I was also shown the affects of poor (or non) communication in a not so fun way at all this week as well. And in times where communication affects your friendships, where you attend church, a job, a relationship etc...those are times you can be sure the enemy is hard at work. 

This I'm sure was not a teaching blog, so much as a, hey blog readers-I am still alive and barely kickin'. Still learning God's lessons in this very challenging season of my life. And hopefully passing on encouragement when I can.

In Him,

Meg

Encounters

There are times in my life, when I pray more genuinely than other times. So often I find myself writing a verbal letter out loud to God. "Dear God, Thank you for this, this and this. I need this, this and this. And would like for this. Thank you for Jesus. Thank you for loving me. The end. Amen. That's a wrap." There is little room for the Lord to speak back or move in my heart during moments of prayer that are like this. But for those times, when my prayer is worship and is true genuine communication with the Lord--I find that immediately He is moving. Prayer in the Spirit makes things happen, of this I am certain. The last time I freely prayed in the Spirit I saw angels riding Harley's down the road. This time, some more awesome things happened!

After an intimate and genuine time with the Lord this morning, I felt something stir within me. I could feel instantly something change. The rest of the day, the weirdest most wonderful things happened. If today had a theme it would be called, "Encounters with People the Lord wants you to Meet, Day."

My day after time with the Lord started by getting to rock a sweet, very sick little baby to sleep while singing songs of praise over her to Jesus. There was such a peace in that moment it was as if the Lord was rocking us both. The house where I nanny has a house keeper who comes every Tuesday, and the past few Tuesdays we have chatted briefly about church and about her relationship with the Lord. She told me last week that she wants what I have--the Joy that was inside of me. I knew the Lord was doing something in her heart, but would have never imagined that today she would ask me "What makes you believe in God? What's your story?" It's not too often Christians take the opportunity to invite conversation about God--but after asking Him to move in my life and to use me where I am, He plops a fearless woman into my life who boldly asks Me about the God I serve. AMAZING.

The day went on in the same way--where the Lord was landing me in situations where I felt like people needed encouragement or loved on or just a presence with them. And in SO many of these situations I felt like Meg wasn't there at all but that it was the Lord talking through me. After nannying I went to visit my friend Kate who's been struggling with some extreme life changes she's had since moving to Jonesboro. After that I got to teach some amazing kiddos some really cool things about drama and characterization.

After teaching I had plans to meet one of my students/friends out to eat and on the way there I saw a blind man walking down the street!! YES! A Blind man. At night, On a busy street. With his little cane, walking along the side of the road like it was nothing. And he was probably a good 70 plus years old! I KNEW I was supposed to stop and help him or love on him---I am going to be honest with you, I was very scared to do that. BUTTTTTTTTTTTT I picked up my phone (which I had assumed died hours before that because it had for REAL 3% battery) and it had just enough battery for me to call Police and Fire dispatch to get an officer out that way to find and help the man then DING my phone dies as soon as I tell the operator bye.

At the restaurant Clay (the student/friend) and I had the most wonderful conversation about spiritual gifts and using those to advance the kingdom and love on the world. We also had the SWEETEST little waitress (who also commented on my joy haha) and I KNEW she needed a pick me up---I could just feel it in my spirit. I was so happy that Clay and I were there to love on her.

On the drive home, I replayed the events of the day and how amazingly faithful God is to put us in situations where we are used by Him. But more importantly I thought to myself "does this happen everyday and I just....miss it?" Yes. The answer is yes. We encounter people and situations every single day that require us to be the light of the world. But our busy-ness gets in the way! Today, God gave me the eyes to see and notice things that I would normally miss....and WOW, my cup runneth OVER with joy. It is so wonderful to feel so intimately connected to the Lord in the small ways of just knowing He is there guiding and using you in your everyday life. A life that may seem busy or chaotic or boring or what have you. He is still there, still using us. We just have to open our hearts and open our minds, and we will find him.

Seek me with your whole heart and you will find me says the Lord. I will be found by you.

I hope you feel the joy through this blog because it is pouring out of my face right now! Sleep well. Be encouraged Beloved.
In Him,
Meg

Disney and a Home Security System

Ever since I was a little kid, I have had this weird fear of someone breaking into my house. I have a vivid memory of my mom and I hiding under the bed, while on the phone with the cops, listening to what she believed to be people breaking into our home. That could have very well been a dream, but as a young child being traumatized by this image in my head I am assuming that is where the fear originated. Even now as a young adult, I often shudder at the thought of not being entirely safe in whatever house I stay in.

I house sit often for a family that has a home security system, yet even there I am scared come night time that some unwanted intruder will....well....intrude. When I was a kid I used to booby-trap my room (as much as a small child could) in hopes that the racket or the 'trap' would scare off or hurt anybody trying to get in! I guess I have always had it built up in my mind, that if someone wanted in bad enough, they would find a way in--a loose window, an unstable dead bolt, etc. These days when I think about the Enemy of my soul, I often think of these moments as a scared child. See, I imagined bad guys circling our home at all hours of the way just trying to get in. Isn't that what satan does? He circles our lives looking for a loose window, an unstable deadbolt, etc!

The topic of this blog isn't home break-ins or the need for security systems (although both topics are completely valid). The purpose of this blog is censorship. And not just for us, but most importantly, for our kids. Let's just go there----DISNEY. I nanny many a child and are around all aged kids, A LOT, and most are obsessed with whatever comes on the Disney channel. Now, a good portion (cartoons and animated shows in the morning) are completely wholesome and not only that, but educational! However, the things that come on after school are atrocious. If your 8 year old child is watching a 21 year old adult play a 16 year old child, that in itself is a problem. But diving deeper you will see why. Disney sitcoms are not opposed at all to using language that I would never want entering the heart of my child, as well as the behavior of their "teens" on their shows. The kids are disrespectful to their parents, always breaking rules or being subjected to highschool stereotypes at their worst. They use words like "shut up" and "Oh my God" and "you are so stupid"--so tell me this....if you get on to your kid for saying these same things, but allow them to watch shows that have repeated language and behavior like this then it is really their fault for acting and mimicking the things they see?

I am not dissing Disney as a corporation--those of you who know me know I am as big of as Disney fan as it gets, especially the animated Princess side. But this era of the sassy mouthed teeny bopper- who's cussing, disrespecting others as well as their own body, and are doing things that young adults are meant to do yet being viewed by 8 year olds, is not going to fly on the day when I am finally raising. It is much too easy for young children to only understand or grasp the language and behavior of these shows, over the moral lesson they sometimes try and present at the end of each episode. If you listen to kids talk these days, they are repeating verbatim lines right out of Disney sitcoms---with giggles to how funny it was when remembering the entirety of the episode yet understanding little or no regard to the actual behavior that is being copy/pasted into their lives. 

