Uh, dude...are you missing a finger?

Sunday I visited a new church with some dear friends of mine. In Sunday school, we talked a little about obedience and surrender-both things that God has been laying on my heart lately. It sparked a random blog-thought in my head about what this surrender might look like in our lives. I think when people hear the word surrender they think about having to give up something. However, I think it means so much more than that. In fact, the giving up of something (or things) most often brings about the getting so much more in return. And surrender doesn't always mean the sacrifice of something you love dearly...sometimes it means the use of the giftings and talents God has given us, in order to bring about change and progression in the kingdom.

One of our wise teachers in the class put it this way (this is paraphrased, and probably badly): Basically that the body of Christ=believers, all serve a function in the body. Some are the eyes that have the gift of seeing people the way God does, or seeing the people and situations that are often overlooked. Some believers are gifted in words and public speaking, and are using those gifts to be the mouth/voice of Christ. Some Christians feel called to missionary, spreading the Good News all over the world-these folks might be like the feet on the body of Christ. (Stay with me on this a minute)...If someone is called to be "the eyes" yet, they do not use their giftings, do not align their passions or careers to God's will, have not tapped into the passions He has put in their heart....then the BODY is walking around with no eyes. (Making sense yet?) Maybe the people gifted in labor or crafting or healing, who are called to serve the purpose of the HANDS of Christ, don't continually seek God's will for their life and are attempting to serve as the FEET....have you ever seen someone walking around on their hands? Not very functional right? This particular teacher said it would be like seeing the body of Christ hopping around on one leg because the folks called in the area of being a leg of Christ just decided to not answer the call and not do the work we as all Christians are called to do.

I have never really thought about the body of Christ in that way before. But it makes sense. Albert Einstein once said "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live its' whole live believing that it is stupid." It is SO important, not only as people but as Christians, to know what God has gifted us in, and to find a way to walk in that gifting. Using our talents not only to glorify God, but as tools in order to spread the Good News and bring the kingdom of Heaven on earth. I am wonderfully creative and have the imagination of a 4 year old child. But if you place me behind a desk to do clerical work for 8 hours a day I will suffocate and die. I will become frustrated in what I can't do, the new things my brain won't learn, the boredom, the lack of color and creativity and excitement, the monotony, I mean none of that work sounds appealing. Yet, somebody else is CALLED to do that and it is their passion! The kind of work that excites their heart! Can you imagine how screwed up the world would be if we were all forced to do things we were not good at, not gifted in, or not interested in?

So after Sunday, spiritual gifts was the topic on my mind significantly, as well as the roles of different people chosen to follow Christ. This thought was the transition into my experience Monday with "Dr." Barry Joneshill of Rosebud, Arkansas--a homeopathic health store owner who serves as a sort of "go-between" with you and God in helping to diagnose and then naturally cure people's ailments. I had heard all of these bizarre stories about him "seeing" cancer in people before doctors ever saw it. Stories of him seeing that so and so was about to be a grandmother of twins, or that this man has suffered depression because of the loss of his father, or this lady who has had fill in the blank happen in her childhood that causes failure in her right kidney. And the list goes on and on! So of course, I was curious to go. And on Monday, my aunt, sister, cousin, and myself packed up and made the 2 hour trek to Rosebud.

We had no idea what to expect upon entering, we did not know there was an 'etiquette' to follow in order to be seen. It was bad enough it was snowing like crazy when we went, but luckily nobody else was stupid enough to get out in it so we did not have to wait to be seen. We made the decision in the car on the way up to his health store, Remedies, that we would just give it to him straight what our ailments were. And then shut up so he could do his thing. He started with my little cousin. Asked her name. "Ashley." Then, what's on her mind. She told him about her severe stomach issues, and getting sick after everytime she ate. All the doctors she has seen about this issue have all claimed stress or constipation, prescribe Miralax, and send her on her way. After about 30 seconds of closing his eyes and praying, Dr. Barry came back and told her that she has 5 ulcers in her stomach and 2 are bleeding. He then asked her questions that backed up what he saw or heard from Jesus, and wrote her out a "remedy."

Then it was my sister's turn. Name. "Brittany." Then a, what's on your mind. My sister told Barry her issues and severe pain. He spent some time with Jesus, then came back and told her the issue-which blew us all out of the water. He also "saw" her broken tailbone (which she knew she had but never said it out loud). He wrote her out a remedy and badda bing badda boom. My turn.

Name. "Meagan". What's on your mind. I told him of several things, none of which seemed to be connected at all. I tried to keep it short and simple so I didn't seem like I was complaining too much. So i said "hormonal acne, severe sinus issues the past couple of years, deep pretty severe pain in my right leg and left arm" That's it. All I said. Instead of a few seconds he spent a good couple of minutes in prayer and came back to tell me that I have 2 cysts on my left ovary. He explained that everything that comes in two's on/in our body serve very distinct yet different purposes. He said the left ovary is in charge of child bearing and creativity. And if something was blocking it there would be difficulty conceiving a child as well as feelings of procrastination and hindrance in creative aspects of life. He said the right ovary controls the feelings of joy and emotions of happiness. He asked me questions pertaining to my mood as well as my rapid brain thought at night, how I can't get it to shut off. My (what I thought was) "restless leg syndrome", bad back, and itchy/dry skin. He addressed my unstable weight as well. And contributed all of this to my body is being tricked...into thinking it is pregnant. So it is reacting in a way that a pregnant woman would! Down to even gaining extra lbs around the mid section as to protect a growing child! CRAZYVILLE! He then told me that there is a nerve at the top of our mouths that serves a critical purpose. It tells our brains to tell our digestive organs to digest our food/pills we take and eat. Somehow, whether through bad dental work or a birth defect, I am missing this nerve. So for however long (maybe forever, who knows) my brain has not been telling my digestive organs how to digest my food and medicines properly. This can cause excess weight gain as well. He then gave me my "remedies."

Last was my aunt. She went in, as we ALL did, assuming she might reference these very specific things she struggle with (her head-migraines, and heart) and he instead tells her that she has been living with walking pneumonia for the past 6 years. As well as her struggle to lose a few extra lbs coming from the fact that she is carrying around 8lbs of excess water weight, which explains her swelling legs and feet and hands and fingers!

After checking out (the visit is FREE and the remedies are not mandatory, just recommended) we left for our long peaceful drive back in beautiful falling snow. I had 2 hours plus the rest of the day to meditate on all he said, compare notes with my family, and try to remember the many ways he blew all of our minds during our visit. The thing I kept coming back to dwell on was this sense of GRATITUDE. Not only to God, for giving him this gift, but to him, for allowing himself to be used by the Lord in this way. He has a teaching degree for crying out loud! And did SO much other stuff in his life before he landed where he is now. I am certain he probably thought his life would take a much different route-and now look at him! He surrendered his life and his plans for himself, and he is being used by God in a MIGHTY way! It was as if while closing his eyes the few minutes he took to pray over us, that he traveled to the throne room, shook hands or gave knucks all too familiarly with JC and said "Hey Lord, what's up with this chick down here. What can I tell her?" Jesus then tells him, and then Barry comes back down to us to deliver the message. TALK ABOUT OBEDIENCE! I don't know anyone else who does that but Barry does. And all I can think of is how GRATEFUL I am that as his sister in Christ and part of the same body he is a part of, that he is truly using his anointing to bring glory to God and victory in the kingdom.

Travel back to what we were talking about earlier. About people trying to walk in gifting that isn't theirs, or not using the talents God has given them. Can you imagine if someone like Dr Barry Joneshill decided to be a....travel agent? Or CIA spy? Or kindergarten teacher? SURE-as a believer he would have been used in ANY and ALL of those places, if that's where he was. BUT, it isn't what he was CREATED to do.

I know this blog is all over the place today. But the general idea is this. If you feel a heaviness or an uneasy feeling about your job, your chosen major at school, going to school at all, your current boyfriend, ANYTHING...I would spend some serious time in the Word, and in prayer. The Word so you can learn God's character and use fundamental truths to fight against the deceit of Satan. And Prayer because this is how we communicate with God. There is probably a reason you feel the way that you do. So act on it. If you have a secret desire to be an acrobat in the circus-and it's a longing you have felt your entire life. Maybe you have done some of it in a camp or playing around on a playground and you know you are super talented in it. Don't take for granted these signs God gives us, or the talents and dreams He has placed in our heart. Don't SETTLE for what the WORLD says that you should do. The ONLY one whose opinion matters is GOD's. And if he tells you to quit college, then for Heaven sake-QUIT. If he tells you to move to Africa and open an orphanage-don't hesitate. FIND a way and do it! We are only given so much time on this earth and God is only giving so many directions, whether we are following them or not. MAKE THIS LIFE COUNT!

Do not, in your comfortable complacency, cause the body of Christ to be walking around missing a leg. Find your gifts, and use them to glorify God. Discover your passion, and incorporate them into your daily life. Ask God to show you how to use what He's given to you to use, and after your surrender then when you hear back from Him, OBEY. As Nike says, JUST DO IT!!

In Him,

Meg

NEWS FLASH: It's NOT about YOU!

