Persecution....

"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom." (Matthew 5:10, Message)





I never understood this verse, not really. I easily read it, and new what all the words meant, but I could never really fathom "persecution." I thought persecution (at least in America) was something that didn't happen anymore. A year ago when running across this same verse, I prayed for persecution thinking that it would really challenge me to grow in my faith and strengthen my relationship and dependency on God....but did I know what I was really looking for to happen? No. Until today.

Persecution doesn't always come in the form of beatings and abuse. It doesn't always come in the form of getting thrown into prison or having to hide underground and have secret meetings to escape death. Sometimes, persecution comes through criticism. Through judgement. Through abandonement. And through many other things, that people say and do, whether it be family, friends, or complete strangers, when they see you doing things most would consider "radical" in order to help be a factor in bringing the kingdom of Heaven on earth.

I had an encounter today, with a very close friend of mine, who had more than a few choice words about some decisions I have been praying about and contemplating for a while. Decisions that might cause me to be not only uprooted from my church, family, friends, and my job but maybe from the country itself. When you say to people "I want to be a missionary" or "I am called to move to Africa and help orphans" or "God spoke to me and told me do to this fill in the blank thing" people look at like you like you are crazy. They laugh you off as if you are joking. And almost all of them most certainly have some type of opinion about what you have just said.

The thing is, we as Christians do not answer to those people....even if those people are brothers and sisters in Christ. We don't answer to our church or our family or our job. We were created to serve ONE God and are called according to HIS will, not the will that others place upon us. Where friends and family who discourage us from doing the things that they consider "radical" or crazy even probably mean very well, and are not mean-spirited people, they are also not the ones who have to answer for the things in my life that I did or didn't do. I answer for those things. And in the end, when I get to see my Father and Creator and very best Friend, I don't want to waste a ton of time having to come up with excuses as to why I didn't do the things I know He so apparently called me to do. I would rather just run to Him and hug Him and worship Him and ask Him questions and let Him love on me. I don't want the added drama ;)

I imagine that the reason we see deeper into the kingdom when we as Christians are persecuted is because we are then truly walking in the footsteps of Jesus, becoming more like Him, and getting closer to feeling the weight of what we did to Him when others do it to us. I will continue to pray for persecution, just like I will pray for the ones who crucify me and that their hearts be changed. If you're not for the kingdom you are against it, and just like a parent who would do anything in the world for their child I feel that way about doing what God has called me to do. I have that kind of passion and drive to wrecklessly abandon everything in my life to serve Him.

In Him,
Meg

Soul Surfer

Tonight, for the very first time, I watched the movie Soul Surfer--and man was it wonderful. Bethany Hamilton is such a living testament to God's love for us and how that love reveals itself when we align ourselves with His will and walk in complete surrender to His plan for our lives!

The past couple of days I have been pondering what I thought was a big decision. It involved my job and is a move I have been talking about all summer. I have thought about it and stated it in conversation with other people as if it were already a done deal. I went to an interview, where I was offered the job only...something was different. I felt...intimidated, scared, oppressed even. There was thick, heavy, and negative energy in the room and I couldn't get out of there quick enough. Was this typical "interview nerves"? Maybe. But if you know me at all you know that nothing happens in my life that I don't extremely overanalyze, wondering if it is a very vivid sign from God I am supposed to be listening to.

So after I left the interview I called upon several of my prayer warriors, to lift up to God what I should do about the situation. The job would be a HUGE commitment and chunk of my time, and because it is related to my current job I couldn't start and then back out, because then my other job would be affected. I was questionning myself-am I passionate about this enough to commit to it fully? Is this a situation that God wants me to be in? Is sacrificing other things in my life (photography, free time, dance class, other things I love) worth it to do this particular job? I was left very confused and sad that I was so confused, because the last thing I want to do is let anybody down.