If you look past Disney too, and travel to the radio, you will find the same problem. I taught an audition class last week where kiddos got to pick their own songs to sing for our mock audition at the end of the week. I had an 11 year old girl choose a Selena Gomez song and the chorus said this:

I'm missing you so much
Can't help it, I'm in love
A day without you is like a year without rain
I need you by my side
Don't know how I'll survive
A day without you is like a year without rain

REALLY!?? Sure, you don't see any cuss words in there or anything vulgar in regards to body or sex---but read it again. "Don't know how I'll survive" is this desperation on a relationship the sort of programming we are pumping into the minds of children who are MUCH too young to even begin to think about relationships that serious? Same goes for Taylor Swift song, Demi Lovato, Miley Cyrus (a lot of these girls being Disney artists and I am sure convincing parents to believe their music is wholesome because of that small detail). A desperation and dependency on love that is not that of the Father is NOT the sort of relationship or love that I will be promoting when I have children. So filling their minds and souls with this music or these t.v. shows is almost like me opening the window for them or unlocking the door so that the darkness that hovers around their poor little souls have a MUCH easier time of getting in!

Censorship goes for adults though too. If we are to come to Jesus with faith and a heart like that of a child, then what makes us so quick to shield our children's minds of something impure, only to hit the 'play' button once they've left the room? We are not immune to the attacks of the enemy simply because we are older. We are just as susceptible if not more, because we no longer have anyone in our lives shielding our eyes, hearts, and minds, from the nasty in this world. And I tell you friend, it is HARD to get the impurities out of your minds once you have seen them, or heard them, or repeated them, or created it somehow. HARD. And it's only cracking that window open larger and completely unlocking the door, creating NICE strongholds into our lives for the enemy to camp out there! He doesn't have to force his way into our lives when we are not only allowing him easy access, but practically inviting him to come in with all that we say and do and watch and listen to! 

Censorship is like that home security system. Ensuring your family as well as the safety of your family and those around you. Sure, the enemy will still hover but he's not getting in! USE THAT ALARM! Not just for you, but for your children as well. 

Soapbox. Off. Thank you.

In Him,

Meg

When Love Hurts

Do you remember kaleidoscopes? As a child these small toys were fascinating--even the cheap ones. You look through them and suddenly everything is different. There are some that form dancing rainbows at the other end of the scope, and with every twist or turn, a new move is created. My favorite kaleidoscopes were the ones that continued to let you see real life, however, again with the twist or turn at the end of the scope, you suddenly saw 10 trees, or 7 blue birds. Maybe your friend appeared to have 4 noses or 20 faces. Life. Skewed. 

When things are skewed, they are distorted. When things appear distorted, perception becomes less believable, and if perception is ones reality then what does that say about reality?

I was chatting with a friend, no more like venting for sure, about principles people claim to have when in fact, their lives show zero fruit of what they claim to believe. I find this irritating. Not so much for myself in dealing with this mentality (although it is just as irritating), but more for others who may not know the Lord and come upon these people. People who promise to love, and serve, offer grace and acceptance, and the plethora of other Christian mumbo jumbo we say to make ourselves feel better and then decide to not do any of it, because it is simply inconvenient. 

There is abundant grace for people on both sides of this equation for sure. But when does the grace card stop becoming an endless pong game of hurt and start becoming a tangible way for people to start learning better how to love? If our goal is not love, then what is it? And if it is our goal, I think we as humans are doing a very poor job of achieving our (awkward cough) goals.

Why does love seem to hurt so much? Well, I am going to make a bold statement here and say that its because we don't know how to love. We are given the perfect example (Christ) for sure, but does that seem to be making a difference in how we live our lives? Not much. Your love hurts others, when love hurt you, and when love hurt the person who hurt you, and the cycle goes on and on. Not to say that cycles can't be broken--but it takes a lot of effort. (And let's face it, if you aren't willing to do the things on your "how I want to better love others" list then who's to say you will put the effort in to break your cycle?)

Love doesn't just hurt from say past boyfriends or girlfriends, that's not at all what I am even talking about (although more times than not that love pretty much sucks too). Love hurts from families, from our friends, from our closest relationships, and a huge love hurt comes from, sadly, the church.

I am reading a book (phenomenal life changing book) called "Love Does" by Bob Goff. In each short and oh so funny chapter, he tells a story about something that happened in his life and how that relates to following Jesus and loving on others. This man makes it seem like the world's most amazing adventure, easiest mission, and most romantic goal--this act of love. And it's because he stops "thinking". He stopped analyzing what love looks like and he simply started loving. He stopped forming groups to to share lunch and talk about loving others until he was blue in the face, and he left the lunch table and went out to love on people. Everything he does and all that he references in the book, points back to Christ--and the model He has given us to love others. 

Last night I read a chapter in the book that talked about the adventures he's had with his kids. A promise he made them all was when they each turned 10, they got to go on a super cool adventure with dad--wherever they wanted to go. No planning. Just doing. He told all 3 stories about his kids "10 year old adventures"--and WOW. This new kaleidoscope in which I see life, will forever change the way I love. 

He writes "I think a father's job, when it's done best, is to get down on both knees, lean over his children's lives, and whisper, "where do you want to go?" Everyday, God invites us on the same kind of adventure. It's not a trip where He sends us a rigid itinerary, He simply invites us. God asks what it is He's made us to love, what it is that captures our attention, what feeds that deep indescribable need of our souls to experience the richness of the world He made. And then, leaning over us, He whispers, "Let's go do THAT together."'

I had a college professor tell me once that people who are the (polled) happiest in life, are the ones who figure out what they're good at and what makes them happy, and find a way to make money doing that for the rest of their lives. But all money aside, to be able to share in the adventures of this life with the One who created inside of you everything that makes your heart race and want more, would be the happiest I think any human can be. Learning to share in that adventure with him, I feel, is LOVE. Understanding that type of love. The tangible love that DOES and IS and makes a difference in your life. That is Love.

If you have never known that type of love, or don't know that type of love now--then you probably aren't loving others in that way either. And if you aren't loving others they way the Lord loves, then it's very possible that your version of love is in fact doing more harm than good. This is not me judging. I am world's worst screw up at loving people the right way, offering grace, and all of that. Mostly for me, I forget that it's about relationships.I am mission minded and always trying to do something, or fix someone, or go somewhere, etc. I forget that there is a deeper level that goes far past what I am doing for my own sake of feeling good about myself, and truly is selfless. It should always be about getting to know someone, choosing willingly to walk alongside them in their life, and to be intentional about how you love them for the rest of your relationship. 

I woke up today, asking the Lord to take me on a whimsical and romantic adventure. He didn't fly me to Italy, take me out to a fancy candlelight dinner, or show up with flowers at my door. But he awakened my soul to something more. And those feelings you get in your soul are irreplacable bits of Heaven if you ask me. Revelation means everything to me, in understanding God more and loving Him in different ways. And He knows that. So sure, He could have done whatever He wanted in order to woo me today. But He knows my heart, and He gave me exactly what I wanted and what I needed. An adventure. 

