God's Calling

Love is a hunger, but love won't leave you empty. See it's the language of the heart. Love can steal your pride, but love won't let you hide. It takes everything you've got. Love's not easy...but it's worth it.

A little over a year ago, I was introduced to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Ever since that day, my life has looked radically different....because when He came into my life, my life radically changed. This past year of newfound freedom in Christ has been amazing yes, but also a struggle. Immediately I felt ready for God's plan, I could absolutely not wait for Him to reveal it to me. I prayed every single second, day and night, had other people praying for me for visions from Him...and where there were plans, where there were oppertunities, where there were amazing blessings, where there were great visions of what's to come...there was still, no "calling."

I was finding myself so defeated, wondering "why"? Am I not ready for what You have in store for me? Am I doing something so wrong with my life right now that You don't feel I'm worth having my calling revealed to me? Is Your plan for me staring me right in the face but I don't see it yet? Every single day I was questioning God and doubting myself, and found myself in many a challenging season. In the midst of these amazing things God was using me to do, I was more focused on what the "plan" was!

Isn't that funny how we do that in life, too? We sit down to eat a meal with our kids and we are worried about how to pay the bills due at the end of the week. The kids are too busy quickly shoveling their food in their mouths so they can play video games or talk on the phone. As humans it seems our minds are always on preparing for what's to come, and not taking enough time to look around and realize we are in the middle of our own life-and we are missing out on it.

I am an imperfect human. So of course, during these seasons of ups and downs and ease and challenge, and across the board varying life lessons, I attempted to have patience-but failed. I attempted to be proactive and move forward with my own plans-and failed. I was in a constant state of "striving"-never fully being able to rest in the peace that comes with knowing the Lord is in control of what happens in my life, and His plans for me are GOOD!

I don't know when the impatience subsided some, if it ever did. I don't know when I stopped trying to figure it all out so hard-if I ever did that. But over the past couple of weeks, God has really been laying some amazing things on my heart.

I basically grew up without a mother. I completely grew up in not only a disfunctional home, but a home designed more for a horror movie because it was that much of a nightmare. Family vacations, dinners, ballgames, basically my life memories have all been tainted with darkness that hangs over it. Since having become a "gypsy" (as I like to call myself) I have had the amazing blessing of being able to live with various groups of women, friends, families, etc who have all taught me SO much about what it means to be a wife, to be a mother, to be a partner, to be a family, to LOVE others. My whole life it seems like, I have been prepared (definitely with what NOT to do when I have my own family) but also with what TO do.

The last couple of weeks God has placed several staples of peace in my life (staple of peace meaning these things, like your old teddy bear or soft blanket, that brings you deep joy and comfort and peace and stability). On the way home from Zumba class a couple of weeks ago, I heard a talkshow on the radio about a book called "Life Ready Woman". The author of the book talked briefly about some key points that are in her book one being that in the beginning of Genesis, we are given the blueprint for how we are created and what we are created to do.
-One being "leave and cleave" to form a superbond called marriage.
-Two being "fruitful and multiplying" (bringing up a generation of people that look like God)
-Three, "rule and subdue", advancing God's kingdom here on earth.
She talked about how sometimes we are in a season where we are doing one or two more than the other and vice versa, and how easy it is to start making productive decisions when we have this bluprint as our basis. For example, for the stay at home mom who's entire life is dedicated to bringing up children who look like the Lord, if given the oppertunity to go on a week long trip with some friends somewhere it would be easy to make that decision by saying "you know what? I am in a season where I am being fruitful and multiplying, I need this week to minister to these young women so that I can rule and subdue and advance God's kingdom here on earth" When put this way, something inside my head clicked-and I "got it" (my first aha moment of this whole process). Shaunti, the author of Life Ready Woman says "when we try to do things we were not designed to do, we breakdown". She gave the example of trying to take her car through roads that were closed due to flooding-she says "my car does not have gills, it is not a fish, it was never made to do that-so it broke down!" And so often we as women try to do so many things because we are convinced that we can 'have it all, do it all' and then we BREAK DOWN. I definitely am investing in this book! That car ride sparked a new, amazing journey for me.