The most unsettling times for me in my life are the "in between" moments. The times I have just finished a big show and am looking forward to the next one but in between not acting at all. The times I have been offered an awesome opportunity but it requires a specific time of waiting before it happens. Times between gigs, times between spiritual retreats and ministry opportunities. And most definitely times between missions. Those moments where you know something is on the horizon--no, you have NO idea what that might be, but you KNOW something is there and that God is working in a BIG way on something. Something you can't see, something you don't know, and something you don't want to screw up in the meantime by making wrong decisions. (Yes, I think WAY too much sometimes haha).

I have prayed for patience in every prayer of mine for the past year, because of being in one of those times of waiting. And it always seems that everytime I get a little busy or start working on a project and I stop thinking/worrying about it, is when God shows up the biggest in my life with a very vivid "Next Step" to the ultimate Plan. Does that make sense? No, the puzzle isn't solved and there is no grande resolution I have come to. But with each step forward I become more at peace with knowing I am on the right track and am getting there.

So during this time of waiting the past couple of days, while people were praying like crazy for me, I stumbled upon this movie--Soul Surfer. And God spoke to me through the movie and it is something He made very clear I was to share with you guys. There is a part in the movie, after Bethany has lost her arm and she is in a huge competition with some very tough competitors, that her dad pulls her aside to give her some advice. He tells her that if you fight to race the other girls to every wave it is just going to wear her out and kill her energy. So he tells her "YOU know those moments between sets when it's quiet, and the waves haven't even formed yet, it's just energy surging through the water? That's the time to be PATIENT...LISTEN...and TRUST. You'll know."

Wow! What powerful words that spoke directly to my heart and where I am at in my life right now. During the in between times, the lulls, the transitioning of seasons---there is a very distinct energy I feel. It feels like every molecule in my body moves a little bit quicker in anticipation of the next move of the One who created them. They (the molecules) always feel it before I do. And sometimes it takes me a few days to recognize the feeling and come to the understanding that something is about to happen. When Tim Hamilton told his daughter that about the waves, I could completely relate. But what's even more important than relating to it, is what happens in the second part of his advice. He didn't tell her to feel the energy and go for it. He said that is the time to be patient, to listen ,and to trust. And then you will know.

Many times in our lives we have to wait on God for something or another, for me it is always clarity about a life-decision which comes from anxiety of not knowing the bigger plan. Even during bad times, sometimes we have to sit in it and wait on Him to rescue us. We might feel that energy surging through us, knowing something is about to happen, but it doesn't necessarily mean ACT NOW. More often the not it means, "Wait on Me, My beloved. For I know the plans I have for you and they are plans of good and not of evil. Plans to give you a hope and a future. So rest assured that when you put your hope and faith in me, all will be revealed in My perfect timing." (of course I am paraphrasing here but at various moments in scripture God says ALL of this to us!)

What's even better about God speaking to me through this moment, is what happened while I was watching the movie. I got a call from someone who works with an organization I am very passionate about in Africa which rescues trafficked and enslaved children and offers them a better life. She asked me if I would be interested in going to Africa to tutor some of these kids. I couldn't believe that this was happening after the couple of days I have had pondering what to do in my life. It was horribly perfect timing, horrible because of the gabillion commitments I have this fall, and perfect because I know it was of God--and His perfect timing and will for my life will win above all earthly obligations I have.

So what now, I ask? I am in that moment where I feel I'm sitting on a surfboard in the middle of the ocean, feeling the molecules in the water speed up because of the energy of a huge wave that's on the horizon. A wave I can't even see yet, but that I have to trust I KNOW is there. And I wait. I pray...ALOT! And, I wait for God to send me that burning bush and say "this is it." I feel like when I am suppsed to see the wave, when I am supposed to know the next step in the plan, I will just....KNOW!

If you feel the energy in your life right now, like there is a 'next move' on the horizon you just don't know what it is--then know for one, you are not alone. Not just because I am feeling it too but because God NEVER leaves us sitting on a surfboard in the middle of the ocean. And two, I encourage you to trust God...and wait, for His perfect timing. Easier said than done, trust me I know. But maybe if we are all doing it together we can support one another in another step and another way of bringing the kingdom of Heaven on earth as brothers and sisters in Christ.

