A Song for Baby Sister

Before You Came Along
Before you came along the world was not a perfect place. Gas prices were high and simplicity had been replaced.
Natural disasters destroyed what once was whole, and terroristic actions shook our nation to its core.
But God has always had a plan, and His plans are never wrong. Everything was waiting, before you came along.
Before you came along the house was full of blue. Boys, boys, boys-was all your parents knew.
Baseball gloves and Buzz Lightyear were sprinkled in the hall. Rocketships and comic strips and deflated basketballs.
But God knew what He was doing when He sent you from above. Cause every family needs a princess to show a Father's love.
Before you came along your mommy felt your body move. With every beating of your heart, her heart could feel it too.
Daddy liked to sing to you, his precious little girl. And ask God everynight for your safe entry to this world.
God answered every spoken prayer and unspoken ones too. You see, before you came along...our life was missing you.
Before you came along there once was nothing here, but God created Beauty to show us that He's near.
The stars reveal His glory and the whales all sing His praise. Rainbows show His promises and the wind whispers His name.
When He looked at His creation and heard the Heavens sing their song, there still was one thing left to do...Before you came along.

Parental Guidance Suggested

I commute back and forth from Paragould to Jonesboro almost everyday. Other then the increasing gas prices, this is a great thing for me because I find amazing solace driving in my car, singing at the top of my lungs, window down enjoying the new beautiful weather and having that extra hour a day where I can be alone, and think! Most often, when God presents a vision or idea to me, or when He just wants to chat, it is during one of these times for me.

A few nights ago I was listening to the Glee Volume 5 cd (yes, I am a Gleek, no the cd isn't actually mine...although, I DO have volumes 1-3! haha) and the song "Landslide" came on (per one of Gwyneth Paltrow's numerous cameos on the show. Originally, this song was done by Fleetwood Mac, a band my daddy joked about or referenced many times in the past, so immediately upon hearing the song, I thought of him.

I was not only reminded of my dad generically, but I was also reminded of the many things we shared...and sadly, the many things we never got to share. See, my dad was a coach-he LOVED coaching, any sport he could get his hands on he found a way to ref it or to coach it. My older sister and I started early in life being groomed for a sport's lifestyle. Deep down, it was never really my thing. So, after winning a talent show in 7th grade, we realized I had some vocal talent. So my dad shifted his focus from sports with me, to music-something we both passionately loved and did well.

Softball games turned into gigs at fairs, basketballs turned into guitars, and quality time meant teaching me chords on a guitar! I loved sharing this with my dad. I got the complete music-side of him to myself. My sister got the complete sport-side of him to herself. So we both won!

However, upon getting older, things changed some. I was interested in boys and dating. I was hardly ever home due to my social life. Dad's marriage to my stepmother began (or continued) falling apart so to keep busy and stay away from home he would spend hours and hours at work, til 10pm or later most nights. Our paths, simply never seemed to cross. We did not develop a bad relationship, but we had a distant one. When we were together, he would be drinking or partying with his own friends, and he would want to play and me to sing...but it was different somehow. It was fun quality time with my daddy, I was a monkey with a drum entertaining people on a crowded street. Other times, I simply denied singing with him because I was being stubborn and didn't want to, or because I was embarrassed (like most teenage excuses lead to).
We both missed out on several years of really being able to jam with one another!

A few months before my father died, I called him up and told him I missed playing with him and that if he found an excuse to play and for me to sing that we should do it! A week later he called back, having formed an idea to hold a fundraiser to raise money for the softball team at the school where he taught/coached. We went to work immediately on a song list and copying cd's for the other musicians. He came down to my house and had a couple of acoustic jam sessions with me, and was also working with some musically talented students at his school as well! It was all coming together and the fundraiser was to be scheduled for the end of January mid February.

On a Friday night I called my dad to make sure he was still coming down Saturday afternoon to rehearse with me. He told me he had some errands to run in the morning but would hollar at me when he got into town and we would meet up sometime around lunch. I told him I loved him, and we hung up. The next day, January 17th, 2009, I waited....and waited...and waited. All day I waited. I called. I drove around trying to find something to do. I was getting angry thinking he had forgotten all about me. I went to Hastings to find a dvd, but had no luck. I drove home and found my cousin Kevin, knocking on my front door. He was there to tell me, that my father had been killed in a car accident earlier that morning. It had happened more than 5 hours previous to anyone finding out because the police could not find or get a hold of anyone.

That day, changed my world forever. See, now, when I hear songs like "Landslide" I think, if I just would've sang with him when he wanted me to. If I just would've done the songs he wanted me to do. If it wouldn't have taken so long for me to grow up and realize how much I loved performing with him, then I would not feel that void within me when the music brings him to the forefront of my mind.

We don't always get the chance to tell people we love them, or show them how much we care. But not just that, we don't always get the chance to be selfless and just, indulge someone in something that means SO much to them. Had I not been a selfish brat, a child, so much of the time, I would have a million more memories of spending time with my daddy.

And writing this blog, God is showing me that that is so often what we do to him. See, when I was young I wanted boys and friends and adventures. I wanted to make my own mistakes, not listen to authority. I didn't take good care of my heart at all, and I was disgusted at anyone who tried to tell me what to do. And sometimes, I am still that selfish selfish child. I become impatient almost daily because God has not sent me my future husband-well, maybe He hasn't sent me anyone, because like my earthly father, is trying to just spend time with me. And He wants so badly for me to just be satisfied in that, and stop searching for anything else. Are the boys and friends and adventures that I search for now any different then the ones when I was a teenager? Sure, different scenario, but they are both taking away from time and energy and love that I could be showing my Father. God is telling me "Look Meg, I have let you make your mistakes, but now I want to show you what it's like when you do it MY way, and how infinitely blessed you will be when doing that."

Do we ever listen? Do we ever fully surrender that control? Do we ever relinquish the idea of "You know what Dad? YOU actually DO know better. So ever though it goes against all of my selfish and childish feelings and emotions, I am going to TRUST that You are protecting my heart-the heart You created."? Do we ever get there??

Maybe not. But not getting there, will lead to a life of sad what if's and regrets of great memories that could've been made....and weren't.

In Him,
Meg

This is How We OVERCOME

With today feeling like the first day of true spring (even though technically, the first day of spring is sometime next week), I decided some major spring cleaning was in order. One of my favorite parts of a good deep cleaning has always been discovering things I had forgotten about. I am the kind of deep-cleaner who likes to go through and read every piece of paper before I throw it away, stop to look at old pictures or flip through scrapbooks, and dance around to good songs I hear on the radio. Needless to say, cleaning today has been an all day job.

I have a spiderman backpack that I got over a year ago for fall semester (I also got a Spidey lunchbox but that is simply irrelevant). I haven't needed to use ole Spidey this year because the majority of my classes have all been online and I have not had to tote a ton of things around campus. However, Spidey saw me through some great times...and also through some rough times.

Upon opening him up today (him being Spidey, Spidey being my backpack...not the lunchbox-clearly) I discovered a ton of papers and a few books and a notebook and pens galore. I dumped it all out and began going through the papers piece by piece. What I discovered on those papers was not leftover homework and to-do lists and birthday cards and trash (which yes, I did find all of that in there) but it was so much more. It was my entire life-over the past year-hidden away in a backpack I had all but forgotten existed.

So, what did your life look like the past year? You may be asking. This time last year I was a very new Christian. I was in a foreign country, Berlin, Germany, on a school trip and struggling to find my new place in this world as someone who devoutly loved Jesus and was still holding onto the things of this world. I was just getting involved at Southwest Church (via their Easter musical I was in). I had just finished up a play, Snow White-which was my very first lead. I was entering what would be a few months of utter darkness, which would build strength and character for me and ultimately, bring me closer to my lover and creator Jesus Christ. Last summer I was a camp counselor at a Christian camp, for the very first time in my life, and I adored every second. I made lifelong friends and got to see what it was like minstering to youth and relating to them on a level that only God Himself could have His hand involved. I was recovering from heartbreak-heartbreak that had haunted and taunted me all the days of my life up until then. I was meeting new people, who would forever impact and change my entire life. In the fall I became extremely involved in ministry oppertunities at my church, and surrounded not by other members, but by my new FAMILY.

All that, and so much more, happened over the past year. And as I opened Spidey, and read the papers inside, I realized how much I have grown over that time. Notes which held thoughts and quotes and scriptures from someone so HUNGRY for the Word of God-were all inside the bag. Memories from the plays and the camp and the people I have met along the way-were all inside the bag. Books and devos and pens and highlighters which all lent a hand in my transformation, were all inside the bag. Most importantly, all of those things were together, inside the bag-my JOURNEY is what the bag held. My redemption, my transformation, what God was doing in my heart before the bag came along and what He will continue to do in me all the days of my life were ALL INSIDE THE BAG.

My mind was blown. To realize I did not recognize the person I was once. To see the change happening to me as if I was watching a television show. To read the words of this broken hearted person, this new Christian, this hungry for Jesus young girl, this...ME....was, awe-inspiring.

God is so good right? So so good. SO good, that even in the MIDST of a 'forever-transformation' He is allowing me to see how far I've come, where I've been, and both of those will help me to trust Him in where I am going.

What an incredible path I have been on. Thank you Spidey, for holding it all together for me and waiting for a great spring cleaning to reveal to me all you have been waiting to do. Thank you Jesus, for giving me Spidey and the inspiration to clean! haha I hope you all have a wonderful SPring Break-and in the middle of family vacation or road trips or parties or what have you, that you remember to stop and thank God for Rescuing you, and for guiding you along your journey!

In Him,

Meg

Trashy Teen Television

Since having made the move from Jonesboro to Paragould, I find myself still struggling find my, once memorized, favorite television networks. For example, after living in Paragould a few months now I can tell you that msnbc in on channel 40, and The Nanny comes on 54 and 55 (what those networks actually are, I'm not sure!). However, as far as Jonesboro channels go I can tell you that abc family is on 35, tlc on 37, lifetime on 30, lifetime movie network on 76, tbs on 17, and the list goes on and on. This knowledge comes from living in Jonesboro the past 23 years and nothing having changed really in those years, and having my staple shows on my staple networks that I watch at their staple times (i.e. LockUp, The Nanny, American Idol, etc).

