If you haven't been keeping up, I am in the summer musical, Titanic. The top most amazing thing about this show is the relationships we are all building with one another. Talk about one giant family. We have shared so many laughs about the most random of things, that walking into rehearsals is like being let in on some inside joke the rest of the world doesn't know about. We have shared many victories, too-like the adoption of a sweet baby or the acing of a hard test! We have shared struggles, with the difficulty of the show or the uncertainty of a role. We have shared, even in loss, as a member of our summer family lost her father only a few days ago. We are a family, loving on each other every step of this process. And being a part of that is magical.
While upstairs in the mezzanine a few days ago, I found myself in a conversation with my friend Pip who is my age, and another member of our show family (we will call her Boo since she is underage but looks like Boo from Monster's Inc.) Boo is on the newer side of 5 years old and the most adorable creature you will ever meet in your life. I also had the blessing of teaching her in a drama class last semester and she definitely holds her own in a room full of 7 year olds. Not only is she a wonderful performer, super funny, and a little cutie pie...she also has the biggest heart I might have ever encountered in my life! She was sort of putting on a little show in front of Pip and myself, doing twirls and singing funny songs--when all of a sudden she got still, pensive even. And said...
"I don't know if I believe in Jesus"
Pip and I love Jesus SO much and I am sure she was thinking the same thing I was 'what an interesting conversation we are about to have!'
Boo explained to us how she loves Jesus so much. She sings to him and learns about him, too. But wasn't sure if she believed in Him. Upon further investigation she tells us...
"half of my heart believes in Him and loves Him so much, but the other half of my heart wonders sometimes if he is real and isn't sure if it believes"
Wow. This 5 year old kid nailed some very adult emotions! Unknowingly even, don't we as Christians struggle with this same thing? We love the Lord so much and believe in Him (especially when having faith requires nothing of us)--but when that faith is tested or a hardship arises do we choose the half of our heart that loves and believes? Or do we choose the half that is struggling to trust and surrender all to God?
Boo went on to tell us that she also doesn't know how much God loves her. Especially when she is a bad girl, she wonders how he could ever love her like that? In our best to reassure her of His existence and of His unconditional love for us, we gave her examples from real life 'like when her mommy gets onto her for something but still loves her' and even examples from the Bible 'like how Paul was really bad to Christians and did bad things but God loved Him so much and used him in BIG ways to help us today'. Really though, what I think Boo needed....was to feel these emotions. She was having this conversation out loud-but it truly felt like it wasn't toward Pip and myself. It felt like these emotions were so big in her little body she just had to say it out loud and then once she did, you could tell she was in deep and GIANT thought about them.
Children do not get a small Holy Spirit simply because they are fun-sized. They get the entire HUGE Holy Spirit, just like adults! And I truly believe I was witnessing the Holy Spirit at work within this child. Maybe even for no other reason than to minister to me and Pip.
Writing about this now reminds me of the movie Chronicles of Narnia. There is a scene where Edmond comes back (after all but betraying his brothers and sisters) and he and Aslan are having a little chat. Aslan (the symbol for Christ in these stories) tells the others that nothing of the past is to be spoken of henceforth. Later we see the white witch come for her revenge on Edmond as a traitor (and having seen the movie before) I knew Aslan was going to sacrifice himself for the boy. As I was watching (just a few weeks ago) I caught myself thinking "Ugh, why would he do that? Edmond was such a little twit! He does not deserve that kindness. He isn't worth it!" WHOA......light bulb.
WE are all Edmond's are we not? We are traitors, we are conniving, we are mischievous, we are dishonest, we cause chaos, we are all little TWITS sometimes! And we most certainly don't feel like others are worth the kindness and sacrifice of Christ when they behave this way but looking upon myself, it seems I forget how wretched I can be too! God loves US SOOOOO much that we might NEVER begin to understand the sacrifice He made----whether we are 5 years old like Boo, or almost 25 years old like me.
There are blessings everyday in your life. The Lord is CONSTANTLY communicating with us, not just his lessons but His LOVE as well. I encourage you to stop after today is over, and recall anything that happened--maybe you had simple chit chat with a stranger in the grocery store, or you had a flat tire fixed, or you watched cartoons with your kiddos---find where the Lord was in those situations. And if you don't know, then ask Him-I promise you He will tell you. Then thank Him for being there and thank Him for loving you. It will open up a whole new world of communication with our Creator.
Hope you enjoyed the sweet story about our precious Boo. Might I also add that during the rehearsing of the sinking scene I found our Boo crying so hard--she was distraught that this story was so real, and that people really lost their loved ones or couldn't get on a boat. My heart broke for her in witnessing the small heart of hers that was being broken right in front of me. Then something else in my spirit took over--the JOY of seeing first hand the heart of the Lord. See, He was heartbroken too when the ship sank and so many lives were lost. He was heartbroken that families were torn apart, that children would grow up without dad's, and life as they knew it would never be the same. He was showing us how He felt too, by using Boo and her big giant wide open heart. Surely the presences of the Lord is in this place :)
In Him,
Meg