In Him,
Meg

Do You Trust Me??

Being a drama teacher as well as a student of communications one thing I teach (and continue learning about everyday) is the power of body language. Body language is a tool that helps us send a message even when we are not verbally speaking. Slanted eyebrows typically means we are mad or angry about something whereas eyebrows raised high usually means we are surprised or shocked about something. Pouting lips means we are sad, folded arms means we are gaurded, fidgets of any kind usually mean we are anxious or nervous about something...even the direction of our eyeballs when speaking can tell our audience (or the recievers of the message) whether we are fabricating our story (aka LYING!). I find it amusing too that not all gestures mean the same thing! Where waving means hello, high five means familiarity with another person, and fist pumping all mean something very specific in the US they may mean completely different things in other parts of the world.

The reason I am bringing this up is because of a movie I was watching tonight (and this blog may be a big ferris wheel of blabber but I promise, you will come back down to the bottom and hopefully have caught on to the point after you've had the chance to see the message from several different vantage points!) The movie I was watching was the huge box office tear jerker "TITANIC". During one of the first initial scenes the character of Rose is attempting to fling herself off of the huge ship. Here she has her first encounter with Jack Dawson. He rescues her so to speak by holding out his hand and asking her to TRUST HIM. She takes his hand and clearly does not fall off the ship (or that would have been one short movie and none of us would ever have known what happened on that big boat!) Anyway, after this scene I said so clearly in my own head that it could have possibly been verbal "I wish I had a guy who loved me this much that I could trust with my life." And do you know what I heard back? "YOU DO"---WHOA! What a slap on my forehead, Homer Simpson DOHH!, kind of moment. DUH! I DO have someone who loves me that much! But what about the second part? The part where I trust Him with my whole life?? (If you haven't caught on by now I am talking about God)

While letting that question sink in, I found myself semi-busy doing other things while the movie was going but EVERYTIME I came back in, it was at a part where Jack Dawson was holding his hand out to Rose asking her "DO YOU TRUST ME?" And everytime, with little or no hesitation she grabbed it and followed him, or grabbed it and held on, or grabbed it and truly just trusted that he knew what was best, and he was going to get them out of whatever situation they were in (be it running from the cops on the ship, or holding on for dear life when the ship sinks. Oh yes--SPOILER ALERT! :))

I dated a man once who in the beginning asked me to trust him this same way. To hold on with everything that I had, and to never let go. And that even if we went down with the ship, or found ourselves amidst a terrible stormy sea that is trying to suck us down under, that it would be "us against the world". What a wonderful offer huh? To not only on our own accord trust someone that much but for someone to love you so much they are willing to BE trusted that much by you because they will fight to the death for that love, is powerful. However, there was something wrong with that mentality. (And in any dynamic with anybody I think there will ALWAYS be something wrong with that type of situation).

When we trust in other people that way, or a singular other person, our need for God to be our Rescuer starts to diminish. And when that need diminishes, we start feeling like we don't need Him at all in any area of our lives. I took a philosophy of love class in college where we talked about the origins of love. (Roughly I am going to try and remember that now.) Basically there were these things walking around called "kegpeople" which were 2 people (or beings rather) attached as one. Their insides and outsides fit together, they wrapped around each other, and this was "LOVE". Well, since the kegpeople had all that they needed within their singular unit, it made the gods mad, because they were no longer being worshipped by the kegpeople. So one of the gods (with the lightning bolts) took a pair of lightning bolt scissors and cut the keg people in half. Then the god of storm or wind or something (clearly it's been a while since I have had this class haha) blew all of the keg people to the four corners of the earth. What happened after that is that these keg people would spend the rest of their lives LOOKING for their other half. Some would search forever and never find the other person and end up alone. Others would link together with another keg person whom they never originally "fit" with and because they were mismatched and wouldn't fit together, all they could do is wrap their arms around the other person, and wilt and die! (Isn't this so sad!?). This is also referred to sometimes as the "soulmate" theory. So back to my point--I feel like when we look at other people as our other half, our missing piece, our soulmate, our "you complete me" jerry maguire boyfriend--we miss out on feeling that way towards GOD.