In my teenage years, one of those staples was none other than (you guessed it!-those of you who read the title of this blog and already knew what it was going to be about) MTV! MTV (standing for music television) is a television network out of New York City who originated with the sole effort of bringing music to television. They played music videos which were "guided" by music hosts called VJ's. However, since mtv's debut in August 1981, much has changed. Now, when you glance at a day's lineup for the popular network you see shows like "True Life: I'm a bisexual". "Teen Mom", "Teen Mom 2", "16 and Pregnant", "Engaged and Underage", "Jersey Shore", "The Real World 300" (or whatever number they're on), "SKINS", and I could seriously go on all day just listing the trash alone.

What's wrong with these shows, is that the content within them is feeding the minds of our youth today. Media is the number one influencer now in a teen-young adult's life over family, over school, and over friends. What they are reading in magazines and books, seeing on television, and listening to in music is ultimately shaping the person they will become-because these things are taking the place of parents and friends and adults in their life, and essentially is the sole place they seek comfort, the seek advice, and they seek the "life lessons" that shape their entire character.

Today, while flipping channels to find some music to listen to while I got ready, I came across MTV and the newest episode of Teen Mom 2 was on. I am not going to lie, I have watched this show more than once. But the difference in me watching it, and a 15 year old kid watching it, is I don't look up to these girls or idolize the fact that they are 17 years old and mommy's. I look at these girls and my heart breaks for them, and for every teenage girl who watches them thinking "Wow, I want to be like that!" because they simply don't know any better! So today, as it was on in the background, God began tugging on my heart. I wasn't sure why, but I sat down and started watching more intently-this time, trying to figure out what the Lord wanted me to see within it.

Instantly it hit me-if teenagers/young adults had a safe alternative for MTV to go to then their number one source of TRASH I will boldly say will become obsolete and maybe we as a society will start to see a turn around in the youth of the world!

I have no idea if I will ever see this in my lifetime, but God showed me what He wants. A network, whose target is the same bracket as MTV, but is the complete opposite of what MTV provides. Think about if you were a parent and not only could stop worrying about what your child is finding to watch on television but could encourage them to watch specific shows!?

As I was brainstorming around the issue of this network all day various things kept coming to me. As far as show-wise, this would be completely different from the Christian television you find on the lower half of your channel guide :) These shows would not star an old man in a leather chair who verrrrryyyyy sllllooooowwwwwllllyyyy reads the Bible to viewers. These shows would be what teenagers and young adults can relate to and find entertaining without loading the show with cussing, sex, and inappropriate behavior.

For example, what if there was a semi-reality show (similar to the MTV show "My Life as Liz") about a young girl who daily is trying to make a difference in the lives of those she encounters. The show could follow her to the homeless shelter she volunteers at, to her church youth group where she helps minister to the young girls in the group, to school where she defeats the mean girls of the school by finding that soft spot in their heart and loving them no matter how mean they are to her, and many more exciting places. BEING A CHRISTIAN IS NOT UNCOOL! I am still the same old goofy random and spontaneous Meg that I was before having been Saved. This fictional girl I just spoke of...there are SOOOO many young girls in the world like this, whose efforts and spirit to help and to love are being crowded out by the role models that MTV is feeding us.

What if there was another show on this new network (similar to the MTV show "The Burried Life") where a group of Chrisitians go out and cross off things on their bucket lists as well, and loving on folks as they do it (which would be the EXACT same thing as Burried Life but....) then they spread the Good News of Jesus Christ!? What if the youth and young adults of the world got to see people going out and doing amazing things like that? But in the name of and to glorify God?

There are so many options for a network that takes the broken and abandoned and confused and angry and heartbroken and DESPERATE youth of this world to start feeding them HOPE, and LOVE, and PEACE, and EMPOWERMENT, and STRENGTH, and all of the necessary tools to get them off their feet and start being the change in the world they wish to see!

We can not expect children to make better choices if there are not better choices out there for them to make.

Being involved in children and youth ministry I am constantly surrounded by children like this. I strongly feel, if people had an alternative to filling their spirits with trash, then we as a world would start to see a change. There is no better way to influence an older adult too then to see a young person doing something kind or productive or amazing even! The time to do something about the state of the souls in this world is now-we can not save people, only God can do that. But we can SHOW the unsaved what it looks like for God's kingdom to be here on earth!

"The only time I'll ever watch a show called 16 and pregnant is if it stars a girl named Mary" :)

In Him,
Meg

God's Calling

Love is a hunger, but love won't leave you empty. See it's the language of the heart. Love can steal your pride, but love won't let you hide. It takes everything you've got. Love's not easy...but it's worth it.

A little over a year ago, I was introduced to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Ever since that day, my life has looked radically different....because when He came into my life, my life radically changed. This past year of newfound freedom in Christ has been amazing yes, but also a struggle. Immediately I felt ready for God's plan, I could absolutely not wait for Him to reveal it to me. I prayed every single second, day and night, had other people praying for me for visions from Him...and where there were plans, where there were oppertunities, where there were amazing blessings, where there were great visions of what's to come...there was still, no "calling."

I was finding myself so defeated, wondering "why"? Am I not ready for what You have in store for me? Am I doing something so wrong with my life right now that You don't feel I'm worth having my calling revealed to me? Is Your plan for me staring me right in the face but I don't see it yet? Every single day I was questioning God and doubting myself, and found myself in many a challenging season. In the midst of these amazing things God was using me to do, I was more focused on what the "plan" was!

Isn't that funny how we do that in life, too? We sit down to eat a meal with our kids and we are worried about how to pay the bills due at the end of the week. The kids are too busy quickly shoveling their food in their mouths so they can play video games or talk on the phone. As humans it seems our minds are always on preparing for what's to come, and not taking enough time to look around and realize we are in the middle of our own life-and we are missing out on it.

I am an imperfect human. So of course, during these seasons of ups and downs and ease and challenge, and across the board varying life lessons, I attempted to have patience-but failed. I attempted to be proactive and move forward with my own plans-and failed. I was in a constant state of "striving"-never fully being able to rest in the peace that comes with knowing the Lord is in control of what happens in my life, and His plans for me are GOOD!

I don't know when the impatience subsided some, if it ever did. I don't know when I stopped trying to figure it all out so hard-if I ever did that. But over the past couple of weeks, God has really been laying some amazing things on my heart.

I basically grew up without a mother. I completely grew up in not only a disfunctional home, but a home designed more for a horror movie because it was that much of a nightmare. Family vacations, dinners, ballgames, basically my life memories have all been tainted with darkness that hangs over it. Since having become a "gypsy" (as I like to call myself) I have had the amazing blessing of being able to live with various groups of women, friends, families, etc who have all taught me SO much about what it means to be a wife, to be a mother, to be a partner, to be a family, to LOVE others. My whole life it seems like, I have been prepared (definitely with what NOT to do when I have my own family) but also with what TO do.

The last couple of weeks God has placed several staples of peace in my life (staple of peace meaning these things, like your old teddy bear or soft blanket, that brings you deep joy and comfort and peace and stability). On the way home from Zumba class a couple of weeks ago, I heard a talkshow on the radio about a book called "Life Ready Woman". The author of the book talked briefly about some key points that are in her book one being that in the beginning of Genesis, we are given the blueprint for how we are created and what we are created to do.
-One being "leave and cleave" to form a superbond called marriage.
-Two being "fruitful and multiplying" (bringing up a generation of people that look like God)
-Three, "rule and subdue", advancing God's kingdom here on earth.
She talked about how sometimes we are in a season where we are doing one or two more than the other and vice versa, and how easy it is to start making productive decisions when we have this bluprint as our basis. For example, for the stay at home mom who's entire life is dedicated to bringing up children who look like the Lord, if given the oppertunity to go on a week long trip with some friends somewhere it would be easy to make that decision by saying "you know what? I am in a season where I am being fruitful and multiplying, I need this week to minister to these young women so that I can rule and subdue and advance God's kingdom here on earth" When put this way, something inside my head clicked-and I "got it" (my first aha moment of this whole process). Shaunti, the author of Life Ready Woman says "when we try to do things we were not designed to do, we breakdown". She gave the example of trying to take her car through roads that were closed due to flooding-she says "my car does not have gills, it is not a fish, it was never made to do that-so it broke down!" And so often we as women try to do so many things because we are convinced that we can 'have it all, do it all' and then we BREAK DOWN. I definitely am investing in this book! That car ride sparked a new, amazing journey for me.

My very wise friend Emily told me once, that when I am having trouble making a decision about something or trying to figure something out that I may be asking from the Lord, to get confirmation in the Word and confirmation in the world-meaning, look it up, find in scripture a "blueprint" persay of how to handle this particular situation, pray for God to show you where he wants you to go. And secondly, look for things around you, things in your life that are pointing to this situation and decision you're making.

In my case, after hearing the radio show, everything in my life started pointing towards wives, and mother's, and families. Several months ago, God planted this idea in my brain to write a parenting book (which may sound outrageous to you guys because I am not a parent). He showed me which women to use, what questions to ask, and everything I needed to do. I never did anything with it, but every now and then I think about that idea. Well, in the period of the last couple of weeks, I thought about the book again-and this time, from a different perspective. A perspective of it actually being written, and there being a season that I would work on it and to start getting ready for that. Well, needless to say God is amazing, and has beeng putting me in the places I need to be to get ready for that. Several months ago when I had this idea I was living with some girlfriends and leading a random life. Since then, I have formed amazing friendships with several of the women to be interviewed in the book. I have lived with a few of them and had the chance to observe their family and their love and their kiddos and just, the lives of Christian wives and mother's. I attend church with several and through life group and other various events, through babysitting and things like that, have gotten to know them and their parenting style as well too. God as set up this amazing oppertunity, CREATING this amazing chance for me to live out the calling he has prepared me for.

