Catching Up on the Ole Bucket List

For those of you following my blog, a few posts ago you may remember that I put up a winter Bucket List. Upon pondering the holiday this morning I realized that I had a few things to mark off. Some of these were accomplished with knowledge by my own part that it was happening, but others…were a sweet sweet surprise to my soul. Some of them happened exactly how I had imagined, and others were God’s way of giving me patience but still answering the dreams of my heart. I wanted to share with you my progress so far :) so here it goes:

CHECK! 1. I wish to dance in the snow with someone I love. (I got to hold the most precious angel of a baby and dance INSIDE while it was snowing OUTSIDE…I consider this a victory!)

2. I wish to have full days where I do not have to work and all I am responsible for is watching Christmas movies with my sister, drinking hot cocoa, laughing hard, crying some, and loving every minute. (This day might possibly be happening today as it is the first day in months I have had no work, nowhere to go, and nothing specific to do!)

SEMI-CHECK! 3. I wish to shop with my family in the horrific chaos that is Black Friday-for there are no better Christmas memories than tackling this feat! (I went alone to shop on Black Friday and experienced the chaos by myself-but was VERY successful none the less.)

CHECK! 4. I wish to listen to the best Christmas music, while decorating a house/tree, singing at the top of my lungs, and dancing in Christmas pajamas. (My Treece family and I did this a few days before Christmas and it was one of the best memories I will hold near and dear to my heart.)

SEMI-CHECK! 5. I wish to read a Christmas story to a precious child, and watch as the magic I feel for this wonderful time spreads to their heart, too. (I did not read a Christmas story to a child, but my sister made up a Christmas story and told it to me. It was about Bert the Elf who lived in Canada. He wears Doc Martin boots, drives a Prius, and works at Burger King. I was a pretty hysterical story that definitely deserves a check off the ole Bucket List!)

6. I wish to be driving home on a very cold, enchanted winter night, turn on Delilah and hear my favorite Christmas song! (I sadly did not hear my favorite Christmas Song on Delilah. Breath of Heaven (also Mary Did You Know). I find myself constantly connecting with Mary and love so much the songs that talk about her journey, her thoughts, and her heart.)

CHECK! 7. I wish to give a very special and meaningful gift to someone who needs it. (I gave a very special and meaningful gift to someone. I don’t know if they needed it, but they got it. And in return from someone completely different, I also received a very special and meaningful gift!)

CHECK! 8. I wish to sing with my church family at our Southwest Family Christmas and continue spreading the Christmas cheer. (I don’t know about spreading Christmas cheer because that was the night I got the stomach flu, but I DID perform at our SW Family Christmas and had a blast!)

CHECK! 9. I wish to carol beautifully in the downtown park during the Christmas parade, joined by those in the crowd, wishing to send the enchanted melodies high into the crisp night air. (This was a wonderfully enchanted evening.)

CHECK! 10. I wish to have an enchanted experience with community during the community production of "A Christmas Carol"--maybe even getting to share Jesus with people I am serving alongside, who might not truly understand why this holiday is so important. (***It is so special reading this now, because I had forgotten it was on my Bucket List at all. But during lunch between a Saturday matinee and Saturday night show, I got to sit in a circle with about 6 other amazing Christians and share testimonies! Individually we went around the circle and got to share how God has been working in our lives, from ages 13-50. I was AMAZING. After that, in the dressing room while doing vocal warmup, we busted out some Christ Tomlin “How Great is Our God” and it was the most blessed experience. I feel HONORED to have met those wonderful people and to have been a part of that show!)

CHECK! 11. I wish to see someone accept Jesus Christ and take Him on as Lord and Savior. (I got to see a SWEET little angel named Priscilla take on Christ as her Lord and Savior. She radiates God’s love and is so on fire for the Lord. I am very blessed to know her and to be with her during this crucial and amazing time in her life!)

CHECK! 12. I want to witness a God-encounter (whether my own, or someone else's) (** I had the most amazing few days of a God encounter (that is on a previous blog) and was literally touched by His hand and so certain of His presence in my life!)

13. I wish to fall in love...and I wish for the very first time in my life to be truly kissed under a mistletoe, or when the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve.

14. I wish to make snowmen and snow angels with all 3 of my sisters.

15. I wish to drive around looking at Christmas lights with my family, listening to the Veggie Tales Christmas album (because they tell me it's so amazing!)

(I hope this is a work in constant progress) 16. I wish to come out of this holiday season with more patience, more love, more compassion, and more of what will make me more like my Love, Jesus Christ.

17. I truly wish that after the holiday season I will be more at peace accepting the things I do not know, and live each day serving and loving the best I can, while waiting on the Lord to tell me what to do next.

18. I wish to hold hands with the man I know I will spend the rest of my life with.

CHECK! 19. I wish to laugh so hard I cry. (What a WONDERFUL thing!)

20. I wish to ring in the new year in love, with love, and learning learn. For love is the human project, and the ONLY thing in this world that truly matters.

I am certain that the things not checked, will indeed happen. Maybe not this holiday season, maybe not next, but someday. And while I wait for love I will grow in the love I am surrounded by everyday by my family, by my friends, and by my true Love-Jesus Christ. So Bucket List....until we meet again...

In Him,

Meg

If God could TWEET...

Last week during a wonderful lesson at church, I was hit with this thought of instant gratification in prayer. Praying and asking, praying and thanking, or praying and wondering, and then expecting an immediate response...and if not an immediate big booming voice of God right then, we expect or hope for answers pretty quickly at least. That thought led to the instant, if only God could tweet, mentality! We would always know what He is doing, where He is, what is going on in that head of His! TWEETING JESUS! haha If the Lord posted status updates...

The actual lesson was something that hit home in a close way in my life. But to understand the neat way God has revealed Himself to me lately you first have to understand the season I have been in recently.

The past few months I have been very, very sad. Nothing has happened to cause this per say (some hardships here and there and some situations that have shaken my stability some, but nothing traumatic or anything harder then the things in my life I have already dealt with). So first and foremost, there is a growing sadness I can not pinpoint. Normally when this happens, it is in the midst of a transition season. My spirit feels sad or anxiety, often from growing pains, or the friction of staying in a place when spiritually I am called to progress. So this time, I chalked it up to just another one of those learning and growing seasons that would soon be over. Imagine my surprise when a month later it is still here, and worse. I took a vacation across country. I changed my prayer life. Immersed myself in the word. Continued to surround myself with my church family and mentors who might could help. And it wouldn't lift.

Now, I know there are mind over matter people in this world who think that a little positive energy can solve anything. I am a HUGE fan of positive energy, don't get me wrong. But throwing philosophy at an issue takes away the compassion of the problem. And isn't throwing a positive demeanor at a hard hitting issue the same as throwing the Bible at non-Christians expecting them to get out of their own rut? I don't think it works that way. With no suffering, how in the world can you ever expect to be like Jesus? We learn in those moments of hard hitting crap and to dismiss it with a philosophy of this, that, or the other, takes away the things in that moment that God is trying to teach you. (Sorry, rant of the day)

So I could not figure out why I was still feeling this way. When I am presented with spiritual warfare (whether it be mine or near me or what have you) I feel it in this very similar way. My chest tightens, I feel silenced, I am anxious and antsy like I can't wait to 'move', etc...so I knew that's what this was, but I could not figure out exactly why or what was going on, or how to be rid of it. Sometimes under that much attack you feel you don't even have the strength to pray out loud. I was not only feeling this battle in my own life but I am very hypersensitive and can feel it when it is around others. Where I work, where I live, people I am around--and it is about the most draining, miserable feeling ever! So everyday deeper and deeper into a slump I fell.

I was house sitting over Thanksgiving and took that as a much needed opportunity to be alone, to reflect, to meditate on my life, to talk to Jesus, and to just BE STILL. Where it made me feel better in the moment, I still felt myself struggling-striving-seeking-wandering. Confused about every next step I make....why am I still here? Where do I go next? Why am I not moving out of this place? When am I going to progress to where I was created to go?

During this time of house sitting I spoke to many mentors of mine, great friends who speak truth and encouragement into my life. On one night I got a word of advice. It involved the story of Joseph. I was reminded how Joseph got a dream/vision/calling, and then got thrown into a pit. After that he ended up in a prison. And then much later in his life he made his way to a palace, and fulfilled his calling and true destiny. This happens to many people in the Word. A calling/vision/dream/etc.....a season of wandering/seeking/striving/confusion/etc.....and then the fulfillment of our destinies/calling (if we hold tight to Truth while we are on the journey in between). It was my first glimmer of hope I had had in months. People who have had visions of my life or who have prophesied over me all tell me "You have a huge calling on your life!" Yea? Hmm...well, ok so a million other people know it but I guess there has got to be a reason that I don't yet right? But I felt hope anyway, because I know the God of Joseph is the SAME God that of TODAY, whom I intimately love and passionately serve! I know He will do a great work in me and with me for His kingdom, and will do it in HIS perfect timing!