If anyone in your life is going to be your "Jack Dawson" it needs to be God. He is always there, extending His hand to us, asking us to trust Him, and waiting for us to truly surrender to His plan. And when we do, trust and surrender, He takes us on an AMAZING journey that we never would have been on otherwise. Rose found herself ready to jump off of a boat in freezing degree water in the middle of nowhere rather than go back to her predictably controlled boring safe and dissatisfying life. But when she found Jack Dawson, and made the choice to take his hand every single time he extended it to her, to trust him and follow him, letting him lead and make choices, letting him protect her and love her and therefore in return, showing him her love for him as well, she found herself on a wild, and exciting ride-where only her wildest dreams were coming true!

So often we find ourselves faced with the dilemma of taking God's hand and fully trusting, or taking God's hand and maybe not really trusting at all. Sometimes we even look at God's extended hand and say "Um, God, could you like, hold on a sec? Let me try it MY way and if it doesn't work I'll come right back." Imagine if you were Rose and God was Jack Dawson. Picture that love, that passion, that desire to be with us always and protect us and love us and lead us in our lives. Would you as Rose EVER say no to dreamy eyed, handsome, and romantic Jack Dawson (aka Leo DiCapprio) when he extends his hand to you? So why do we say no when God steps in the picture and extends his hand to us? Remember, God is the CREATOR of the heart-therefore He is the ULTIMATE Romancer of it, because He knows the ends and outs! It would be like trying to play World of Warcraft with it's creator, expecting him not to be any good at it so attempting to play like the top ranked in the world instead, make sense? Hello!? He CREATED the game! (sorry, that was a very random analogy that popped into my head JUST IN CASE I had any male audience on this blog!)

I started the blog talking about body language, and facial expressions, and finally gestures. The single most important gesture in capturing a woman's heart is going to be the extension of the hand which always makes the statement "you taking my hand means you trust me-- trust in where I will lead you, trust me in how I'll love you, trust that I will protect you." Sure, it is a WONDERFUL idea to also trust your husband in this same way. But ladies, God created marriage to be glorified and for it to mirror the relationship He has with us. So don't you think you should trust and surrender to God in this intense way by taking His extended hand before you try and add a man in the picture? With no model, you won't know how to do it. That simple.

So I guess specifically I am talking to ladies again here. We ask for chocolates, we ask for diamonds, we ask for kids, we ask for love, we ask for time, we ask for attention, we ask for .....someone to extend their hand to us, so that we are ABLE then to surrender, being free from all control, to fall into the arms of true LOVE that surrounds us so much that we feel our heart might explode. Well, God is waiting and wanting to do that for us right now. His hand is always extended. What will we choose to do with it?

In Him,

Meg

Eve Wasn't the Only One to Bite an Apple....

I am a musical theater and drama teacher at a non-profit organization called the Foundation of Arts. I absolutely love my job! Love it so much in fact that I started doing private drama lessons for kids who are interested. The way I set up my private lessons is getting kids to display a variety of emotion and explore the behavior patterns of different types of characters.

One of my kids, miss Caroline, decided to pick a Princess song and a Villain song, in order to best learn about the characterization that goes into each part! The first song we learned was from the movie Enchanted, and it was a breeze! The song is fun and light and cheery! And princess characterization came very simple to her. We talked about princess hands, and princess voice, and different types of princess emotion (and showing them on our face in a princess-like way of course!). We learned how to float around the room like a cartoon princess, and dance with our invisible prince! We did exercises in our minds to explore what it feels like to be somewhere fun and exciting and familiar and then be lost and lonely and somewhere you didn't recognize (to truly deepen the understanding of this particular character!) All of which was a success!