Beyond reading a book, and writing a book, something much deeper and much bigger was happening-and it took the new Francesca Battistelli cd to show me. On her cd is a song called "A Hundred More Years", it starts off talking about this young girl's dream coming true by finding this person to love her and she wants to stay wrapped up in this moment with him for a hundred more years. Then, it talks about that same young man, a dad now, watching their 3 year old daughter twirling around for him to gain his attention and how he wants to stay right in that moment for a hundred more years. **While listening to this cd, God showed me my future husband and myself, dancing at our wedding. He showed me my future husband and myself, laying on a blanket under the stars with our daughter in the middle and us holding her hands as we tell her about God's love. He whispered into my soul that I am to be a wife and a mother. I smiled all night, at the peace and the joy that came with knowing this little secret. I never thought I wouldn't be a wife and a mother, but now I not only know I am to be one, I know I am CALLED to be one. The peace, and the feeling of being able to rest in what you know the Lord is calling you to do, is unlike any other feeling in the world.

The fear, the doubt, the anxiety, the impatience....all of that has subsided. Because my soul and my heart have been touched by the Creator of those things, and He has assured me that I am to be a wife and a mother. Simple as that. Sure, I will do other things too! I will write a book. I will minister to youth. I will teach kiddos. I will love on those around me. But I know now, what I am designed for.

Maybe it sounds silly to some of you, especially the wives and mothers out there who maybe didnt think about this being their "calling"-but for someone like me, who grew up the way I grew up and who has walked the path I have walked, getting this calling is a blessing. All of the things I have wanted to "accomplish" or "strive for"-the goals I have set for myself, they just...don't seem to matter anymore, as long as I get this one thing right. I know God has a specific person planned for me, and that person will be loved like they have never been loved before-because I was created to love them, and I will wait until I know God has given me this person as a gift. I won't settle, because I don't want to cheat myself or anyone else out of what God intends for us both. When I become a mother, I will struggle sure because I am imperfect-but there will never in the world be more loved kids than mine, because I am designed to love those kids.

If you know me, you know this is a huge deal. Not only discovering my calling, but surrendering to it as well. Yea, I want to travel the world, I would love to be recording artist, I would love to sky dive in random parts of the world-but when I have a family, that will be first and foremost what is important. God is so so good, and so so faithful. And He has GOOD things planned for all of you.

I know this blog was sort of all over the place, but it is insight to my deepest heart of hearts-and for those of you who find the time or patience to read it in its' entirety, I hope that you are encouraged and motivated to praise God for His faithfullness and His plan for your life!

In Him,
Meg

I Get By with a Little Help from my FRIENDS!

This morning I was watching Cold Case files (for no particular reason except that Lifetime all but stopped showing sappy movies and now plays crappy sitcoms all day) and as I was watching, I started thinking about the few days that followed my dad's death. It is such a traumatic experience to lose someone you care about, especially a parent you are so close to, and especially in such an unexpected way. When I think back to losing him, which was just 2 years ago, I am reminded of how amazing God is. He placed me in the middle of the busiest season of my life-friendwise-that I had ever been in. I was living with 2 great friends of mine, and we always had people over at the house. Some of them girls I had known since I was a baby because our parents grew up together. Others were new friends who were just as amazing as our old ones. And then we had a faithful group of guys we hung around, who are like brothers to me!

When I got the news that my dad had died, my friend and roomate Lindsey Coker immediately left work and came home to comfort me. My lifelong friend Lindsey Hawkins also came over, and both girls went to my grandparent's house with me, where the family was gathering. Coker and I were growing closer by the day having been roomates at the time and all, but Hawkins and I were not as close as we were when we were younger due to just, what happens when you grow up! But on this occasion, it was like I was 10 years old again and reaching out to my best friend, and she was there. They both were.

That night, another lifelong friend of ours Katie Spencer came to the house to love on me. Ashlynn and Carissa and so many others, including their mothers, came to the house to visit and to show their sympathies. They made food and brought me a sleepaid, and were really just, angels. I can't remember who passed through those days and nights, but everyone who was there, helped keep me afloat-and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I don't know if it was the night he died, or after, or maybe the funeral...but at some point in the chaos and sadness, I was laying in bed, surrounded by my angels. Dillan and Katie and the Lindseys and Stimpy and so many others. They were there to ensure I got a good night's sleep. I would dose off and wake up minutes or hours later, and they were all still there, talking or dozing off too, or watching me to make sure I was ok. I guess at some point in the night, people trickeled out of the room, and when I awoke I was wrapped in the arms of Katie and Dillan. And as I started crying, remembering I was now fatherless, both still half-asleep, they hugged me so tight and lulled me back to sleep.

I will never forget the many nights I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to sleep, I was scared if I fell asleep then I would wakeup and the hurt would start all over again. And it did. But Coker was there for me. She stayed up with me til all hours of the early morning and late night, even with a small son, a job, and school to worry about for herself. Me and my dog slept were welcomed into her bed with her and her dog many a sleepless night. She was there for me, like good angels should be.

I had many visitors, Matt and Brandon and Kelsey and so so many others. I had many phone calls, Cindy and Becky and Amber and so so many others. I had LOVE. I was so surrounded by LOVE from family and friends that I felt surrounded by GOD'S love, even though I was not a "Christian" then. I knew I was not alone in this awful period of my life.

I can never thank these angels enough, for being there for me when I needed them the most. I hope those of them who are reading this know I will ALWAYS be there for them too, if EVER they need a shoulder to cry on, a friend to listen to them, or someone to pray over them. I am indebted to these amazing people, some of you I have lost touch with, and some of you I am still best friends with. Whoever you are, I LOVE YOU, and you and your acts of love for me will forever be in my heart and in my mind and in my memory. You will never be forgotten.

In Him,
Meg

No One Says You Have to be Perfect.....

Maybe it is just me, but I do not take well to being yelled at, being called names, having my character attacked, hurtful sarcasm, and most of all, people being hateful just because they have no harness on their thoughts, and no remorse to the things they say and do that crush other people. People like this, most of the time, crush others because they are so insecure and angry with who they already are that they see joy when they make others feel as miserable as they feel.

It's an age old lesson that we are taught from the time we are in grade school. Someone is picking on you on the playground and you go home upset about it, what do your parents say? I don't know about yours but my dad spoke to me like an adult, and told me these people were trying to bring me down to pick themselves back up. (Later on he told me I was allowed to punch anyone I wanted to who was physically harming me, and that if I got in trouble he would ALWAYS back me up! haha Maybe not the best parenting advice, but I never doubted that my daddy was on my side when I was doing what was RIGHT.)

We continue to learn this lesson in Jr High and Sr Highschool, when a mean girl spreads hateful and harmful rumors about you. You go home and cry on your bed for hours, and let the pain fester for weeks before telling your parents how awful it is and that you never want to go to school again. I don't know about you guys, but my dad always told me "to kill them with kindness" and it never actually made THEM hurt as bad as they had hurt me, but it always made me feel better about who I was.

Not that my school days were particularly drama-filled by any means, this is stuff I bet 9 out of 10 girls have dealt with too. It's just how girls are. But what happens when you are no longer a girl, but instead a young woman. A young woman who gets to choose her close circle of friends. A young woman who tries her best to love on everyone she encounters. A young woman who is devout in her faith, and striving every second to show others how much God loves them. Does this young woman have to worry about being crushed by "mean girls" on the playground?

I would like to say no, but I would be lying. Because I find myself struggling with this recently. Why do people we know are hurtful angry people, and whom we know do NOT give us our identity, why do we LET them get the better of us?

Once upon a time, there was a child who was left by her mother and abused by a man. There fighting and violence in her once stable household. There was fear, and emptiness, and heartache. When the young girl's stepmother entered the picture, things only worsened. The stepmother abused the young girl in every way that she knew how. She mentally traumatized the girl and everything the young child once held safe and true. There was nowhere to turn, no way to escape. Until one day....she did. Out on her own things were only slightly better, as people will go to any means necessary to make someone else miserable. The young girl was forever trapped inside of a nightmare.

You never know when this story is the past and present that someone has to deal with. You never know the pain and the torture that people have endured, people you walk alongside every single day. This is why the golden rule is doing unto others what you would have done unto you. I would call the above story a "fairytale" but it's not. It's a tragedy. And it's only a small part of my own tragedy.

Having endured a life like this, and healing from this type of living for so long, I would say that my heart is not only as strong as a thousand giants, but also as frail as a dying flower. I have survived alot (and not just me, so many people have this or worse backgrounds to them) so wonder daily, "Since I am old enough to get myself away from people who treat me like this, to own my own emotions, and to fight for the healing of my heart-do I still have to deal with this horror?"

And the answer is. Yes. Sadly, yes I do. Because there are always going to be mean girls on the playground. And there are always going to be wicked stepmother's. And no matter how good the deeds look on the outside that someone might be doing, people are not stupid and they know the truth. They know through your actions if you are hateful. They know through the ugly words that you use that you are angry. They know through your drama that you have gone through drama yourself. They know through the harsh texts, the useless fights, the knee-jerk reactions, the defensive conversations, the swearing, the dissatisfaction in things that are good, and just your everyday behavior-they KNOW if you are a "MEAN GIRL ON THE PLAYGROUND".

And it is ok. To those of us who are still that broken and upset child on the playground, who try and see and try and do GOOD in this world, we have a Heavenly Father on our side who has sent his angels in the Heavenlies to fight for justice, to fight for our souls, and to fight our battles. And to those of you who can't just be NICE to others, and let God enter your heart FULLY so that you will be transformed to a new person-to those of you, God LOVES you so much...and guess what? He is still fighting for YOU TOO! Just because you feel forgotten doesn't mean you are. But that does not mean too that you can stomp around treating other people so badly. Because then you are not dealing with the Heavenly Father who is fighting for you, you are dealing with the Wrathful God who will JUDGE you for the things you do and say on this earth.

No One says you have to be perfect. I am nowhere near perfection, and I know that. I see my flaws, I see my wounds, and I see my imperfections. But I also see and talk to a God who daily is correcting my flaws, healing my wounds, and making me perfect for Him through His Son.

