I am always surprised to see the number of people who view my blogs--especially now that I am off of Facebook and have less of a sufficient method of getting my writings out to the world. Nevertheless, I am blessed by who comes to view all that the Lord is doing in my life, and hopeful you leave this place encouraged and more loved on then before you entered.
If you are a faithful follower you are not clueless as to the very challenging few weeks that I have had. You very well could have been part of the challenge, or maybe a blessing in the midst of trial. Either way, I am still thankful for you, and thankful for how God is using all in my life to stretch and mold and form me for my calling. I have finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel, miracles and blessings and provision like none other--and it all started Wednesday of last week, when the holy spirit intervened and brought me face to face with one of my biggest challenges.
I encountered someone who has hurt me very deeply and been a large part of the source of my pain the past couple of months. Many have been praying for a miracle and lots of changes of heart all around, and I truly believe that we might have been given one. I left the encounter lighter and more full of peace and joy then I had been in months. I was reminded of the Lord's faithfulness. He called me somewhere specific and when I started walking that road, it was by far harder then I could have ever imagined. But He chose me, and I listened, and chose to respond. In my last blog I believe I wrote about standing outside and through tears begging God, where are You in this!?? His response....."I'm right here. I've never left your side, even when you could not feel Me near. I am here. You are My child and I will take care of you. So be still, and know. I am here."
And boy, is He HERE!!! After the miraculous encounter I felt like I could do anything. For the first time in so long I was so happy I could fly! My spirit was soaring at God's goodness and the true transforming power of the Holy Spirit! My amazing fiance and I decided to celebrate (and by celebrate, I mean get back down to business knocking off many stressful things on our To Do list!) We were finally ready to buy our first car together (mine had broken down months ago and I was in a borrowed car that did not fit our family--another huge source of stress). We took off Saturday morning and had many routes we could have chosen that all lead to a new vehicle. We chose the Searcy, Jacksonville, Little Rock route. But, after driving a dud in Searcy and another dud in Jacksonville, we decided the Holy Spirit was leading us elsewhere. So right then and there we decided to take the 5 hour trip to Forsythe, Missouri and check out a beautiful 2000 White Durango that was calling our name...via Craigslist.
On the way, we found some favor (that my roommate was so graciously praying over us the whole time we were gone) and we encountered a TACO BUENO! (yes folks, it's the little things in life). After a long journey we finally made it to Forsythe, right above Branson, where we met Mr. Neil. A burly mechanic/car dealer with a smile of love and a heart of gold. We drove the Durango, with the sticker price of $3500 (well over $1000 over our budget) and I fell in love! My husband-to-be was a little more hesitant, probably thinking it was too good to be true! After the test drive, we were able to get Mr. Neil down from $3500 to $1900 (my fiance says is a true testament that if you stare at someone awkwardly and silently enough the dollars start to melt away from the bottom line). I still believe that he was an angel, and truly felt the Lord asking him to cut us a break after all that we had been through so far to get to this point. Mr. Neil was INSISTENT that we get married that night and to most certainly make sure to call him if we did (for those of you wondering, we DID NOT get married in Branson but we are definitely planning on inviting Mr. Neil to the wedding in August!).
With our leftover money we were able to afford a nice dinner at Dixie Stampede, where we found more favor on the sold out holiday weekend when we were the only ones with waiting passes and were able to scoop up 2 extra seats on the third row. We did not have the intentions of staying in Branson but mountain altitude mixed with horrible allergies made for one Meg who was totally unable to drive the 4 hours home at 10pm. Upon another bout of favor, my charming love talked a hotel manager into letting us stay in a room for less than asking price. The next morning we celebrated our new car with hot Krispy Kreme donuts and a trip to an antique store where we bought a set of vintage 50th wedding anniversary salt and pepper shakers (to commemorate the trip and to pass down to one of our kids with the funny story of the first time we bought a car together!)