Next it was time to move on to the VILLAN song. We learned about villain faces, villain mannerisms, down to villain-like gestures. We worked on an evil laugh and evil walking and evil dancing! Lastly, I had Caroline come up with her villain. What the villain would look like and sound like. It's magic powers and menions. Down to an even deeper level of WHY is this villain so evil, what happened to him/her in their past to make them so angry and evil and all other sorts of villain emotions. When it was time to deliver her villain, I noticed some very interesting things mentioned. Caroline talked alot and used alot of the allotted time to talk about the things SURROUNDING her villain. Crystal ball, evil menions, magic door, evil sounds, magic mirror, evil cloak--things like that! And it hit me, villains are surrounded by evil--but without their magic gadgets and sidekicks and spellbooks and cauldrons and fill in the blank--they would have no power....and in fact, might not even be evil at all.

I have wanted to write a blog about this for the past several weeks, since it happened. But wasn't sure where it was going until now. It has been heavy on my mind tonight and went off like a lightbulb DING! SPIRITUAL WARFARE!

If you have never read Frank Peretti's books This Present Darkness and Piercing the Darkness, then oh man...you should! He writes these books from the perspectives of his human characters, his demon characters, and his angel characters. The way he portrays spiritual warfare is by naming these demons sinful chains we as humans cannot let go of. For example, one demon might be called Jealousy and the Jealousy demon might link herself around the ankle of some woman. Of course, we as humans don't see them but often times we know they are there, because we enter into contracts with them which is why they are allowed to stay. Does that make sense? Of course there are things we can do to break these contracts, one being prayer and crying out to God to give us strength to release us from bondage-only then do the angel characters get to come in and rid us of all these little demons hanging around! This book reminds me of Caroline's villain lessons!

What if we were to compare and contrast cartoon villains to real life spiritual warfare. It might look something like this. In the Little Mermaid, Ursula had two menions )which enabled her to carry out her dirty work): Flotsom and Jetsom. In real life, those menions might look something like Materialism and Greed. In Tangled, the witch's only true power lie in Rapunzel's glowing hair. Without it, she was nothing. In real life, the magic hair that gives power might look something like Addiction, which leaves those it attaches to feeling very powerful. In Snow White, the witch had to rely on a mirror to gain all of her wisdom and insight. Just like in real life how we might have, Dependency or Approval Seeking demons hanging around us so that we might seek what we think is truth, but is really just other people's opinions about us.

If you recall in Genesis, Eve was decieved by a serpent and ate the apple, and sin entered the world. But she wasn't the only one to eat an apple was she? Literally speaking Snow White also ate of an apple, because she was decieved by a witch who was evil because of the things that she had which made her that way (mirror, cauldron, menions). Figuratively speaking, Ariel "ate an apple" when she believed in Ursula's power and went to the sea witch to become a human. Little Red Ridinghood "ate an apple" so to speak, when she let the wolf persuade her into breaking her mother's rules, rules that very clearly stated not to stop and talk to strangers.

When we break rules or stray off the marked path, we are so much easier decieved by the evil in this world. And sometimes, when we get decieved so many times, we enter into these spiritual contracts with "villain things" in another world we can not see. And after entering into those contracts then WE become the villains, who are manipulated and controlled by evil. Then we start decieving others and throwing out apples at people around us and the horrible cycle never ends! This is what happens in, divorces, abortions, premarital sex, drug addiction, stealing, murder, adultry, and the list goes on and on and on and on. Someone takes an apple, bites an apple, then becomes the apple giver.

