I recently counseled at a youth camp on the campus of Lipscomb University. The stay was about 2 weeks and the time I had there was WONDERFUL. I went with every intention on ministering to and loving on some kiddos, and while doing that, my world was ultimately changed. It isn't very often that I see a new season of my life coming or that I am aware when the seasons shift as theyre shifting. But my stay in Nashville proved a new experience for me in that way. I met some amazing Christian girls there, my roommates, who are SO utterly filled with the Holy Spirit and in tune with its' guiding that it opened up a whole new world for me to see. It was the re-charge my Spirit needed!
Coming home from camp, I knew I would be attacked spiritually. That typically is one of satan's cards he likes to play. 'Someone on a mountain? Looks like its ole attacking time!' I was correct in that satan did try to attack. Sunday evening laying in bed I was overcome with the feeling of being emotionally overtaken. Like if you are covered in honey and you see a HUMONGOID herd of BEARS coming at you, that's what it felt like to me-except it wasn't bears, it was negative emotions. I felt anger, anxiety, fear, heartbreak, depression, sadness, loneliness, and tons more. In the midst of this I was having this weird and out of nowhere confrontation with a good friend of mine whom I care for very much. All of it combined made me so physically ill I knew before the puking came that I was being just beaten spiritually. So I immediately texted some prayer warriors and within 20 minutes I was at peace again.
I notice that with me, I am most vulnerable to spiritual attack when I am in a weakened state physically, mentally, or emotionally. After having counseled all week I was definitely weak physically and after the confrontation with a person I had given a small part of my heart too, I was also very weak emotionally. Now, I know it is impossible to avoid ever being vulnerable, but it is very important to always try and gaurd your heart. When our heart breaks, even just the teeniest tiniest bit, satan uses that open door as a plan of attack in order to tell us that we aren't worth it, that we aren't loved, that everyone who loves us will leave us, things like that. It is no fun feeling that way, especially when other Christians people who are supposed to be gaurding and protecting your heart are some of the people who put you in those weak and vulnerable positions.
What I continually learn from situations like these are that God is the One true Romancer of my heart and Keeper of my love. He will NEVER leave me, never forsake me. He will ALWAYS love me and always DESIRE that I be His. People are imperfect, and they will always let us down....and that is ok. Because out of the broken messes we are, God creates the most BEAUTIFUL things! So sure, where I've had a few days of listening to Taylor Swift songs and crying while I sing them at the top of my lungs in my car, I am also reaping the benefits of the Almighty God having a HUGE plan and HUGE calling on my life, that maybe some people just don't fit in to.
I was told by a precious girl at camp who came to me crying saying "Meagan, if you only knew. God has HUGE things planned for you. Walk confidently in the Spirit girl!" and those words changed my life. So, on nights where satan is trying to whisper into my ear that I am unlovable. I declare that I am LOVED by the Creator of the Heavens. And when Satan tries to tell me that I will always be along. I will listen to the Spirit who says " I am ALWAYS here". And when Satan starts screaming at me that my heart is broken, I will walk confidently in knowing that God uses is BEST in our brokenness. He must become more and more, and I less and less.