Before our trip home I told my fiance that I wanted a picture of us in front of a scenic overlook so if he came upon one then to stop (because I was following him in the new car), but if he passed it then to just keep going. Well, needless to say, he passed one and turned around. I was hesitant on going backwards because I was so ready to be home but so glad that we decided to go back, because that is where we met our new Canadian friends, Mr. Brian White and Mrs. Penny White. They were traveling the United States in their home in a van (it is literally a van-sized motor home that is super old and gets great gas mileage!) They were from Ontario and decided to travel the summer to celebrate their 47th wedding anniversary --and if you're wondering, we may or may not be deciding to pay them a visit in 3 years with a pair of 50th wedding anniversary salt and pepper shakers ;) We took pictures and exchanged email, and left feeling so honored to have added them to the collection of people we have gotten to love on and who have loved on us throughout our journey together as almost husband and wife.
After what seemed like endless driving through mountains and around turns and curves of every shape and size, we hit a patch of flat road just briefly enough to see a roadrunner pass in front of us. This part of the story is important in understanding the spiritual warfare that is surrounding a blessed union that brings honor to the Lord. My love texted me "did you see that roadrunner?" and for the next hour I attempted messaging and calling him back, each time ending in failure. I had full service, and my texts were going through as were my calls, but for whatever reason, he was no longer receiving them. Everything in me began stressing which turned to small panic, for with no way to get a hold of each other there was no way we could stop if necessary for the bathroom or if I got sick or if either car had problems. My joy and peace in the adventure soon turned to fear and anxiety and frustration. When I finally got through to his phone we just so happened to be near a gas station in the middle of this tiny rest stop town which was located very far from any town we had come from and any town we would see again for miles. We took a bathroom break and windshield cleaning break. My love gave me a big giant hug to calm my anxieties of having to drive back alone and feeling now so disconnected. We took off again and no more than a minute later I received a message from him saying "I love you". In my attempts to message him back, my brand new Durango (Darla is her name) and I started running off the road. My tire had come completely off the shoulder and in my attempts to jerk her back up I over-corrected and was left wobbling on all fours to and fro, from lane to lane, for a good minute or so while attempting to regain control. The variables here folks were that we were not only on the curviest roads ever created but we were also descending a mountain, on a two lane, shoulder-less road with thank goodness, no oncoming traffic. I was terrified, as was my Love having to watch it all in his rearview mirror. After regaining control we both pulled off to the side of the road and my hero in the car ahead of me was by my side in an instant. We both cried and praised the Lord for rescuing me out of another what seemed like hopeless situation.
I literally feel like we were stopped dead in our tracks, and reminded to praise God and not be so quick to be frustrated when things don't go our way. My very very wise friend Sarah told me last week (after my miraculous encounter), that I needed to create and alter for this moment and to remember the Lord's faithfulness and fulfillment of His promises. So that next time I am in a dark and hopeless place I can come to this alter and remember that the Lord is here. On the side of the road, on the side of a mountain, 5 minutes from that gas station---I built another alter, thanking the Lord for being there....
....and as my love and I hugged it out, his car overheated and we quickly turned around and headed BACK to that gas station where we had stopped just moments before. What started as a pit stop ended in a trip back and forth from that gas station to the open O'Riley's Auto Parts across the street so my love could repair a cracked hose coming out of his engine. I sat by his side eating Subway and loving on him via words of affirmation as best that I could until an hour later the problem was resolved and we were back on the road again.
As we parted ways I told him how full my cup was. How had I not almost wrecked we would have never stopped and we wouldn't have been near that gas station when his car bit the dust. I told him how I felt like the Lord stopped us dead in our tracks for a reason. He agreed. And as we drove separate cars more than a car length apart for the 2 and a half hour drive home, I felt closer to him then I ever had.
You know how at the end of a big action movie, something blows up and you don't know if the hero or heroine you've been routing for throughout the whole movie is going to make it out alive? And just as the dust starts to settle you see them, walking slowly and dramatically out of the fire, a little bruised, ashes on face, tattered clothes (usually sexier) and most definitely, alive. I felt like that after our weekend adventure....an adventure that really started weeks ago through spiritual attack and anxiety and fear of the unknown future and ended with seeing miracles happen, provision of God's faithfulness, having met some angels along the way who are also routing for good to win, and truly out of the ashes we are walking dramatically with our heads held high (and hopefully sexier than before) and most importantly, we are alive and we are together my love and I. All glory to a God who plants dreams in our hearts and then stands by us as we see them through with His grace.