So what do we do to stop the cycle? I feel like we pray for God to give us strength so we stop waking up everyday and accepting the apple. We instead wakeup and seek His face. We immerse ourselves in His holy Word so that we learn the character of Him and His holy angels, so we recognize when something is of Him and when it is not. We study those who have gone before us and screwed up, and when we find out what apples they took and ate we commit to making better choices. And finally, we stop giving others our apples too--meaning, we stop pressuring our girlfriend to have sex with us, we stop blaming all of our marital problems on our husbands/wives, we stop using guilt as a motivator in our relationships, we stop selling drugs to people we see floundering in drug addiction, we stop asking our alcoholic friends to go out for drinks on the weekends, we stop and think for a minute before every action we take--"what would I feel like if someone was treating me this way? or doing THIS to me? Or what if I were in their shoes?"

It is so easy to get bogged down in the Jealousy, Hatred, Anger, Lust, Seduction, Complacency, Greedy, (and so many more) demons that satan uses to attack us. But we belong to a Heavenly father who has already won the battler of good and evil for us. So, you just have to wakeup and make the choice. Are you going to be a villain? Are you going to give an apple? Are you going to be a victim and make the choice to take an apple? Or are you going to break free from the cycle, and decide to walk in the light as the true prince or princess that God has created you to be?

In Him,

Meg

Big Giant Jigsaw Puzzle Heart

This is a blog for all my young ladies out there. You are my sisters in Christ whom I love so much and treasure dearly. I hope this reaches you where you are in life at this very moment, and in it you find not judgement, but someone who is giving you a giant HUG!

Young girls today are faced with hardships that are beyond comprehensible for some to understand. There is your typical peer pressure: pressure to try drugs, to drink, to have sex, to do things that are almost sex, to THINK about sex, to cheat, to lie, and the list goes on and on. Then there is the pressure that lies behind every woman (even older, wiser, and mature women) to go to extreme measures to FEEL beautiful. We invest thousands of dollars a year in makeup, and even more then that in brand new clothes, jewelry, shoes, and other accessories. We are constantly comparing ourselves to women around us and letting our viewpoint of them dictate how we feel about ourselves. "Oh she is so thin, I am so fat. Oh but look at her, she has put on some weight, I think I look pretty good." We are constantly trying the latest diet trends and exercise craze in order to shed some lb's. We diet, we get dumped, we eat, we diet. We diet, we have a stressful day at work, we pig out, we diet. We diet, we get into a fight with our significant other, we buy chocolate-we eat said chocolate, we cry because we ate so much chocolate, then we diet again. It is a vicious endless cycle that needs to end.

Young women today have SO much pressure on them from the world that from the outside looking in I wonder, when and where is the time we get to just relax and be ourselves? Well ladies, God is ALWAYS calling us to be ourselves. But the trouble is, we get so lost in the ways of the world, the temptation, the failing diets, the exercise trends, the latest gossip among friends, the newest clothing lines, tanning, materialism, etc, that it consumes our identity, and we forget WHOSE we are.

One of my favorite Psalms is Psalms 139, and it romantically shows us a loving and protecting and all knowing Heavenly Father who knows us inside and out better than anyone on the planet (Ps 139:1-6), whom we cannot ever escape (Ps 139:7-12), and who created us perfectly, wonderfully, and fearfully in His own image and knew all that we would be and do before we even lived one day (Ps 139:13-18). I don't know about you guys but this is GREAT news to me!!! I love this news. Isn't it the female way to be understood and known better than we know ourselves? Isn't it a female desire that we are loved by a Lover whom we can never escape, no matter how crazy we get sometimes? And isn't it the female desperation to know how beautiful we are all the time? Well we have a Father who is all of these things for us. But so often we forget....and when we forget, we start getting holes in our heart that are "God-shaped".

Have you ever played that game as a kid (or more recently with small children) where you have to place the different shaped pegs inside of a box or bucket or something? The triangle peg will never fit into the circle hole. And the square peg will never fit into the diamond hole. That is not how those pegs were created to function. And when stretched to do something they were never intended to do, is when things get BROKEN. All of us--women, men, children even--have wounds and scars. Wounds being things we have not healed from and scars being things maybe we have healed from but situations which left an imprint behind as a reminder of what we had to go through to get it. And we most certainly all have holes in our hearts. Often times, one of those is a God-shaped hole as a wise friend once told me. All the women I have ever known including myself have used every tactic and resource in the book to fill that God-shaped hole. We use chocolate, girlfriends, our careers, obsession with looks, materialism, and certainly most dangerously---MEN!