After this glimmer of hope I had intended on blogging about my new hope. I went to my Jesus Storybook Bible (the most BEAUTIFUL story ever written) and was going to post the story of Joseph as it appears there and then write about my experience. Well, talking more in depth about it later, I was told of something else that gave me a glimmer of hope. It is the song "Blessings" by Laura Story.

This song is basically about those moments in life where you feel God is hidden, or your heart is aching, or something has happened to you and your struggling to keep your head above water. Or maybe nothing has happened to you at all but you wonder where God is in the moments where you feel so alone, or so sad, or upset, or (fill in the blank). I listened to that song over and over that night, catching things about it I had taken for granted while listening to it on the radio so many times before.

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Courtesy of lyricshall.com
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

So here is where the really cool stuff starts happening. I studied Joseph through the end of the week. I listened to the song all Saturday night. Sunday, of course, was church. I am not going to lie--it has been a long time since I have been MOVED in a lesson at my church. Holy Spirit stirring in the depths of my soul feel Jesus right beside me kind of MOVED. Well, I was MOVED that day. God used my preacher in a BIG way for me (and I know for SO many others that day too). He stands up to start and immediately has us turn in our Bibles to Genesis 37--the story of Joseph. He begins to preach about the times in life we do not feel God near, and how He is working behind the scenes even when we think He is hidden! He mentioned this same journey for Joseph. (At this moment I am in awe! I can not believe that this is happening! How cool!

When I think he is ending the lesson, he surprises us by telling us there is a song that reminds him of this time in our lives, this questioning of our purpose and calling, and our need to feel God in all that is going on-especially the hard stuff. And the song BLESSINGS, by Laura Story, starts playing. At this point I have chill bumps all over, I feel Jesus sitting right beside me holding my hand and whispering "See Meg, I AM still here. I promised you I would never leave you and I won't. Just trust me. I AM in your life-including all that you do not see, or hear, or feel."

I left the service PUMPED, hopeful, energetic, and just AMAZED at God's GOODNESS! Through the next couple of days I continued to try and hang on to that feeling and memory, when I felt my frustration of the unknown creeping up again. On Tuesday of that same week, God popped in again....

I pulled up to Hastings randomly to wait on a friend I was meeting for coffee. I saw a what appeared to be homeless man sitting on the bench outside. I sat in my car a second, wondering what I should do. Well what would so and so do, or how could I make this a not awkward situation for all involved sort of deal? (I do not encounter many homeless folks in my city so it is not something I am familiar doing). So I said hello and went inside, and shopped for a few Christmas presents. I told myself if he was out there when I went back out that I would talk to him. And, of course, he WAS! So I put my stuff in my car and sat down beside him. We struck up convo instantly-not awkward at ALL! We talked about how he earns money (picking up scrap metal in the streets and such). We started talking about school, and it ends up that he graduated from my alma mater which I found super cool! Hmm, what are the odds.... He tells me I look familiar and I tell him my name, and he asked me if I knew a Bill Cremeens. "Yes, that is my grandfather!" ((Then it hit me, oh well all of my dad's family went to Westside I bet he knows some of them)) He says "Bill was my teacher. I knew of the boys, but Steve was the one I had hung around with" THIS RANDOM HOMELESS MAN KNEW MY DAD!! That may not seem like a big deal to you, but my father died 2 years ago in a car accident. And after desperate prayer for months for God to show me not even where He is at work in my life but just that He is here in general, He manages to sit me in front of a homeless man I almost would not talk to and the man ends up being childhood friends with my deceased father. I am sorry but HALLELUJAH our God is so COOL!!!

We ended up going inside and I got him some coffee, and I regret not getting any information of how to contact him again. But I am certain God will put us on the same path again one day.

(Ok last one) A few days after that I ran into a friend of mine, Natalie, at the Christmas Parade downtown. She recently had a baby so it has been a while since I had seen her. With little conversation she looks me in the eye and says "I read a blog recently I feel compelled to share with you. You've been on my heart, I feel like you've been having a hard time lately." I HAVE been having a hard, hard time lately! And for her to know that, and to be faithfully praying (when she is dealing with SO much of her own life stuff as is) and to be bold enough to speak encouragement into my life meant SO MUCH to me. And was just another example of God being present in this season of my life where I don't necessarily feel Him.

I hope if you're reading this, you don't think I am just complaining, and missing all of the blessings in my life I have. That is not the case at all. I am SO SO thankful and know how blessed I am. But imagine if you won a million dollars, and the place you won it from says that you can not have it immediately but that they would let you know when. Imagine everyday the growing anticipation, the anxiety, the plans you try to make (but refrain because in your mind it might still never happen), the waiting, the frustration when you know you're a millionaire but maybe can't pay a few bills or something because you are still waiting to get paid....that is how I have felt lately. I know I have a huge calling. I have committed to surrendering my life up to God and His calling for me. Now, it is a waiting game. Sure, I was without a doubt called to be a wife and mother, but imagine the frustration in not even finding a decent guy to take me on one date. Sure, I feel pulled toward children's/youth ministry, but imagine the confusion in wondering how one might even get to that place. Sure, I am passionate about missions/traveling/helping/loving on orphans/etc....but every path I take where it seems like I am headed that direction, a door gets slammed in my face-so imagine that frustration. In BEGGING God to send me, use me, show me, ANYTHING....and then feeling like I am just sitting here, twiddling my thumbs.

**Now, I know I am making an impact on the people that I am around everyday. And that is such a blessing, I know that. But don't you just ever feel in the depth of your soul that there is MORE out there??

Anyway....I do not know my next step-so I debate daily on taking a step at all, or just waiting in this moment for God to show up and rescue me. The other part of me wants to forge ahead and continue having doors slam in my face until I find one that opens up. Either way, after this week, and this revealing God has done to me in big ways in my life, I feel hopeful that even if I am in this place/season for 20more years, I will end up in that palace like Joseph and will ultimately fulfill the destiny I was created for.

(In the meantime, many prayers are appreciated) :)

In Him,

Meg

All I Want for Christmas, is YOU...

I am in this weird transition season in my life right now, where I feel the ending of something and the beginning of something else, with zero idea when this shift will happen or what it will look like. I have felt these sort of transitions ever since I became a Christian. Sometimes it feels like what most people experience over several years, I am experiencing every few months--growing pangs in my spirit, questioning my every move in life to make sure it aligns with God, seeking His plan and will for me, asking the "why am I here's" and the "where do I go's"...it is unsatisfying, frustrating, and a very, very hard time for me right now.

Still, I have to remind myself to trust God and rest assured He not only has a plan for my life, but for every moment of my life. He has His mighty hand in every moment of my life....even the times, like now, that I do not have a clue what I am supposed to be doing. So, I simply must wait...and learn to hang on to the things that bring me JOY. One of those things being, DREAMING!!!

There is no better time to dream, in my opinion, than CHRISTMAS time! Tonight I bought the Michael Buble Christmas cd (the best investment I have made ALL year hands down) and instantly, I was thrust into a world of enchantment. His soothing voice, jazzy instruments, and magical versions of my very favorite Christmas songs sent my spirit twirling into it's own little world. A world where I am dancing in the snow, catching snowflakes on my tongue. A world where I am ice skating in a Thomas Kincaid portrait. A world where I am in my childhood home, decorating my house for Santa with my daddy and my sister. A world where everything is MAGIC. This world, for me, is CHRISTMAS time. (And by Christmas time, I mean basically starting now and lasting until after New Year's--although, I wish the magic of Christmas could last year round!)

While lost in my own little whimsical world, I was able to DREAM---dream like I haven't in a very long time. And it was wonderful. I feel closest to God and most like He created me to be when I am dreaming big dreams. My dreams looked like this--a Christmas Time Bucket List. And although silly, and highly unlikely that NONE of it will happen...I figure, hey, if all we have in this world is our dreams then I might as well give it a try. Who knows....maybe the magic of Christmas Time will sweep into my dreams and grant me the deepest desires of my heart!! So...here it goes:

1. I wish to dance in the snow with someone I love.

2. I wish to have full days where I do not have to work and all I am responsible for is watching Christmas movies with my sister, drinking hot cocoa, laughing hard, crying some, and loving every minute.

3. I wish to shop with my family in the horrific chaos that is Black Friday-for there are no better Christmas memories than tackling this feat!

4. I wish to listen to the best Christmas music, while decorating a house/tree, singing at the top of my lungs, and dancing in Christmas pajamas.

5. I wish to read a Christmas story to a precious child, and watch as the magic I feel for this wonderful time spreads to their heart, too.