I hope you leave this blog today feeling more encouraged then ever to praise God and give Him thanks, even through the really hard times. And if you're finding yourself at the end of a tunnel, surrounded by light then you stop and create an alter, praising God for what He's done and always remembering that He is here walking beside us in this journey we call life.
In Him,
Meg
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Friday, May 17, 2013
A Father's Protection
There are often times in my life where I feel so protected from the evil of this world. I don't see it or hear about it, it doesn't affect me, and it most certainly doesn't interfere with my daily life. There are other times where I see it all, hear it all, and know all about the evil in the world and it affects my little heart times a million. This idea of sometimes feeling shielded and sometimes feeling exposed, made me ponder God and His protection of His children. Like any great dad, I would imagine that God has to balance out the things we don't see for protection of our hearts with the things we do have to experience, for the formation of our character. In my own life, this concept is rearing it's head like no other.
I am marrying the most amazing man on the planet. I am the luckiest human in the world that he chose me and calls me the love of his life. However, like all of us, he comes with baggage. Baggage of 4 children (whom I love and adore like my own), and baggage of a previous marriage (that rips my heart in two every single day). Dealing with dating a previously married man, I have been exposed to a LOT that I normally would not have been. For a long while, we both felt super protected by the Lord and very insulated by the evil we knew was happening around us. Now, we are starting to hear things and see things and experience things that do not make us feel shielded at all, in fact, I've had days where I am sobbing outside looking up at the sky (because that's where God lives of course lol) begging "where did you go??"
My brilliant and amazing fiance told me yesterday that there are just some things we can not be protected from, because there are things we have to go through for character formation and in order to teach us things we need to learn. And that God has in fact, not disappeared, but has already prepared for us to walk through this hard and painful road just as He prepared for us to walk along the amazingly easy and painless one before this. Wow. I am marrying someone a lot smarter then I am :) (and I am TOTALLY ok with that!)
What my fiance said has been sloshing around in my head all night. That idea of being protected by the Lord BOTH when we walk a painless road being protected AND when we walk into the lion's den. Well folks, we are most CERTAINLY in the lion's den (prayers are much appreciated). I believe firmly now that God is using this time for character formation, and growth of our hearts as we are having to deal with people outside of us who are slandering our character, spreading false allegations about us, judging our decisions, and fueling anger and bitterness that are NOT emotions or tools of the Lord. At the end of this time, we are accountable for how we handle the situation and not for how others have treated us. And they will be judged for their sin (aren't we all ready for THAT day!)
There's an old saying or maybe it's a scripture, I don't really remember, but people will often say "God will not give you more then what you can handle"--and it reminds me of a story of a father's protection. My fiance, our kids, and myself, took a family trip to a Redbirds game a couple weekends ago. After leaving the game we made the trek up downtown Memphis to the Parking garage where we parked and through the elevator to get to our level. Coming off the elevator one of our youngest, Sam, saw our car and like a kid in a candy store ran straight for it...about the same time a (most likely drunken) man in a silver sports car of some sort came RACING around the turns of the parking garage descending downward to get out of there (as quick as possible apparently). All I knew to do was scream SAM!!!! to grab his attention and maybe make him run away, but my amazing husband to be just stepped right in front of all of us to shield us from what was potentially coming (and then of course yelled at the idiot driver who endangered the lives of his family).
God is like this I think. Never too far away to shield us from potential danger yet not always holding our hand and keeping us from falling down, making mistakes, and learning some painful lessons in life.
When times are hard, and man have they been hard lately, I am trying to hold on to the truth. The truth is that my upcoming union with this family is GOOD, and PURE, and a symbol of LOVE. It is ordained by God and supported by those also ordained by God. It is wrapped in prayer, and love, and wise council. It is a union created to bring honor and glory to the name of the Lord and to impact the kingdom in BIG ways. It is not of evil. It was not created out of selfish motives or self seeking intentions. Sure, it is judged and mocked and ridiculed (but as persecuted Christians we know in those moments that we are very evidently doing the Lord's true work). He promised us that it would be WORTH it, and definitely NOT easy. And although at times we feel isolated or seeking those to support our decisions, God has in fact supplied us with the exact people we need in our amazing support system. We are not alone. We are not alone. We are not alone. And if all of Jonesboro should turn against us, I know still, that we are not alone and that we have been CHOSEN to do this.