This past Sunday I blogged a woe-is-me blog about feeling invisible, and constantly searching for that place where I belong. After I wrote the blog (i.e. claimed those feelings as truth) I felt intense spiritual attack. I called on my usual prayer warriors who pray for me in times like those, and I cried out to God all night while listening to His word-via my Bible app on my iPhone. When I awoke Monday morning, I was trying to sort out what had happened. Why this happens often. And what I was to learn from the situation. And plain as day I "heard" God say. NEWS FLASH: It's NOT about YOU!

Whoa.

It isn't?

Not about me...at...all??

I mean, sure, I tell myself it isn't about me. But was I acting that way? Nope. And if it's not about me then who is it about? DING DING DING. You guessed it. God.

So as a single woman in my mid-20's who also feels called to be a wife and a mother, I have sort of been obsessing about that for the past year. Not dating anyone, because Lord knows THAT would be too easy. But studying and observing and praying about being a wife and mom. To the point that (also because I am a teacher) I have spent countless hours pouring over blogs written by mothers who home school. I have spent a large sum of money on children's books I come across, or workbooks that teach kiddos how to read and write. I have taken notes after every child I have babysat, and every mother I have had the blessing to encounter. My life has been eating, sleeping, and breathing learning how to do this thing you all call motherhood. Which, don't get me wrong, I don't think is SUCH a bad thing. However, when I woke up on Monday and realized that this thing called life isn't about ME, I realized that I became arrogant in that if God told me I was to do it, and I studied hard enough, that it would magically happen. I felt...entitled.

Entitled. It's a GREAT word that often sums up how we as humans feel. If not particularly about something specific then just in general in this life. We feel ENTITLED. Entitled to get the best parking spot, to get through the Starbucks line fastest, to get the lowest price on the item we swore was on sale, to have the best vehicle, to have the biggest house, to have the trendiest clothing, and the list goes on and on. SO on and on in fact that we often act like our breathing is a blessing to those around us. It is this American-dream mentality that David Platt talks about in his book, "Radical", where we work so hard to exalt ourselves and how wonderful WE are when in reality, we are created to exalt the almighty Creator of our very existence.

Something shifted in my Spirit over Sunday night and waking up on Monday morning. I suddenly realized that this is NOT about me. My hopes. My dreams. My desires. I've been living life thinking hey, my dreams line up with God's will for me so it's "ok" to feel entitled in making them come true. The mentality behind that statement is wrong in so many ways. First of all it's selfish. It's the American mentality of instant gratification. Hard work equals all our dreams coming through via our own power. Secondly, scripture tells us in Ephesians 3:20 "all glory to God who is able through his mighty power at work within us to accomplish infinitely more than we might as or think." This tells me, that whatever my hopes and dreams for my own life are, that Papa is going to blow those out of the water with what HE actually has in store for me. A thirdly, in order for the secondly statement to happen it means SURRENDER. Surrendering our LIVES to God. Not just attending church, not just reading in the Word, but DAILY dying to ourselves so that Christ may live in us and work on Earth bringing glory to the Father's name.

What I have discovered this week, is to make this possible there must be obedience. Obedience and Surrender go hand in hand. You've heard the scripture in Matthew 6:24 (and again throughout the rest of the Gospels) that you can not serve two Masters. You will hate one and love the other, be devoted to one and despise the other. If you have ever watched Animal Planet you have heard dog trainers say this before. A dog's bad behavior is sometimes the cause of confusion, in who they are supposed to be obeying. Even if a couple jointly owns the dog, there can only be ONE Master. One person the dog listens to, obeys, is disciplined by, etc. The same goes for our relationship with God. You cannot serve God and turn around and bow down to Facebook. You cannot serve God then bow down to your growing wardrobe. And you certainly can't claim to serve God then live your life in a way that only exalts yourself and your own "power". This selfish mentality is where we go wrong in this life. It affects our marriages, our friendships, our productivity at work, our relationships with our children/parents; it poisons all that we touch--especially, our desperate need for a Savior. Why have one if we are all out there "saving ourselves."

The truth is we THINK we can do it on our own. But we can't.

I have no clue where my life is headed. In the least. But I DO know, that this week I have had one of the best weeks I've had in a long time. Serving, being in the Word, intimately seeking God every single day, spreading His love and joy to those I encounter...the Holy Spirit inside of me is transforming my thoughts from thoughts about me and what I want, to thoughts of what God desires for my life so that HIS name be glorified on Earth in all I do.

Being a performer, and teaching other's to perform, it is too easy to get wrapped up in taking compliments and good reviews and turning them into glory that I am actually doing something great. The fact is, I am NOTHING, without my God. I long for every breath I take to truly point towards my amazing, holy, powerful, merciful, loving, jealous, MIGHTY Father and His work in my life. Where I know we must relinquish our control to the Holy Spirit to truly be transformed, I also believe that there are small steps we can take in our lives to focus each day or in each situation that this is NOT about US.

I am going to blog about some of these wild ideas I have later this week. But I hope I am leaving you with some hope or encouragement. Sure, it sounds a little defeating, that wah wah we don't get what we want. But the beauty comes in knowing that we have no control. And where it CAN be a scary thought, it can also be a refreshing one. That the Creator of this universe has a plan for us already, and if we just surrender to His will, we will be taken care of.

In Him,

Meg

Somewhere I Belong....

Inside of us, deep inside, where no one can see and most people can't touch, we carry something. For some of us, it is gaping and open wounds that are desperate for cleansing and healing. For others, those wounds have already turned to scars. Brought to the surface and healed, yet, a reminder of the things that caused them. Whether it be scars or wounds, they both carry a message. A message of what that wound or scar says to you about yourself and the world around you. I battle with knowing which of my scars are scars, and which are still wounds, needing to be brought to the surface and healed. Regardless though, the messages are typically the same. Unwanted. Unloved. Doesn't belong. Doesn't fit in. Not normal. Abandoned. Orphaned. Alone. Lost.

I do not consistently feel any of these. But frequently, things happen in my life, where I remember the scar/wound of one of the words you see above and am reminded of how it got there. Now, I am not going to give you my big sob story-those of you who actually read this already know it. But knowing past the details, and into the pain, might help understand why these words above still ring loud into my heart today. My "checklist testimony" starts off with me saying, product of parents who partied and fought violently (check), adulterous parents (check), mother left (check), and the list seriously goes on and on. But the checklist isn't the important part....the messages behind the situations we deal with are what's important I think. So it's being the little kid who wondered why the other kids had moms who baked them cookies to bring to sleepovers. It's wondering why it hurt to the depths of my soul when a friend's parent forgot to pick me up one morning for a cheerleading competition. Why stray animals shatter my little heart like you wouldn't believe. Those things revolve around a message that I carry. The message in the words above.

This weekend, I have been reminded of that message in several different capacities. Normally I blame it on Satan. But it could SO very well be God bringing these things to the surface of my heart to heal them. (And maybe He will have to continue to do it for the rest of my life, I'm not sure.) I left a Super Bowl party tonight with some amazing "family", and the feeling I felt when I left was lost. Not yet hopeless, but lost nonetheless. Do you ever pray and pray and pray and wish and think and hope that God will just show you the next step you are supposed to take for your life, then you think the plan is sent to you and it turns out not being the step at all? I take these moments in my life particularly hard. I am in reckless abandon to God's will for me. Surrendering all that I am. My hopes, my dreams, my life-simply begging Him what He wants me to do. And I just don't know. I don't know and I don't get it. People NAG me all the time about "oh you're so young stop worrying about it" but this goes far beyond my desire for a husband and a family one day, and is literally stripped down to begging God to USE me.

Yes, I know He is using me where I am now in my life. But what was I designed for? Why did you create me? How do I impact people in a huge way? I seek and desire to be one of many forces I know He has designed to change this world and I feel like all I really do is run around chasing my own tail in circles. Do you ever feel that way? Like there has GOT to be something more out there that you were meant to do and you're not doing it? I feel that way at least every other day and I don't know why!

The title of this blog is "Somewhere I Belong"....I don't know where that somewhere is. Maybe we are never really supposed to "belong" somewhere. Maybe it brings too much comfort and complacency. I am quite happy not belonging somewhere, if God would just show me that whatever I am doing is worth it and making a difference. I don't care to be uncomfortable for Him, live in a box, climb a mountain, ANYTHING---but what am I supposed to do? I don' know....

Sometimes it feels like people forget that I am an individual person, especially surrounded by a group of middle aged married couples (which is where my heart is and where I feel most comfortable, yet not gonna lie, not fun for single young Meg sometimes). This weekend on a few different occasions with a few different people- I was grouped together and "lost in the crowd". And never got the invite or never heard the plan from people who were expected to tell me. Nobody's fault, yet hurtful to me. Because I am a person. And it goes back to these scars...I cried on the way home thinking, don't I deserve a text too telling me what's going on for lunch or inviting me over for the game? Aren't I important enough to be added, just one more name, to that mass texting list? Are we not good friends enough that you would invite me out to dinner too? Why is so and so expected to give me the news when I am a real live human being over here on this side of the world too that you could just as easily reach out to? I promise I am not trying to be a cry baby, but these things HURT scarred little girls like me. Ya know?