We jump from relationship to relationship expecting these men to fill this hole that we have. But like the circle peg, we are trying to get them to fulfill a function that they were never created to do. And it isn't just our God holes where we try to place relationships. Have an absent father? Let's shove a boyfriend in there. Have dependency issues? Squeeze a guy in that hole. Have a crazy family? Let's shove several bad relationships in that spot. Yea ladies, it just doesn't work that way. Because here is what happens (and there is lots of bad things that can and will happen when doing this).

1. The men go crazy because of all of the pressure we put on them to serve in functions they were never supposed to serve in. 2. We continually get our hearts broken because we put all expectations into people who are just that, people. Imperfect humans whom no matter the good intentions, just fail sometimes because we all do. 3. We end up missing HUGE chunks of our hearts because we so freely and carelessly give it away to those who mistreat it in hopes that we will find what we are looking for. 4. We stray farther and farther away from God while believing this lie that satan has tricked us into believing until one day we wake up and realize we not only don't see God at all anymore but we look in the mirror and don't even recognize ourselves.

You may be wondering why this blog is called Big Giant Jigsaw Puzzle Heart. I spoke at a young girls retreat a few months ago. The theme of the weekend was being God's Princess-your identity in Christ. I feel like so much of knowing who you are in Christ, is recognizing where you once were. So for one of the sessions I spoke, I gave my testimony. I am an artsy and craftsy kind of gal so I used a visual aid for the talk. I used a piece of large colorful cardboard. On one side of the board was my life before Christ. I used a felt heart cut into jigsaw pieces to show this side. I started from the top of the heart, taking away one piece at a time as I talked about that piece and what it represented. It ranged from things like divorced parents, abandonment issues, alcoholic stepmother, etc. When I got to the bottom the very last piece of my heart said SAVED. And when I got there, I told my salvation story. And when I flipped the cardboard over, I slowly started putting back together a new heart! With pieces that this time said things like ministry, church family, healing, and ended with the last piece which said "to be continued"--because every single day God is working on new ways to heal my once shattered, tattered, and broken heart. And what I am realizing as He is doing that, is that although MANY circumstances happened beyond my control, it led to me making poor choices. Choices that were very much IN my control, and decisions were inevitably what was breaking my own heart into pieces.

I see and work with so many girls who are following that same destructive pattern. Using relationships with boys to fill a God-shaped hole. When you do that girls, you are walking down a slippery slippery slope that not only is creating an environment of temptation and impurity but also breaking your own heart when your expectations are not met. I know you are young, and you think you are in love (and maybe you are, who knows) but I STRONGLY urge you girls to use your youth to build relationships with other girls! We we are PURE-we are seeing more of God's beauty and grace and power! Mt 5:8 says "Blessed are the PURE in HEART for they shall SEE GOD!" WOW! I don't know about you guys but I certainly want to see me some Jesus can I get an amen!?

And please hear me if you have heard nothing else, this is not a blog to lay guilt or pass judgement, but to wrap you up in my cyber-arms and tell you how much you are so very very loved. That you are a precious little princess whom God wants to dance with all day long. He is just begging you for your attention! Won't you shut out the drama and temptation and boys of the world long enough to let Him have all of you for a little while? One song with Him might change the way you sing forever! I encourage you to pray about purity and what that looks like in your life right now...and to seek out other Christian women (older preferrably) to help mentor and guide you as you grow up in such a hard hard time. We are not saying that it is easy, but I am PROMISING that it is WORTH it!

In Him,

Meg

Welcome to Crazy-town!

