Uh, dude...are you missing a finger?

Sunday I visited a new church with some dear friends of mine. In Sunday school, we talked a little about obedience and surrender-both things that God has been laying on my heart lately. It sparked a random blog-thought in my head about what this surrender might look like in our lives. I think when people hear the word surrender they think about having to give up something. However, I think it means so much more than that. In fact, the giving up of something (or things) most often brings about the getting so much more in return. And surrender doesn't always mean the sacrifice of something you love dearly...sometimes it means the use of the giftings and talents God has given us, in order to bring about change and progression in the kingdom.

One of our wise teachers in the class put it this way (this is paraphrased, and probably badly): Basically that the body of Christ=believers, all serve a function in the body. Some are the eyes that have the gift of seeing people the way God does, or seeing the people and situations that are often overlooked. Some believers are gifted in words and public speaking, and are using those gifts to be the mouth/voice of Christ. Some Christians feel called to missionary, spreading the Good News all over the world-these folks might be like the feet on the body of Christ. (Stay with me on this a minute)...If someone is called to be "the eyes" yet, they do not use their giftings, do not align their passions or careers to God's will, have not tapped into the passions He has put in their heart....then the BODY is walking around with no eyes. (Making sense yet?) Maybe the people gifted in labor or crafting or healing, who are called to serve the purpose of the HANDS of Christ, don't continually seek God's will for their life and are attempting to serve as the FEET....have you ever seen someone walking around on their hands? Not very functional right? This particular teacher said it would be like seeing the body of Christ hopping around on one leg because the folks called in the area of being a leg of Christ just decided to not answer the call and not do the work we as all Christians are called to do.

I have never really thought about the body of Christ in that way before. But it makes sense. Albert Einstein once said "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live its' whole live believing that it is stupid." It is SO important, not only as people but as Christians, to know what God has gifted us in, and to find a way to walk in that gifting. Using our talents not only to glorify God, but as tools in order to spread the Good News and bring the kingdom of Heaven on earth. I am wonderfully creative and have the imagination of a 4 year old child. But if you place me behind a desk to do clerical work for 8 hours a day I will suffocate and die. I will become frustrated in what I can't do, the new things my brain won't learn, the boredom, the lack of color and creativity and excitement, the monotony, I mean none of that work sounds appealing. Yet, somebody else is CALLED to do that and it is their passion! The kind of work that excites their heart! Can you imagine how screwed up the world would be if we were all forced to do things we were not good at, not gifted in, or not interested in?

So after Sunday, spiritual gifts was the topic on my mind significantly, as well as the roles of different people chosen to follow Christ. This thought was the transition into my experience Monday with "Dr." Barry Joneshill of Rosebud, Arkansas--a homeopathic health store owner who serves as a sort of "go-between" with you and God in helping to diagnose and then naturally cure people's ailments. I had heard all of these bizarre stories about him "seeing" cancer in people before doctors ever saw it. Stories of him seeing that so and so was about to be a grandmother of twins, or that this man has suffered depression because of the loss of his father, or this lady who has had fill in the blank happen in her childhood that causes failure in her right kidney. And the list goes on and on! So of course, I was curious to go. And on Monday, my aunt, sister, cousin, and myself packed up and made the 2 hour trek to Rosebud.

We had no idea what to expect upon entering, we did not know there was an 'etiquette' to follow in order to be seen. It was bad enough it was snowing like crazy when we went, but luckily nobody else was stupid enough to get out in it so we did not have to wait to be seen. We made the decision in the car on the way up to his health store, Remedies, that we would just give it to him straight what our ailments were. And then shut up so he could do his thing. He started with my little cousin. Asked her name. "Ashley." Then, what's on her mind. She told him about her severe stomach issues, and getting sick after everytime she ate. All the doctors she has seen about this issue have all claimed stress or constipation, prescribe Miralax, and send her on her way. After about 30 seconds of closing his eyes and praying, Dr. Barry came back and told her that she has 5 ulcers in her stomach and 2 are bleeding. He then asked her questions that backed up what he saw or heard from Jesus, and wrote her out a "remedy."