And I am certainly not trying to be oh Woe is me, what a hard little life I've had, boooo hooo. That's not me right now in this moment at all. What I am feeling though, is real. And it's simply that on top of feeling so LOST in my life right now, I also feel, ALONE. Not lonely. But ALONE. Invisible sometimes. Regardless if I am in the middle of a crowded room making people laugh, shopping with my very best friend, or eating dinner at home with my beloved family, the little girl inside who was better off invisible her whole life is still deep inside. The little girl who was left behind, who was forgotten, who was unwanted, who nobody made time for, who was often in the way, who didn't quite fit in, and still doesn't feel like she has many places where she belongs....that sad little girl is still inside of me. I hope this revelation this weekend is God's way of bringing this to the surface of my heart once more to heal me. Patch me up again, and send me on my way.

Learning to trust, learning to breathe, and learning to let the Light shine.....

In Him,

Meg

My God Doesn't Live in a Box...does yours?

Everyday God reveals to me in numerous ways how I am to be involved in children's and youth ministry. Sometimes He places people in my life to mentor. Sometimes He assures my gifting through encouragement from someone. Often times He places huge visions in my head for the sorts of things He is going to use me to do (Christian drama, world changing children's curriculum, etc.) Without a doubt I am here for a reason. We all are. So this little rant is only spurred by the fact that I am SO passionate about this subject. It hit me after church tonight and was encouraged by a lyric in a Francesca Batistelli song which I also heard coming home. The lyric is:

You said the foolish
Would shame the wise
To put my faith
In what’s beyond my eyes
And to believe You
I have to come as a child

So help me to rest in the mystery
Of what I can’t understand

"To come as a child"....that is such an important part of that song for me and for my ramblings tonight. Matthew 19:14 says-But Jesus said, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children."

DON'T STOP THEM! Some translations say DON'T HINDER THEM. For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children. Ok so this rant starts with how AGAINST prayer requests I am. I know this sounds so silly but hear me out. Of course I am a HUGE fan of praying for people. But it bugs me to no end that we teach our children to take 20 plus minutes out of a class time (meant for learning God's word, character, and will for our lives) so that they can make a list of who to pray for. The reason this bugs me is because the intention behind it is who has the most sick friends, how large can we make the list, hey I want to talk out loud so I am going to raise my hand and ask prayer requests for people I don't even know--"my brother's girlfriends dog walker's cousin has the flu" I'm SORRY if I am stepping on toes here, but that is NOT what prayer is about. I repeat, NOT, what prayer is about.

Prayer is INTIMATE time talking to our SAVIOR! A Savior who is not a stinking GENIE!! A Savior who lives and breathes in the same room where we vacantly read names off of a board and make it absolutely NOTHING about Him!! Again, hear me say that I am not against praying for people. But teaching our kids that this is what a prayer life is, IS WRONG. We are teaching them to be robots. They will grow up robots, putting God in a box, and the vicious cycle of a generation of people who do not truly know the Lord will continue. How are we as Christians supposed to bring the kingdom of Heaven on earth if we are only teaching our kids the same CRAP that we learned growing up in church?

I have said this many times, and I will say it again, how often I PRAISE GOD I did not grow up in a church. Sure, there have been many hard times because of it. But one amazing thing that happened was there was absolutely no robotic mindset to get me out of-to tug of war my heart in a million different directions, wasting much valuable life-time which would have taken away from the ways He is using me. I don't at all believe that those who were brought up in church are all putting God in a box and training their kids to be robots, that's not the point here at all.

The point is we who work with or have children have this AMAZING and UNBELIEVABLE opportunity to bring the next generation of Christians up in an environment where they DAILY learn to seek God's face. Where they know that worship goes beyond singing hymnals in beautiful 6 part harmony but that God is breaths away from your face and you are getting to BLESS Him with worship. We get to bring children in from the outer courts of the spiritual tabernacle and into the Holy of Holies where they SEE God!! They get to learn His character, learn to be LIKE God, and most importantly fall in LOVE with our Lord!! This is a goal for me and ANY child's life that I get to encounter, because it's not only POSSIBLE to raise children this way, it is the way we were CREATED to come to God. AS CHILDREN. With the faith and unconditional innocent love of a child! But instead, grownups strip all of that away and raise them to be robots because that is how they were raised. It's time to break the mold. They have the capacity to love God in this way because we were created to come to God LIKE THEM! Isn't that so beautifully refreshing!??

This "rant" isn't out of anger by any means. Maybe righteous passion? Regardless, I know when I have kids I will want SO SO SO much more for their life then the kids I see today. And in order to do that I don't want to be the only person on board with how this should happen. I need their surrounding teachers and friends parents' thinking in this same way! Anyone who has influence over my child will have to have this passion or they won't have access to the heart of my kid. That's just the way it will be. And I hope parents today feel that same way about who is teaching their child and what they are teaching them.

I am sure that being everywhere as a parent is ridiculously hard. I teach in many places and in many forums. Of the say 100 kids I have taught in some avenue or another over the past year, I MAYBE have met and talked to 15 parents who were genuinely concerned with how they were doing, what they were learning, their behavior, etc. That is sad to me. So heartbreakingly sad. GET INVOLVED people. Figure out what you want your kids to learn (about God, the world, love, sex, drugs, rock n roll, the whole dang thing) and PUT people in their lives who are going to be your second and third and fourth voices in sharing those values and ideas. If you don't do it now, then when the day comes they're going to think they have it all figured out. Like how we think we have God all figured out, and that's the way we come to Him and teach our kids to come to Him...? Pretty soon that will not be enough and they will FIND the answers they're looking for....but where?

In Him,

Meg

To Love, or Not to Love....

Some times...people are not very nice. It's just a fact of life. Some times they cut you off in traffic, they talk about you behind your back, they break promises, they call you names, and the list goes on and on and on. There are so many ways that people are not nice to one another. It hurts worse though, when it is someone we love, right?

I have had on my mind recently the notion of loving as God loves. A very big concept huh? To love as God loves. To sacrificially and unconditionally love those around me. I am only human, so I will probably never get this right, but it has been deep in my heart lately to at least try.

Sometimes as the loved one of somebody, you have to put up with a lot. You become the sounding board sometimes, for all things negative going on in their life. Or maybe you are simply not always treated as respectfully as you wish you would be, due to the nature of your relationship with that person. I don't think we, as Christians, are called to only unconditionally and sacrificially love those who have the capacity to do it back. I think we are simply just called to do it. Regardless.

When I think about unconditional love I think about a child. Children throw fits, and temper tantrums, when their BIG HUGE emotions are just too BIG and too HUGE for their little bodies to handle. And it manipulates their behavior in specific ways. When their issue manifests into a fit, who do they typically direct their rage at? Their parents. Why? Because deep inside of us somewhere, we believe the lie that it is "ok" to treat the people who love us the most, the worst. Because they love us no matter what, and will be there before the fit starts, during the fit, and after the fit is over. The practice of loving unconditionally then becomes a discipline that is too much to take on by ourselves. It requires the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, or else it will never genuinely happen.

When I think about sacrificial love I think about those dramatic movies and tv shows where person A takes a bullet or something for person B by pushing them out of the way last second, and jumping in front of the gun themselves...then you see "to be continued" and you find out next season whether person A lives or not. ( I watch a lot of Grey's Anatomy by the way haha) Honestly though, sacrificial love can show up in the SMALLEST of ways in our day to day relationships with people. Specifically if you are married to someone, I would think one way to sacrificially love them daily would be to wake up every morning asking the question "what can I do for you today, what do you need out of me today in order to make this relationship function as best it can?" It seems easy enough, yet it's a question that does not get asked near enough. Or maybe for relationships of love such as family or friendships, we "take the bullet"--we remain quiet to avoid conflict, we never defend ourselves to remain classy, we let defensive or hurtful remarks slip through the cracks, we simply do what we have to do in order to remain in peace and harmony within the relationship. And it isn't one sided, there should be times when both parties in the relationship are doing this, it's just the natural ebb and flow of it all.

We are called to love others, the way God loves us. It's hard isn't it? It's hard to offer grace when it's easier to offer judgement. It's hard to remain faithful when we are being cheated out of something ourselves. It's hard to stay, when the other person's treatment of us makes us want to run. But just like a parent with their child, it is so important to try. To stay. To remain faithful. To be there. To LOVE. Because if we, as Christians, aren't showing God's love to others then who in the heck do we suppose is going to?

I think of the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, based off of the book of Hosea in the Word of God. God shows His love to His people in that story by using a faithful man of God to continuously pursue the heart of a prostitute who keeps running away from him. We do this as children of God, CONSTANTLY. We kick, and scream, throw fits, and after it all, He is faithfully still there and still loving us, as well as chasing us and pursuing our hearts. If we can remember this kind of love, when putting our own love for others under the microscope, I think we can better see how to handle situations and in turn, better know how to LOVE.