The moral of this story. JUST BE NICE!
In Him,
Meg

YOU are beautiful beyond description....

My morning, was rough to say the least. I woke up in a foul mood when all resources of waking me up failed. Needless to say, I missed church. Since I have been having such a hard time at my church the past few months, I tried to tell myself it might have been a blessing in disguise. Feeling anxiety ridden and upset at people and mad at myself for sleeping through my alarm, and shaking off several bad and weird dreams the previous night had granted me, I decided to fall back asleep. I chanted "surround me Lord, surround me Lord, surround me Lord" over and over again, until I drifted into a beautiful slumber.

I re-awoke around 11, extremely rested and ready to start the day. God was tugging on my heart, needing and wanting time alone with me. I opened up to Proverbs and spent some time in the Word and then some time in prayer afterward. That did not seem to do it, for He was so actively at the forefront of my mind this morning (which is a great thing, don't get me wrong!) So I got ready, and had limited time to travel into Jonesboro, grab a bite to eat, and meet my friend for a play we were seeing. I decided to call my grandfather, who is my best buddy. It had been a while since we last saw each other and I missed his company. He treated me to lunch and great company before I headed off to the play.

The day was absolutely beautiful to say the LEAST, so all day I felt God kissing me on the cheek and giggling at my surprise weather :) The play we saw "The Secret Garden" only intensified the gratitude I felt toward Papa for making today my weather-perfect day. **What started out as rough, was turning around so quickly, and bringing such glory to my Father!

After the play, I decided I needed to take that road trip-to enjoy the weather, to listen to and sing songs of praise to my God, and to visit some family who had been on my heart. I drove a couple of hours away to a town called Cord-Charlotte, and Batesville. First I went to Cord where my father's grave is. I set out a blanket, grabbed my Bible and my camera, and sat and worhipped for over an hour. The weather was so beautiful and the wind was captivating my heart so much, there was no way I could sit there and NOT worship such a wonderful Creator!

After worshipping and praying and really just taking in God's splendor, I decided to go see my step greatgrandmother in Batesville. She has always loved me so much, and I had never before came to visit just her. So, I decided it was time. And on the way from Cord to her house in Batesville (about a 30 minute drive in the middle of nothing but farm land) I passed the most amazing sights! Pastures full of the most beautiful animals I had ever seen! They were unlike any cow or any horse or any goat I had ever seen in my life, they were....God! I know that sounds weird, but every where I looked, I saw His face! The clouds, the weeds, the cracks in the pavement, the tree branches, the bugs-EVERYTHING reflected His love, and I was so happy I was hysterically laughing. It was as if God took off his God-glasses and said "Here my Beloved, see the world as I see it" and placed them on me. All of a sudden everything was better, cleaner, crisper, more detailed, and just shone of God's awesomeness!

It was such an intense, and much-needed encounter with Papa I couldn't help cry and laugh and everything all at once! When I prayed that morning after reading Proverbs, and again at the gravesite after reading more of it, I asked for wisdom. I felt compelled to ask for wisdom. And for Papa to show me His glory, to lend me His eyes so I can see things the way He sees them. See, I have been feeling so negative lately what with things at church, and lacking motivation in school, and unreliable friends who hurt my feelings all weekend. I was down, and I cried out to my God to just bring me some joy through granting me wisdom and His eyes. And He did. BOY DID HE!!!!

I would give anything to see the world the way I saw it today, every single day for the rest of my life. People were beautiful, wind was beautiful, trash was beautiful, and even in its own weird way roadkill was beautiful. There was just something so amazing in SEEING things. Not overlooking, but SEEING them for what they are. There was beauty in the emotion that seeing these things brought to my soul. Whether it was the kiss of the wind which brought happiness, or the death of the animal lying on the side of the road which brought sadness, it was all still CAPTIVATING!!

My God is so good. My GOD is SO FAITHFUL! Gosh He really stinking loves us! And I hope you, whoever you are reading this, realize how much the Creator of the entire universe, absolutely ADORES you :)

In Him,
Meg

Does Anybody Hear Her?

She is running, a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction.
She is trying, but the canyon's ever widening in the depths of her cold heart.
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find,
She's another two years older and she's three more steps behind.

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple,
with all the lost and lonely people,
searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me.
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning for shelter and affection, that she never found at home.
She is searching for a hero to ride in , to ride in and save the day.
And in walks her prince charming, and he knows just what to say.
Momentary lapse of reason, and she gives her heart away.

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does she even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple,
with all the lost and lonely people,
searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me.
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

Y.O.Y.O!

My best girlfriends and I used to have a favorite catch phrase "YOYO!" which means, You're Only Young Once. When one of us didn't feel like going out one night, we were sure to get a "yoyo" texted our direction. When there was an adventure awaiting us we shouted "yoyo" and would conquer the world, just a bunch of silly girls, our huge dreams, and our strong friendship that protected us from everything.

Now we are all getting older, some of us married, some of us with children, some of us engaged...and the adventures seem to be ceasing. My heart, however, is not settled down and is still longing for adventure.

I moved out of my house when I was 16 years old and have been uprooted from place to place ever since. My home life wasn't stable by any means, so it wasn't like I was leaving a home. I was just leaving, a place. To go to another place, to shortly leave that place and go to another, etc etc. Now, almost 8 years later, I am still living that way. I think my heart has multiple personalities, or well, maybe 2 distinct ones.

The first: Domestication. I want so badly to be a wife, and to be a mother, and to raise a family, and to glorify God through all of that. I want support and a partnership that makes my calling and my ministry stronger. I want someone to come home to, to talk about my day to, to pray with, to cry with, etc. I don't want to face the trials of this world alone anymore, I am sick of being a survivor! I finally want to relax in my own skin and be comfortable finally having stability.

The second: Gypsy. I have been born to handle not only a lifestyle of moving around, but also am most comfortable in my own self when my spirit is able to be completely free. This lifestyle speaks to the part of my soul that wants to hop in an RV and travel the world, playing music, getting random jobs to support myself, and spreading God's love through every life I encounter. This road is lonely because if dating were even an option he would have to want to live that sort of life with me, and those type of guys are hard to find too.

These two parts of my heart are in a CONSTANT state of battle, and it wears down on me a little each day. Because when I am in a season where I want so much to give someone all the love I have, I find my dating life desolate and lonely. That is where I am at right now, I feel pushed more toward the gypsy part of my life just by association of having no one in my life right now to keep me grounded. Which I guess, is ok.

I am also struggling with feeling like I am special. I have dated some (well, jerks but who hasn't haha but also) AMAZING men who truly feel I am such a prize, and so unique, and so special! I even have just guy friends who tell me this, everyday! So, I find it hard when dating or attempting to date, people who just don't see it. I not only know that I am a princess because the Lord tells me that, but I too feel like I am a kick-butt girlfriend, and would make a guy freaking happy by being a kick-butt wife too! So when I date, mediocre guys, who don't have the passion for love that i have, or the will to put any effort into a relationship I am instantly defeated. I am awesome enough to WANT to text and to WANT to call and to WANT to communicate with, I shouldn't have to chase you down!!! And....I won't do it anymore, not for anyone. Because I am worth the fight, I am worth the chase!

This blog is sort of word-vomit of a bunch of crap I have had to deal with this week, and no I know, it is not as cheerful and Jesus-loving as it usually is, but it is the truth. You, readers, or...reader-whoever you are haha, are bearing witness to my heart of hearts right now. I am facing the facts that I am a survivor through life, and my heart will remain open for whoever wants to test it out...because I can't hide who I am. I have SO much love to give! Whether it be to kiddos I teach or my friends or a dog or the future love of my life!!!! But I will NOT settle for having my heart broken by people who are not even worth it! So, if you get booted out of this gypsy's life then you clearly weren't worth the pain it would've caused me in the long-run!

Tomorrow, I am hopping into my car with one of my besties and we are driving until we run out of road-because that is what gypsy's do! If you pass me along the journey, then be cautious...I may bite ;)

In Him,

Meg

Church Didn't Save Me....GOD DID!

Tonight, I was hit with the very hard and very painful realization that there are people in my family who do not know Jesus, the way I know Jesus. I am not talking about my blood family, I mean...my Christian one. People I go to church with, people I eat lunch with on Sundays, people who open their home to me, people I am around several times a week. My heart shattered. Not only because they do not know the Savior as I know Him, but because I DIDN'T KNOW that they didn't.

I feel the question that lingers in the untouched air of today's Christian society is "Where is the disconnect?" When does it happen that people no longer are hungry for the Word, no longer want to know Jesus, no longer aim to live Biblically accurate lives? Christians have created a way that it is easy to be a "Christian" without ever having to know Jesus at all. Who doesn't want to be a Christian when it is that easy? Guess what? IT IS NOT THAT EASY! Nor, was it ever promised to us that it would be. When you are SAVED, your life should look radically, totally, and DRASTICALLY different then the rest of the world-because you are not living in the world or of the world's standards, but you are called by God to rise above and live your life set apart from that way of life.

I was 22 years old before I met Jesus. Before that, I would have called myself a Christian. My parents took me to church when I was a child. My uncle is a minister and all my family had a great reputation as God-loving, God-fearing people. I went to youth group, sang the songs, did the camp thing, played on inflatable jumping toys. And most importantly, I believed that God existed. Well do you know what? Come to find out that devil worshipers believe in God too! So, what is that saying about our faith when the one thing we fall back on in regards to defending our personal action of faith is nothing different than people who worship satan?

GOD SAVED ME. GOD SAVED ME. GOD SAVED ME. I was in a dark hole of a nightmarish life and GOD SAVED ME. He appeared to me and I heard the story of Jesus out of God's mouth himself. GOD SAVED ME. He thrust His Holy Spirit upon and broke my hard yet bleeding heart. GOD SAVED ME! In one instant, my entire life was DRAMATICALLY changed. Upon accepting Jesus it was if someone snapped their fingers and I was a completely different person. I thought differently, I spoke differently, I acted differently. EVERYTHING was changed, because I was no longer old Meg. I became transformed through God's love for me. Why isn't that everybody's experience with meeting Jesus for the first time?