6. I wish to be driving home on a very cold, enchanted winter night, turn on Delilah and hear my favorite Christmas song!

7. I wish to give a very special and meaningful gift to someone who needs it.

8. I wish to sing with my church family at our Southwest Family Christmas and continue spreading the Christmas cheer.

9. I wish to carol beautifully in the downtown park during the Christmas parade, joined by those in the crowd, wishing to send the enchanted melodies high into the crisp night air.

10. I wish to have an enchanted experience with community during the community production of "A Christmas Carol"--maybe even getting to share Jesus with people I am serving alongside, who might not truly understand why this holiday is so important.

11. I wish to see someone accept Jesus Christ and take Him on as Lord and Savior.

12. I want to witness a God-encounter (whether my own, or someone else's)

13. I wish to fall in love...and I wish for the very first time in my life to be truly kissed under a mistletoe, or when the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve.

14. I wish to make snowmen and snow angels with all 3 of my sisters.

15. I wish to drive around looking at Christmas lights with my family, listening to the Veggie Tales Christmas album (because they tell me it's so amazing!)

16. I wish to come out of this holiday season with more patience, more love, more compassion, and more of what will make me more like my Love, Jesus Christ.

17. I truly wish that after the holiday season I will be more at peace accepting the things I do not know, and live each day serving and loving the best I can, while waiting on the Lord to tell me what to do next.

18. I wish to hold hands with the man I know I will spend the rest of my life with.

19. I wish to laugh so hard I cry.

20. I wish to ring in the new year in love, with love, and learning learn. For love is the human project, and the ONLY thing in this world that truly matters.

Dreaming is good for the soul. Some of these things will happen, and many of them won't. But regardless, this is in my deepest heart of hearts--an enchanted and magical capsule that my truest self lies. People always ask me about being so creative all the time, or if it gets tiring using my imagination all of the time...and honestly, this is the person I was created to be. And when I am magical, whimsical, enchanted, creative, imaginative Meg-I am being as true to myself as I can be. And in that truth, I get closer and closer to the heart of God-for, He formed me after His own heart. I encourage you all to DREAM this holiday season. Recognize that sure, some of those dreams might not come true, but the dream is worth it either way.

Dream a little dream for me....

In Him,

Meg

The Power of 20 !!!

So....it is 2am and I am very ready to go to bed. But I try to be a good steward of the gifts God has given me, one if which is this ability to connect to people via my blogs. He asks me to write what I write (when I fully surrender and let Him speak through me that is...hey, I am human!) so this blog is going to be short and sweet and hopefully to His point.

As I was driving in my car this afternoon listening to kLove, I heard about Michelle Duggar being pregnant with her 20th child. The hosts of the show (Christians on a Christian network) were very excited for them! And I found myself being happy for them as well. I didn't think anything more of it, until coming home late tonight and looking on Facebook at all the negative comments and statuses about this very issue.

I was shocked that so many people seemed so very aggressive about this story! The thing is, say, 2 years ago-when I wasn't a Christian-I was probably one of those people. I probably judged Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar thinking things like, they are only doing this for money, they are endangering each new child's life by putting Michelle's body through this, they are robbing the other kids of a better family experience-blah, blah, blah. (Much like the statuses and comments I was reading from others tonight.)

I have watched the show, as often as I can, and what I see is a kind-hearted, loving and compassionate family who seek to be many lights in this very dark world. They are always looking for ways to love, ways to serve, people to connect with, experiences to have, and new ways to enjoy one another's company as well as enjoying the life and talents given to them by God. I have heard Michelle and Jim Bob speak several times via television and radio and internet, and I have absolutely NOTHING but amazing things to say about the heart that is behind this couple. They believe in marriage and family, and are leading such a Christ-like life that it is producing children that are growing up leading lives as similar. Children who will also grow up believing in the power and sanctity of marriage! The Duggars are being raised the way children should be raised. I say that without one single ounce of doubt or discernment in my heart to tell me otherwise.

The way I look at it is this. Babies are miracles and gifts from God. The Duggars are VERY careful in protecting and teaching and loving the miracles they have been given-all 20 of them. And THAT means that when those 20 miracles grow up and have their own miracles, they will continue a cycle not of brokenness (like most today)....but of LOVE. Having 20 more Duggars on this planet means 20 more marriages that are most likely to succeed, 20 more missionaries fighting locally and internationally to bring the kingdom of Heaven here on earth, 20 PLUS more children who will then grow up that same way, and so on and so forth.

I have been learning about this business of MLM...Multi-level Marketing. This is where you are not only responsible for the sales you generate but for the people that you sponsor into being responsible for their sales and the people they recruit or sponsor, and so on and so forth. I have recently been introduced to this magic number of 5. You get 5 serious people, they each get 5 serious people, and those people each get 5 people and BOOM!! (credit to Taylor Nelson) Before you know it you have hundreds of people under you. Where I am still skeptical (as any adult would be) of this business strategy for my own financial gain, I am CERTAIN that in the Duggar world (and for this particular blog and example) it WORKS!!

You send 20 Duggars out who all love Jesus, who believe in living their life to truly follow him by loving others and showing compassion in today's world, who also all have been shown the work it takes to run a household, and the time/energy it takes in being a successful partner in a marriage---You then duplicate that by...ALOT when you consider their spouses, their in-laws, their children, their friends, their children's children, their grandkids, etc etc! They are making an ETERNAL IMPACT on this world.

Michelle Duggar has said many times., "we always have room for one more." And she is right. I think it would be a different story if they were producing satan loving heathens into a society that is already demented, then I could see where the world is a little hesitant on being released another Duggar. But that isn't the case here. And we should all be so lucky I think to be blessed to have another one in our lives...whether we know them personally, or are just observing their lives from far away. It's Multi-level Duggaring people and it WORKS!!!

Besides....it's really nobody's business what they do with their lives :)

In Him,

Meg

As the Mountains Surround Jerusalem.....

So the Lord surrounds his people.

I took a trip to Idaho last week to visit some amazing people there who are starting a new church. I have never been to that part of the country before, so it was my very first time getting to see God's beauty like that. From the plane I noticed the amazing mountains, and then little to my surprise, where I stayed was surrounded by those same mountains. One of the little girl's that I met while visiting the church said "the mountains protect us"....interesting. Of course my brain was in "blog-mode" as I was leaving Boise, so naturally I noticed one of the most amazing things on my flight out, that I feel compelled to share with you this morning.

My first flight left Boise about 6:30 am and flew to Salt Lake City (about 45 minutes) and then from there I headed home. During my first short flight, it was still pitch black dark outside-too early for the sun. As we were in the air, the light of the sun (not the sun itself) decided to make an appearance. I didn't think anything of it at all. All I really had on my mind was the extreme turbulence we had been experiencing the whole time. We were flying through nothing but thick could coverage. Clouds that made a line it seemed like. At the top of the line, where we were as I noticed this, it was light and you could see the amazing view of the tips of the mountains. It was so serene and beautiful that I thought to myself "this must be what Heaven is like!" But every now and then our small plane would fly just below the clouded line, where it was still pitch black dark, and all you could see were the bottoms of the mountains. "WHOA!" I thought to myself as I looked out the window, "did I just see that?"

Back up we went for a few minutes, in the light, near the tops of the mountains, and then the captain came on to announce our descent. "Surely, it will be light when we land." And it wasn't. We descended from light and from beauty and from the tops of the mountains....to darkness, the bottom of a valley, to the bustling and waking up of the busy busy world.

I can't help but think this is what our walk with God looks like so often. One season we are flying above the clouds, at the top of a mountain or spiritual high, covered in light. And the next we are surrounded by darkness because we made a descent that leaves us wondering "how did we get here?" and we seem as far away from the top of the mountain as ever. I think, though, that the most important part of this picture God showed me on the plane ride, is the TURBULENCE.

We had to cross a line of clouds that shook us and jumbled us in order to go down. This is awareness. Recognizing the things in your life that you are doing or surrounding yourself with that are shaking you to your core, and ultimately leading you to your descent. Turbulence is inevitable for the way down. Those who are in tune with living the lifestyle God wants you to live, should recognize the turbulence when things get off kilter-those things shake us so that we straighten back up and fly above the clouds. But just like there is turbulence on the way down, there is also turbulence on the way up. A presence of spirits who do not want you to successfully be at the top of that mountain. They are shaking us, tempting us, taunting us, mocking us, and most importantly, deceiving us. Turbulence. You feel it on the way up, and you feel it on the way down.