From the humble and probably useless ramblings of Me :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

If you read the title of this blog you might be thinking to yourself, "hmm, Meg...you're a little late on the Happy New Year blog." Actually, I had SUCH a busy December I did not get a chance to really have a holiday break. Things were busy, hectic, and crazy until New Years Day. So I decided to give myself an extra week in 2011 mode and wait to celebrate 2012 on January 9th (Monday). This means that I got to pig out all week, do some shopping, do some lots of nothing, hang out with friends, pig out some more, and not let myself stress about planning classes or booking private lessons or scheduling photo shoots or ANYTHING! I got to BREATHE. Resolutions took a backseat and I had space to truly meditate and pray about the things I wanted to truly accomplish over this next year. So this blog is dedicated to my New Year Resolutions. A new year that starts for me soon, and I am very excited for the chance to have deeply thought about them and the break to prepare how I might carry these out (some of which are being carried out without my effort but in large part to being a piece of God's plan for me). So if you care....here they are :)

1. Run a 5k

2. Run a half marathon

3. Read 20 books over the course of the year (and actually finish them)

4. Create daily and weekly schedules for myself (to help with the even larger resolution of better time management)

5. Start following blogs of people I find inspirational. (I have read many blogs of people I find so motivational, but time slips away and I never read them again. People I will follow include singer/songwriter Bethany Dillon, my friend Lindsey Little, continue to follow my friend Katie's blog while she is in Spain, singer/songwriter Francesca Batistelli, and so many more)

6. Carve out a time each week to purposefully listen to more online sermons. (I am needing to be "fed" more in this way and am seeking out minsters like Matt Chandler, John Piper, etc)

7. Keeping a running prayer list and making a point each day to legitimately pray for those on the list, adding to the list each time someone asks for prayers. So often someone says "hey will you pray for me", "sure!" we say as we text them driving down the road or while shopping in the mall, and then we never do it. I will carve out a time to do this DAILY.

8. God has laid many a vision in my heart from things like teenage Christian drama, Christian monologues and short plays, to developing an entire children's ministry curriculum that taps into the creative and performing arts as well as developing an atmosphere where children are hungry to know God. This is something I will work on this year.

9. Create curriculum for the ministry of young girls (developing more my princess curriculum) as well as things like VBS curriculum for childrens ministry. I may not use these things for 10 years or more but God has put them on my heart as crucial things to be done and I will obey.

10. Play guitar more often (and get better!)

11. Save money (I bought a princess piggy bank from Target last night and fully intend on fillin her up!) I am saving to get out of debt, take a trip, and invest in better equipment for my photography business!

12. Grow even closer and more intimate with God by truly learning His character. Having more faith and trust in Him.

13. Save a life.

14. Learn to cook (Anna is teaching me this right now and it is WONDERFUL!) as well as eating better in general-to keep all toxins out of my body!

15. On midnight of New Years Eve I had the pleasure of toasting with 4 amazing women who are devoted followers of God, all who are passionately in love with Him too. We are all single, and laughingly toasted to "Finding a husband!"--but honestly, my calling is to be a wife and a mother. And I know how important the sanctification of marriage is, and although it will be the hardest job I will ever do, it will also be the most important one. And by impacting and affecting the lives of my family I can then in turn help to change the world-which has always been a little dream of mine. So I DO toast to finding a husband. Maybe not this year, maybe not next, I don't know...but I will continue "toasting" and hoping and wishing and praying for him until that moment....we meet :)

One year after New Years my sister, aunt, cousin and I made Vision Boards-cutting out pictures and words from magazines of things we wanted or wanted to accomplish and taping them on a board. After looking at the board everyday for a month we then put the boards away, to then come back to them say 6 months later and find SO much of the board had been accomplished. I will do this again this year with the resolutions above, but I wanted them in writing to encourage you guys as well as to be a constant reminder to myself!

If you have suggestions or encouragement I would LOVE to hear them! Wish me luck!

In Him,

Meg

Catching Up on the Ole Bucket List

For those of you following my blog, a few posts ago you may remember that I put up a winter Bucket List. Upon pondering the holiday this morning I realized that I had a few things to mark off. Some of these were accomplished with knowledge by my own part that it was happening, but others…were a sweet sweet surprise to my soul. Some of them happened exactly how I had imagined, and others were God’s way of giving me patience but still answering the dreams of my heart. I wanted to share with you my progress so far :) so here it goes:

CHECK! 1. I wish to dance in the snow with someone I love. (I got to hold the most precious angel of a baby and dance INSIDE while it was snowing OUTSIDE…I consider this a victory!)

2. I wish to have full days where I do not have to work and all I am responsible for is watching Christmas movies with my sister, drinking hot cocoa, laughing hard, crying some, and loving every minute. (This day might possibly be happening today as it is the first day in months I have had no work, nowhere to go, and nothing specific to do!)

SEMI-CHECK! 3. I wish to shop with my family in the horrific chaos that is Black Friday-for there are no better Christmas memories than tackling this feat! (I went alone to shop on Black Friday and experienced the chaos by myself-but was VERY successful none the less.)

CHECK! 4. I wish to listen to the best Christmas music, while decorating a house/tree, singing at the top of my lungs, and dancing in Christmas pajamas. (My Treece family and I did this a few days before Christmas and it was one of the best memories I will hold near and dear to my heart.)

SEMI-CHECK! 5. I wish to read a Christmas story to a precious child, and watch as the magic I feel for this wonderful time spreads to their heart, too. (I did not read a Christmas story to a child, but my sister made up a Christmas story and told it to me. It was about Bert the Elf who lived in Canada. He wears Doc Martin boots, drives a Prius, and works at Burger King. I was a pretty hysterical story that definitely deserves a check off the ole Bucket List!)

6. I wish to be driving home on a very cold, enchanted winter night, turn on Delilah and hear my favorite Christmas song! (I sadly did not hear my favorite Christmas Song on Delilah. Breath of Heaven (also Mary Did You Know). I find myself constantly connecting with Mary and love so much the songs that talk about her journey, her thoughts, and her heart.)

CHECK! 7. I wish to give a very special and meaningful gift to someone who needs it. (I gave a very special and meaningful gift to someone. I don’t know if they needed it, but they got it. And in return from someone completely different, I also received a very special and meaningful gift!)

CHECK! 8. I wish to sing with my church family at our Southwest Family Christmas and continue spreading the Christmas cheer. (I don’t know about spreading Christmas cheer because that was the night I got the stomach flu, but I DID perform at our SW Family Christmas and had a blast!)

CHECK! 9. I wish to carol beautifully in the downtown park during the Christmas parade, joined by those in the crowd, wishing to send the enchanted melodies high into the crisp night air. (This was a wonderfully enchanted evening.)

CHECK! 10. I wish to have an enchanted experience with community during the community production of "A Christmas Carol"--maybe even getting to share Jesus with people I am serving alongside, who might not truly understand why this holiday is so important. (***It is so special reading this now, because I had forgotten it was on my Bucket List at all. But during lunch between a Saturday matinee and Saturday night show, I got to sit in a circle with about 6 other amazing Christians and share testimonies! Individually we went around the circle and got to share how God has been working in our lives, from ages 13-50. I was AMAZING. After that, in the dressing room while doing vocal warmup, we busted out some Christ Tomlin “How Great is Our God” and it was the most blessed experience. I feel HONORED to have met those wonderful people and to have been a part of that show!)

CHECK! 11. I wish to see someone accept Jesus Christ and take Him on as Lord and Savior. (I got to see a SWEET little angel named Priscilla take on Christ as her Lord and Savior. She radiates God’s love and is so on fire for the Lord. I am very blessed to know her and to be with her during this crucial and amazing time in her life!)

CHECK! 12. I want to witness a God-encounter (whether my own, or someone else's) (** I had the most amazing few days of a God encounter (that is on a previous blog) and was literally touched by His hand and so certain of His presence in my life!)

13. I wish to fall in love...and I wish for the very first time in my life to be truly kissed under a mistletoe, or when the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve.

14. I wish to make snowmen and snow angels with all 3 of my sisters.

15. I wish to drive around looking at Christmas lights with my family, listening to the Veggie Tales Christmas album (because they tell me it's so amazing!)

(I hope this is a work in constant progress) 16. I wish to come out of this holiday season with more patience, more love, more compassion, and more of what will make me more like my Love, Jesus Christ.

17. I truly wish that after the holiday season I will be more at peace accepting the things I do not know, and live each day serving and loving the best I can, while waiting on the Lord to tell me what to do next.

18. I wish to hold hands with the man I know I will spend the rest of my life with.

CHECK! 19. I wish to laugh so hard I cry. (What a WONDERFUL thing!)

20. I wish to ring in the new year in love, with love, and learning learn. For love is the human project, and the ONLY thing in this world that truly matters.

I am certain that the things not checked, will indeed happen. Maybe not this holiday season, maybe not next, but someday. And while I wait for love I will grow in the love I am surrounded by everyday by my family, by my friends, and by my true Love-Jesus Christ. So Bucket List....until we meet again...

In Him,

Meg

If God could TWEET...

Last week during a wonderful lesson at church, I was hit with this thought of instant gratification in prayer. Praying and asking, praying and thanking, or praying and wondering, and then expecting an immediate response...and if not an immediate big booming voice of God right then, we expect or hope for answers pretty quickly at least. That thought led to the instant, if only God could tweet, mentality! We would always know what He is doing, where He is, what is going on in that head of His! TWEETING JESUS! haha If the Lord posted status updates...