Maybe you are thinking "Well, I have never gone through trials of anykind where God had to pull me out of something dark?" Ok, but nobody is perfect and God is trying to meet you in the trials you face today, even small things, and asking you to rely on Him and let Him change you but you are not even aware of that much because you are not even aware that you are desperately hungry for Him to begin with. Maybe you are thinking "I grew up in church, my parents are Christians, I don't ever remember not loving the Lord" Well that is AMAZING!! But are you acting like you love the Lord in all that you say? All that you do? Does every breath you breathe Glorify the One who gave you that breath?

There is a disconnect in the church and relationship to God. On any given day God is something different to me. On days where I miss my earthly dad who passed away, He is not only my strength and my comfort but He is my Father! On days I feel adventurous and need to get away, God is my playmate. On days where I feel sad and need to vent, God is my best girlfriend. On days where I am lonely, God romances me and becomes my Lover. He is the only one who knows what we need, and He always gives that to me. And if I don't feel it, I ask to. It is really as simple as that. We take for granted how powerful He is and also the power of Prayer. We take for granted the WORD of God, which is direct communication with how He wants us to live our lives. So many people use the excuse of "well I don't understand what I am reading!" I had the same trouble, but you know what I did that worked? I PRAYED. I prayed for God to lend me His spiritual eyes so that I could understand what I am reading. Instantly, I got it. He wants us to get it, He wants us to know these things so when we don't get it or don't understand then ASK Him to help you. That is what He is there for. Don't discredit the power of the Holy Spirit and how it transforms your life. WE are not powerful! We hold NO power. BUT GOD DOES! And He is going to use us whether we think we are worthy or not. We should not fear going out into the world and spreading His message because it is not us that is spreading it, it is the power of the Almighty God living inside of us.

Church did not save me. Church gave me a family whom I adore. Church gave me a support system that I need. Church gave me an avenue for all of the passions and talent God has given me in order to use them in ministry. But church did not Save me. God saved me.

There is a problem when church expects the unsaved to come to them, instead of going to the unsaved. There is a problem when people in the pews of a congregation question who Jesus is after 30 years of being a Christian. There is a problem when leadership in aims for bigger numbers to fill a multimillion dollar facility full of pews. There is a problem when the sermon becomes a motivational speech and not about Jesus Christ. There is a problem when the Bible is watered down. There is a PROBLEM when the message of Christ is twisted and contorted to make the people in the pews feel comfortable with living a Biblically inaccurate lifestyle. THERE IS A PROBLEM WHEN THERE ARE PEOPLE IN YOUR PEWS WHO ARE CONTINUOUSLY STARVING FOR THE WORD AND DESPERATE TO BE FED!!!

WAKEUP CHURCH! THERE. IS. A. PROBLEM!

In Him,

Meg

Guys and Dolls

The past week or so, I have been hit hard with the realization that I am single. And not just that I am single (because I have been that way for a long time now) but that unlike other times in my life, there are not even any prospects in the wings. My life consists of online classes, teaching small children, church, and meetings with girlfriends. So far, no men have popped up in my online classes dying to take out the girl who submits papers on child abuse and jevenile delinquency. The children I teach at church seem to have married parents and no older male siblings. At the theater I teach at I only see the children's mothers. And church....you would think this would be a wonderful place to find an amazing, God loving, Christian (SINGLE) man. Not the case in my congregation. So I am left wondering, what are some things to do in this town where I can meet new people. The answer I have been given (by friends and my own logic) are bars downtown. This serves as a problem for me, because unless that guy is in the bar to minster it seems unlikely that he will be the type of guy I am looking for.

So, what kind of guy am I looking for? (First of all, I would not necessarily say I am looking. Actually, I am quite content with him falling into my lap via help from the Lord or someone reading this very blog who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who will be PERFECT for me) This has inspired me to write down what I need in a man. If you see this list, and know this man, please....by all means.... :)

1. First and foremost he must LOVE THE LORD with every fiber of his being. Being a "christian" is simply not going to cut it, because it takes more than warming a pew with your butt on Sunday mornings to really be the kind of guy who will be able to handle and support me in my calling.
2. If he is religiously legalistic then....NEXT. I am a radical Jesus loving follower and require that someone I am with has that same wreckless abandonment for my God that I have.
3. Called to ministry. Which, honestly, I feel like we are all called to ministry-just in different avenues. I need someone who recognizes that calling and regardless of if you are a lawyer or cop or whatever, are living out that calling in your profession.
4. I need someone who longs to travel with me. I refuse to be stuck in Jonesboro Arkansas for the rest of my life, and quite frankly am hesitant on even dating guys here because most of the people here are already stuck!
5. It is absolutely required that I end up with someone more intellectual than myself. I like it when my guy can teach me new things. I need to be challenged because I get bored very easily.
6. His sense of humor must be witty in order to keep up with my bantor and pop culture references. I love to laugh, and I love to make people laugh. So being with someone I can do that for and does that for me is a plus.
7. One of the most important things for me is being able to be myself. I am the kind of girl who takes her shoes off and dances in the middle of WalMart and I need a guy who stands back and smiles and thinks to himself "Man I love her" OR better yet, a guy who joins in and dances with me because when we are together nothing else in the world matters. If you make me feel weird or try to restrict my free spirit in anyway then you will never make it in the world of Meg so there is no sense in trying.
8. I need someone who is compassionate. I have the world's most tender heart and if I am seeking compassion or empathy from a guy and he tries to "toughen me up" oh heck to the no, see ya :) My heart breaks for the things of this world that breaks God's heart. I am called to the frontlines of working with the broken hearted, the abandoned, the children of the world who feel unloved and unwanted, and at the end of every day I am sure that all I could really use is a hug and the option to cry it all out on your shoulder if I need to.
9. I want to matter to someone. I want to be so important to somebody that my opinions matter, what I am doing throughout my day matters, and seeing me matters. If a guy does not attempt to see me as much as he can, or communicate with me on a constant basis then it will not work. See, because I know that I am a princess and I know that I deserve the best. My God has told me that and I will not settle for a guy who makes me feel anyless than what I deserve. And maybe I wont find that guy, but I will be single forever before I settle.
10. I am at the point in my life where I am done casually dating. I am "looking" for my husband. So I need a guy who is also at that same point in his life, because I will not wait 5 years to marry you when I am ready now. That's just the way it is. I want marriage and kids and I need a guy who also wants those things.

So see, for the most part it would seem pretty simple. But no, it has not been. So what is my plan of action? Continuing doing the Lord's work, knowing that in His perfect timing He will work all of it out for me. Also, travelling more and meeting men outside of this large small town. And lastly, leaving it up to the amazing Christian men and women in my life to recommend guys to me!

My friends and family think I am picky. But I refuse to get married for the sake of getting married. 30-40year olds today who struggle in their marriage realize that their reasons for getting married in the first place were wrong and they are paying the price for it. Marriage is tough no doubt about it, but it is also beautiful. And it was created to bring GLORY to our LORD and I want that for my life. So yes, I will continue to be picky so that my marriage will do everything the God created marriage to do.

In Him,
Meg

Once Upon A Time...

Once upon a time, in a not so far away land, lived a young girl. This girl was more beautiful than she would ever know, for the evils of the world had done everything to ensure that she would never find out her true identity. You see, this was no ordinary girl. No. She was the daughter of a king. A PRINCESS.

However, her journey in life resembled nothing of royalty. This "princess" was born to ordinary parents whom both, she lost. She was an orphan drowning in a sea of abandonment, and accustomed to fighting her way through life in order to survive. She went to any means necessary to show her strength, because she knew if she were weak the world would swallow her alive.

Walking through life scared, alone, angry, and broken-the most amazing thing happened. She met a Prince. This Prince took one look at the raggedy orphan and wept, for he knew of the pain she had gone through. With his hand to her chin he lifted her sight to meet his awaiting eyes.

"You, My Beloved" he whispered "have CAPTIVATED me."

The Prince and the young girl spent everyday together. They walked hand in hand through their mornings. They shared meals together. She shared with him the inner most desires of her quickly healing heart. She cried on his shoulder. She laughed until her heart ached. For the first time in her whole life, she felt safe. She was home.

The prince loved the young girl so much that he could not wait to introduce her to his Father. When the girl caught a glimpse of the glory of the King she fell to the ground, unable to move. Paralyzed by shame and the guilt of her former life, she dared not face such a powerful king.

"My Daughter" he said, lifting her off of the ground. "I love you more than you will ever know. And not because of what you have done, but because of who you are. My son thinks highly of you. You are my Daughter whom I adore."

Looking back at her Prince, the new Princess wept in joy! Shedding the rags of her old clothing, the King wrapped around the Princess the most beautiful cloak one had ever seen. He placed a ring on her finger that sparkled greater than any star in the sky. He placed a crown on her head that reflected every color in the rainbow plus colors she had never even seen before. The King kissed the Princess on her cheek and placed her hand back into the hands of her Prince.

The little princess walked with her Prince into a beautiful garden. He sat her down and said to her:
"There are people in the world, like you once were, unaware how much my Father loves them. In His name, will you tell them how much they are wanted? Will you share your life with them so that my Father can do His work through you?"

"Of course, my Prince. I will do anything you ask."

He placed his hand on her heart.
"I will live in here forever my Beloved. You will never know another lonely night. You will never feel like you are unwanted or unloved, ever again. If you start to doubt it, cry out to me my princess. I will immediately surround you with peace and comfort. I will kiss you every morning when you awake and wrap my arms around you every night as you fall asleep. I am sending a counselor to help you, for I know how indecisive you are my precious girl. I know you will need help figuring out what to do, and I want nothing more than to help you. I long to hear you cry out to me. Never forget that the power of my father is how you will accomplish your mission. Love Him, because he loves you so. And love others, so that they may know Him too. Do you think you can do this little princess?"

The princess thought about it for a moment. Though it would be hard, leaving her safe home with her Prince and re-entering the world that was so cruel to innocent heart, she knew what she had to do. The other princesses of the world must know about their Prince and how much their Father, the King, adores them. So she would tell them.