Then it was my sister's turn. Name. "Brittany." Then a, what's on your mind. My sister told Barry her issues and severe pain. He spent some time with Jesus, then came back and told her the issue-which blew us all out of the water. He also "saw" her broken tailbone (which she knew she had but never said it out loud). He wrote her out a remedy and badda bing badda boom. My turn.

Name. "Meagan". What's on your mind. I told him of several things, none of which seemed to be connected at all. I tried to keep it short and simple so I didn't seem like I was complaining too much. So i said "hormonal acne, severe sinus issues the past couple of years, deep pretty severe pain in my right leg and left arm" That's it. All I said. Instead of a few seconds he spent a good couple of minutes in prayer and came back to tell me that I have 2 cysts on my left ovary. He explained that everything that comes in two's on/in our body serve very distinct yet different purposes. He said the left ovary is in charge of child bearing and creativity. And if something was blocking it there would be difficulty conceiving a child as well as feelings of procrastination and hindrance in creative aspects of life. He said the right ovary controls the feelings of joy and emotions of happiness. He asked me questions pertaining to my mood as well as my rapid brain thought at night, how I can't get it to shut off. My (what I thought was) "restless leg syndrome", bad back, and itchy/dry skin. He addressed my unstable weight as well. And contributed all of this to my body is being tricked...into thinking it is pregnant. So it is reacting in a way that a pregnant woman would! Down to even gaining extra lbs around the mid section as to protect a growing child! CRAZYVILLE! He then told me that there is a nerve at the top of our mouths that serves a critical purpose. It tells our brains to tell our digestive organs to digest our food/pills we take and eat. Somehow, whether through bad dental work or a birth defect, I am missing this nerve. So for however long (maybe forever, who knows) my brain has not been telling my digestive organs how to digest my food and medicines properly. This can cause excess weight gain as well. He then gave me my "remedies."

Last was my aunt. She went in, as we ALL did, assuming she might reference these very specific things she struggle with (her head-migraines, and heart) and he instead tells her that she has been living with walking pneumonia for the past 6 years. As well as her struggle to lose a few extra lbs coming from the fact that she is carrying around 8lbs of excess water weight, which explains her swelling legs and feet and hands and fingers!

After checking out (the visit is FREE and the remedies are not mandatory, just recommended) we left for our long peaceful drive back in beautiful falling snow. I had 2 hours plus the rest of the day to meditate on all he said, compare notes with my family, and try to remember the many ways he blew all of our minds during our visit. The thing I kept coming back to dwell on was this sense of GRATITUDE. Not only to God, for giving him this gift, but to him, for allowing himself to be used by the Lord in this way. He has a teaching degree for crying out loud! And did SO much other stuff in his life before he landed where he is now. I am certain he probably thought his life would take a much different route-and now look at him! He surrendered his life and his plans for himself, and he is being used by God in a MIGHTY way! It was as if while closing his eyes the few minutes he took to pray over us, that he traveled to the throne room, shook hands or gave knucks all too familiarly with JC and said "Hey Lord, what's up with this chick down here. What can I tell her?" Jesus then tells him, and then Barry comes back down to us to deliver the message. TALK ABOUT OBEDIENCE! I don't know anyone else who does that but Barry does. And all I can think of is how GRATEFUL I am that as his sister in Christ and part of the same body he is a part of, that he is truly using his anointing to bring glory to God and victory in the kingdom.

Travel back to what we were talking about earlier. About people trying to walk in gifting that isn't theirs, or not using the talents God has given them. Can you imagine if someone like Dr Barry Joneshill decided to be a....travel agent? Or CIA spy? Or kindergarten teacher? SURE-as a believer he would have been used in ANY and ALL of those places, if that's where he was. BUT, it isn't what he was CREATED to do.