The actual lesson was something that hit home in a close way in my life. But to understand the neat way God has revealed Himself to me lately you first have to understand the season I have been in recently.

The past few months I have been very, very sad. Nothing has happened to cause this per say (some hardships here and there and some situations that have shaken my stability some, but nothing traumatic or anything harder then the things in my life I have already dealt with). So first and foremost, there is a growing sadness I can not pinpoint. Normally when this happens, it is in the midst of a transition season. My spirit feels sad or anxiety, often from growing pains, or the friction of staying in a place when spiritually I am called to progress. So this time, I chalked it up to just another one of those learning and growing seasons that would soon be over. Imagine my surprise when a month later it is still here, and worse. I took a vacation across country. I changed my prayer life. Immersed myself in the word. Continued to surround myself with my church family and mentors who might could help. And it wouldn't lift.

Now, I know there are mind over matter people in this world who think that a little positive energy can solve anything. I am a HUGE fan of positive energy, don't get me wrong. But throwing philosophy at an issue takes away the compassion of the problem. And isn't throwing a positive demeanor at a hard hitting issue the same as throwing the Bible at non-Christians expecting them to get out of their own rut? I don't think it works that way. With no suffering, how in the world can you ever expect to be like Jesus? We learn in those moments of hard hitting crap and to dismiss it with a philosophy of this, that, or the other, takes away the things in that moment that God is trying to teach you. (Sorry, rant of the day)

So I could not figure out why I was still feeling this way. When I am presented with spiritual warfare (whether it be mine or near me or what have you) I feel it in this very similar way. My chest tightens, I feel silenced, I am anxious and antsy like I can't wait to 'move', etc...so I knew that's what this was, but I could not figure out exactly why or what was going on, or how to be rid of it. Sometimes under that much attack you feel you don't even have the strength to pray out loud. I was not only feeling this battle in my own life but I am very hypersensitive and can feel it when it is around others. Where I work, where I live, people I am around--and it is about the most draining, miserable feeling ever! So everyday deeper and deeper into a slump I fell.

I was house sitting over Thanksgiving and took that as a much needed opportunity to be alone, to reflect, to meditate on my life, to talk to Jesus, and to just BE STILL. Where it made me feel better in the moment, I still felt myself struggling-striving-seeking-wandering. Confused about every next step I make....why am I still here? Where do I go next? Why am I not moving out of this place? When am I going to progress to where I was created to go?

During this time of house sitting I spoke to many mentors of mine, great friends who speak truth and encouragement into my life. On one night I got a word of advice. It involved the story of Joseph. I was reminded how Joseph got a dream/vision/calling, and then got thrown into a pit. After that he ended up in a prison. And then much later in his life he made his way to a palace, and fulfilled his calling and true destiny. This happens to many people in the Word. A calling/vision/dream/etc.....a season of wandering/seeking/striving/confusion/etc.....and then the fulfillment of our destinies/calling (if we hold tight to Truth while we are on the journey in between). It was my first glimmer of hope I had had in months. People who have had visions of my life or who have prophesied over me all tell me "You have a huge calling on your life!" Yea? Hmm...well, ok so a million other people know it but I guess there has got to be a reason that I don't yet right? But I felt hope anyway, because I know the God of Joseph is the SAME God that of TODAY, whom I intimately love and passionately serve! I know He will do a great work in me and with me for His kingdom, and will do it in HIS perfect timing!

After this glimmer of hope I had intended on blogging about my new hope. I went to my Jesus Storybook Bible (the most BEAUTIFUL story ever written) and was going to post the story of Joseph as it appears there and then write about my experience. Well, talking more in depth about it later, I was told of something else that gave me a glimmer of hope. It is the song "Blessings" by Laura Story.

This song is basically about those moments in life where you feel God is hidden, or your heart is aching, or something has happened to you and your struggling to keep your head above water. Or maybe nothing has happened to you at all but you wonder where God is in the moments where you feel so alone, or so sad, or upset, or (fill in the blank). I listened to that song over and over that night, catching things about it I had taken for granted while listening to it on the radio so many times before.

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Courtesy of lyricshall.com
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

So here is where the really cool stuff starts happening. I studied Joseph through the end of the week. I listened to the song all Saturday night. Sunday, of course, was church. I am not going to lie--it has been a long time since I have been MOVED in a lesson at my church. Holy Spirit stirring in the depths of my soul feel Jesus right beside me kind of MOVED. Well, I was MOVED that day. God used my preacher in a BIG way for me (and I know for SO many others that day too). He stands up to start and immediately has us turn in our Bibles to Genesis 37--the story of Joseph. He begins to preach about the times in life we do not feel God near, and how He is working behind the scenes even when we think He is hidden! He mentioned this same journey for Joseph. (At this moment I am in awe! I can not believe that this is happening! How cool!

When I think he is ending the lesson, he surprises us by telling us there is a song that reminds him of this time in our lives, this questioning of our purpose and calling, and our need to feel God in all that is going on-especially the hard stuff. And the song BLESSINGS, by Laura Story, starts playing. At this point I have chill bumps all over, I feel Jesus sitting right beside me holding my hand and whispering "See Meg, I AM still here. I promised you I would never leave you and I won't. Just trust me. I AM in your life-including all that you do not see, or hear, or feel."

I left the service PUMPED, hopeful, energetic, and just AMAZED at God's GOODNESS! Through the next couple of days I continued to try and hang on to that feeling and memory, when I felt my frustration of the unknown creeping up again. On Tuesday of that same week, God popped in again....

I pulled up to Hastings randomly to wait on a friend I was meeting for coffee. I saw a what appeared to be homeless man sitting on the bench outside. I sat in my car a second, wondering what I should do. Well what would so and so do, or how could I make this a not awkward situation for all involved sort of deal? (I do not encounter many homeless folks in my city so it is not something I am familiar doing). So I said hello and went inside, and shopped for a few Christmas presents. I told myself if he was out there when I went back out that I would talk to him. And, of course, he WAS! So I put my stuff in my car and sat down beside him. We struck up convo instantly-not awkward at ALL! We talked about how he earns money (picking up scrap metal in the streets and such). We started talking about school, and it ends up that he graduated from my alma mater which I found super cool! Hmm, what are the odds.... He tells me I look familiar and I tell him my name, and he asked me if I knew a Bill Cremeens. "Yes, that is my grandfather!" ((Then it hit me, oh well all of my dad's family went to Westside I bet he knows some of them)) He says "Bill was my teacher. I knew of the boys, but Steve was the one I had hung around with" THIS RANDOM HOMELESS MAN KNEW MY DAD!! That may not seem like a big deal to you, but my father died 2 years ago in a car accident. And after desperate prayer for months for God to show me not even where He is at work in my life but just that He is here in general, He manages to sit me in front of a homeless man I almost would not talk to and the man ends up being childhood friends with my deceased father. I am sorry but HALLELUJAH our God is so COOL!!!

We ended up going inside and I got him some coffee, and I regret not getting any information of how to contact him again. But I am certain God will put us on the same path again one day.

(Ok last one) A few days after that I ran into a friend of mine, Natalie, at the Christmas Parade downtown. She recently had a baby so it has been a while since I had seen her. With little conversation she looks me in the eye and says "I read a blog recently I feel compelled to share with you. You've been on my heart, I feel like you've been having a hard time lately." I HAVE been having a hard, hard time lately! And for her to know that, and to be faithfully praying (when she is dealing with SO much of her own life stuff as is) and to be bold enough to speak encouragement into my life meant SO MUCH to me. And was just another example of God being present in this season of my life where I don't necessarily feel Him.

I hope if you're reading this, you don't think I am just complaining, and missing all of the blessings in my life I have. That is not the case at all. I am SO SO thankful and know how blessed I am. But imagine if you won a million dollars, and the place you won it from says that you can not have it immediately but that they would let you know when. Imagine everyday the growing anticipation, the anxiety, the plans you try to make (but refrain because in your mind it might still never happen), the waiting, the frustration when you know you're a millionaire but maybe can't pay a few bills or something because you are still waiting to get paid....that is how I have felt lately. I know I have a huge calling. I have committed to surrendering my life up to God and His calling for me. Now, it is a waiting game. Sure, I was without a doubt called to be a wife and mother, but imagine the frustration in not even finding a decent guy to take me on one date. Sure, I feel pulled toward children's/youth ministry, but imagine the confusion in wondering how one might even get to that place. Sure, I am passionate about missions/traveling/helping/loving on orphans/etc....but every path I take where it seems like I am headed that direction, a door gets slammed in my face-so imagine that frustration. In BEGGING God to send me, use me, show me, ANYTHING....and then feeling like I am just sitting here, twiddling my thumbs.

**Now, I know I am making an impact on the people that I am around everyday. And that is such a blessing, I know that. But don't you just ever feel in the depth of your soul that there is MORE out there??

Anyway....I do not know my next step-so I debate daily on taking a step at all, or just waiting in this moment for God to show up and rescue me. The other part of me wants to forge ahead and continue having doors slam in my face until I find one that opens up. Either way, after this week, and this revealing God has done to me in big ways in my life, I feel hopeful that even if I am in this place/season for 20more years, I will end up in that palace like Joseph and will ultimately fulfill the destiny I was created for.