So here is my challenge to you. Have fun with the Lord and the adventures He has prepared for you (as well as inviting Him on your own adventures and all that you do!). Without fail, He will show you how He loves you and that my friends, will show you better how to love others. So love stops hurting. The love-hurts cycle is broken. And the kingdom starts becoming a little more like what the Lord had in mind.

In Him,

Meg

All in Moderation

Aristotle once said, "It is better to rise from life as from a banquet--neither thirsty nor drunken." The problem   in ole Ari's philosophy here is that today, when people go to a banquet (party, buffet, Sunday afternoon lunch, fill in the blank with an appropriate place where food is being served)--they don't stop at being simply satisfied. Typically, we leave too full, too drunk, too this or too that. There's a common phrase people often use about this word: moderation. Everything is fine in moderation.

When you've watched ABC Family for far too long and it stretches into the wee hours of the early morning, you will most often find yourself watching a long line of infomercials. A few nights ago I found myself in this place, watching yet another long segment about the new product and newest weight loss craze--SENSA. Sensa is a (fill in the blank with your own word because I don't understand how it works either) that you sprinkle on top of whatever food you are eating. And BOOM. You start shedding those unwanted lb's. One lady on there is recorded saying, "I can still eat whatever I want! I just sprinkle Sensa on before I eat and the weight comes off after!"

I am always shocked at this infomercial and by this product. Not only does it shock me that you can lose weight by sprinkling on a fill in the blank to your favorite foods, but that people who have done this say you literally don't have to change a thing about how you eat.

Over a year ago I started Weight Watchers to lose a few unwanted pounds I had gained over the previous year. I'm a mere 5 foot 5 inches tall with the type of frame that every extra pound gained is very obvious to the naked eye. I have always struggled with my weight being up and down so I decided it was time to not just lose weight really but to learn about a better way of eating. So with a friend seeking to do the same thing, we turned to Weight Watchers. Weight Watchers basically gives everything you could possibly consume a point value. Everybody gets a certain amount of points a day they can eat on (with bonuses and extra workout points and things like that). My first shock of course was looking up all of my favorite meals and realizing that by eating most of them for one meal I would then have to starve myself the rest of the day. The first couple of days was brutal. I was so hard on myself and would not use any extra points than necessary. I had not acquired a taste for the fruits or veggies (that are 0 points to eat) and we had not been grocery shopping to find some things we could eat. Needless to say by the end of the first night I thought I was starving to death and I was ready to strangle the nice lady at the WW counter who told me this would be super fun and so great for my life!

However, after getting the right tools, creating some new habits, and being disciplined and focused everyday I managed to lose total about 12 pounds (and I am not kidding when I say 6 of those pounds were in the first week).

Following Jesus is a lot like my Weight Watchers journey. There's a moment something clicks within you and you know you need a radical life change (this was my first recognizable encounter with Christ--as well as that moment  I stepped on the scale and saw what the numbers had to show, YEESH). Unlike the lady at the Weight Watchers counter who sold me this packet of information and promising me a fun journey, Jesus never sold me something to buy into--He just invited me to come if I wanted to. And He certainly didn't promise me it would be fun, in fact most of the time He warns us of its' difficulty--dying to your flesh, selling off all you own, giving up everything sort of difficulty.

By trusting Him, focusing daily on His promises, creating better habits, and being disciplined and staying on track with the things we know we should or shouldn't be doing--it becomes the only journey you want to be on. The most beautiful one in my opinion.

So what about this SENSA craze? And those crazies out there saying "Hey man if you do it in moderation it won't hurt!" I wonder if drinking alcohol in moderation hurt the alcoholic? Or if watching porn in moderation doesn't destroy a man's family. I wonder if only occasionally murdering someone--murdering in moderation--is just fine for our souls and God doesn't mind at all. No. I am certain He minds very much.

We can sprinkle all the SENSA, all the bull, onto our decisions all day long--whatever it takes to allow us one more bite of what's tempting us right? And as long as we only do it every now and then, it won't hurt us at all. Hmm...

I wonder if before we made our decisions in life we asked ourselves, "Am I sprinkling SENSA on this in attempt to make whatever it is I am about to do, not hurt my soul or my life so much?" or "Am I convincing myself that if I just do this in moderation it will be just fine and not affect me or those around me?" Being honest with ourselves is what it will take, as well as having someone we are accountable to and for. Because the Lord already knows---it's most often ourselves that we try to deceive.

So I challenge you (and me too!)--go through your life and your decisions, asking yourself those questions. If you find yourself saying, yes I am a SENSA sprinkler or YES I am attempting to do this in moderation--then stop yourself from going down that road. And find some new discipline, some new focus, some new habits--and watch those unwanted pounds of drama, garbage, and stress of life come right off!

In Him,
Meg

Sweet Moments

Sweet moments are blessings from the Lord.

As a teacher, nanny, and capturer of life (photographer), my life is never short of those precious moments which make life worth while. In the midst of screaming babies, defiant kiddos, frustrated parents, and chaotic situations--it's often hard to find sweet moments, and when they are found, typically we throw them away unaware that they even happened.

The Lord uses these moments in my life to affirm that what I am doing is what I am supposed to be doing, or that where I am at in life is exactly where He wants me to be. So this week was a wonderful blessing when given so many precious moments.

The first came while on my first day of nannying a new family. There are 4 kiddos ages 8, 6, 2.5, and 7 months. The 7 month old baby girl is still nursing so that first day on the job was not ideal (as clearly I did not come with the 'goods' that a nursing baby would prefer to have.) Needless to say, naptime was a struggle. After hour 3 of the rocking and crying and patting and crying and sweating and singing and dancing and crying and crying from her and crying from me to utter exhaustion from both of us, I was ready to give up completely. My last trick, worship. I knew if I couldn't get her to sleep I was going to bring Jesus into that room and maybe He could! So I started singing "How Great is Our God" to this screaming baby who was in all sense of the word, fighting this nap time. Instantly, she stops crying, sticks her hand up from where I am cradling her, and caresses my face. Then, she starts cooing along with the worship. It was the most beautiful sound in the world. This baby, new to life and unknowing to anything in the world, who is sleepy and sad and mad and hungry and all other kinds of feelings, takes a sweet moment to worship her Jesus. It's like she KNEW. And I really believe that babies DO know, and have just as much capability of worship as grownups. It was utterly AMAZING. Within minutes, my crying fussy baby fell fast asleep, wrapped in peace from our sweet Savior.

Some of the most precious moments I encounter in my life in general are those teaching moments with children whether it be in my classroom, in Wal Mart, at church, or at home. I love teachable moments and I love when children respond positively and soak up the growth of their brains. As a new teacher, satan loves to remind me how what I do isn't as good as ole so and so who's been teaching for 20 years, or you know who who actually has a degree in what she's teaching. Sometimes I say poo on you satan, and other times, in my moments of weakness or when I am not focused on the Lord completely, I catch myself believing the lie. Today, on two completely separate occasions the Lord reassured me that I am in the right place doing exactly what He has called me to do.