During that short 45 minute flight, was one of the only times as a plane riding passenger I really remember feeling such turbulence. And in the safety and comfort of this metaphor God was placing in my head I remember thinking "this pilot is trained and knows exactly what to do. I trust him.".....and after that, the shaking and the bumps and the jerking, didn't really bother me as much. If God is in control, true control, of our lives...then shouldn't we trust him during our turbulence? Shouldn't we take into account that He knows what He is doing, and even though we can't see Him, if we surrender to Him, He will successfully guide our plane to it's rightful destination?

Don't let the turbulence throw you this week. I encourage you to take a look at the things shaking up your life, and pray about them. Figure out if it's the enemy trying to get you to descend into the valley using your own weaknesses against you. Or maybe it is simply you getting in your own way. Whatever it happens to be, rest assured that you are a child of God and He is flying your plane, preparing you for a life of kingdom serving until one day He can take you home.

Animal Massacre

I am probably late to the table, but just saw someone whose facebook status was commenting at the horror that is the Zanesville, Ohio Animal Massacre. If you are also late to the table and have missed this important piece of news, here's what happened. A man who, for whatever reason, was in possession of say 50 wild and exotic animals (including lions, tigers, bears, wolves, a monkey, etc) cut those animals out of their cages before committing suicide. The man had recently been released from prison and due to Ohio's lenient animal laws, was allowed to have these rare and beautiful animals. This in turn caused frantic 911 calls from residents in the town who were seeing lions and wolves and bears on their roads, beside their cars, in their yards, etc which lead to the police getting involved as well as zoo official, animal experts like Jack Hanna, and many others. Under the orders of the Zanesville Sheriff, 49 of the animals (including the endangered Bengal Tiger) were inhumanely gunned down at close range by the deputies and the pistols at their side.

To witness the news footage and pictures showing these AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL creatures piled up, lying dead on the ground was HEARTBREAKING. The first thing that went through my mind was "These animals were killed for doing what they were CREATED to do!" Wild animals are not meant to be pets, are not meant to be in zoos, are not meant to be entertainment. They were created with animal instincts-to hunt, to fight, and to love-just like humans. They were created to run free and roam the earth looking for food, creating relationships, and taking place in the circle of life (to sound completely cheesy).

It reminds me of reading the book Radical by David Platt. In the book Platt talks about these underground house churches in Asia, where spiritual leaders meet together to pray and learn and worship, knowing if they're discovered they could face death. He writes:

"Imagine all the blinds closed on the windows of a dimly lit room. Twenty leaders from different churches in the area sat in a circle on the floor with their Bibles open. Some of them had sweat on their foreheads after walking for miles to get there. Others were dirty from the dust in the villages from which they had set out on bikes early that morning. They had gathered in secret. The had intentionally come to this place at different times throughout the morning so as not to draw attention to the meeting that was occurring. They lived in a country in Asia where it is illegal for them to gather like this. If caught, they could lose their land, their jobs, their families, or their lives."

Can you imagine? Being put to death for doing what God created us to do, which is worship. Patricia Bankhead writes:

"We were created to worship God from the very beginning. Did you know that worship is not just our praise but also our obedience? When Adam and Eve chose to disobey God they chose not to worship Him. To worship God means to obey, honor, reverence, respect, praise, and give Him all the glory. The first commandment God gave Moses was to worship Him and Him alone. God demands worship because He and He alone is worthy of it. He requests that we acknowledge His greatness, His power and His glory. Revelation 4:11 tells us, “You are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power; For You created all things, And by Your will they exist and were created.” We were created for this very purpose; to worship.
Isaiah 43:7 says, "Everyone who is called by My name, whom I have created for My glory; I have formed him, yes, I have made him."

Jesus told us to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul and mind (Matthew 22:32). This means our heart, soul and mind are to worship God. Romans 12:1 tell us to present our bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is our reasonable service. This means we worship God with our bodies. Our hands and feet were created for worship. Then Hebrews 13:15 tells us to offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name. Our lips also were created for worship. We are to worship God with our whole being. We were created to be instruments of worship."

Yet even though we were created to worship in all that we say, do, and think-there are people in this world being KILLED for it. We take it for granted in America because we have the freedom to worship as we please. But other countries do not have that privilege. So just like with these POWERFUL and AWESOME creatures that God created, who were simply doing what they were created to do and murdered for it, can you imagine seeing pictures and news footage of PEOPLE lying dead on the ground instead of animals? Can you imagine seeing pictures of a 14 year old Asian teenager with bullet holes in her back, all because she was caught going to a prayer meeting? Can you imagine flipping on your television and seeing 49 mothers and fathers lying in a pile on the ground, blood everywhere, gunned down because of their freedom in Christ Jesus?

There will be MANY Americans who will do everything in their power after this tragedy in Ohio to seek justice for those animals, and to ensure that nothing like this EVER happens again. But what about that Asian teenager or those orphaned children whose parents were killed for worshiping God? Will we do everything in our power to ensure that nothing like THAT ever happens again?

This blog is not at all to say we should not be affected by this tragedy or protect those animals. I very much think that it is our duty. But I also think it is our duty to protect our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who are suffering around the world because they are simply doing what they were created by God to do which is to worship Him. Let's keep our family in underground churches, in prison, or who have lost loved ones in this fight for freedom in our prayers. Covering them with protection from the Evil one. And loving on them as if our arms could reach them.

In Him,

Meg

Silence

Well, those of you who know me well knew that blogging the 40 Days of Prayer with my church wasn't in actuality going to happen. haha! It's like in school when you get told you have to read something, and you LOVE to read normally, but feeling like you HAVE to do it takes all the fun out of it. So...you just don't! I don't know that the last 2 years I was in college I even BOUGHT my textbooks (shh, don't tell!) Anyway, so I am back to doing it the old way...blogging when I feel God has put something heavy on my heart and casting THAT vision or message out verses feeling obligated to do it. And don't get me wrong, my church never asked me to blog alongside of our 40 Days of Prayer, and I am still doing the 40 Days of Prayer WITH my church haha but blogging with it? Yea, not gonna happen (unless of course God shows me something with it that I need to bring up!)

Today I wanted to talk about being silenced. Last year, when I was still very new in my faith and new to my church, my friend Courtney mentioned to me that she was going through a season where she felt like she just needed to shut up. Looking back at the conversation now, having no real experience as a Christian then and having a poor memory now, I can't quite remember what she meant by that. I don't feel I ever did quite understand. Like any good friend I remember saying something along the lines of "girl we are not called to shut up as Christians, people like me need you to be outspoken or verbal with what's going on inside so we can understand" (obviously that's paraphrasing but hey I give myself credit for being a good friend then even if I actually said something like "yea.....you might just need to do that" haha-just kidding Court!)

Anyway, I have really really REALLY been struggling this week about feeling like I need to just keep my mouth shut. Like I have said to much, or my opinion isn't wanted, or maybe what I have to say isn't important at all. Inwardly there is a small little girl, who very often gets her feelings hurt by the world, but faithfully ALWAYS picks herself up, dusts the dirt off of her dress, and keeps on going-forcing a smile for anyone who might be watching. Well, this time that young little girl wants to just hang her head, and shut up.

When I was in high school, my friends and I would have the absolute funniest conversations at the lunch table, I mean, writer's in Hollywood couldn't have written ANYTHING quite as clever as we were spouting off to one another over mystery meat and teeny tiny chocolate milks. CLASSIC! We would always talk about how funny it probably was to the other tables around us to watch us "fighting" for each other's attention! And it wasn't actual fighting, it was things like trying to be louder than the person you are trying to interrupt, trying to have the bigger better story than the person whose story you are trying to outdo, and trying to be funnier than the person who just said the last witty remark in that conversation. Looking back, that table was my fondest memories of that whole entire time in my life. I mention the table because it presents a very good picture of church-not just my church but all churches. In theory, throughout our week we are gathering around the large table of Christ, sharing our lives together, eating together, having coffee together, serving alongside one another, working together, being married to one another, experiencing new babies or grief or victories with one another. (These things shouldn't just be talked about and experienced together on Sunday mornings--but throughout your week and lives.....but that is a whole different blog!) Anyway, just like with friends around a lunch table, or family around a dinner table, the body of Christ is seated at a big (giant) theoretical table. And at that table there is sometimes drama, there is fighting to tell the best story, trying to show off the better talents, attempting to be bigger better louder faster funnier than the person sitting next to you, and there is always the everyone sitting around looking at each other talking and laughing and smiling and loving and thinking to themselves "where do I fit in, in this conversation that's going on?"