I know this blog is all over the place today. But the general idea is this. If you feel a heaviness or an uneasy feeling about your job, your chosen major at school, going to school at all, your current boyfriend, ANYTHING...I would spend some serious time in the Word, and in prayer. The Word so you can learn God's character and use fundamental truths to fight against the deceit of Satan. And Prayer because this is how we communicate with God. There is probably a reason you feel the way that you do. So act on it. If you have a secret desire to be an acrobat in the circus-and it's a longing you have felt your entire life. Maybe you have done some of it in a camp or playing around on a playground and you know you are super talented in it. Don't take for granted these signs God gives us, or the talents and dreams He has placed in our heart. Don't SETTLE for what the WORLD says that you should do. The ONLY one whose opinion matters is GOD's. And if he tells you to quit college, then for Heaven sake-QUIT. If he tells you to move to Africa and open an orphanage-don't hesitate. FIND a way and do it! We are only given so much time on this earth and God is only giving so many directions, whether we are following them or not. MAKE THIS LIFE COUNT!

Do not, in your comfortable complacency, cause the body of Christ to be walking around missing a leg. Find your gifts, and use them to glorify God. Discover your passion, and incorporate them into your daily life. Ask God to show you how to use what He's given to you to use, and after your surrender then when you hear back from Him, OBEY. As Nike says, JUST DO IT!!

In Him,

Meg

NEWS FLASH: It's NOT about YOU!

This past Sunday I blogged a woe-is-me blog about feeling invisible, and constantly searching for that place where I belong. After I wrote the blog (i.e. claimed those feelings as truth) I felt intense spiritual attack. I called on my usual prayer warriors who pray for me in times like those, and I cried out to God all night while listening to His word-via my Bible app on my iPhone. When I awoke Monday morning, I was trying to sort out what had happened. Why this happens often. And what I was to learn from the situation. And plain as day I "heard" God say. NEWS FLASH: It's NOT about YOU!

Whoa.

It isn't?

Not about me...at...all??

I mean, sure, I tell myself it isn't about me. But was I acting that way? Nope. And if it's not about me then who is it about? DING DING DING. You guessed it. God.

So as a single woman in my mid-20's who also feels called to be a wife and a mother, I have sort of been obsessing about that for the past year. Not dating anyone, because Lord knows THAT would be too easy. But studying and observing and praying about being a wife and mom. To the point that (also because I am a teacher) I have spent countless hours pouring over blogs written by mothers who home school. I have spent a large sum of money on children's books I come across, or workbooks that teach kiddos how to read and write. I have taken notes after every child I have babysat, and every mother I have had the blessing to encounter. My life has been eating, sleeping, and breathing learning how to do this thing you all call motherhood. Which, don't get me wrong, I don't think is SUCH a bad thing. However, when I woke up on Monday and realized that this thing called life isn't about ME, I realized that I became arrogant in that if God told me I was to do it, and I studied hard enough, that it would magically happen. I felt...entitled.

Entitled. It's a GREAT word that often sums up how we as humans feel. If not particularly about something specific then just in general in this life. We feel ENTITLED. Entitled to get the best parking spot, to get through the Starbucks line fastest, to get the lowest price on the item we swore was on sale, to have the best vehicle, to have the biggest house, to have the trendiest clothing, and the list goes on and on. SO on and on in fact that we often act like our breathing is a blessing to those around us. It is this American-dream mentality that David Platt talks about in his book, "Radical", where we work so hard to exalt ourselves and how wonderful WE are when in reality, we are created to exalt the almighty Creator of our very existence.