This morning during my quiet time with Him, God gave me a word for a friend of mine who is also my student and no stranger to the FOA stage where I work. It was about following his dreams and knowing he has a big heavenly Father to catch him if he doesn't succeed. The phrase that caught my attention was "I used to be scared of NOT succeeding at things that mattered to me. Now I am scared of succeeding at things that don't." This guy and I have had many a conversation about college and pursuing theater or playing it safe and going to a state school and getting a business degree etc. I told him if I were him I would dream big or go home. God is in the business of telling us our business while on earth and a way that He has done that is by giving us specific talents and giftings. Who are we to throw those away for safety and backup plans? The student responded with a sweet message about how I am helping him as a person and as a performer and how thankful he is for me. WOW! What kind words!! I obviously am not doing anything. It's the Lord working through me!

Then after class today, a student I had almost a year ago, dropped by my classroom to let me know that he got accepted to AMDA in LA! He told me about his audition process and asked for my advice for things to have and know once he got to school. He thanked me for pushing him in class to be confidently fearless when going for those notes in his upper register and said he thought about what I would be saying to him if I were at his audition with him! He said the school LOVED him! This school will change his life and be that next step in following his dreams as well. We then talked about not letting the city and other people change him (he is a PRECIOUS Christian boy who loves him some JESUS!!) We talked about him going in and being the light of Christ for a city and for a group of people who may not know the Lord at all! I am confident that he will go in there and love on those other students and radically change things for the better everywhere he continues to go in life. And again, it had nothing to do with me but wow what a blessing to be a part of his story and his life!

The Lord is so good and so faithful, and He is ALWAYS trying to talk to us and love on us--we just get so wrapped up in us that we forget to look for Him and listen! But when we stop, and look, and listen...we get to be a part of some of the sweetest most precious moments that life has to offer!

In Him,
Meg

Water

Every 20 seconds a child somewhere dies from a water-related illness. 3.575 MILLION people die each YEAR from a water related disease. If you have the ability to take a shower in your home, run a dishwasher, or wash your hands under a running faucet then you are part of only 10% of people on the planet who can.

Water. Something we take for granted here in the United States. Oddly enough this blog is not about the kind of water that your thinking about now.

I am house sitting a blessed family and have been privileged enough to use their pool all week. I have been using this time of relaxation to worship and read and visit with friends and sometimes just think. Today I was silently reflecting on what's to come of my life through this new transitional season. I am moving to a new city in an unknown location, I am contemplating many big changes for my life including church and small group and way of living in general. Where this is an exciting time, it is not without it's stress and it is not without some sadness.

So this week has been a huge blessing to me in some quiet time of seeking from the Lord what might be next on our agenda. While reflecting today it hit me, man it is stinking HOT out here! I got up from my chair and heat soaked towel and scampered over to immerse myself in the cool and shaded waters of the pool. Immediately I was relieved. I was refreshed. And I felt renewed. As quickly as all of that happened, I could feel the Lord tugging on my Spirit reminding me that this was only temporary. As soon as I get out, step on the hot pavement, throw myself back on the hot towel draped across an even hotter lawn chair I would instantly be hot again. And at some point, would have to repeat the cycle over again.

When I thought about this never-ending scenario (never ending as long as I kept hopping out of then back into the pool) it occurred to me that if I would just stay in the pool, I would never need refreshing. I would stay cool and replenished forever!  Then I thought of the Lord, and how he promises us that we shall never be thirsty again when we drink of the water that He has to give. And in that moment, even the idea of setting up shop in a pool during a 100 degree drought was not enough. Eventually the water would sit in the sun so long that it would get too warm to swim in. And we all know that once in the pool for a while it loses its' affect of refreshing us because we get used to what it has to offer.

What if everyday with the Lord was like that first dive into a cool pool after an hour of laying out in the hot sun? Do you remember what that feels like? I do, because it just happened to me 15 minutes ago. But until now it's been so long since I have been swimming or even around a lake or pool that it's probably accurate to say that I wouldn't have remembered what it was like. It's.....GLORIOUS!

I want to feel that way in the Lord's presence every single day. So why don't we? What gets in the way, or what distractions are hindering you from feeling refreshed from the Lord's life spring every single moment you are in His presence? For a lot of us it is that we never truly experience His presence because we are no longer seeking His face. Some of us it is that lukewarm distraction of being half of the world, half for the Lord sort of deal--I don't think we will ever be able to fully feel the affects of being submerged in the Holy Waters living that sort of lifestyle. A lot of times even we are simply too busy to even care or to realize we need refreshing.

Today while laying out and enjoying the sunshine I did not want to dip in the pool. I didn't want to be wet and cold when I got back in the house and I felt like I was about to end my laying out session anyway, so I struggled with dipping in one last time or not. I held off, for so long that it made the dip even better. Because I was extra hot and extra sweaty and needed some extra refreshment. Once in, I never wanted to get out. I remembered how AMAZING it was to not feel the way I felt while outside of the pool, and how wonderful it was to feel the way I felt while IN the pool.

Are you letting Jesus refresh your soul? He offers us the type of water that the world will never run out of. The type of water that we will never die of related disease from. He offers us the type of dip in the pool that doesn't just last a few minutes, but a refreshing and replenishing of our souls that can last forever. Now the only question left is.....will you jump in? :)

In Him,
Meg

Redneck Worship

Intrigued? I thought so.

**Before I start let me be clear that I am not attempting to judge people who live a particular lifestyle (in this case, "rednecks"). 

Jeff Foxworthy once said you might be a redneck if.....

--You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines!"

--You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws

--Your house still has the WIDE LOAD sign on the back

--You carry a fishin' pole into Sea World

--You think subdivision is part of a complicated math problem

--You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams Jr, and you think Heaven looks like Daytona Beach, Florida

--You father executes the 'pull my finger' trick during Christmas dinner

--Your house doesn't have curtains....but your truck does

--You've been on t.v. 5 times now, describing the sound of a tornado

--You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as the time your ship came in.

You might be a redneck.

There are shows beyond shows (most on CMT) that make millions on revealing this interesting way of living. Take for example the shows 'My Big Redneck Wedding' (where the wedding dress is in camo, the entertainment is beer chugging, and the after party is muddin') and 'My Big Redneck Vacation' (not much unlike the wedding show except nobody is getting married). (Just to name a couple).The reason I give these examples is because I don't want you to think I am judging--I think these people are more than content living this way, and have a great time doing so! I only give the examples so we are on the same page for the rest of the blog.