Let that sit just a minute. "Where do I fit in, in this conversation that's going on?" Maybe it's because I am a 'writer' (HA!) or people watcher or observer...but I remember being VERY aware at the lunch table in high school that there were always going to be conversations happening amongst my group of friends, and in order to feel welcome or like you belong or like you are even important at all, an asset to your circle of amigas, you HAD to chime in! You couldn't get by sitting there like a bump on a log-that is how you got left out of the inside jokes, how you miss the funny stories and incidents, and eventually that turns into isolating yourselves from your friends lives altogether (not joining their birthday parties or movie nights or what have you). I am not saying this happened to me, although sometimes it did-when I wasn't an active part of the conversation--but I am saying this happens in life, at this big giant table we are all sitting at together. If you do not chime in, do no speak, do not make yourself known...you get swept away, lost in the cracks, LEFT OUT.

Now, is this the fault of the person being left behind? I am going to say no. But, it is not really the fault of those carrying on with their lives either. You see, we are people. And people are imperfect. (If you are scratching your head and thinking "really? we are?" then that is a WHOLE different blog for you too my friend!) Imperfect people get caught up in their own lives, are selfish, forget to love on others, forget to include others, don't genuinely care sometimes whether you are having a good day or not, and the list goes on and on and on and on and ON about what imperfect people do (or do not do). One important thing we imperfect people do is not inviting those on the outskirts of our already happening conversations, IN-to the INSIDE of what's going on.

Most humans operate like this. I want to belong, I need to be a part of this. But I don't know anyone and I am all alone so no way can I enter into this ongoing conversation.

OR

Please please please, invite me! Love me! Want me around! Notice how valuable I am and ask for my opinion!

OR

I have been so abused and so mistreated throughout my life emotionally that I am going to put up a hard exterior and pretend like I don't give a poop what others think about me when really I am dying inside to belong somewhere and would melt if one person at this "table" would just invite me to join in.

We as Christians are not only expected and asked to invite those on the outskirts of the dinner conversation in, but those who are already sitting at the table as well.

Let that sink in a second will ya?

I have struggled all year at feeling like I have a voice in my church. When you go to a church of over 1000 people it is easy to get lost in the crowd. All I wanted was to FEEL important, to FEEL wanted, to FEEL loved, to FEEL invited. I call it my Principle Series (and I will get to in a second how this series is the wrong way of thinking.) Imagine you are that teenage girl crying because you were left out of a lunchroom conversation where everyone was talking about a party they went to (except for you of course) and you had to sit there and listen to them go on and on and on and on about the food they ate, the cute boys they saw, the games they played, the fun they had, etc etc etc. Then you go home and cry to your mom, who then says "but honey, we were out of town that weekend anyway so you wouldn't have gotten to go." Then what do YOU say? Figure it out yet? "But its the principle behind it!" (which, you probably didn't say this as a teenager because you probably didn't know what it meant-but you would've said more simple "But I still wanted to be INVITED!")

Being on the outskirts of an already happening conversation is not a fun deal. Because of the way I grew up and the things that happened to me when I was little, I am wounded now to always be seeking somewhere that I feel of value to the people and conversations happening there. I want to be invited. I want to be wanted. I want to be missed when I am not there. I want to belong. This is often, a heavy heavy cross I carry, because humans are imperfect. I am that girl, who makes sure that when people are walking in a group on the sidewalk towards a common destination, that no one gets left behind--so I will go walk with that person. I am that girl, who notices someone missing out of a class or group I am in, and will call or facebook them to make sure they are ok and tell them they were missed. I am that girl, who sees a teenager sitting alone in a room full of people, and I go sit with them. My sister still makes fun of me because I always picked the ugly Barbies when we would play together, the ones with Crayon all over their face or the ones we had shaved their hair off-because I felt SORRY for them. They were my Pity Toys as she still says. But what it really is, is that I NOTICE people, and I seek to make them feel like they belong.

I do this, because when I was growing up, nobody did this for me. I had divorced parents, a hellish nightmare of a home, and tons more baggage that was thrust upon me before I had a chance to make a mess of my own life (not saying I would've but saying here that all of that was out of my control) so I was left out of the normalcy of childhood, and when you enter into your teenage years as having been an abnormal child, you aren't exactly the first one invited to the party. And to make it worse, I had very popular friends. Good life long friends who were cheerleaders and very easy to talk to and laugh with, they are still some of my best friends today. But growing up with them wasn't easy I would say. If I didn't call and ask what was going on on a Friday night, I didn't get invited. If I wasn't CONSTANTLY checking in, inviting myself, making myself vulnerable and open to them, then I was left out. It felt like I was drowning and always fighting to keep my head above water. So when I started seeing that this is what was happening, I turned to the other extreme. Remember, the bitter hard exterior that had to pretend like I didn't give a poop if I was invited or not? And i isolated myself from them so it didn't hurt so bad when they forgot me. ***Sometimes I read my blogs and thing, "really God?" you are baring this much of my heart and soul?" haha but whatever, I obey faithfully as literally my mind is not thinking and the Holy Spirit is revealing this to you guys using me***

So basically what I am saying, is that in life there is always a table people are gathering to, and a conversation happening at that table, that other people want to be invited to. This week has been particularly hard for me, because it has been one of the first times (during this year that I have been struggling at my church) that I felt like "Wow, I finally have a voice here!" I felt like I had people fighting on my behalf (I even blogged about this last week) and that people really cared! Which they do, of course they do! But the devil is the devil, and after any victory you can almost always expect him to be lurking around to screw it up. In this case it was feeling like I don't quite have everyone on board and feeling the animosity of momentarily having a voice that maybe didn't match the voice of those carrying on their conversations around me (whether I am speaking or not)--does that make sense? I am trying here to be as vague as I possibly can because as I am writing this I can feel the darkness lifting off of me and God revealing and healing and it's getting to that point where I feel Meg entering the picture again thinking, is this something I should even share with the world? Well, I am going to, because I think it is a good learning experience.

For those at the table, having conversations, who have been at the table a LONG time and who are used to having the louder voice, the funnier stories, the whatever-TAKE A LOOK AROUND YOU, and realize that the person sitting on your right who never speaks, is DYING to say something but needs to be asked "Hey, what do you think? Do you have an opinion here?" and the person to your left has been trying to talk for the past 20 minutes but every time she opens her mouth someone interrupts her to tell the table something that (in her mind) must be bigger or better or more valuable than ANYTHING she could possibly say or contribute to the conversation.

We are broken, sinning, imperfect people. And we don't all come from the background I came from. Part of what I went through as a child is so I could be the adult that blogs before you today who notices the unnoticed, loves on the unloved, and invites the uninvited. YOU reader, went through completely different experiences in life as I have, but are STILL at this table with me. Figure out what your gifts are, and use those to the best of your ability to make this an enjoyable conversation for all of us here. Does that make sense? Maybe your wounds didn't mark you to have pity toys like me, and maybe you are the kid at the table dominating the conversation with your awesomeness, but look around you brother....we are all important and have something to say, so give us a chance. And for the kid like me, who feels unimportant or who thinks that you don't have anything valuable to add to the conversation==YOU DO! You are worthy because you are HIS. Don't seek your identity from those around you but let God show you how beautiful, wonderful, important, and valuable you truly are! Even if others don't see it, then believe that it's true because our faithful Father in Heaven says so. And while you are reminding yourself of that each day, know that there are many others out there like you (me included) that have to stop and remind ourselves too.

We are human. We are imperfect. But there is Grace for times we keep failing and for things we can not seem to change. And there is Love and Acceptance when we can't quite seem to find our place in this world....

In Him,

Meg

This Little Light of Mine....Day 2/40 Days of Prayer

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine all the time, OH YEA!! Today's devotional in my congregation's 40 Days of Prayer booklet was about this all too familiar tune, and the meaning behind it. At Southwest, we have a separate offering for children and during this time we sing a song specifically for them as they go up to the treasure chests and give their dollar and change to God. It is quite humorous at times as you see them running up with gusto and practically tackling each other to get to the small wooden box. Every now and then, one of the songs we sing is "This Little Light of Mine"-a tune that often gets sung out of habit, memory, and after-thought. But really, this simplistic melody holds a KEY for Christian living.

Inside of us all is dwelling the Spirit of God. We live our lives so that when others look at us they see the light of our Father. When we do good deeds we point all glory to our wonderful Papa. We carry this light, and shine this light, everywhere we go, in all situations, and when encountering any type of life. Or so...we SHOULD.

My favorite part of that song is towards the end. "Won't let satan (blow) it out, I'm gonna let it shine! Won't let satan (blow) it out, I'm gonna let it shine! Won't let satan (blow) it out, I'm gonna let it shine! Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine OH YEA!"