(In the meantime, many prayers are appreciated) :)

In Him,

Meg

All I Want for Christmas, is YOU...

I am in this weird transition season in my life right now, where I feel the ending of something and the beginning of something else, with zero idea when this shift will happen or what it will look like. I have felt these sort of transitions ever since I became a Christian. Sometimes it feels like what most people experience over several years, I am experiencing every few months--growing pangs in my spirit, questioning my every move in life to make sure it aligns with God, seeking His plan and will for me, asking the "why am I here's" and the "where do I go's"...it is unsatisfying, frustrating, and a very, very hard time for me right now.

Still, I have to remind myself to trust God and rest assured He not only has a plan for my life, but for every moment of my life. He has His mighty hand in every moment of my life....even the times, like now, that I do not have a clue what I am supposed to be doing. So, I simply must wait...and learn to hang on to the things that bring me JOY. One of those things being, DREAMING!!!

There is no better time to dream, in my opinion, than CHRISTMAS time! Tonight I bought the Michael Buble Christmas cd (the best investment I have made ALL year hands down) and instantly, I was thrust into a world of enchantment. His soothing voice, jazzy instruments, and magical versions of my very favorite Christmas songs sent my spirit twirling into it's own little world. A world where I am dancing in the snow, catching snowflakes on my tongue. A world where I am ice skating in a Thomas Kincaid portrait. A world where I am in my childhood home, decorating my house for Santa with my daddy and my sister. A world where everything is MAGIC. This world, for me, is CHRISTMAS time. (And by Christmas time, I mean basically starting now and lasting until after New Year's--although, I wish the magic of Christmas could last year round!)

While lost in my own little whimsical world, I was able to DREAM---dream like I haven't in a very long time. And it was wonderful. I feel closest to God and most like He created me to be when I am dreaming big dreams. My dreams looked like this--a Christmas Time Bucket List. And although silly, and highly unlikely that NONE of it will happen...I figure, hey, if all we have in this world is our dreams then I might as well give it a try. Who knows....maybe the magic of Christmas Time will sweep into my dreams and grant me the deepest desires of my heart!! So...here it goes:

1. I wish to dance in the snow with someone I love.

2. I wish to have full days where I do not have to work and all I am responsible for is watching Christmas movies with my sister, drinking hot cocoa, laughing hard, crying some, and loving every minute.

3. I wish to shop with my family in the horrific chaos that is Black Friday-for there are no better Christmas memories than tackling this feat!

4. I wish to listen to the best Christmas music, while decorating a house/tree, singing at the top of my lungs, and dancing in Christmas pajamas.

5. I wish to read a Christmas story to a precious child, and watch as the magic I feel for this wonderful time spreads to their heart, too.

6. I wish to be driving home on a very cold, enchanted winter night, turn on Delilah and hear my favorite Christmas song!

7. I wish to give a very special and meaningful gift to someone who needs it.

8. I wish to sing with my church family at our Southwest Family Christmas and continue spreading the Christmas cheer.

9. I wish to carol beautifully in the downtown park during the Christmas parade, joined by those in the crowd, wishing to send the enchanted melodies high into the crisp night air.

10. I wish to have an enchanted experience with community during the community production of "A Christmas Carol"--maybe even getting to share Jesus with people I am serving alongside, who might not truly understand why this holiday is so important.

11. I wish to see someone accept Jesus Christ and take Him on as Lord and Savior.

12. I want to witness a God-encounter (whether my own, or someone else's)

13. I wish to fall in love...and I wish for the very first time in my life to be truly kissed under a mistletoe, or when the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve.

14. I wish to make snowmen and snow angels with all 3 of my sisters.

15. I wish to drive around looking at Christmas lights with my family, listening to the Veggie Tales Christmas album (because they tell me it's so amazing!)

16. I wish to come out of this holiday season with more patience, more love, more compassion, and more of what will make me more like my Love, Jesus Christ.

17. I truly wish that after the holiday season I will be more at peace accepting the things I do not know, and live each day serving and loving the best I can, while waiting on the Lord to tell me what to do next.

18. I wish to hold hands with the man I know I will spend the rest of my life with.

19. I wish to laugh so hard I cry.

20. I wish to ring in the new year in love, with love, and learning learn. For love is the human project, and the ONLY thing in this world that truly matters.

Dreaming is good for the soul. Some of these things will happen, and many of them won't. But regardless, this is in my deepest heart of hearts--an enchanted and magical capsule that my truest self lies. People always ask me about being so creative all the time, or if it gets tiring using my imagination all of the time...and honestly, this is the person I was created to be. And when I am magical, whimsical, enchanted, creative, imaginative Meg-I am being as true to myself as I can be. And in that truth, I get closer and closer to the heart of God-for, He formed me after His own heart. I encourage you all to DREAM this holiday season. Recognize that sure, some of those dreams might not come true, but the dream is worth it either way.

Dream a little dream for me....

In Him,

Meg

The Power of 20 !!!

So....it is 2am and I am very ready to go to bed. But I try to be a good steward of the gifts God has given me, one if which is this ability to connect to people via my blogs. He asks me to write what I write (when I fully surrender and let Him speak through me that is...hey, I am human!) so this blog is going to be short and sweet and hopefully to His point.

As I was driving in my car this afternoon listening to kLove, I heard about Michelle Duggar being pregnant with her 20th child. The hosts of the show (Christians on a Christian network) were very excited for them! And I found myself being happy for them as well. I didn't think anything more of it, until coming home late tonight and looking on Facebook at all the negative comments and statuses about this very issue.

I was shocked that so many people seemed so very aggressive about this story! The thing is, say, 2 years ago-when I wasn't a Christian-I was probably one of those people. I probably judged Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar thinking things like, they are only doing this for money, they are endangering each new child's life by putting Michelle's body through this, they are robbing the other kids of a better family experience-blah, blah, blah. (Much like the statuses and comments I was reading from others tonight.)

I have watched the show, as often as I can, and what I see is a kind-hearted, loving and compassionate family who seek to be many lights in this very dark world. They are always looking for ways to love, ways to serve, people to connect with, experiences to have, and new ways to enjoy one another's company as well as enjoying the life and talents given to them by God. I have heard Michelle and Jim Bob speak several times via television and radio and internet, and I have absolutely NOTHING but amazing things to say about the heart that is behind this couple. They believe in marriage and family, and are leading such a Christ-like life that it is producing children that are growing up leading lives as similar. Children who will also grow up believing in the power and sanctity of marriage! The Duggars are being raised the way children should be raised. I say that without one single ounce of doubt or discernment in my heart to tell me otherwise.

The way I look at it is this. Babies are miracles and gifts from God. The Duggars are VERY careful in protecting and teaching and loving the miracles they have been given-all 20 of them. And THAT means that when those 20 miracles grow up and have their own miracles, they will continue a cycle not of brokenness (like most today)....but of LOVE. Having 20 more Duggars on this planet means 20 more marriages that are most likely to succeed, 20 more missionaries fighting locally and internationally to bring the kingdom of Heaven here on earth, 20 PLUS more children who will then grow up that same way, and so on and so forth.

I have been learning about this business of MLM...Multi-level Marketing. This is where you are not only responsible for the sales you generate but for the people that you sponsor into being responsible for their sales and the people they recruit or sponsor, and so on and so forth. I have recently been introduced to this magic number of 5. You get 5 serious people, they each get 5 serious people, and those people each get 5 people and BOOM!! (credit to Taylor Nelson) Before you know it you have hundreds of people under you. Where I am still skeptical (as any adult would be) of this business strategy for my own financial gain, I am CERTAIN that in the Duggar world (and for this particular blog and example) it WORKS!!

You send 20 Duggars out who all love Jesus, who believe in living their life to truly follow him by loving others and showing compassion in today's world, who also all have been shown the work it takes to run a household, and the time/energy it takes in being a successful partner in a marriage---You then duplicate that by...ALOT when you consider their spouses, their in-laws, their children, their friends, their children's children, their grandkids, etc etc! They are making an ETERNAL IMPACT on this world.

Michelle Duggar has said many times., "we always have room for one more." And she is right. I think it would be a different story if they were producing satan loving heathens into a society that is already demented, then I could see where the world is a little hesitant on being released another Duggar. But that isn't the case here. And we should all be so lucky I think to be blessed to have another one in our lives...whether we know them personally, or are just observing their lives from far away. It's Multi-level Duggaring people and it WORKS!!!

Besides....it's really nobody's business what they do with their lives :)

In Him,

Meg

As the Mountains Surround Jerusalem.....

So the Lord surrounds his people.

I took a trip to Idaho last week to visit some amazing people there who are starting a new church. I have never been to that part of the country before, so it was my very first time getting to see God's beauty like that. From the plane I noticed the amazing mountains, and then little to my surprise, where I stayed was surrounded by those same mountains. One of the little girl's that I met while visiting the church said "the mountains protect us"....interesting. Of course my brain was in "blog-mode" as I was leaving Boise, so naturally I noticed one of the most amazing things on my flight out, that I feel compelled to share with you this morning.