I went to Caruthersville, Missouri yesterday to the Lady Luck casino to see Tracy Lawrence perform. If you know me at all you stopped at Caruthersville and said "Weird", then again at Lady Luck casino and thought "Hmm..." and lastly at Tracy Lawrence and said "Who the heck are you and what have you done with my friend?". Truth is, the trip was random. But I love me some Tracy Lawrence--been a big fan of his for a long time. There is a sweet spot in old country music that makes my heart smile because it reminds me of some wonderful times in my childhood (and let's be honest, those were few and far between). Little did I know that the concert was not indoors in the casino, but instead, outside at 6pm in 99 degree heat. 

The music was tight. The singer was wonderful. The crowd was.....energetic, to say the least. It was a large large crowd in a small small town. The people at the show loved them some beer, they loved them some hootin' and hollerin' at Tracy like they were best friends. They loved them some dancing when let's face it, it might have been just a tad inappropriate. They wore shorts and hunting boots, overalls while holding the spinning fan that squirts water in front of their face, or they sported a large no-toothed grin. Sometimes this crowd is too much for a non-country gal like myself, but last night, I completely enjoyed them. 

It's funny how the Lord is ALWAYS faithful in revealing where He is in ALL things, or at least continuously teaching me something in every situation I am in--even in a casino in who-knows-where, Missouri. There was a point during the evening that Tracy threw one of his towels off stage and a little old lady with no teeth snatched it up from all of the other fans attempting to get it. She then preceded to take the towel down every aisle-dancing with the people she passed. Then every few minutes, holding it up to her fans at the back of the arena to assure them they're all in this together. It was a HOOT! Then it hit me----REDNECK WORSHIP!!!

Rednecks are devoted fans. Nascar, wrestling, hunting, music--you name it, when they love it you will KNOW about it. There is ZERO shame in the clothing they sport to let you know they are a fan of something or support a particular lifestyle. There is NO shame in the way they behave in public at specific events either. And they are the most WELCOMING crowd you might ever meet--if you're a redneck, you're FAMILY! And family sticks together.

Isn't this how Christians should be? Shouldn't we have ZERO shame about talking about the Lord 24/7 and what He's doing in our lives? Shouldn't we have NO shame in quoting scripture, and praying over our friends, and listening to kLove in the radio with friends who are not believers (or our own children who might rather listen to secular music)? Shouldn't we go WILD in praise for the LORD when in worship events? When is the last time you saw a group of women scrap fight in a crowd to attempt to be the one to grab a piece of goodness or blessing the Lord was throwing off of the stage? Instead we just 'expect' to be blessed and we make no attempt to worship and praise or even rush the stage of the Lord at all. Have you ever seen someone who has been blessed so immensely by the LORD then go to every single person in the crowd, dancing with them and showing off what God has done in their life?

I could not stop smiling at the concert, at the thought of "Wow, rednecks have got it right (in a way)" Now if only we (Christians) could have that energy when it came to worship and our dedication to our God as rednecks do other things--WOW, what an affect we would have in the kingdom huh??

Rednecks are free. They praise who/what want and they do it how they please. I choose to praise the Lord. But I choose now to do so.....like a redneck!!

In Him,

Meg

Perspective.

The state of one's ideas. The facts known to one.

I have been thinking recently about this idea of one's perspective. It has been on my mind for a few weeks, and was hit with a quite humorous example tonight while eating with some friends. I was at a downtown restaurant called Godsy's, eating with some members of the Titanic cast and our director and assistant director (whom I had run into earlier in the afternoon at the theater while turning in my scripts).

We had already ordered and just a few minutes later a waiter (who was not ours) brought our table an appetizer. He held it out for what seemed like minutes, with all of us sort of giving him the blank stare, until finally Wendeth (our A.D.)  piped up and said "Um, that's not ours?" He apologized and left with the dish. We then all looked at each other and started laughing so hard! Kristi said 'I thought I wasn't paying attention when someone ordered earlier' and I said 'I just thought they were giving it to us for free!'. Wendeth preceded to point out how you can tell the perspectives in life we must all own that make us think 3 completely different things about the very same exact situation.

Kristi (our director) is a very busy woman and has admitted to me before that when she talks to people, quite frequently her mind is wondering to the 10 other places she should be instead, where other people are waiting on her for something as well. So her perspective in the situation with the appetizer was to assume that she had simply not been paying attention to what was going on because her mind was elsewhere.

My perspective differed from that one in that I assumed someone was giving us free food. First of all, I am ALWAYS somewhere wishing that someone would give me free food. So this was not a far stretch. Secondly, I knew our waitress very well and thought she might be treating us to a free dish. And third of all, my brain is always trying to find the good in people and the situations that I am in. This is the only way I keep form sinking into pits of depression seeing so much sadness and evil in the world. I like to see the positive, the light, and where God is moving in situations. So I sat at that table ready to praise me some Jesus for free food whether it came from the bus boy or dropped down from Heaven itself!

Wendeth is more of a realist. I don't know her extremely well but I know she is intelligent and calls it like she sees it. I have not typically known her to hold back her opinion on a matter or to come at an issue with unrealistic goals for the ending product. So when the food was revealed to the table out of nowhere, she not only was the first and only person to chime in and claim the truth in that it was not ours, but she also probably processed the logistics in her head before she did so--knowing that she heard everyone order and nobody ordered that dish, that people in reality don't typically send over free food to tables (that only happens in movies), and that by the look on our clueless faces none of us were going to say anything.

It's funny how our personalities, our experiences, and our situations shape our perspectives or 'what we see and know to be true'. If you sat a group of 20 kindergartners in a room and spread them out into a big circle, then dropped a 500 plus pound elephant in the room and told them to draw what they saw, there would be many pictures of elephants....but none would (or should) look the same. The kid at the head of the elephant would really only see the head and not much more past that. The kid at the butt would never see the elephant's head, sadly his picture would be a couple of big elephant buttcheeks! How might we change the outcome of the drawing? Well....we could place a smaller elephant in the middle of the room. But if the elephant represents our problems then most often those are not things we can control by making bigger or smaller (at least not willingly). So, to get a more accurate drawing of the elephant we have to back the children up, significantly far away from it so that they can gain a different perspective. The kid who only saw the trunk might now also see the ears and the eyes and front two legs, maybe even some belly hanging on the sides. The kid at the butt would see the back and tail and back legs and maybe sides or even back of the ears or head.

Some perspectives are harder to change. Sometimes it isn't as easy as backing up from the elephant. Sometimes it requires changing our mentality. And our mentality is most often shaped by our experiences in our past and how we respond to those experiences.