My very wise friend Emily told me once, that when I am having trouble making a decision about something or trying to figure something out that I may be asking from the Lord, to get confirmation in the Word and confirmation in the world-meaning, look it up, find in scripture a "blueprint" persay of how to handle this particular situation, pray for God to show you where he wants you to go. And secondly, look for things around you, things in your life that are pointing to this situation and decision you're making.

In my case, after hearing the radio show, everything in my life started pointing towards wives, and mother's, and families. Several months ago, God planted this idea in my brain to write a parenting book (which may sound outrageous to you guys because I am not a parent). He showed me which women to use, what questions to ask, and everything I needed to do. I never did anything with it, but every now and then I think about that idea. Well, in the period of the last couple of weeks, I thought about the book again-and this time, from a different perspective. A perspective of it actually being written, and there being a season that I would work on it and to start getting ready for that. Well, needless to say God is amazing, and has beeng putting me in the places I need to be to get ready for that. Several months ago when I had this idea I was living with some girlfriends and leading a random life. Since then, I have formed amazing friendships with several of the women to be interviewed in the book. I have lived with a few of them and had the chance to observe their family and their love and their kiddos and just, the lives of Christian wives and mother's. I attend church with several and through life group and other various events, through babysitting and things like that, have gotten to know them and their parenting style as well too. God as set up this amazing oppertunity, CREATING this amazing chance for me to live out the calling he has prepared me for.

Beyond reading a book, and writing a book, something much deeper and much bigger was happening-and it took the new Francesca Battistelli cd to show me. On her cd is a song called "A Hundred More Years", it starts off talking about this young girl's dream coming true by finding this person to love her and she wants to stay wrapped up in this moment with him for a hundred more years. Then, it talks about that same young man, a dad now, watching their 3 year old daughter twirling around for him to gain his attention and how he wants to stay right in that moment for a hundred more years. **While listening to this cd, God showed me my future husband and myself, dancing at our wedding. He showed me my future husband and myself, laying on a blanket under the stars with our daughter in the middle and us holding her hands as we tell her about God's love. He whispered into my soul that I am to be a wife and a mother. I smiled all night, at the peace and the joy that came with knowing this little secret. I never thought I wouldn't be a wife and a mother, but now I not only know I am to be one, I know I am CALLED to be one. The peace, and the feeling of being able to rest in what you know the Lord is calling you to do, is unlike any other feeling in the world.

The fear, the doubt, the anxiety, the impatience....all of that has subsided. Because my soul and my heart have been touched by the Creator of those things, and He has assured me that I am to be a wife and a mother. Simple as that. Sure, I will do other things too! I will write a book. I will minister to youth. I will teach kiddos. I will love on those around me. But I know now, what I am designed for.

Maybe it sounds silly to some of you, especially the wives and mothers out there who maybe didnt think about this being their "calling"-but for someone like me, who grew up the way I grew up and who has walked the path I have walked, getting this calling is a blessing. All of the things I have wanted to "accomplish" or "strive for"-the goals I have set for myself, they just...don't seem to matter anymore, as long as I get this one thing right. I know God has a specific person planned for me, and that person will be loved like they have never been loved before-because I was created to love them, and I will wait until I know God has given me this person as a gift. I won't settle, because I don't want to cheat myself or anyone else out of what God intends for us both. When I become a mother, I will struggle sure because I am imperfect-but there will never in the world be more loved kids than mine, because I am designed to love those kids.

If you know me, you know this is a huge deal. Not only discovering my calling, but surrendering to it as well. Yea, I want to travel the world, I would love to be recording artist, I would love to sky dive in random parts of the world-but when I have a family, that will be first and foremost what is important. God is so so good, and so so faithful. And He has GOOD things planned for all of you.

I know this blog was sort of all over the place, but it is insight to my deepest heart of hearts-and for those of you who find the time or patience to read it in its' entirety, I hope that you are encouraged and motivated to praise God for His faithfullness and His plan for your life!

In Him,
Meg