The enemy and other forces of darkness and evil are constantly trying to blow our Lights out. Sometimes we don't think about the many ways in one single day that darkness, negativity, anger, frustration, impatience, jealousy, depression, lust, temptation, gluttony, etc will creep into our minds--none of these products of the Spirit--and when they creep into our minds they eventually start controlling our actions. Think about your day today, and the many ways you could have been a Light in a dark place....did you take that opportunity? Did you get frustrated with the person in the fast food line for taking too long? Or for the girl at the window for getting your order wrong? Did you see someone broken down on the side of the road and refuse to stop because "I'm just a girl, it isn't safe for me to stop" or maybe you're a guy and your excuse was "I am running late or I would!" Did you look up into eyes of your cashier at target, to notice at all that she was having a horrible day and one smile from you could have changed that? Did you love on the kid behind you in that same line who was bugging you for your attention, or did you just ignore him because he's not your responsibility? Did you thank your mom or dad for all they do for you everyday, or did you ask to go out this weekend and complain that the dinner was too cold? Did you pick up your brother or sister or friend from school and turn on Christian music in hopes they would feel uplifted and grow closer to God or did you leave in on Lady Gaga and sing along with them to the vulgar lyrics?

In this world, every single minute of everyday, we have the chance to be the Light of Jesus to people around us who really need to see Him. Chances we might not even recognize are in actuality there ALL the time! It's a matter of, if our hearts are so completely devoted to Him are we living out the Gospel or are we saying we are a Christian yet looking from the outside like the rest of the secular world. When people look at you, brother and sister, they should WANT what you have. They might not be able to put their finger on it, but it's there. And it is our jobs to show them, hey, this is the difference you see! Let me tell you about the amazing God I serve and how much He loves YOU!

Father God,

I pray for myself, I pray for my brothers and sisters in Christ, I pray for my family and my friends, and my church God. I ask for your continued guidance in our lives. I ask for your strength God, that we may be more like you and become empowered in situations outside of our comfort zone to shine in the darkness. Thank you for ALWAYS being with us, leading us, and giving us your Spirit which we know is a Spirit of power and not of fear and timidity. Gently remind us each day how we can share your Word and love on those around us, Lord. We seek Your face everyday and want those who surround us to see Your love by the way we live our lives.

In Him,

Meg

FAMILY

My church, Southwest, is starting a campaign called "OVERFLOW"--which is going to allow for much needed freedom in our church financially as well as spiritually, encouraging our family to reach beyond the walls of our church to serve and love on those in our community! Today kicked off our 40 Days of Prayer as part of this new journey we have started together and focused on spiritual gifts.

"There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us."--1 Corinthians 12:4-6 (NLT)

The example given in our devotional is that of a basketball team, and how many people are involved in the successful running of a basketball game (the team, the cheerleaders, the coach, the refs, the janitors, the manager, the parents, the commentators, etc). Each person or group has a different gift, a different calling they are to carry out, but they all work together for one common goal.

Like a team, a church should also be a family. Sometimes there is drama--"I do not want to sing beside that Betty, she is way too out of key and is taking the amazing out of my Amazing Grace!" Sometimes there is hardship (the loss of a beloved elder, the need for a ministry we don't have funding for, disagreeing viewpoints on what should or shouldn't be preached the Sunday before Christmas.....) Sometimes there is debt--and yes, debt sucks basically, but like a family without the managing of that debt there are no funds for "vacation" (vacation being funding for new ministries, building touch ups, paying for more missionaries. building a new campus ministry student center, and so much more!) The wonderful thing about this kind of family is that we have the best Father imaginable leading us.

There are times, like with our blood family, things are not so fun. I have been experiencing some growing pangs within my church since about January of this year. It finally manifested itself into the feeling of having nowhere to belong there. Sure, I am involved in several ministries all of which I love so much and hold dearly in my heart. But there has not been anywhere really for people like me, my age, in my stage of life, to go and to fellowship with one another as well as getting super fed. We can only go out and love and feed others out of our overflow if we are over flowing...but sometimes we are just running on empty. And that is what I have felt like too much over this past year. It had gotten to the point that if I was not scheduled to sing on the praise team on Sunday mornings I just didn't want to go. Does that make sense? Like if I wasn't active on a ministry team I serve on I didn't feel comfortable enough to go and just be with my family, maybe because I still didn't feel like part of the family.

All of that changed tonight. I am not airing out my congregational dirty laundry, but instead, sharing a victory I feel my FAMILY had tonight. Learning. Growing. and Loving. So after church tonight I found out that a group of people got together on the behalf of myself and some other "singles" who felt they had nowhere else to belong, and out of the conversation got us a classroom and teachers and people to support us--all starting Sunday morning! I cried tears of joy all the way home, because this is SUCH an answered prayer and a blessing to my life as well as many others who have been floating around church looking for a place to go. This has been a long time coming, and people who love me and are passionate about this ministry stood up and fought for me.

If you know anything about my past you know I carry scars from times in my life where I was not fought for. After my mother left, my dad married an alcoholic, so lost and so manipulated by satan that it destroyed our entire family. Those who looked in from the outside never came to rescue us (my sister and I), never fought to make things better, just...let it happen. Now, I have definitely had my FAIR share of amazing angels in my life who HAVE fought on my behalf--but the wounds of those who never did, speak volumes about the way my heart is programmed today. So imagine me, feeling voiceless and worthless in my FAMILY (church) all of a sudden getting a call that changed everything...I am wanted, I am valued, I have a voice, I am LOVED! And it is so NICE!

So the devotional I read this morning about being a team and a family and celebrating our differences in order to glorify God's bigger vision for us, played out in my own life tonight. I love my family. I love my church. And I know now that even if I don't see it immediately, there are people there fighting for the good of people like me. Imagine going to a Thanksgiving dinner with your family where you felt a little awkward, a little out of place, or a bit uncomfortable....then imagine getting to go to that same dinner where you feel wanted, loved, exactly where you belong! This will be a wonderful Sunday at Southwest church for me....Thank you to all of my family who have made this happen, and thank you to those praying for this to happen.

In HIM,

Meg

The Lion King

I have been told that my blogs are like books. Well....get ready :)

Tonight, in 3D, I got to experience one of my favorite childhood movies. Yes, I am talking about The Lion King! As a child, i enjoyed the bright colors, the funny characters, and the AMAZING soundtrack (I was that elementary kid on the playground singing "I just can't wait to be King" with my friends and telling them how off-key or flat they were....which, if you know me, is not far from how I sing with friends today! haha) But now, as an adult, there are completely different things that I love about the movie-still the funny characters and the amazing soundtrack, but most importantly I LOVE how the movie mirrors our relationship with God and His love for us! Through the whole movie, I annoyingly whipped out my phone every few minutes to jot down notes for tonight's blog, so it is going to be a long one, as I go through the movie sort of explicating from it our relationship with God. I honestly, think it will be so worth it for you to read, as it was for me to listen to as God nudged my Spirit towards this new discovery. So bare with me and let's get started.

Right off the bat, I will mention "The Circle of Life" song. What is happening during this song is Simba's birth. (Now, if you are unfamiliar with the movie BLASPHEMERS then I will explain what I can, but it might get redundant for those of you very familiar with the movie) Simba is yes, you guessed it, a lion. The king? Not yet. He is the son of Mufasa-who is the actual king. So during this song, simba has been born and all of the animals in the kingdom have shown up to see him! Rafiki (crazy baboon "medicine man" figure in the animal kingdom) is like, anointing him and preparing him for his first public appearance I assume (I mean I don't really know what goes on except for what I see on Animal Planet!) At the end of the song, Rafiki takes Simba and holds him high in the air for all to see, at which point all animals bow down to one knee, honoring the new prince. This small scene, which happens the first 2 minutes of the movie, gave me chills. I kept thinking, this is what it feels like to witness all creation bowing down to the King. "Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess." It was a beautiful scene!

Simba grows up to be a young and very curious lion cub, always testing limits and asking questions-just like new Christians when growing in their faith. Mufasa takes Simba out to show him the kingdom and tells him that all of it will be his, "everything the light touches." Which not only foreshadows spiritual warfare between the two kingdoms (light and dark, good and evil) but also shows us the relationship between the King (a Father) and the prince (his son). Mufasa takes his time to teach Simba the things he is going to need to know later in life not only in order to survive, but in order to rule as future king.

Scar, the brother of Mufasa and the villain of the movie, would have inherited the throne and been the next King but Simba was born and threw a wrench into his plan. Meaning, of course in Disney fashion, he was out to kill both Mufasa and Simba in order to be king. He plants the idea to Simba of going to the elephant graveyard, a place the light most certainly does not touch, in hopes that his hyena menions will kill him. Being the curious cub that he is, he goes, placing both he and his friends who are with him in danger of being killed. But like a good and faithful father, Mufasa shows up to rescue Simba-just like our good and faithful Heavenly Father shows up without fail when we need to be rescued.