If you're reading this, I hope if nothing else that it just encourages you in your decision making. I used to be a person who strayed from making hard decisions for fear that they would be wrong simply because they would be difficult. And, you miss out on a lot of life by letting fear dictate your path.
In Him,
Meg
I am marrying the most amazing man on the planet. I am the luckiest human in the world that he chose me and calls me the love of his life. However, like all of us, he comes with baggage. Baggage of 4 children (whom I love and adore like my own), and baggage of a previous marriage (that rips my heart in two every single day). Dealing with dating a previously married man, I have been exposed to a LOT that I normally would not have been. For a long while, we both felt super protected by the Lord and very insulated by the evil we knew was happening around us. Now, we are starting to hear things and see things and experience things that do not make us feel shielded at all, in fact, I've had days where I am sobbing outside looking up at the sky (because that's where God lives of course lol) begging "where did you go??"
My brilliant and amazing fiance told me yesterday that there are just some things we can not be protected from, because there are things we have to go through for character formation and in order to teach us things we need to learn. And that God has in fact, not disappeared, but has already prepared for us to walk through this hard and painful road just as He prepared for us to walk along the amazingly easy and painless one before this. Wow. I am marrying someone a lot smarter then I am :) (and I am TOTALLY ok with that!)
What my fiance said has been sloshing around in my head all night. That idea of being protected by the Lord BOTH when we walk a painless road being protected AND when we walk into the lion's den. Well folks, we are most CERTAINLY in the lion's den (prayers are much appreciated). I believe firmly now that God is using this time for character formation, and growth of our hearts as we are having to deal with people outside of us who are slandering our character, spreading false allegations about us, judging our decisions, and fueling anger and bitterness that are NOT emotions or tools of the Lord. At the end of this time, we are accountable for how we handle the situation and not for how others have treated us. And they will be judged for their sin (aren't we all ready for THAT day!)
There's an old saying or maybe it's a scripture, I don't really remember, but people will often say "God will not give you more then what you can handle"--and it reminds me of a story of a father's protection. My fiance, our kids, and myself, took a family trip to a Redbirds game a couple weekends ago. After leaving the game we made the trek up downtown Memphis to the Parking garage where we parked and through the elevator to get to our level. Coming off the elevator one of our youngest, Sam, saw our car and like a kid in a candy store ran straight for it...about the same time a (most likely drunken) man in a silver sports car of some sort came RACING around the turns of the parking garage descending downward to get out of there (as quick as possible apparently). All I knew to do was scream SAM!!!! to grab his attention and maybe make him run away, but my amazing husband to be just stepped right in front of all of us to shield us from what was potentially coming (and then of course yelled at the idiot driver who endangered the lives of his family).
God is like this I think. Never too far away to shield us from potential danger yet not always holding our hand and keeping us from falling down, making mistakes, and learning some painful lessons in life.
When times are hard, and man have they been hard lately, I am trying to hold on to the truth. The truth is that my upcoming union with this family is GOOD, and PURE, and a symbol of LOVE. It is ordained by God and supported by those also ordained by God. It is wrapped in prayer, and love, and wise council. It is a union created to bring honor and glory to the name of the Lord and to impact the kingdom in BIG ways. It is not of evil. It was not created out of selfish motives or self seeking intentions. Sure, it is judged and mocked and ridiculed (but as persecuted Christians we know in those moments that we are very evidently doing the Lord's true work). He promised us that it would be WORTH it, and definitely NOT easy. And although at times we feel isolated or seeking those to support our decisions, God has in fact supplied us with the exact people we need in our amazing support system. We are not alone. We are not alone. We are not alone. And if all of Jonesboro should turn against us, I know still, that we are not alone and that we have been CHOSEN to do this.
If you're reading this, I hope if nothing else that it just encourages you in your decision making. I used to be a person who strayed from making hard decisions for fear that they would be wrong simply because they would be difficult. And, you miss out on a lot of life by letting fear dictate your path.
In Him,
Meg
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