I used to be a very very angry person. I had no idea I was like this, but I was. At the core of my being was anger. I would lash out at those I loved, I was disrespectful and very mean. This issue seemed to get worse with time, but I had no one in my life calling me out and telling me I was like this. Then I met a guy who really dissected this behavior.He invested in me and my past experiences to understand what was going on beneath the surface. He knew that my actions were not only detrimental to those around me but to myself as well. So in moments where I was disrespectful to him, or would completely lash out during a disagreement he would call me out. Of course, being called out by those we love the absolute most in this world is NOT fun at ALL! But when I felt the anger and the darkness start lifting off of me and on it's way out of my life, I was so relieved to discover that we can indeed change our behavior. By being just as repetitive in undoing them as we are to develop them, our worst habits can indeed change. I am so thankful for this guy pointing out in me the things I was too angry to see. (And I am sure that all of the relationships in my life since him also thank him too! Ya'll--I am talking HORRIBLY MEAN AND ANGRY PERSON! If you are anyone but my friend Shane or my sister you might not believe I was this way once, but I assure you-before Jesus, I was all kinds of cray cray! haha)

So the Lord has shown me today that perspective matters. He is connecting the dots for me in understanding that perspective can change---with the Holy Spirit. I can't pretend to own a perspective I simply do not have. But the Holy Spirit makes me compassionate for those that I don't understand and advises me to continuously be a person who hopefully is only impacting the people I encounter in positive ways. I want nothing more than to be a builder of people and not someone who breaks others. And God really hit me over the head today with making sure that I am intentional about ALWAYS making sure that what I say and do is building, not breaking. Because we don't always know the perspectives that others share. BUT-the perspective that DOES matter, is truth. And that comes only from the Lord.

I seek and hope to continue to get to know Him on a more intimate level so that I can stand firm in the truths that belong to me because of Him. Only then do our perspectives change to look a lot less like what we see and more like what He wants us to see.

In Him,
Meg

BRAVE

Well, tonight was the night. I FINALLY got to see the movie I have been waiting for! BRAVE!! This movie touched my heart in unexpected ways. The previews do not lead you to believe anything more than a young girl fighting to find her place in this world. And yes, it is about that....but also presented so many more messages. **If you have not seen the movie there are things in this blog that pertain to the movie, but no spoilers as to what happens! Feel free to read on.

On the way home, I was going over in my mind how much I loved the movie. My friend Clay told me (and Pip) afterward, "Hey, she reminded me of the two of you!" And she did! She is free spirited and a dreamer and life-loving! However, on the way home, I thought about the ways that I am not like this new Disney heroine. I am not Brave.

In the movie, there are these things called Wisps (not to be confused with the portable toothbrush/toothpick combo). These Wisps are magical entities that direct those who see them to their fate. On the way home, the Lord showed me how Wisps are like the Holy Spirit--guiding us and directing us to our fate, to the things we were designed to do in this world. Just like Merida! So why could Merida see them? Because she believed in them. And when she believed, they showed up and guided her to where she needed to go. And when those around her who did not believe before but started to later, they also showed up for them as well.

Isn't this like the Holy Spirit? When we are in tune with the Spirit and seeking God's face, really listening to what He is trying to communicate with us-we find at ease our next move and the things He might be doing behind the scenes in our lives. It is when we stop looking for Him, listening to Him, and waiting for Him that we stop seeing our Wisps. And without them, how will we ever be directed to our destiny? To our calling?

When I think about destiny, and fate, and calling-as it pertains not only to Merida in Brave but also to Meagan in real life, I can't help but relate them both to my character in Titanic the Musical, Katherine McGowan. She is a third class passenger who boarded with hopes and dreams of finding a better life in America.

As a dreamer, I am much like my character in this way, but unlike Katherine McGowan (and Merida) I have not done many brave or courageous things to follow my destiny where it may lead. And in my case, maybe lack of bravery simply presents itself in the form of not seeking the Lord constantly so that I might know what He is doing in my life and the things He is trying to tell me and show me, and my fate that He is trying to lead me to.

There is a song we sing in the musical called Lady's Maid. It is Katherine McGowan leading the third class in dreaming up their new lives in America and all of the things they never thought could be true for themselves. This song is so powerful! We are playing REAL characters, who really were on the Titanic, who REALLY were travelling to America to follow their dreams. For some of them, it was their very last hope for their lives! And for many, that dream killed them. But they were BRAVE--and they were following their dream, their destiny. Now, because of documentaries, and books, and musicals, and so much more---their stories will forever be remembered.

I have found a new sense of pride in my character and the words that she sings....'where my dreamin' and my hopin' and my schemin' and my prayin' and my wishin' to be happy will come true'. I also have a new found sense of stirring within the depths of my heart that is LONGING for adventure (something I feel very strongly that we were created for). I long for risk and a journey of potential danger--because wow, what a way to rely only on the Lord when put in a situation where He is your only hope! I long for love, and a mission, and a chance to be......BRAVE!!!!

In Him,
Meg

Happy Father's Day

Father God,

Holy is Your name. Lord, I want to thank You for Your constant protection. For Your love. For Your faithfulness. And so much more.

Blessed be the name of the Lord--in good times, and bad. You are always there.

Lord. I want to ask you to surround those who have lost their earthly fathers on this Father's holiday tomorrow. You are the ultimate Father and wow, how blessed we are that You have chosen us and that we are able to hear Your voice. There is still sadness, though, in missing those who are no longer with us.

There are many in my life right now, who are celebrating this day without a dad, too. And where it is not a fun club to be a part of, it is nice to not be alone.

Father, please be a powerful presence in the lives of my friends tomorrow--and those I don't even know, who have lost a father or maybe never even had one. Show them how much YOU love them. I pray they have a big encounter with the Holy Spirit tomorrow, Lord. 

I ask all of these things in Your Son's Holy name.

Thank You for loving me. Thank You for Jesus.

Happy Father's Day :)

AMEN

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. PSALM 68:5

Godspeed, Titanic.

I have not blogged in a while it seems. I have been teaching summer camps all day and doing Titanic rehearsal all night so my computer and I have had very little interaction. Last night it hit me that this experience is almost over--and if you have followed my blog throughout this tiny section of my life, you might be wondering how I am feeling about the fast approaching end to this challenging show. I am utterly heart broken. Although truly challenging and at times in the beginning, seemed to be too much to take, it is by far the most amazing show I have ever been a part of. Every rehearsal, every conversation, every ride in my car listening to the soundtrack, every activity with cast members outside the walls of the theater--- is all, MAGICAL.

It started to hit me just a few days ago that we are telling the story of real people, of a real event, and a moment in history that will never be forgotten. I have spent as much time as possible researching passengers aboard the Titanic, learning what life was like for them on the ship, and on that dreadful night when everything they ever knew was forever changed. Upon learning more and appreciating this story even more than I already do, I was inspired by the real people I am surrounded by every single day. The ones walking alongside me being used by God to tell the narratives of the people on the Largest Moving Object in the World.

Pip--Pip stole my heart from the first day I met her at callbacks. She bluntly turned around and asked me what my story was. After further creeping on facebook our next conversation was my asking her if she loves African children (in which she most certainly does)--and our fate as friends was sealed. We have the same brain, and can be completely awkward in front of one another which is a blessing when you are as odd as the two of us. She loves the Lord and it pours out of her with every conversation she has with anyone in the cast.