"Yes, my Prince. I will be a vessel to bring light to dark places. When I am sad, when I am scared, when I feel like I am the only one fighting for justice, when I don't feel I have a voice, when I am tempted, when I am persecuted, or when I am in danger, I will remember that you are in my heart, and the power of the King lies in my faith that He can do the impossible."

The Prince kissed the little princess goodbye.
"Until we meet again, my Beloved."
"Yes" she smiled. "Until we meet again, my Prince."

In Him,
Meg

Fasting from Facebook

Yesterday, a really good friend of mine hurt my feelings very much. This morning, when I opened my eyes, I instantly remembered the hurt and began tossing his hateful words around in my head. I was obsessed. I wondered how someone could be so kind and loving one second, and the next, act like you are the devil himself. I did not understand it and the more I thought about it, the angrier I became.

After reeling from the situation with this friend (pre-eyes-even-opening-to-greet-the-day), I had a few text messages from another friend asking about homework. Normally, this wouldn't bother me at all but I was already in a bad mood from examining the situation with this other friend. I was not upset at all that she asked about homework, but that I was still in bed carelessly giving little (well, no) thought to it at all. The messages stressed me out because they caused me to think about something I was actively trying not to think about at all.

So, before my feet even hit the floor I was 1.upset, and 2.stressed out. Half-awake, half-zombie I got out of bed, made my way to the computer, and when my eyes opened I miraculously found that my sleep-self had made it on to facebook. It was at that moment that I truly thought to myself "I'm barely awake, haven't talked to God, and somehow I am already glued to the facebook world"-checking on statuses I missed while sleeping, checking my inbox, and wondering what next clever thing I could post on my own profile. This. Is. Sad.

So, I got off of facebook and went downstairs, where I preceded to get onto a different computer and attempt the online homework the friend had warned me about that morning. It was hard. And everything she said about it was right (dang) so I was even more frustrated because I also couldn't figure out which assignment was due.

During those moments, I got a text from a dear friend of mine who I am getting to worship with tomorrow night. It was just small chit-chat, but she mentioned something huge that made my heart smile. She was fasting from facebook. She confessed to having so many distractions in and of the world that get in the way sometimes of her relationship with God and full commitment to Him. Immediately I said "I'm in!" I recognized that part of my problem throughout that whole upset, stressful, and confusing morning was that I was letting things of the world distract me from centering on my God.

You see, God has opened some pretty huge and pretty amazing doors for me over the past few weeks. And with that responsibility, usually comes some pretty intense spiritual warfare. As Beth Moore states (paraphrasing)
Anything God does, satan is going to try and counter. We are assigned specific holy angels from the Lord as well as specific un-holy angels from satan to attempt to counter what God and His angels are doing in and for us. We are constantly surrounded by spiritual warfare.

I knew satan would have it out for me hard, to try and get my "human nature" to mess up and undo all of the works God is doing in my life. I just, never knew how the attacks would come. After talking with my friend about the facebook fast, deciding to do it, and meditating on distractions of this world I knew instantly that satan so often 'gets us' with the LITTLE things. Things we would not normally think about, like spending too much time on facebook.

If you are reading this right now, I encourage you to take a minute and think about some little things that really, when added up, become big distractions from your relationship with God. We forget that we need not worry about anything. And we easily forget that we are not in control. And, that if we truly focused on nothing but a relationship with God, then HE will take care of the rest!

God loves us. He wants to dance with us everyday. Kiss our cheeks and hold our hands. He wants to romance us with sunsets and roses and butterflies. He wants to whisper into our ears how much He adores us. He is in love with us, and wants nothing more in return than for us to fall head over heels in love with Him too. And out of that love, he takes care of us!

What are some things you worry about or attempt to have control over that God wants to take off of your hands? finances? worry about children? job? What are some little things you need to delete from your life (or like me, at least take a break from)? facebook? dating? shopping? video games? When we relinquish control to God, He will not let us down. He is creating something beautiful IN us and FOR us, and all He asks of us is to trust Him.

Even if this guy does not know how badly he hurt my feelings, I want to forgive him anyway, and give that situation up to God. I will pray for this man's heart, that he truly changes from his tempermental ways. I will pray that the Lord show him how acting that way, and letting satan win, will destroy the plans the Lord has for him (ministry wise or other). To the friend who stressed me out, I deeply apologize. She had no idea that her texts were walking in on my already bad morning. Nor did she know I was choosing to procrastinate the homework. Her willingness to knock it out inspired me to do it so I thank her very much for that. And to my fellow facebook faster-I love you so much. You are a BEAUTIFUL woman of God and inspire me so much, even when you have no idea you are doing it. This is the start of a beautiful, non-judgemental, honest and loving, AWESOME friendship!

In Him.
Meg

P.S. If you are reading this ON facebook, I am not on it haha. There is a share application!

What I Did in Church Today

I have said this many times before throughout my blogs, but I am going to say it again as sort of a recapping the blessing it is in my life sort of deal. I feel so very fortunate to have found my faith later in life. There was no mold to break, because I did not grow up in church. There were no beliefs of my parents to question, because I did not have parents who expressed a belief system to me really at all. I have no one to please, because I get that the bigger picture is my personal and extremely intimate relationship with God and spreading His love to those who do not know of it. I am a free agent.

However, as part of this following Christ deal, I am now a part of a FAMILY. Family who seeks to help each other out, walking this difficult road in life and holding each other accountable for believing what we believe. So when I feel I see something happening, that lends no strengths to the collective body of Christ as a whole, I tend to want to say something.

Versus ranting and raving about church, versus throwing hissy fits trying to get things to change, and versus being completely silent hoping we progress as the body of Christ (and then leaving the church altogether when we don't)...I am going to, SPEAK.

In church this morning, I tried VERY hard to pay attention, which normally is not difficult for me at all because I adore our preacher and he always has extremely inspirational things to think about. But this morning, from the start of the whole day I just could not seem to get my brain to focus. Sometimes this happens due to not enough sleep or not eating breakfast or something along those lines. So I try and pray it away, so that by the time the sermon comes, my brain and spirit and heart are ready to take in what is about to be said. This morning was different.

Have you ever felt the Holy Spirit nudging you to GET AWAY? Not in a crazy parental "GET AWAY!" situation, but picture me this. Your on your way to eat with a group of people after church, and you feel in your spirit your Lover and Creator whispering "Don't go with them. Come away with ME, my beloved. I want you all to myself." ? (This happens to me alot, and I ADORE time away with my King). Well, this morning, the distraction did not come from outside. It came from within. That same voice. That same Holy Spirit nudging me, telling me "I need your voice to do something about my bride (bride being the church). Write this down..."

I don't know about you guys, but when I get directions from God-I LISTEN! So I took out some paper and my Bible and like a crazy person started writing down all that He had to say. For those of you who know me, know that I take personally things that happen within the body of Christ (whether it be in my own congregation or halfway across the world) and one of the main reasons is because there are too many people out there who do not get it, and my passion is for children and I will fight tooth and nail to the death to make sure we bring up a generation of kiddos who DO get it (and this is hard when the adults teaching them still do not get it). So, I say that to say this....this blog could have EASILY just been another rant about what is wrong with the church today, things I want to change, etc. But I am (only human first of all so bear with me if there is still some "Meg" in here) going to do my best to deliver a message I truly feel God wanted spoken through me.

So, here it is. This is what I did in church today:

"CHURCH"
--Leadership should not compromise their true beliefs (things they know to be a TRUTH) in order to make people (congregation) feel comfortable. That is not "teaching" anything.
An example that came to mind here is parenting. If you KNOW that drinking and driving is dangerous and you hold true to that in your personal beliefs, wouldnt you also try to teach your children that same thing? If your 9 year old son (who does not know better and does not know truth like you do in this situation) was 'uncomfortable' with your stance on the issue, and decided that collectively your family was going to start drinking and driving, would you remain silent? This is not only giving your 9year old son leadership in your family, but it is compromising your personal beliefs. It may not seem that way, because sure in your head silently you know it is wrong to drink and drive, but not saying anything to help guide others to that conclusion is just as bad as handing them a bottle and saying "here, take off"
**Of course this is a completely dramatic example, but if you truly think about it this happens with people in leadership postions all the time. I would imagine (and this is Meg talking here) that it is unbearably difficult to be a leader of a large amount of people. People with different interests, different traditions they grew up with, different opinions. But when you strip back all of the other (and Im going to say this) JUNK, what should be at the absolute core is TRUTH. God told us how to live, how he expects us behave, how we should minister, what the church should look like but more importantly BE. And when all is stripped away, are those truths still at the foundation of the church today?

