Is that....JESUS??

Hey everybody! It has been a while since I have blogged so I thought I would blog (probably significantly) tonight. Hope you can keep up-life is full of drama and since there is no chocolate in my house I thought maybe writing would make me feel better. Lets start off with the topic at hand which is my Russian masseuse. To start off, I was in a car accident in August that has left my spine and neck out of whack. So I started going to a chiropractor recently who referred me to a masseuse last week.

Her name is Tatiana, and she has only been in America 18 years so she speaks with a very thick Russian accent. She is a beautiful, vibrant 50 something year old who believes everybody should "walk like a goddess." "Meagan, do not slump. You are a GODDESS. Walk like you are in the presence of your God!" (if you could hear her thick Russian accent barking that at me everytime she sees me you would die laughing at that sentence.)

The first time I went to her which was last week, my body "spoke" to her. Apparently the big toe on my left foot told her that I am going to need a man who works hard for me (damn straight) and that I let people in who hurt me (which in all actuality is completely true.) She went on to give me her life advice which is that no one can hurt me with God as my protector. Massage and wisdom. Im thinkin, dinner and a show no problem. My left foot also "told" her that I liked to build forts as as child. Pretty sure everybody does but hey she was right so who am I to argue? Then she went on to my right foot. The big toe on my right foot told her that I have an irregular mentstrual cycle and that I am carrying alot of secrets. Hmm....

Anyway, my first experience with her was odd to say the least. So of course, I was skeptical of going back. However, the massaging part of it was so good that I thought to myself SURELY she will shut up the next time. What else could my toes possibly tell her??

I decided to do it. I went back a few days ago. I went back into the little room, undressed like I had done before. Told her my problem spots of the past week. And then *cricket....cricket....cricket* silence. I let out a sigh of relief believing maybe she used the first visit as a get to know you period. Laying on the table face down however, something told me I wasnt out of the clear just yet. You know when people take that little sigh to break the silence before they unload verbally on the stillness? Well, several more times throughout the rest of the massage I would hear that "sighhhh" and next came the "So Meagan (in all her Russianness) tell me about your relationship with your mother, what classes you take next semester, you were in car accident yes?, you enjoy holiday yes?" etc, etc, etc.

When she told me that at the end of the session that day she was leaving the last 5 minutes to try something with me that required my help I instantly got scared. She asked me to turn over on my back, so automatically I awkwardly think she is about to rub my...front? (granted the week before this was my first massage ever in my life anyway!) So Im thinking "is THIS how you lose your massage virginity? You turn over and let an old lady like rub up on your boobies or your face or worse?????!!!!!" However, she went behind me and held my head in her hands and asked me to close my eyes and visualize my neck stretching. So I did. At first I felt nothing, but then I could feel the back of my head heat up as if it was on fire. And then my neck really DID feel like it was stretching....so so so far. I felt like a cartoon with my head all the way up in the clouds. She asked me to then visualize the heat from my head traveling throughout my body. I could feel my whole body heating up. It traveled slowly to my naval aread, sort of hung out there longer then anywhere else. She told me to open up the energy portals and let the heat surround me. I could see (and I say "see" but my eyes were still closed remember this), see orange smokey clouds filling up our massage room. The energy in my body shot from my naval to my left leg, and down to my ankle, then foot. My right leg was lagging, but something happened and it shot through my toes and when it did the whole room was lit as if the room were on fire and i could see it through closed eyes.

She asked me then "do you feel a presence in the room" I said "yes" she said "do you feel what side of the table it is on?" i answered the left, because the smoke was darker in that area and my mind was instantly drawn over to that side. She asked me if I knew if the "entity" was male or female, and I instinctively answered "male". She then said "do you recognize the spirit here with us?" and in my head Im thinking......Jesus? haha then im like HECK YES!! Jesus is in my freaking massage room!! But instead I said "no....?" and she said "Your father". My father died in a car accident at the beginning of this year. And part of me has shut down the spiritual, vulnerable side of myself this year because being close to him like that hurt so much. So when she said that I instantly started sobbing. There were barely any tears but my whole body was shaking in convulsions. She started trying to calm me down, still behind me holding my head mind you, by telling me it was happy he was there, he is watching me, he has never left my side, he wants me to remember that, and all of these other soothing phrases. As she was doing that, my body regained its weight. The smoke cleared from the room as did the spirit, as did the mysticism. My body went back to normal temperature. She let go of my head and I opened my eyes and there she stood. Tatiana, my little Russian freak of a massuese. She was looking at me with new eyes, as if she had never seen anything like me before. She kissed me on the forehead, hugged me, and told me she loved me.

It was the most bizzarre thing I have ever experienced in my whole entire life. She said most people will probably not believe me when I tell them, but that we both know it happened because it happened to both of us. She said that most people do not realize how close the spirit world is to our world and that when all of your energy portals are open like that you are able to see it clearer. She told me she is not supposed to do those things at the office (whoops) because that is the kind of healing she does for people at her home. She is a Healer. My Russian masseuse is a new age Healing machine.

I have researched what she did to me that day, trying to remember the name of it, or pinpoint her method she used on me, but I dont think I have found that exact thing. When I left there I was changed, I smiled bigger, I walked straighter, I was a light, and I saw light everywhere I went. Then, as I got into the world it changed. My light quickly shut off and I was cold. I feel vulnerable and naked now everywhere I go...as if at any moment something could happen. It is a very weird feeling to have felt so protected in that room with her versus leaving and being on my own again, a broken person going through a hard time in a harsh world....and feeling...alone.

She told me I would be forever changed, that I am now a light to everyone and that I should be a light. I have always believed I was put on this earth to change it for the better somehow...and have never known my purpose. I still dont for that matter. I cant decide if what she did to me that day helped me or scared me more. I have gottent he advice to keep going, see what she has to say next. I have gotten the advice to shut it off now, that its dangerous to be that open to other worlds. And I agree-when you are open to the good spirits you are also flirting with opening yourself to the bad ones too. I hope whatever she did that day doesnt end like an Emily Rose situation. If youre reading this....give me some feedback....or pray for me :)

Dream,
Meg