Something shifted in my Spirit over Sunday night and waking up on Monday morning. I suddenly realized that this is NOT about me. My hopes. My dreams. My desires. I've been living life thinking hey, my dreams line up with God's will for me so it's "ok" to feel entitled in making them come true. The mentality behind that statement is wrong in so many ways. First of all it's selfish. It's the American mentality of instant gratification. Hard work equals all our dreams coming through via our own power. Secondly, scripture tells us in Ephesians 3:20 "all glory to God who is able through his mighty power at work within us to accomplish infinitely more than we might as or think." This tells me, that whatever my hopes and dreams for my own life are, that Papa is going to blow those out of the water with what HE actually has in store for me. A thirdly, in order for the secondly statement to happen it means SURRENDER. Surrendering our LIVES to God. Not just attending church, not just reading in the Word, but DAILY dying to ourselves so that Christ may live in us and work on Earth bringing glory to the Father's name.

What I have discovered this week, is to make this possible there must be obedience. Obedience and Surrender go hand in hand. You've heard the scripture in Matthew 6:24 (and again throughout the rest of the Gospels) that you can not serve two Masters. You will hate one and love the other, be devoted to one and despise the other. If you have ever watched Animal Planet you have heard dog trainers say this before. A dog's bad behavior is sometimes the cause of confusion, in who they are supposed to be obeying. Even if a couple jointly owns the dog, there can only be ONE Master. One person the dog listens to, obeys, is disciplined by, etc. The same goes for our relationship with God. You cannot serve God and turn around and bow down to Facebook. You cannot serve God then bow down to your growing wardrobe. And you certainly can't claim to serve God then live your life in a way that only exalts yourself and your own "power". This selfish mentality is where we go wrong in this life. It affects our marriages, our friendships, our productivity at work, our relationships with our children/parents; it poisons all that we touch--especially, our desperate need for a Savior. Why have one if we are all out there "saving ourselves."

The truth is we THINK we can do it on our own. But we can't.

I have no clue where my life is headed. In the least. But I DO know, that this week I have had one of the best weeks I've had in a long time. Serving, being in the Word, intimately seeking God every single day, spreading His love and joy to those I encounter...the Holy Spirit inside of me is transforming my thoughts from thoughts about me and what I want, to thoughts of what God desires for my life so that HIS name be glorified on Earth in all I do.

Being a performer, and teaching other's to perform, it is too easy to get wrapped up in taking compliments and good reviews and turning them into glory that I am actually doing something great. The fact is, I am NOTHING, without my God. I long for every breath I take to truly point towards my amazing, holy, powerful, merciful, loving, jealous, MIGHTY Father and His work in my life. Where I know we must relinquish our control to the Holy Spirit to truly be transformed, I also believe that there are small steps we can take in our lives to focus each day or in each situation that this is NOT about US.

I am going to blog about some of these wild ideas I have later this week. But I hope I am leaving you with some hope or encouragement. Sure, it sounds a little defeating, that wah wah we don't get what we want. But the beauty comes in knowing that we have no control. And where it CAN be a scary thought, it can also be a refreshing one. That the Creator of this universe has a plan for us already, and if we just surrender to His will, we will be taken care of.

In Him,

Meg

Somewhere I Belong....

Inside of us, deep inside, where no one can see and most people can't touch, we carry something. For some of us, it is gaping and open wounds that are desperate for cleansing and healing. For others, those wounds have already turned to scars. Brought to the surface and healed, yet, a reminder of the things that caused them. Whether it be scars or wounds, they both carry a message. A message of what that wound or scar says to you about yourself and the world around you. I battle with knowing which of my scars are scars, and which are still wounds, needing to be brought to the surface and healed. Regardless though, the messages are typically the same. Unwanted. Unloved. Doesn't belong. Doesn't fit in. Not normal. Abandoned. Orphaned. Alone. Lost.