After Mufasa defeats the evil hyenas he tells the others to leave so he can then discipline his son-another vital part to Christian growth. Our Papa in Heaven gently (and not so gently) disciplines us out of love, in order to protect us from harming ourselves and destroying our lives. As Simba walks up to his father, preparing for that discipline, he steps in his dad's giant paw print. What an awesome way to not only symbolize how we are to walk in Christ's footsteps but also that they are mighty large "paws" to fill-our little paws are still learning and growing, and always going to need our Father's footsteps to follow.

During this father and son moment that we get to witness between Mufasa and Simba, we hear Mufasa tell his eager son that he is only brave when he has to be, that he doesn't go out looking for trouble. He gently reprimands his young son, correcting his behavior as a way to teach him to better his life. He then playfully reminds Simba that "nobody messes with your dad!" (which is also a wonderful way to look at God, because even when we are spiritually attacked-we should not fear, because God has already won the battle over evil for us!) As they play in the grass, and wrestle around, I was reminded of something I heard from a friend in my Life Group--about how important it is for a father and son to play in that manner, not only because it sets the son straight on who the boss of this relationship is, but also because it reminds the son that 'my dad is big and will protect me' sort of deal.

Due to Scar's manipulation (like that of the devil), Simba ended up in another dangerous situation, where he winds up in the middle of a deadly stampede. Faithfully, his father comes to his rescue again, only this time ultimately leading to Mufasa's death. Like the devil, Scar goes to Simba feeding him lies like "if it weren't for you, he would still be alive" making Simba fear going back home or reaching out to friends and family for comfort, because he blamed himself and believed others would too. With Mufasa gone, Simba could not find or hear the truth and so easily believed the lies the enemy told him. As we mature is Christians, this is a constant struggle. Keeping God and His Word close at hand and buried in our hearts so that we are living our lives on a foundation of Truth, setting apart the lies we hear from the devil.

So Simba runs away, like we all do at different stages in our lives, and essentially becomes just a big hippie. A big lion hippie who, instead of taking responsibility for his life and living out his true identity, runs away and says things like "Hakunah Matata" (meaning, "it means no worries" for all of you Lion King newbies out there.) After reuniting with his friend Nala, who challenges Simba to live out his rightful place as King, he runs away again (sound familiar? We? People? Great runners.) Then the most critical and important scene in the whole movie happens....Simba's encounter with Rafiki.

Simba is seeking and questioning, and ultimately, just LOST and he yells up to the sky "you said you'd always be there for me....but you're not!" which is about the time crazy Rafiki enters. I will do my best to sketchily transcribe their conversation, as it is the most vital part of being a Christian today, finding our identity in Christ.

Rafiki chants.

Simba Creepy monkey. Will you cut it out? Who are you?

Rafiki The question is...who....are you?

Simba I thought I knew....now I'm not so sure.

Rafiki Well I know who you are, shh, come here it's a secret. (Starts crazily chanting again)

Simba What is that supposed to mean?

Rafiki It means you are a baboon...and I am not.

Simba Uh, I think you're a little confused.

Rafiki Wrong! I am not the one who's confused, you don't even know who you are!

Simba Oh and I suppose you know.

Rafiki Sure do. You're Mufasa's boy.....BYE (runs away)

**First, let me make the connection here and unpack to you what I am thinking and meditating on this part of the scene. When asked who he is Mufasa doesn't know, because he has forgotten WHOSE he is. Until Rafiki makes the connection. He doesn't answer the question of who Simba is by saying "lion, animal, Simba, Disney character, etc" He answers by stating WHOSE Simba is, who is Father is defines who Simba is.

Simba Wait! You knew my father?

Rafiki Correction. I know your father.

Simba I hate to tell you this, but...he died. A long time ago.

Rafiki NOPE! Wrong again! He's alive! And I show him to you! You follow Rafiki he knows the way!

**PAUSE. What happens here is Simba, so desperate to see his father, trusts Rafiki and decides to follow him. The run through a thicket of thorns and branches and obstacles and darkness (often like we feel sometimes) in order to get to where they are going, which is a body of water.

Rafiki Stop! Shh...look down there (points to water)

Simba carefully and cautiously looks out over the water, hopeless as he only sees his own reflection. (**Sometimes we live our lives in a way that does not reflect who we belong to, who lives inside of us. And when faced with our own reflection, only find ourselves.)

Simba That's not my father. It's just my reflection.

Rafiki No. Look....harder.

As Rafiki touches the water, Simba's reflection turns into Mufasa's image.

Rafiki You see...he lives in YOU!

(**Sometimes it takes someone pointing out the error of our ways for us to regain focus, and see the reflection of the One whose image we were created in.)

Then from the rolling thunderous clouds, Mufasa appears in the sky.
Simba Father? (questioning, out of disbelief and possibly from detached reality in the sense of having not seen his father in so long he wonders if it is truly him)

Mufasa Simba, you have forgotten me.

Simba No! How could I?

Mufasa You have forgotten who you are, and so, forgotten me. Look inside yourself Simba, you are MORE than what you have become! (**PAUSE** Ouch, gentle reprimand from our Father? Anyone recognize this?) You must take your place in the circle of life.

Simba How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be.

Mufasa Remember who you are. You are MY son, and the one true king. Remember, who you are.

Mufasa fades away as Simba runs after the rolling clouds, begging him to stay. This section of the scene makes me teary eyed listening to it even the millionth time. When I was a teenager, learning how to drive and starting to venture out into the world on my own, everytime I would leave the house my daddy would say "Remember who you are!" I never understood it then, but oh how I understand now. He didn't just mean remember your name, or remember where you live, remember your job. He meant, remember your identity. Remember WHOSE you are. Not just his daughter, but God's daughter, a representation of Christ every time I walked out the door (although, I was not what you would call a true Christian at that age.)

Rafiki comes back into the picture

Rafiki What was THAT!? The weather. Very peculiar. Don't you think?

Simba Yea...looks like the winds are changing.

Rafiki Ah, change is good...

Simba Yea but it's not easy. I know what I have to do but going back means I'll have to face my pas. I've been running from it for so long.

**Rafiki whacks him over the head with a stick

Simba Ow! What was that for?

Rafiki It doesn't matter, it's in the past!

Simba Yea but it still hurts

Rafiki Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or...LEARN from it.

Simba then makes the decision, to 'go back.' The past definitely can hurt. But, it's when you revisit the trials of your past are you able to start learning from your mistakes. We all have things in our past we are ashamed of, but it's in those mistakes that God's glory is known. We must pray for freedom and seek healing from the situations of our past, in order to share our testimonies with others-testimonies that tell of God's love and grace and mercy and power and GLORY! That is ultimately what we seek to do as Christians in this journey of bringing the kingdom of Heaven on earth.

After Simba goes home, instead of finding his lush green alive and thriving kingdom, he finds Pride Rock to be the complete opposite-desolate, dead, evil, and dark. This mirrors what life looks like with a King...and, without our King Jesus, present. And can mirror that of Simba's life and journey as well.

As Simba's mother, Sarabi-the Queen, is called to the presence of evil (Scar-the new king), she walks through the rows of evil hyenas, hitting her, laughing, and calling her name. Yet, she hold her head up high. She is royalty. She knows who she is and knows WHOSE she is. And no one can make her feel any differently because she knows where she belongs.

After the battle between Scar and Simba, where Simba wins of course (because good will always triumph evil) Simba takes his rightful place on the "throne", as the true king, resting in the peace of his true identity. All is restored in Pride Rock as we see the appearance of animals, and grass, and flowers, and a blue sky. Alive. Thriving. Beauty.

And the movie ends, with Simba and Nala's cub being raised in front of the kingdom, announcing the new Princess and next heir to the throne, thus symbolizing our place as the sons and daughters of Christ, joining our place in the Kingdom.

I know this was a novel of a blog, and for those of you who finished I commend you. And I encourage you, to go watch this movie (not necessarily in 3D but just in general.) I am so thankful for a Father who fights on my behalf, who is constantly pursuing my heart, who sends people/angels (like crazy Rafiki) to comfort me in my time of need and sending the Holy Spirit (also a Rafiki type character) to gently nudge me back on the path I was created to follow. I am so thankful that my Father's spirit dwells deep inside of me, always with me, reminding me who I am and whose I am. What an amazing Father we have, can I get an AMEN!?

In Him,

Meg

LOST

This week was fair week in Northeast Arkansas. A week of games, rides, food, friends, singing, laughing, dancing, spinning, twirling, hurling, winning, losing, AHH! It's a teeny tiny Disney World right here in our large small town (minus the cleanliness, Princesses, castle, and well....just about everything really! Ok, ok, so it's not Disney World!) But, people young and small look forward to this week every year. I had not been to the fair since I was a young child, but since this is the last year for the fair to be on the historic fairgrounds I decided to go!