My first flight left Boise about 6:30 am and flew to Salt Lake City (about 45 minutes) and then from there I headed home. During my first short flight, it was still pitch black dark outside-too early for the sun. As we were in the air, the light of the sun (not the sun itself) decided to make an appearance. I didn't think anything of it at all. All I really had on my mind was the extreme turbulence we had been experiencing the whole time. We were flying through nothing but thick could coverage. Clouds that made a line it seemed like. At the top of the line, where we were as I noticed this, it was light and you could see the amazing view of the tips of the mountains. It was so serene and beautiful that I thought to myself "this must be what Heaven is like!" But every now and then our small plane would fly just below the clouded line, where it was still pitch black dark, and all you could see were the bottoms of the mountains. "WHOA!" I thought to myself as I looked out the window, "did I just see that?"

Back up we went for a few minutes, in the light, near the tops of the mountains, and then the captain came on to announce our descent. "Surely, it will be light when we land." And it wasn't. We descended from light and from beauty and from the tops of the mountains....to darkness, the bottom of a valley, to the bustling and waking up of the busy busy world.

I can't help but think this is what our walk with God looks like so often. One season we are flying above the clouds, at the top of a mountain or spiritual high, covered in light. And the next we are surrounded by darkness because we made a descent that leaves us wondering "how did we get here?" and we seem as far away from the top of the mountain as ever. I think, though, that the most important part of this picture God showed me on the plane ride, is the TURBULENCE.

We had to cross a line of clouds that shook us and jumbled us in order to go down. This is awareness. Recognizing the things in your life that you are doing or surrounding yourself with that are shaking you to your core, and ultimately leading you to your descent. Turbulence is inevitable for the way down. Those who are in tune with living the lifestyle God wants you to live, should recognize the turbulence when things get off kilter-those things shake us so that we straighten back up and fly above the clouds. But just like there is turbulence on the way down, there is also turbulence on the way up. A presence of spirits who do not want you to successfully be at the top of that mountain. They are shaking us, tempting us, taunting us, mocking us, and most importantly, deceiving us. Turbulence. You feel it on the way up, and you feel it on the way down.

During that short 45 minute flight, was one of the only times as a plane riding passenger I really remember feeling such turbulence. And in the safety and comfort of this metaphor God was placing in my head I remember thinking "this pilot is trained and knows exactly what to do. I trust him.".....and after that, the shaking and the bumps and the jerking, didn't really bother me as much. If God is in control, true control, of our lives...then shouldn't we trust him during our turbulence? Shouldn't we take into account that He knows what He is doing, and even though we can't see Him, if we surrender to Him, He will successfully guide our plane to it's rightful destination?

Don't let the turbulence throw you this week. I encourage you to take a look at the things shaking up your life, and pray about them. Figure out if it's the enemy trying to get you to descend into the valley using your own weaknesses against you. Or maybe it is simply you getting in your own way. Whatever it happens to be, rest assured that you are a child of God and He is flying your plane, preparing you for a life of kingdom serving until one day He can take you home.

Animal Massacre

I am probably late to the table, but just saw someone whose facebook status was commenting at the horror that is the Zanesville, Ohio Animal Massacre. If you are also late to the table and have missed this important piece of news, here's what happened. A man who, for whatever reason, was in possession of say 50 wild and exotic animals (including lions, tigers, bears, wolves, a monkey, etc) cut those animals out of their cages before committing suicide. The man had recently been released from prison and due to Ohio's lenient animal laws, was allowed to have these rare and beautiful animals. This in turn caused frantic 911 calls from residents in the town who were seeing lions and wolves and bears on their roads, beside their cars, in their yards, etc which lead to the police getting involved as well as zoo official, animal experts like Jack Hanna, and many others. Under the orders of the Zanesville Sheriff, 49 of the animals (including the endangered Bengal Tiger) were inhumanely gunned down at close range by the deputies and the pistols at their side.

To witness the news footage and pictures showing these AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL creatures piled up, lying dead on the ground was HEARTBREAKING. The first thing that went through my mind was "These animals were killed for doing what they were CREATED to do!" Wild animals are not meant to be pets, are not meant to be in zoos, are not meant to be entertainment. They were created with animal instincts-to hunt, to fight, and to love-just like humans. They were created to run free and roam the earth looking for food, creating relationships, and taking place in the circle of life (to sound completely cheesy).

It reminds me of reading the book Radical by David Platt. In the book Platt talks about these underground house churches in Asia, where spiritual leaders meet together to pray and learn and worship, knowing if they're discovered they could face death. He writes:

"Imagine all the blinds closed on the windows of a dimly lit room. Twenty leaders from different churches in the area sat in a circle on the floor with their Bibles open. Some of them had sweat on their foreheads after walking for miles to get there. Others were dirty from the dust in the villages from which they had set out on bikes early that morning. They had gathered in secret. The had intentionally come to this place at different times throughout the morning so as not to draw attention to the meeting that was occurring. They lived in a country in Asia where it is illegal for them to gather like this. If caught, they could lose their land, their jobs, their families, or their lives."

Can you imagine? Being put to death for doing what God created us to do, which is worship. Patricia Bankhead writes:

"We were created to worship God from the very beginning. Did you know that worship is not just our praise but also our obedience? When Adam and Eve chose to disobey God they chose not to worship Him. To worship God means to obey, honor, reverence, respect, praise, and give Him all the glory. The first commandment God gave Moses was to worship Him and Him alone. God demands worship because He and He alone is worthy of it. He requests that we acknowledge His greatness, His power and His glory. Revelation 4:11 tells us, “You are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power; For You created all things, And by Your will they exist and were created.” We were created for this very purpose; to worship.
Isaiah 43:7 says, "Everyone who is called by My name, whom I have created for My glory; I have formed him, yes, I have made him."

Jesus told us to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul and mind (Matthew 22:32). This means our heart, soul and mind are to worship God. Romans 12:1 tell us to present our bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is our reasonable service. This means we worship God with our bodies. Our hands and feet were created for worship. Then Hebrews 13:15 tells us to offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name. Our lips also were created for worship. We are to worship God with our whole being. We were created to be instruments of worship."

Yet even though we were created to worship in all that we say, do, and think-there are people in this world being KILLED for it. We take it for granted in America because we have the freedom to worship as we please. But other countries do not have that privilege. So just like with these POWERFUL and AWESOME creatures that God created, who were simply doing what they were created to do and murdered for it, can you imagine seeing pictures and news footage of PEOPLE lying dead on the ground instead of animals? Can you imagine seeing pictures of a 14 year old Asian teenager with bullet holes in her back, all because she was caught going to a prayer meeting? Can you imagine flipping on your television and seeing 49 mothers and fathers lying in a pile on the ground, blood everywhere, gunned down because of their freedom in Christ Jesus?

There will be MANY Americans who will do everything in their power after this tragedy in Ohio to seek justice for those animals, and to ensure that nothing like this EVER happens again. But what about that Asian teenager or those orphaned children whose parents were killed for worshiping God? Will we do everything in our power to ensure that nothing like THAT ever happens again?

This blog is not at all to say we should not be affected by this tragedy or protect those animals. I very much think that it is our duty. But I also think it is our duty to protect our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who are suffering around the world because they are simply doing what they were created by God to do which is to worship Him. Let's keep our family in underground churches, in prison, or who have lost loved ones in this fight for freedom in our prayers. Covering them with protection from the Evil one. And loving on them as if our arms could reach them.

In Him,

Meg

Silence

Well, those of you who know me well knew that blogging the 40 Days of Prayer with my church wasn't in actuality going to happen. haha! It's like in school when you get told you have to read something, and you LOVE to read normally, but feeling like you HAVE to do it takes all the fun out of it. So...you just don't! I don't know that the last 2 years I was in college I even BOUGHT my textbooks (shh, don't tell!) Anyway, so I am back to doing it the old way...blogging when I feel God has put something heavy on my heart and casting THAT vision or message out verses feeling obligated to do it. And don't get me wrong, my church never asked me to blog alongside of our 40 Days of Prayer, and I am still doing the 40 Days of Prayer WITH my church haha but blogging with it? Yea, not gonna happen (unless of course God shows me something with it that I need to bring up!)

Today I wanted to talk about being silenced. Last year, when I was still very new in my faith and new to my church, my friend Courtney mentioned to me that she was going through a season where she felt like she just needed to shut up. Looking back at the conversation now, having no real experience as a Christian then and having a poor memory now, I can't quite remember what she meant by that. I don't feel I ever did quite understand. Like any good friend I remember saying something along the lines of "girl we are not called to shut up as Christians, people like me need you to be outspoken or verbal with what's going on inside so we can understand" (obviously that's paraphrasing but hey I give myself credit for being a good friend then even if I actually said something like "yea.....you might just need to do that" haha-just kidding Court!)

Anyway, I have really really REALLY been struggling this week about feeling like I need to just keep my mouth shut. Like I have said to much, or my opinion isn't wanted, or maybe what I have to say isn't important at all. Inwardly there is a small little girl, who very often gets her feelings hurt by the world, but faithfully ALWAYS picks herself up, dusts the dirt off of her dress, and keeps on going-forcing a smile for anyone who might be watching. Well, this time that young little girl wants to just hang her head, and shut up.