Caitlyn--She is the final "Kate" in the Kate Trio, and it could NOT have been a trio without her. Her humor and perspective on life are beyond hysterical and refreshing at the same time. She also shares the same odd brain as Pip and myself, so instantly we bonded and wow, what a BLESSING from the LORD!!

Reid--Reid is phenomenal, and he doesn't even know it. He is the kindest human you might ever meet, and always ready and willing to help. He helped us (the Kate's) with our Irish accents from day one and instantly we adopted him into our precious new friendship. This show would not be on the level it's on if her were not a part of this cast. Seriously love me some Reid!

Russ--Praise the Lord for Russ and all that he has done for this show. He has been active in every small detail of getting this show up and going--from casting to set to a sinking ship to helping with accents to stepping into roles and so much more.

Meridith--the wittiest person EVER. the biggest heart EVER. And ALWAYS an absolute JOY to be around. We would all be stressed and moody without her around :)

Will--what I love about Will is he never holds back. Even if he messes up, or knows there's a possibility that he might, Will still goes ALL out, ALWAYS. And it's so admirable looking to him as an example for confidence and joy in the experience.

Phillians--our lovable grizzly bear with a voice like BUTTAH!! We love him SO much and WOW what a wonderful first experience I am having with this guy! Always ready to help and get things done, as well as being just wonderful in his role as a helpless romantic!

Shane--One of my favorite parts of the whole show is getting to stand beside Shane at the very end and listen to him singing "Sail on, Sail On." Melts. My. Heart.

Gary--BLESS HIS HEART!! During the process of this show he has adopted a brand new baby girl and so sadly his mother passed away yesterday I believe. Yet he has been hanging in there, and there would have been absolutely NO ONE better as Mr. Ismay.

Clay--My precious little Clay. Being in another show with him is a BLAST. He is more talented then he might ever know. I can not wait to see what the Lord has in store for this precious bundle of talent!

Matt Norman--amazing in all of the 25 roles he is cast in for this show haha. So glad to finally be in a show with this sweetie pie too. He's my boy! And i love him so much!!

Colten--Always a pleasure being in a show with him. He's got the vocal talent of a 40 year old man, so I am pumped to see how the Lord will use him!

Kane--the perfect voice and the perfect guy for his role as Etches. Literally, watching his flawless performances is so encouraging! Not to mention he is a total sweetheart!

Lance and Becca--No better couple to play the Strausses. Their performance of "Still" will have people crying their eyes out. Two of the most beautiful voices on the ship!

Lorenzo-The funniest human EVER. I seriously don't know how I went 25 years of my life without knowing him!! He is NEVER late to punch a joke, announce a clever moment, or simply just make everyone around him laugh. Love. This. Man!

Maranda and Brandon--SO funny to watch on stage!! You will be rolling in your seat! Love getting to be in a show with you guys.

John Mixon--This man is a HUGE blessing and answered prayer. He stepped in to be my leading man after 2 in that same role quit and left us in a huge bind. Not only did he step in and add a beautiful voice to this wonderful cast of beautiful voices, but he is the PERFECT leading man. He encourages me to be better every time we are on stage.

Anna--Always a BLAST being in a show with my best friend. As if we don't get enough of each other, we absolutely must add acting to our BFF resume! I wouldn't want to share the stage with anyone else my love.

Carly--LOVE our girly chats about boys and such! Seriously so excited to get to know you more!! :)

There are a million people I am forgetting (it's such a huge cast!) but every single person I have had contact with has truly been a blessing in my life! Amy and our photography chats, Cynthia and her constant encouragement, Savannah and her contagious joy!! My sweet Elea Bear, who is the most amazing 15 year old kid I have ever met in my life (are you 15? haha maybe she's 14) regardless--she is a leader, with the biggest heart you'll ever find, and the kind of love for the Lord that is the sort of thing that brings Satan to his knees. Mrs Ruby, Lauria, Abby, Christina, and Mallorie--you guys, it is such a JOY seeing you grow in your passion and welcoming you guys to the FOA family! Andrew--you are SO SO SO great, and I look forward to ever conversation with you to see what will come out of your mouth! Emily and Christie and some of my other FOA girls--ALWAYS a pleasure being part of a wonderful experience with you all! Kasey--I seriously can't WAIT to get to know you more! All of the kiddos--you guys, you are representing REAL children....some who lived and some who unfortunately never made it off of the sinking ship. You are making history in Jonesboro and representing history in a story that will stand the test of time. I am so proud of ALL of you for the hard work you have put in! We could not do this without you. To Cory, our new Caroline replacement, we are SO blessed to have your angelic voice and amazing talent. Praise the LORD you have joined our cast! (Anna G--we are still praying for your recovery and are so sad you can no longer be with us) (If I forgot you then call me out---and I will EDIT and get you in here :) Because I mean it, you are all amazing!!)

We have amazing costumers and tech and tons of other people who have been working for months to make this happen. (Wendeth, Jonathan, Navie, Elizabeth, and so many more!!)

And of course....our director. She has been given an immaculate vision for this story, and she has been fighting long and hard battles to be a force that makes this thing happen--giving ALL glory to God, and humbling herself throughout the entire experience to ensure that this is truly in God's hands. And boy, is it.

After injuries, and people quitting, and the loss of cast member's family, we have little doubt that there is a force in the unseen world that does NOT want this show to continue. But by the power and protection of the Lord Almighty....it IS going to continue. And will be a show you will never ever forget.

Ok, it is late, and I am sweaty and stinky (oh yea, the AC in the theater went out today heehee) so it's bath and nap time. SO BLESSED and LOVING life.

In Him,
Meg

Desperate for the Word

I just finished watching the movie, The Book of Eli with Denzel Washington. This movie has been one of my favorites for many years, although it wasn't until tonight that the Lord imparted some amazing lessons from the movie into my life.

We live in an age where 'Christians' believe they can live out their faith without ever opening the Word of God. I am as guilty as the next person when it comes to not being in the Word like I should be. But more than should be, I want to WANT to be in the Word always. I want to be so hungry and so desperate for the Word of God that days don't pass without ever opening my Bible, but instead minutes pass and I can't wait to open it again.

The movie, The Book of Eli, is set in a post-war world where the Bible was believed to hold such power that those who wanted it for evil and those who sought to protect it were risking their lives to have it, know it, and learn it. They were all desperate for the Word in some sense or another. Eli was sent on a mission from the Lord to get the last remaining copy of the Bible across the country where it would be safe, and reprinted to help start the new civilization. His life consisted of nothing but faith and total surrender in order to complete the task that God had set before Him. And what happens in the end? He dies.