I wasn't looking forward to anything specific, really, just the experience in itself. Where I had fun riding rides and playing games and eating junk food, I could not help but notice this strange and completely foreign world I had entered into. I imagine that the Northeast Arkansas District Fair might be what hell is like.

Tonight I noticed teenage and preteen girls wearing shorts so short you could almost see, well....things not only I didn't want to see, but things I did not want the 10 and 12 year old boys I was with to see either. Those same, and even different, short wearing girls covered in eye makeup so thick you'd think they were in some sort of theatrical production. As I stood in line for the Predator, I caught conversation from the group of very young teenagers in front of me who continuously used the F word, D word, S word, and any other word you can imagine! I thought to myself "what in the world do these kids parents' think about this sort of behavior" and no sooner had I thought that, I got my answer. One of their mothers walked over to her daughter and started the conversation normally, yet ending it with "and you better answer your d*m* phone when I text you." Oh! Their parents won't care......they're the ones who TAUGHT them that behavior in the first place! As I was walking past the lemonade stand, between the games and the carousel I caught site of a no more than 10 year old little boy.....SMOKING A CIGARETTE! I was APPALLED. My heart broke almost around every single corner I turned tonight. I felt like a raft floating on a sea of lost, LOST people...sinking in their own demise, so far down that some of them might not have seen me at all!

I don't know much about hell, but tonight, on those fairgrounds, I was certain those people were living in it. Not because they are damned to hell, I am not saying that at all. But to me, hell is the absence of God. Being separated by our loving Father, our Savior, and the Creator of our hearts is hell....the absolute heartbreak of it in itself is hell. And by the way most of the people I saw tonight behaved, it seems they are living in that heartbreak every single day. It hurts my soul to even think about it.

Now, I know that the majority of people who read my blogs are Christians....so this would probably be a useless place to rant about all of the things I want to rant about: like broken children coming from brokenness, the results a parents behavior has on a kids life, teenage girls and the gabillion topics I could go into there....but I will refrain. Because instead, it seems like we should come together as a community of Christians and ask "What can we do to help this situation?"

If we as Christians are told to bring the kingdom of Heaven on earth then the NEA Fair has been a huge flashing neon sign of how we are FAILING at our task. So what do we do? Well, I struck up a conversation with an 8 year old girl while waiting in line for the Cliff Hanger ride who inspired me some to help answer that question for my own life. The Cliff Hanger is a ride where you "hang glide" in the air. 3 people can fit on one hang glider but on ours (mine and the little girl-her name was Kiera) it was just the two of us. All through the line I felt a sense of protectiveness over this young child, who was a complete stranger to me, yet she was all alone, just like I was, in line. So when we went to get on the ride, instead of opting to "fly" with the two people I was there with (who joined me in line later) I chose to ride with Kiera. She had ridden it several times already and was giving me all the ins and outs. Including, when I went to lay down on the glider we were directed to go to....and she said "You should lay on that side" (she was in the middle) "Oh?" I said. "How come?" "Because if you lay on the inside and it's just the two of us then I will go too high.

She confidently told me how to protect her on that ride. And children will go to extreme lengths to all but beg for our protection. Think about it....most of the "rebellious" things kids do is all for a reason, a deeper purpose. Up into adulthood, we have set behaviors that come out of needing something. When a baby cries it needs food or a diaper change. When toddlers throw fits they need a nap or some attention. When teenagers disobey and break rules they are searching for boundaries, needing love through discipline. And the list goes on and on. I felt the need to protect Kiera, as with every single broken, lonely, and LOST child I encountered this weekend at the fair.

And the same goes for adults to. Where some of them I wanted to punch in the face (the ones smoking around small children, cussing at their teenage daughters, or the unpresent ones who owned the smoking cussing CHILDREN), others, I also wanted to protect. To hold. To love on. As Christians, I feel it is just our duty to do that. And where it might be awkward or weird or out of our comfort zone, they are depending on us don't you think?

What things are you doing in your daily life to ensure bringing the kingdom of Heaven on earth? What are things you can do in the relationships around you to love on people who are broken and so lost, living in a desolate hell far away from the heart of God and life that He wants for them? These are definitely things I will be thinking about in my own life.....

In Him,

Meg

The Essence of McDonald's

Don't you just love how GOOD and how FAITHFUL our Heavenly Father is? Sometimes, when I am not even thinking about a particular issue or question, he swoops in to answer it or clarify regardless. That happened to me this morning, while I was doing my devotional. But first, let me back up and tell you about the essence of McDonald's.

Over the course of my life, even before having become a Christian, I have felt subtle stirrings inside of my spirit. These stirrings would often leave me anxious, antsy, waiting, looking. Anxious about the future, antsy about the present, waiting for what's to come, and looking around every corner and under every rock for that "next step." What was I waiting and looking for you ask? I have never really had any idea! (Until today.) I just settled for knowing those feelings would pop up every so often, and faithfully, they have. Throughout almost my entire life.

I have specifically felt those stirrings within me, this year. I tried to describe this feeling to Mark and Anna, the wonderful people I live with, saying "It's like this. You are not even hungry, maybe you are, doesn't really matter, and you think, maybe I will make some veggies or salad when I get home later. Not really that much on your mind or urgent To DO list. But THEN, you drive by McDonald's and you SMELL McDonald's food. It stirs something inside of you that ten minutes ago wasn't even thinking about McDonald's. You drive down the road and you STILL want McDonald's. It's the essence of McDonald's lingering around your nose and taunting your taste buds with the memory of those hot french fries and yummy big mac. Sometimes you give in, turn around, and get you some of that yummyness! But more often than not, you keep driving. And eventually....the essence of McDonald's fades until you no longer even remember that you wanted it."

What a wacky way to try and describe those anxious moments in our lives where we feel in our spirit that there is something MORE out there. Sometimes, like with McDonald's, we can satisfy that urge. Spiritually maybe it is reading more in the word, adding another ministry to volunteer/work for, worshiping in the car, etc etc. But sometimes, it is (for lack of a better phrase) that itch we just can't seem to scratch! So what did God show me today? you might be wondering.... The reason (and a MUCH better way to describe it than the essence of McDonald's) found in Romans 8:20-25ish.

"Everything in creation is more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens. All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only AROUND us, it's WITHIN us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within, We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy." (The Message)

WOW! Now I get it! The reason we feel those urges and stirrings and anxiousness and antsy feelings is because we, like the rest of creation, are experiencing a type of labor pang. Mother's experience it while waiting the long 9months for a child to arrive. But then once the infant is here, it is pure joy! In life, we as Christians, should I believe, experience those same pangs (I know I do!) in order to be reminded not only that more awaits us, but to get excited at the joy of being reunited with our Heavenly Father!

This devotional and word of scripture could not have come at a better time in my life, literally down to the very morning I opened it, because just last night I was chatting with a young girl who has found herself in a very frustrated state of her life, unsure of where to go and what to do and desperately seeking a sign on which way to go in her life. I was that girl the past year. I experience the "labor pangs" spiritually as well as physically in my everyday life, knowing there was something more or different I was supposed to be doing but wasn't doing it. It was when I tapped into recognizing the voice of God from the voice of the world when all of that started to change for me. I became less obsessed with "figuring it all out" and more in tune with growing deeper and more intimate in Christ. And after a long agonizing year of praying about my calling, begging God to show me something in my life, seeking mentors to tell me why I am here, what I am to do.....I subtly stopped worrying about it, and started enjoying life more. Creating the avenue for myself to do the things God has gifted me in. I started trying to become the best version of myself for all relationships I was a part of. I really sought more to understand who God is so I could then understand His will for me.

And one day, driving down the road listening to talk radio, without a care in the world, I heard "You will be a wife and mother" WHAT? God, is that-and no sooner could I finish my thought in my own head, I was wrapped in a peace like I had never felt before. You see, I stopped obsessing about the things I need not worry about, and started focusing on the things that were important. You know how when you are single (which I am) and all of the married or settled women in your life try and be encouraging by saying "when you stop looking for your husband he will drop in your lap when you least expect it" (Well, I don't know if that is true of husbands because trust me I have done my fair share of waiting for one to drop in my lap!) But I DO think it is true spiritually. Because when I least expected it, yet in God's perfect timing, He assured me of what I was called to do. And sure, there are tons of things I am talented in and passionate about. But I know out of all of those I am to get right the being a wife and mother part :)

Back to the essence of McDonald's. If you as a Christian are experiencing that arousing feeling in your spirit where something more is out there and you are wanting a taste of that, as frustrating sometimes as it can be and as antsy as it makes your spirit, I am convinced that that is a GREAT thing for believers to feel. There is MUCH joy to come at the end of this life when we meet God face to face. And those labor pangs are reminding us that we, like all of creation, are waiting for that moment when God holds us in His arms and the waiting is over and replaced with pure JOY!

In Him,

Meg