When I was in high school, my friends and I would have the absolute funniest conversations at the lunch table, I mean, writer's in Hollywood couldn't have written ANYTHING quite as clever as we were spouting off to one another over mystery meat and teeny tiny chocolate milks. CLASSIC! We would always talk about how funny it probably was to the other tables around us to watch us "fighting" for each other's attention! And it wasn't actual fighting, it was things like trying to be louder than the person you are trying to interrupt, trying to have the bigger better story than the person whose story you are trying to outdo, and trying to be funnier than the person who just said the last witty remark in that conversation. Looking back, that table was my fondest memories of that whole entire time in my life. I mention the table because it presents a very good picture of church-not just my church but all churches. In theory, throughout our week we are gathering around the large table of Christ, sharing our lives together, eating together, having coffee together, serving alongside one another, working together, being married to one another, experiencing new babies or grief or victories with one another. (These things shouldn't just be talked about and experienced together on Sunday mornings--but throughout your week and lives.....but that is a whole different blog!) Anyway, just like with friends around a lunch table, or family around a dinner table, the body of Christ is seated at a big (giant) theoretical table. And at that table there is sometimes drama, there is fighting to tell the best story, trying to show off the better talents, attempting to be bigger better louder faster funnier than the person sitting next to you, and there is always the everyone sitting around looking at each other talking and laughing and smiling and loving and thinking to themselves "where do I fit in, in this conversation that's going on?"

Let that sit just a minute. "Where do I fit in, in this conversation that's going on?" Maybe it's because I am a 'writer' (HA!) or people watcher or observer...but I remember being VERY aware at the lunch table in high school that there were always going to be conversations happening amongst my group of friends, and in order to feel welcome or like you belong or like you are even important at all, an asset to your circle of amigas, you HAD to chime in! You couldn't get by sitting there like a bump on a log-that is how you got left out of the inside jokes, how you miss the funny stories and incidents, and eventually that turns into isolating yourselves from your friends lives altogether (not joining their birthday parties or movie nights or what have you). I am not saying this happened to me, although sometimes it did-when I wasn't an active part of the conversation--but I am saying this happens in life, at this big giant table we are all sitting at together. If you do not chime in, do no speak, do not make yourself known...you get swept away, lost in the cracks, LEFT OUT.

Now, is this the fault of the person being left behind? I am going to say no. But, it is not really the fault of those carrying on with their lives either. You see, we are people. And people are imperfect. (If you are scratching your head and thinking "really? we are?" then that is a WHOLE different blog for you too my friend!) Imperfect people get caught up in their own lives, are selfish, forget to love on others, forget to include others, don't genuinely care sometimes whether you are having a good day or not, and the list goes on and on and on and on and ON about what imperfect people do (or do not do). One important thing we imperfect people do is not inviting those on the outskirts of our already happening conversations, IN-to the INSIDE of what's going on.

Most humans operate like this. I want to belong, I need to be a part of this. But I don't know anyone and I am all alone so no way can I enter into this ongoing conversation.

OR

Please please please, invite me! Love me! Want me around! Notice how valuable I am and ask for my opinion!

OR

I have been so abused and so mistreated throughout my life emotionally that I am going to put up a hard exterior and pretend like I don't give a poop what others think about me when really I am dying inside to belong somewhere and would melt if one person at this "table" would just invite me to join in.

We as Christians are not only expected and asked to invite those on the outskirts of the dinner conversation in, but those who are already sitting at the table as well.

Let that sink in a second will ya?

I have struggled all year at feeling like I have a voice in my church. When you go to a church of over 1000 people it is easy to get lost in the crowd. All I wanted was to FEEL important, to FEEL wanted, to FEEL loved, to FEEL invited. I call it my Principle Series (and I will get to in a second how this series is the wrong way of thinking.) Imagine you are that teenage girl crying because you were left out of a lunchroom conversation where everyone was talking about a party they went to (except for you of course) and you had to sit there and listen to them go on and on and on and on about the food they ate, the cute boys they saw, the games they played, the fun they had, etc etc etc. Then you go home and cry to your mom, who then says "but honey, we were out of town that weekend anyway so you wouldn't have gotten to go." Then what do YOU say? Figure it out yet? "But its the principle behind it!" (which, you probably didn't say this as a teenager because you probably didn't know what it meant-but you would've said more simple "But I still wanted to be INVITED!")

Being on the outskirts of an already happening conversation is not a fun deal. Because of the way I grew up and the things that happened to me when I was little, I am wounded now to always be seeking somewhere that I feel of value to the people and conversations happening there. I want to be invited. I want to be wanted. I want to be missed when I am not there. I want to belong. This is often, a heavy heavy cross I carry, because humans are imperfect. I am that girl, who makes sure that when people are walking in a group on the sidewalk towards a common destination, that no one gets left behind--so I will go walk with that person. I am that girl, who notices someone missing out of a class or group I am in, and will call or facebook them to make sure they are ok and tell them they were missed. I am that girl, who sees a teenager sitting alone in a room full of people, and I go sit with them. My sister still makes fun of me because I always picked the ugly Barbies when we would play together, the ones with Crayon all over their face or the ones we had shaved their hair off-because I felt SORRY for them. They were my Pity Toys as she still says. But what it really is, is that I NOTICE people, and I seek to make them feel like they belong.

I do this, because when I was growing up, nobody did this for me. I had divorced parents, a hellish nightmare of a home, and tons more baggage that was thrust upon me before I had a chance to make a mess of my own life (not saying I would've but saying here that all of that was out of my control) so I was left out of the normalcy of childhood, and when you enter into your teenage years as having been an abnormal child, you aren't exactly the first one invited to the party. And to make it worse, I had very popular friends. Good life long friends who were cheerleaders and very easy to talk to and laugh with, they are still some of my best friends today. But growing up with them wasn't easy I would say. If I didn't call and ask what was going on on a Friday night, I didn't get invited. If I wasn't CONSTANTLY checking in, inviting myself, making myself vulnerable and open to them, then I was left out. It felt like I was drowning and always fighting to keep my head above water. So when I started seeing that this is what was happening, I turned to the other extreme. Remember, the bitter hard exterior that had to pretend like I didn't give a poop if I was invited or not? And i isolated myself from them so it didn't hurt so bad when they forgot me. ***Sometimes I read my blogs and thing, "really God?" you are baring this much of my heart and soul?" haha but whatever, I obey faithfully as literally my mind is not thinking and the Holy Spirit is revealing this to you guys using me***

So basically what I am saying, is that in life there is always a table people are gathering to, and a conversation happening at that table, that other people want to be invited to. This week has been particularly hard for me, because it has been one of the first times (during this year that I have been struggling at my church) that I felt like "Wow, I finally have a voice here!" I felt like I had people fighting on my behalf (I even blogged about this last week) and that people really cared! Which they do, of course they do! But the devil is the devil, and after any victory you can almost always expect him to be lurking around to screw it up. In this case it was feeling like I don't quite have everyone on board and feeling the animosity of momentarily having a voice that maybe didn't match the voice of those carrying on their conversations around me (whether I am speaking or not)--does that make sense? I am trying here to be as vague as I possibly can because as I am writing this I can feel the darkness lifting off of me and God revealing and healing and it's getting to that point where I feel Meg entering the picture again thinking, is this something I should even share with the world? Well, I am going to, because I think it is a good learning experience.

For those at the table, having conversations, who have been at the table a LONG time and who are used to having the louder voice, the funnier stories, the whatever-TAKE A LOOK AROUND YOU, and realize that the person sitting on your right who never speaks, is DYING to say something but needs to be asked "Hey, what do you think? Do you have an opinion here?" and the person to your left has been trying to talk for the past 20 minutes but every time she opens her mouth someone interrupts her to tell the table something that (in her mind) must be bigger or better or more valuable than ANYTHING she could possibly say or contribute to the conversation.

We are broken, sinning, imperfect people. And we don't all come from the background I came from. Part of what I went through as a child is so I could be the adult that blogs before you today who notices the unnoticed, loves on the unloved, and invites the uninvited. YOU reader, went through completely different experiences in life as I have, but are STILL at this table with me. Figure out what your gifts are, and use those to the best of your ability to make this an enjoyable conversation for all of us here. Does that make sense? Maybe your wounds didn't mark you to have pity toys like me, and maybe you are the kid at the table dominating the conversation with your awesomeness, but look around you brother....we are all important and have something to say, so give us a chance. And for the kid like me, who feels unimportant or who thinks that you don't have anything valuable to add to the conversation==YOU DO! You are worthy because you are HIS. Don't seek your identity from those around you but let God show you how beautiful, wonderful, important, and valuable you truly are! Even if others don't see it, then believe that it's true because our faithful Father in Heaven says so. And while you are reminding yourself of that each day, know that there are many others out there like you (me included) that have to stop and remind ourselves too.

We are human. We are imperfect. But there is Grace for times we keep failing and for things we can not seem to change. And there is Love and Acceptance when we can't quite seem to find our place in this world....

In Him,

Meg