I am a strong believer in the claim that we as the body of Christ are all given specific spiritual gifts. That we are anointed in something that is intended on aiding the church and progressing the kingdom of Heaven on earth. This is most likely not news to anyone reading this if you have read any of my other blogs. I am uncertain what you would call my gift...discernment maybe? But I am super sensitive to situations of spiritual warfare. I pick up the darkness and evil that surround a person, that surround situations even. I feel in my spirit when there are battles in the spiritual realm near me. I have seen darkness in the spiritual realm as well as feeling it. And it all affects me, pretty horribly usually.
If you have ever had an anxiety attack or panic attack, this is sort of what this spiritual attack (for lack of a better word) can feel like. Shortness of breath, a feeling of utter hopelessness, extremely sick to my stomach, a feeling of no control over my body-basically, NOT FUN.
I entered into a situation on Tuesday, helping out an old friend, where i was surrounded by darkness. This friend has been having a horribly hard time lately, suffering from drug addiction and now the potential loss of her kids and family, as well as some other extremely difficult circumstances. I was helping her watch her kids so we were together all day. Without indulging too much for the sake of this friend, let's just say the entire day was very challenging to me. It was hard to watch her suffer in the moments of breaking down and hard to see the affect it was having on her children. It was clear to see that this role of stay at home mom to a set of 3 year old twins has put her in survival mode. There is no thriving, no growing, no learning. There is survival. Making it from one meal to the nap to to daddy coming home time, with little joy in between. Although I was there to help her, I found myself overwhelmed with the task and commend her (and any stay at home mom) for her effort.
I guess the most heart breaking part was seeing her give up. And feeling in those hard moments that sense of frustration and defeat, and realizing that these negative emotions were probably what led to her turning to drugs instead of to God. Being so sensitive to spiritual warfare, I felt all day the growing darkness and anxiety and hopelessness that surrounded the situation I was in.
When I left, I went to my friend Catherine's house. I was there for about an hour when it all came "tumbling down". I got extremely ill, that same feeling of crashing blood sugar, sweating, horribly nauseous, panicky feeling. And I knew I was under attack. We went into her kitchen and there she attempted to feed me -to aid in what felt like my blood sugar bottoming out. After little progress with that, she placed her hands on me and prayed over my body. As I heaved into sobs feeling overwhelmed with a hopeless never going to feel better feeling, there she was, unwavering and faithfully speaking to God on my behalf. After praying, she opened the Word and started reading scripture out loud to/over me. I could feel the oppression lifting off of me somewhat-enough to finally move after what seemed like hours there. I traveled to my grandmother's house down the street where I got sick one last time and was able to lay on her couch to rest. The time was about 9:30 and I managed to text some of the most wonderful prayer warriors I am blessed to have in my life, knowing they are so faithful in praying for me when these attacks happen. Almost an hour later, I felt that last bit of darkness lift off of me-or maybe it was the end of the battle and the darkness being banished. I don't have special spiritual realm glasses where I can see what is going on, all I (me personally, because I believe some people DO have the gift of seeing) can do in those situations is go on my FEELING. After feeling that last bit of darkness leave, I was able to take my first deep breath in hours. I could feel everything inside of me-veins, organs, cells, etc-stop shaking and settle into a lethargic slumber. I was no longer sick to my stomach, but at complete peace. I closed my eyes and when I finally fell asleep for the night, it was the most PEACEFUL and RESTFUL nights sleep I have had in months.
The next day I felt like a new woman. There was no physical hint of having been in that dark situation the night before, but in my spirit there was a change. A positive change though! I was resound to no longer being a step behind what Satan throws my way, but ready to train for battle and be prepared to fight. Although I entered into the situation Tuesday under MUCH prayer coverage throughout the entire day, there are things missing in my daily walk with God that I am certain will prepare me better to face battles like those. It's a season of exciting movement, understanding where I was and have been and knowing that I don't want to be there again. God is doing so much in me these days and revealing SO much to me about situations like this week, that I can't wait to share.
So maybe this is not a blog about learning something specific or to prove any kind of point. But it is my life-the good and the not so fun. And I pray that it finds you absolutely wherever you need to be found upon reading it. Even though this is not a big fat lesson kind of blog, there is something that I would say as encouragement to anyone reading. And it is that spiritual warfare is real. Spiritual gifts are real. And those are are walking that line of the spiritual and physical are subject to all that I have experienced in this post and much more. But God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity but of power! So there is no reason to be fearful or scared of that is going on in the spiritual realm-but there is a reason to be AWARE of it. So you can learn from what's going on and spread that knowledge to other's fighting battles of their own.
Thanks for listening,
In Him,
Meg