He dies. No glory for Eli. No celebration for the work HE has done. He disappears. His mission was finished. He understood that the bigger picture was not about him at all. He was here for a reason, God gave Him a purpose, and when it was accomplished, he left this world to be with the Creator. When I think back about this concept I think about my own life--and how frustrated I get so often because I don't feel like the Lord has given me some grand "calling". The story of Eli makes me question if my heart is in the right place. If the Lord DID give me some huge important task, would I risk everything I am and everything I have to totally surrender to the call? I would like to think yes....but I don't know if that is true.

There are small areas of my daily life where I fail to surrender to the Lord--so what makes me think I deserve such a huge mission from the Lord? My heart is in that transition of learning 'Yo Meg-it's not about you at all!' And it's not.

What if something happened tomorrow and life as we know it was over. Instead we lived in a post war torn society. There was barely enough food and water to go around, loved ones were lost or dead, and we no longer lived in the society we know and are so familiar with today. What if there were 5 Bibles left on the planet, and 2 were in the hands of people looking to destroy them or use them for evil. Maybe 2 were accessible but in a language that no one could translate. And maybe that last 1, was missing. Somewhere in the world but no one knew where. Would you fight for the Word of God? Would you seek out the evil doers? Would you find a way to translate what seems like the impossible? Or would you set out to find the missing one--only relying on faith and total surrender to the Lord?

How important is the Word of God to you? Right now-as a Christian--do you value God's word like it's meant to be valued? Are you listening for His voice? Learning about His character? If you're not taking advantage of the handful of Bibles I assume are laying around your house and car and church right now....then just imagine for a second what it would be like if you could NEVER open and read a Bible again. Ever.

Would it wreck your world and change your life? Or would things be about the same as they are right....now....

In Him,
Meg

Heart of a Child

WOW. What an interesting journey I have been on the past few weeks. Those of you following my story know it's been filled with some hard times and some AMAZING blessings from the Lord. Sick of feeling and acting so self-involved, today I am sharing a story about someone else and we will see where the Lord takes it.

If you haven't been keeping up, I am in the summer musical, Titanic. The top most amazing thing about this show is the relationships we are all building with one another. Talk about one giant family. We have shared so many laughs about the most random of things, that walking into rehearsals is like being let in on some inside joke the rest of the world doesn't know about. We have shared many victories, too-like the adoption of a sweet baby or the acing of a hard test! We have shared struggles, with the difficulty of the show or the uncertainty of a role. We have shared, even in loss, as a member of our summer family lost her father only a few days ago. We are a family, loving on each other every step of this process. And being a part of that is magical.

While upstairs in the mezzanine a few days ago, I found myself in a conversation with my friend Pip who is my age, and another member of our show family (we will call her Boo since she is underage but looks like Boo from Monster's Inc.) Boo is on the newer side of 5 years old and the most adorable creature you will ever meet in your life. I also had the blessing of teaching her in a drama class last semester and she definitely holds her own in a room full of 7 year olds. Not only is she a wonderful performer, super funny, and a little cutie pie...she also has the biggest heart I might have ever encountered in my life! She was sort of putting on a little show in front of Pip and myself, doing twirls and singing funny songs--when all of a sudden she got still, pensive even. And said...

"I don't know if I believe in Jesus"

Pip and I love Jesus SO much and I am sure she was thinking the same thing I was 'what an interesting conversation we are about to have!'

Boo explained to us how she loves Jesus so much. She sings to him and learns about him, too. But wasn't sure if she believed in Him. Upon further investigation she tells us...

"half of my heart believes in Him and loves Him so much, but the other half of my heart wonders sometimes if he is real and isn't sure if it believes"

Wow. This 5 year old kid nailed some very adult emotions! Unknowingly even, don't we as Christians struggle with this same thing? We love the Lord so much and believe in Him (especially when having faith requires nothing of us)--but when that faith is tested or a hardship arises do we choose the half of our heart that loves and believes? Or do we choose the half that is struggling to trust and surrender all to God?

Boo went on to tell us that she also doesn't know how much God loves her. Especially when she is a bad girl, she wonders how he could ever love her like that? In our best to reassure her of His existence and of His unconditional love for us, we gave her examples from real life 'like when her mommy gets onto her for something but still loves her' and even examples from the Bible 'like how Paul was really bad to Christians and did bad things but God loved Him so much and used him in BIG ways to help us today'. Really though, what I think Boo needed....was to feel these emotions. She was having this conversation out loud-but it truly felt like it wasn't toward Pip and myself. It felt like these emotions were so big in her little body she just had to say it out loud and then once she did, you could tell she was in deep and GIANT thought about them. 

Children do not get a small Holy Spirit simply because they are fun-sized. They get the entire HUGE Holy Spirit, just like adults! And I truly believe I was witnessing the Holy Spirit at work within this child. Maybe even for no other reason than to minister to me and Pip. 

Writing about this now reminds me of the movie Chronicles of Narnia. There is a scene where Edmond comes back (after all but betraying his brothers and sisters) and he and Aslan are having a little chat. Aslan (the symbol for Christ in these stories) tells the others that nothing of the past is to be spoken of henceforth. Later we see the white witch come for her revenge on Edmond as a traitor (and having seen the movie before) I knew Aslan was going to sacrifice himself for the boy. As I was watching (just a few weeks ago) I caught myself thinking "Ugh, why would he do that? Edmond was such a little twit! He does not deserve that kindness. He isn't worth it!" WHOA......light bulb. 

WE are all Edmond's are we not? We are traitors, we are conniving, we are mischievous, we are dishonest, we cause chaos, we are all little TWITS sometimes! And we most certainly don't feel like others are worth the kindness and sacrifice of Christ when they behave this way but looking upon myself, it seems I forget how wretched I can be too! God loves US SOOOOO much that we might NEVER begin to understand the sacrifice He made----whether we are 5 years old like Boo, or almost 25 years old like me. 

There are blessings everyday in your life. The Lord is CONSTANTLY communicating with us, not just his lessons but His LOVE as well. I encourage you to stop after today is over, and recall anything that happened--maybe you had simple chit chat with a stranger in the grocery store, or you had a flat tire fixed, or you watched cartoons with your kiddos---find where the Lord was in those situations. And if you don't know, then ask Him-I promise you He will tell you. Then thank Him for being there and thank Him for loving you. It will open up a whole new world of communication with our Creator.

Hope you enjoyed the sweet story about our precious Boo. Might I also add that during the rehearsing of the sinking scene I found our Boo crying so hard--she was distraught that this story was so real, and that people really lost their loved ones or couldn't get on a boat. My heart broke for her in witnessing the small heart of hers that was being broken right in front of me. Then something else in my spirit took over--the JOY of seeing first hand the heart of the Lord. See, He was heartbroken too when the ship sank and so many lives were lost. He was heartbroken that families were torn apart, that children would grow up without dad's, and life as they knew it would never be the same. He was showing us how He felt too, by using Boo and her big giant wide open heart. Surely the presences of the Lord is in this place :)

In Him,

Meg