I do not consistently feel any of these. But frequently, things happen in my life, where I remember the scar/wound of one of the words you see above and am reminded of how it got there. Now, I am not going to give you my big sob story-those of you who actually read this already know it. But knowing past the details, and into the pain, might help understand why these words above still ring loud into my heart today. My "checklist testimony" starts off with me saying, product of parents who partied and fought violently (check), adulterous parents (check), mother left (check), and the list seriously goes on and on. But the checklist isn't the important part....the messages behind the situations we deal with are what's important I think. So it's being the little kid who wondered why the other kids had moms who baked them cookies to bring to sleepovers. It's wondering why it hurt to the depths of my soul when a friend's parent forgot to pick me up one morning for a cheerleading competition. Why stray animals shatter my little heart like you wouldn't believe. Those things revolve around a message that I carry. The message in the words above.

This weekend, I have been reminded of that message in several different capacities. Normally I blame it on Satan. But it could SO very well be God bringing these things to the surface of my heart to heal them. (And maybe He will have to continue to do it for the rest of my life, I'm not sure.) I left a Super Bowl party tonight with some amazing "family", and the feeling I felt when I left was lost. Not yet hopeless, but lost nonetheless. Do you ever pray and pray and pray and wish and think and hope that God will just show you the next step you are supposed to take for your life, then you think the plan is sent to you and it turns out not being the step at all? I take these moments in my life particularly hard. I am in reckless abandon to God's will for me. Surrendering all that I am. My hopes, my dreams, my life-simply begging Him what He wants me to do. And I just don't know. I don't know and I don't get it. People NAG me all the time about "oh you're so young stop worrying about it" but this goes far beyond my desire for a husband and a family one day, and is literally stripped down to begging God to USE me.

Yes, I know He is using me where I am now in my life. But what was I designed for? Why did you create me? How do I impact people in a huge way? I seek and desire to be one of many forces I know He has designed to change this world and I feel like all I really do is run around chasing my own tail in circles. Do you ever feel that way? Like there has GOT to be something more out there that you were meant to do and you're not doing it? I feel that way at least every other day and I don't know why!

The title of this blog is "Somewhere I Belong"....I don't know where that somewhere is. Maybe we are never really supposed to "belong" somewhere. Maybe it brings too much comfort and complacency. I am quite happy not belonging somewhere, if God would just show me that whatever I am doing is worth it and making a difference. I don't care to be uncomfortable for Him, live in a box, climb a mountain, ANYTHING---but what am I supposed to do? I don' know....

Sometimes it feels like people forget that I am an individual person, especially surrounded by a group of middle aged married couples (which is where my heart is and where I feel most comfortable, yet not gonna lie, not fun for single young Meg sometimes). This weekend on a few different occasions with a few different people- I was grouped together and "lost in the crowd". And never got the invite or never heard the plan from people who were expected to tell me. Nobody's fault, yet hurtful to me. Because I am a person. And it goes back to these scars...I cried on the way home thinking, don't I deserve a text too telling me what's going on for lunch or inviting me over for the game? Aren't I important enough to be added, just one more name, to that mass texting list? Are we not good friends enough that you would invite me out to dinner too? Why is so and so expected to give me the news when I am a real live human being over here on this side of the world too that you could just as easily reach out to? I promise I am not trying to be a cry baby, but these things HURT scarred little girls like me. Ya know?

And I am certainly not trying to be oh Woe is me, what a hard little life I've had, boooo hooo. That's not me right now in this moment at all. What I am feeling though, is real. And it's simply that on top of feeling so LOST in my life right now, I also feel, ALONE. Not lonely. But ALONE. Invisible sometimes. Regardless if I am in the middle of a crowded room making people laugh, shopping with my very best friend, or eating dinner at home with my beloved family, the little girl inside who was better off invisible her whole life is still deep inside. The little girl who was left behind, who was forgotten, who was unwanted, who nobody made time for, who was often in the way, who didn't quite fit in, and still doesn't feel like she has many places where she belongs....that sad little girl is still inside of me. I hope this revelation this weekend is God's way of bringing this to the surface of my heart once more to heal me. Patch me up again, and send me on my way.

Learning to trust, learning to breathe, and learning to let the Light shine.....

In Him,

Meg