In the midst of God using Washer to speak about the complacency of the church, how the Gospel is a scandal, and how in order to teach salvation we must first recognize condemnation-I was struck with the overwhelming and sad revelation that I do not desire God first. Some days I do, and some moments I do, sure, but in my life as a whole....I do not.
In church we sing songs with lyrics like "You alone are my heart's desire and I long to worship You." But do we REALLY, "long to worship" our God? Sometimes with no effort, I wake from a deep slumber with a worship song stuck in my head that apparently gets lodged in my brain overnight while I sleep. But rarely, if never, have I woken up to then fall on my face in joy and ecstasy to worship my amazing Lord. And we certainly don't do/see this in corporate worship. Why? The answer, Washer says, is because we are civilized. And being "civilized" is damning to the church.
So some of you who know me well might be thinking 'aw Meg, you're silly. Of COURSE you desire God!' I have claimed to, yes. And I have believed it, sure. But I don't. And here is how I know.
I do not hate my sin.
When I watch the news and see a broadcast over child molesters or kidnappers, I HATE that sin. When I experience persecution from complacent "Christians", I HATE that sin. When I see the effects of parental abuse or neglect and divorce on children's lives that I come into contact with, I HATE that sin. But sin is separation from receiving God's love. No matter the sin. So why don't I despise my own as much as other's?
The only way to fully desire a RIGHTEOUS God is to HATE our sin, and desire righteousness.
Our sole purpose in existing is to esteem God and to desire to know Him. Yet society places sole emphasis on getting through this life and making it to Heaven, holding low regard to intimately knowing our God. What if Heaven is not streets of gold and gates of pearl? Will you then long to go? What if it is streets of feces and rusted gates....but God is there. Would you then long to be there? Washer points out that eternal life starts now, not when you die. So are we, as Christians, living our lives in a desperate chase to know God? Do we hate our sin and desire righteousness? If the answer to those questions for you personally is no, then my next question is why?
I don't have those answers for your life, but I have some vague ideas of the answers of why when it comes to reflecting on my own life. And through prayer and meditation and reflection of God's Word-I hope to encounter why I don't hate some sins in my life. I hope to encounter what keeps me from falling on my face in pure joy when worshiping my Savior. I hope to face what strongholds keep me from abandoning it all to seeking God's face and knowing His voice so intimately there is no mistaking it from my own or those of my enemies. I desire to desire God, if that makes any sense.
This blog is something heavy on my heart. No answers really, yet, a conversation starter between believers. I hope it finds you where you need to be found at this exact moment. And if you want to talk more about it, pray together, worship in abandon with one another-I encourage all emails, texts, facebook messages. Anything. We are family-so let's learn these lessons together and as one, start DESIRING OUR GOD.
In Him,
Meg
MeaganCremeens@gmail.com
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