(Back to God speaking to me this morning)
--we should also not cator to making people feel comfortable because
1. We are NOT called to live as Lukewarm Christians. Revelation 3: 15-16 says "I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot not cold, I will SPIT YOU OUT OF MY MOUTH!"
(I dont know about you guys but I do not look fondly on being spit out of the mouth of my very precious savior and redeemer!)
2. If we attempt to cater to making people feel comfortable then we are only proving that all that matters is the amount of bodies in the building.
--Yes, it is important to draw people into "church" but church is NOT A BUILDING. Church is a FAMILY!
--People are SAVED by God not by people. An God CHOOSES whom He will save. (Eph. 1:5-6, Acts 13:48, Rev. 17:8).
**This idea does not discontinue church buildings or congregations meeting (what most people carelessly refer to as "church") but it instead, re-enstates the truth that is having an encounter with God in order to truly understand. People can most definitely encounter God in a church building and become saved....but they can also find God on the streets, in McDonalds, at a volleyball game. He is going to find you in His perfect timing and according to His perfect plan. We (as the body of Christ to non-believers) I feel, are here to facilitate community and fellowship and teaching God's message and sharing his LOVE!
What does this have to do with the previous idea? Well, it backs up that there is MUCH more to it then the amount of bodies in a pew. ((At this point of the blog, I very much wanted to use the example of the desciples asking Jesus why he spoke in parables and his answer (Mark 4) about the masses not understanding his message and equate that to a preacher dictating his sermon on making his 'audience' comfortable with what he's saying-However, this scripture being used for that reason could be up for debate as in this time God had not yet given us the Holy Spirit to guide us (which only proves my point basically about weeding out those in church who come to hear a nice lesson versus those in church who are starving and hungry for the word and the truth as God meant for it to be heard) but we will leave it alone for now))

The things mentioned above are what God asked me to write down while I was in church this morning. Yes, they do mirror what I believe (which is a good thing right? haha) and where my opinion was inserted I was sure to tell you when It was me and not Him. I want to put as simply as I can, just how I feel in general about church today (not my congregation specifically, not one Ive been too, no preachers or elders or anyone being called out here, just my own personal thoughts about the body of christ as a whole):

As Christians who believe, it is our job to spread God's message and LOVE the heck out of others (believers and non-believers). We do not have to just accomplish this through a building at the beginning of every week. I feel church would be an excellent place for those who are starving for the word and yearning to learn more about God and to fall deeper in love with Him, to refuel so to speak. To be FED. And to fellowship with other believers so relationships are formed and it no longer becomes as hard walking this path! Only then are we fed can we spread God's love and His message to others as best we humanly can. Church should not be about the number of "member" or the budget to keep the building air conditioned or how many songs we do or do not sing during worship. Church should be a place where the Holy Spirit overflows and we as believers are in the presence of God. It should not be about formality and times and structure. But should have the freedom for God to show up if He wants to! It is a place to teach children the best decisions to be making for their lives, how to love others, and how much God truly adores them! Out of church should grow people who are madly in love with the Lord, who dance with Him daily, who venture outside of their own life to help others or love others or simply recognize someone other than themselves. It is a place where people should feel welcome and loved the minute they walk through the door, and not a place where people are forced through the door to hear a message they dont understand anyway. Church should not be in the four walls of a building but flowing out into the workplace and schools and the community. (And I could seriously go on all day, but I wont)

I have an AMAZING familiy at my congregation. And for the denomination it chooses to associate with, we are extremely progressive. But we are not called to be a progressive COC in NEA who looks radical compared to the rest of the COC's in NEA. We are called to live lives set apart and radical for God when compared to the rest of the entire secular world.

When it comes to church taking a stand and doing something on this planet, I feel the time for babysteps has come to an end.

I hope that what I have said has not offended but yet, inspired any who choose to read my words. I am simply another person with a voice. But, I am willing to understand when Im in the wrong and learn when I have things to learn.

In Him,
Meg

Someone's About to Get FOUL Up in There!

15 year old girls are fascinating for numerous reasons. They talk in foreign and unknown languages ("OMG I'm about to get foul up on you, if you don't shut the front-door, Edna!"). Their addictions mirror objects either eskimos or 90yr old women would find handy (i.e. Ugg boots and Vera Bradley handbags). And their moodswings might cause anyone within a 5 foot radius verbal whiplash ( *screaming* "MMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!" *smiling* "I love you"). But, these are not the tales to be told in this particular blog, no. I am here to write about the more recent fascination of 15 year old girls (and no, it is not to teen pregnancy shows because that is a WHOLE 'nother ballgame) but instead, to the interest in prison life!

And I won't lie, I am just as addicted to shows like LockUp as the next person, but have found it curious why a young girl (my cousin *to remain discrete we will call her Smashley* to be more specific) finds this topic so enticing. There has yet to be an explination on why this subject matter is so addicting to her, but you can be if Lock Up is on I will be getting a text that says "LOCKUP!!!!" haha. I find it hysterical actually.

But last night, the humor was sucked out of the scenario of my little Smashley (jokingly of course) saying she wanted to see what prison was really like because it was so interesting, when I stumbled across a new show on A&E called "Beyond Scared Straight". This show takes at-risk youth into prison to basically scare the hell out of them, in attempts to set their path straight. The episode on last night was a group of young girls, ages 12-17. Again, I was sucked into the allure of learning about prison life. However, this time it was a little different.

These teens were allocated there through some type of program, counseler or parent recomendation, probation, etc. Their offenses? Vandalism, robbery, kidnapping, terroristic threats, fighting, underage drinking, drugs, etc. Throughout the course of this day the girls are given a tour of the prison by a select handful of innmates (yes, they were hardcore). At another point in the day the girls hear of some of the prisoners stories and how they ended up there. One girl, now in her late 20's, is serving a 15-life sentence for (2nd degree murder) for basically, being a party girl. She was wasted at a party, told a group of guys whom she had enticed that "so and so" had some money she wanted, and they went and killed the guy in front of her. Hearing her story broke her heart, because you could see in her eyes and through her tears, and through her desperate pleas to these young girls to turn their life around, that she had truly changed-and seen the error of her ways. But she will, more than likely, forever be a prisoner being punished for a crime she is remorseful over.

During a tour of the courtyard (I say tour, but really it is a chance for the young girls to be harrassed and tortured by the innmates there) one of the 12 year old girl's saw her mother. The mother pleaded with the daughter "I dont want to see you in here. PLEASE dont make the same mistakes I have!" and so on and so forth.

For some of these children, the experience was life-changing. For a few, it did nothing to help. Throughout the course of the show, at various times, I found myself sobbing for these young girls. Hearing about how they smoke weed and party and fight in school. They all cussed very frequently, completely disrespected their moms or dads, and all had SO much anger inside of them.

Hear me now audience. SATAN IS ATTACKING OUR YOUTH. Yes. ATTACKING. OUR. YOUTH. We've known it is true, but are we actively doing anything to stop or prevent it? Of the 10 girls in the program do you want to know a common denominator for 90%? Living in a single parent home. Of that 90%, over half were abandoned by a parent where the other 30-40% were a product of divorce. SATAN IS ATTACKING OUR YOUTH THROUGH BREAKING UP OUR FAMILIES.

If marriage (and when I say "if" I am saying, this is a FACT) glorifies God then Satan is going to do his very best to DESTROY marriages. If you are MARRIED and you find yourself one day looking at your partner thinking "hmm...I just dont think I love them anymore" Uh, NYELLOW!? SATAN! If you are MARRIED and you wakeup one day having found yourself in an affair for over a year unsure of how you got there, Uh NYELLOW? SATAN!! (WHOA, did NOT mean to get off on a marriage tangent. That's a whole nother ballgame as well.)

Back to our kiddos. Ok. So these girls are angry and sobbing out for help. They are dying to feel loved. Dying to feel accepted. And dying to feel wanted by those around them. As a parent, as church, as aunts, as uncles, as ADULTS, it is OUR JOB to ensure that these children KNOW how much they are loved, KNOW how much they are wanted, and KNOW they are accepted by us. Because when they without a doubt or question in their mind believe that is true, they can more easily believe and accept and FEEL the TRUE, UNCONDITIONAL love of Christ. I am living testimony to being a product of not only abandonment but also divorce. I am living testimony to NOT feeling wanted by my parents. I am living testimony to NOT having family who fought for me and fought for my heart. I am living testimony to being left out in the cold and then feeling like I am a burden on all the angels who have attempted to help me out along the way. Because SATAN wants me to continue to feel unloved, unwanted, and unaccepted. He starts running these programs so early in life that it is SCARY!

I know I am not a parent, but I had parents once. I am someone who statistically shouldve ended up a HELL of alot worse but through the Love and Grace of God amongst prayer warriors and angels He has sent to protect me along the way, I have made it through the other side. Not in jail. Not pregnant. With no STD's, with no bad record, with a semi-great attitude. And most importantly. MY LIFE.

But I...am one of the lucky ones. And last night's show reminded me how we all need so desperately need to be PRAYING for our youth that they may know the love of God. PRAYING for their parents and families, that they will NOT listen to the lies of satan but instead to the truth of God. PRAYING for our teachers and counselors and coaches who handle these kids on a daily basis. PRAYING for our youth ministers, that they stop treating youth group like a party and start teaching these kids how to desciple and speak truth and Christi-identity into the lives of their peers! When you look into the eyes of a stranger at the grocery store, you may never know if they are on the front lines of a child's life-a child who may only be hanging on by a thread. LET US STOP ALLOWING SATAN TO ENGULF OUR CHILDREN THROUGH MEANS IN WHICH WE ESSENTIALLY HAVE CONTROL (at least a heck of alot more control then they do).

The brokenness in our youth today, has GOT to end somewhere. Why not here.

Meg

Electric Slide Right on My Heart Why don't Ya!

"He and I had something beautiful, but so dysfunctional it couldn't last. I loved him so, but I let him go cause I knew he'd never love me back. Such pain as this shouldn't have to be experienced. I'm still reeling from the loss, still a little bit delirious." (A FINE FRENZY)

They say "sticks and stones can break my bones but words may never hurt me"...."THEY"...were WRONG. Words can hurt. Very much.

"Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you. Counting my footsteps, praying the floor won't fall through...Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone. Don't ya think I was too young to be messed with the girl in the dress cried the whole way home....I should have known."

(TAYLOR SWIFT)

So then why do we do it? Say mean words? Repeat mean words? Say things we don't mean? Break promises we never intended to keep? Write notes to our friends that would hurt others feelings if they read it? Keep a diary full of hateful words we would be grounded for if our parents ever found? Why do we let words hurt us at all?

"Each time you'd pull down the driveway I wasn't sure when I would see you again. Yours was a twisted blind-sided highway, no matter which road you took then. Oh you set up your place in my thoughts, moved in and made my thinking crowded. Now we're out in the back with the barking dogs, my heart the red sun, your heart the moon clouded." (INDIGO GIRLS)

It isn't very often that I allow myself to listen to secular music. Not because I think there is particularly anything so wrong with it, but simply because...it hurts. But, today was a random day where kLove just wasn't cutting it for me, I was tired of my Francesca Batistelli cd, and I wanted something to JAM to, something to SING with, and something to FEEL! So, I popped in the A Fine Frenzy cd. Her music is very, very exceptional. But at the same token, very, very heartbreaking. I immediately found myself glued to the same 3 songs I used to always listen to so many years ago, and sucked back into a memory I did not wish to be a part of. I was there, in that moment a few years ago, after having just been dumped, driving around at midnight, listening to heartbreaking music and crying (hopefully to all of my many readers, it will come as no surprise that girls do this sometimes when we have been dumped....or at least, I do this after being dumped!) I shook the memory out of my head, focusing back on the reality at hand which was that I was driving through town in the middle of the day, not particularly upset about anything, and definitely not remembering a breakup with whats his face several years ago. And immediately...God spoke to me.

I believe after a breakup, there is an instinct need for (women anyway) to wallow in self-pity, drowning our sorrows in mint-chocolate chip ice cream, and driving around with our girlfriends listening to breakup songs and crying. No, not the most productive way to rid a broken heart but what is one night going to hurt?.....Right? Well, I am not so sure any more. See, I will admit to the world (because I am betting I am not alone in this) that I do this once after a breakup, sure. But you will undoubtedly find me doing this, periodically, and sometimes months or years later. Still "healing" from the same breakup? Well, probably not. But still listening to the same music, and experiencing the same feelings as if I am. Does this, then, leave room for God to heal my wounds and my broken heart? If I so easily will be sucked back into the past as if He had never rescued and healed me to begin with?

I think that is what we do sometimes when we revisit old wounds that way. And I used music as an example, because that is what most often does it for me. Sure, there are guys I have dated that I need no physical reminder that he was once there because I remember it every second of the day, and every second of the day am trying to forget it. To this day, there are still bands and songs I can not listen to because it physically hurts my heart too much. There are places I can not go. Things I can not eat. I am not free.... and today I heard God whispering to me "let me free you"

But how? Well, He asked me to write this blog. Talking about the difference between the need to wallow in self pity for a little while versus acts of self-destruction that disable us from healing properly. So in my example with music, listening to this old music did several things: 1. attempted to reverse a program in my heart/brain that God is trying to run now (Satan. Damn you.) 2. tempted me to text or call old boyfriends whom I know I should not try and contact (Satan, you little rascal!) and 3. killed my perfectly joyous mood I have just by being in love with my God and brought me to surface with "the woes of the world" (OOOoooh he is sneaky!). See, satan doesn't want us to heal. So he is going to make this music so enticing, that even those few times we decide to pop it in every now and then, he has done his part, and the memories will take care of themselves: leaving us fragile women (and men in some cases) balled up on the floor, a disheveled mess, wondering (when the song is over) why we are so upset?

Again, do not hear me say that this is strictly music. Because it can be anything. Looking through old photo albums, going through home videos, smelling a particular scent, going to familiar places....all good ways to wallow over the past, a past that God is trying to HEAL you from and satan is trying to REMIND you of.

So what do we do about this? We fight back. In the case with my music....I know I am not strong enough alone to get rid of these songs that hurt me so so badly. (because I am a music LOVER and this is some GOOD music) BUT-I love God MORE than this music, and even more than I love Him and my music...is how much HE loves me. And how SO BADLY He doesn't want me to hurt, or suffer from what others have done to me. He does not want me crying over my broken heart because every second of every day He is working to mend it back together in a way that only HE can. And when He does, it will never be broken like that again. So in my case...I pray. Pray for strength.

Let's examine the Truth here. Which one helps more. This:

"I wrote a couple notes, one in love, one in anger. They're lyin' there dying in the dresser drawer. Lived louder than my voice, struggled through a stranger. He loved me til I loved you even more...Now I can't laugh, can't cry. And I can't run, can't hide. What do I gotta do? What do I gotta do to keep you? What do I gotta do to keep you...from doing this to me?" (SUGARLAND)

OR This:

"Your name is JESUS. Your name is JESUS. You're the Wonderful, Counselor, my Friend. You're what I hold onto, I know that You've brought me through, all the days of loss...to the cross You knew...that I'd need a SAVIOR." (AMONG THE THIRSTY)

Like I said before, God asked me to share this message, and I write it to whoever out there is reading to convict you just as much if not more to me, to convict myself of my own actions as well. It is alot easier said than done, not just giving God your heart now but giving Him your past too...so that He can heal every ounce of you. That is what He LONGS to do for you, beloved. Yes, we have a Creator who loves us THAT much. So believe it.

"But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from His sanctuary; my cry to Him reached His ears." Psalm 18:6

What are you holding onto today that God is asking you to let go, so that He can truly heal your broken heart? Are you willing to give it up? To trust that no man, no song, no memory could EVER amount to the Love of our Savior?

In Him,

Meg

Downward Dogged to my Death

First and foremost, if you have ever attempted "hot yoga"then I applaud you.

For those of you who havent....I would NEVER recommend it. Hot yoga is where 20 plus people gather into a room the size of a closet to do yoga. No, the "hot" part of hot yoga isnt the sweaty body, but the 20 plus heaters that line the floors and walls of the room. I did hot yoga for the first and very last time today. After 30plus minutes of conditioning in the 100plus degree room, I thought "I just may pass out". When my head started floating above my body and I was losing vision I thought "I'm pretty sure....I am about to meet Jesus!" At that point, I gathered my things and so rudely ran out of the room into the cool lobby. Where I then preceded to collapse onto the cool concrete floor until I regained some consciousness. After about ten minutes or so, while everyone else was still in class, I decided to run for it. Oh but life is never that easy is it? The door was locked (and very meticulously I might add). This was it. I was going to die in a yoga studio. I eventually figured out the mechanics and with no shoes, no coat, in below 30 degree weather...I made a run for it. All the way to my car, never looking back. Once in my car, I decided the ONLY thing I could do to revive myself was to go to McDonalds and get a happy meal...which is exactly what I did! (Always good to have an emergency back up plan if ya know what I mean!)

Needless to say, hot yoga is one thing being crossed off of my 2011 Bucket List. (Sadly, hot yoga was never even ON my Bucket List. So now I have to write it in, acting like I actually ever wanted to try it, and then cross it off! Just to prove my ego something and to not have officially wasted 45minutes of my young life.)

Is this post about yoga? Well, no not really. In church this morning, I heard something said that reminded me of where I was this time last year, and all of the progress Ive made in my walk with God. And I thought, thank the LORD for great friends who helped guide me to where I am today, because without them and their unfailing love and their great advice and their prayers and encouragement, I would not be this ravishing creature blogging before you now (haha, ok ok hot yoga was a real blow to the old ego so I have to get my kicks where I can!)

So having passed the mark now of being a "Christian" over a full year, I wanted to share some things Ive learned and some advice that has gotten me through.

1. God is ALWAYS good and ALWAYS faithful, and He will work things out in His perfect time. (of course, I relearn this one all the time)
2. Ask questions. I had "go-to" people who, at all hours of the night, would answer my random questions. If there was a scripture I didnt understand or something bothering me, they were always there. Which leads me to my next one....
3. Surround yourself with other Christians whom you trust and who can help you. Life is hard, and we were never created to do it alone. Even Jesus had his besties and He counted on them. It is ok to ask for help and it is ok to admit that you can't do it alone!
4. Don't strive to do the right things, say the right words, or look like the best Christian. God knows your heart, and knows when youre faking it. Instead...
5. Strive to KNOW God...
6. Get to know His character by READING HIS WORD (they dont tell you this in Bible school for kicks and giggles, the Bible is TRULY meant to help you!)
7. Fall in love with God. Do not treat God like your boss, because He wants to be SO much more to us then that. He is our lover, our rescuer, our husband, our protector, our counseler, our BEST FRIEND! So TREAT HIM THAT WAY!
8. Understand that we are called to live very specific lives set apart from the world. To some people, this means being "radical" but to radicalists, this means living the way we were CREATED to live. If you dont know what this means then you are probably not doing something radical, but thats ok. We live and we learn, and as you are reading this...I hope you are learning!
9. When counseling other people and helping others get through a hard time, understand that YOU CAN NOT SAVE SOMEONE from themselves! If WE could save, we would have never needed a SAVIOR! (This is hard for peeps like me who want to rush in and "fix" things. Sometimes, we are just meant to LOVE on people. Because God is the only one who can heal, fix, and SAVE!)
10. When you have weird feelings, sense a dark change, dont feel like yourself, or are experiencing seasons or times of (fill in the blank negative feeling), dont just chalk that up to (fill in the blank usual excuse, ie. period, hard day at work, kids driving you nuts, etc). Sometimes, those FEELINGS we get is because we are experiencing spiritual warfare! Satan attacks us ALL the time through our loved ones, families, etc, and when you chalk it up to "oh my husband is just being grumpy" pretty soon that "grumpiness" turns into violence, or an affair, or abandonement. Anything can get out of control when you dont work to fix it, and if we as Christians continue to walk through life like there isnt a devil who is trying to bring us down then he will always win! SPIRITUAL WARFARE IS SOOOO STINKING REAL!!!
11. Realize that you have the POWER of GOD, dwelling inside you. We as people have no power, but God inside of us has ALL of the power. With Him, we really can do ANYTHING. SO wrap your little brain around that piece of info and GO CHANGE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (theres no excuses! Shoo! Go on!! Get outta here!)

Of course there is SOOOOO much more that I have learned this year, and maybe I can share a little more each time I write. These things are not just lines on a page to me, or words out of a mouth, or advice in a self help book....these are part of my program now. God has reprogrammed my heart, to stop believing in the poisenous lies it once believed, to now believing the TRUTH! And the TRUTH, my friend, will set you FREE!!

I feel SO blessed to have found my faith later in life. Not only do I have a kick-butt testimony (which rocks out some how good God is) but I also did not have a "mold" to break. So many people who grew up in church or had religion shoved down their throats as a kid has a hard time figuring it out on their own. What is their own beliefs versus their parents? Why have I done this for 30 years to find out it really means nothing to me? Why dont I do this more? etc etc....these are GREAT questions to be asking yourself!! Finding my true identity through Christ has been the most excellent journey I have ever gotten to embark upon! I hope you who are reading this feel the same way...and if you dont, maybe something is missing! Im just a young girl, trying to find her voice, but if there is anything I can do to help....me and Jesus are here. Ready to listen. Ready to love :)

In Him,
Meg