So I try to blog as often as possible, but try only to blog when I know that God has really put a vision in my mind of what I need to speak about. Lately, that has been many things. I have been waiting for the ideas to "hatch" so to speak, into something more solid and beautiful, but as time slips away I am forgetting some of the things I have been mentally making a note of to blog. So, here are all of the recent inner workings of my chaotic brain, in which I am referring to tonight as "Crazy-town'.

The first thing I felt nudged by the Holy Spirit to talk about is Christmas (odd, I know). You know how during Christmas there are a few moments where the entire world feels....magical? The stars twinkle brighter, the crisp air refreshes your spirit, you feel giddy inside, you witness so many people helping those less fortunate, you love harder and laugh louder, in the silence you hear music-like wind chimes! and everything just seems....ENCHANTED!!! Well I felt it, the other day in my car, I felt....CHRISTMAS! I felt it inside of me and outside of me too despite the 106 degree heat index. And I was giddy and twinkly and all of those other wonderful Christmas emotions-and in that moment, I remembered how much I love Jesus so much and what He has done for me in my life! Had he physically been near me I would have given Him the world's biggest hug and just cuddled with him for the rest of the day! Something about that feeling enticed me to draw near to Him! And it was a wonderful feeling! Of course my brain thought, why can't everyday be Christmas?? We ask that as children, because of course we want toys everyday! But what about as adults? Are we doing the things in our life and in our relationship with God that make us feel Christmas? Or is our relationship with Him and the business of life causing us to forget that twinkling, silent, magical need to draw near to God and love on and be loved on by our beautiful Savior? For the rest of the day I listened to Christmas music, and prayed more it seemed like, even read more in my Bible then normal before bed that night. It's a feeling I want to happen everyday-and I think it CAN be Christmas everyday, if we are doing the things that keep us CLOSE to Him. Because remember, He doesn't leave. We are the ones who stray. And when we stray....it must be awfully hard to get back to Christmas.

Another thing on my mind came to me watching the movie Hancock today while dozing off into a deep and wonderfully needed NAP! If you have never seen the movie Hancock, it is about this Superhero (Will Smith) who is basically just a delinquent. Yea, he will save you from a burning building, but in the process he will destroy all of the things around the building and cause an even bigger mess--all out of lazyness, loneliness, and his persona of just not giving a darn what people think about him. He ends up saving this one guy, Jason Bateman, who decides to do some PR work for Hancock so the city will see how much they need him and that he really can change from his self-destructive ways. He convinces Hancock to turn himself in (be it that he had hundreds of missed court dates for theft and destruction of property and all kinds of charges against him) and he ends up in jail. During a visit to jail, while Hancock is on the brink of destroying the place and trying to leave, Bateman's character convinces him that all of these behavioral problems of his, and the fascade of not caring is really his way of masking deeper emotions going on beneath the surface. And in the midst of a superhero who was seconds away from punching him in the face he says this "You are called to do this! You are so angry all the time because you are constantly fighting what you were created to do in this life! You are meant to be a superhero!"

It reminds me, how so often we compare ourselves to other people. "Oh she is a much better singer than I am", "How can I ever be that patient of a parent?","She is a super-Christian, when will God use me in that way?", "Why hasn't God asked me to travel the world for Him?" "They have a double-doctor family-I wish I had that kind of money.", "Her husband is so wonderful, why can't I find someone for me?" and the list goes on and on and on and on and on. I know that there are things I was called to do. One is being a wife and mother. I know that one for a fact. I am not sure of other things I am "called" to do persay. I know that there are things I am gifted in and things I am annointed in that I try and live out everyday. But sometimes it is still hard. I see people who have been Christians forever, who travel all over the world to do these outrageous missions for God, and I get sad and jealous-wondering why I am not there. Well, a hard hitting fact guys is that we are all called to do different things, be different places, have different talents, etc etc etc. And that is because, we are one BODY of Christ, and if we were all the same-with the same talents and lacking in the same areas, then there would never be in growth among us. I know for a FACT that I was NEVER meant to do ANYTHING in my life that regards fixing, working on, programming, etc COMPUTERS....I am technology-dumb. I can' work a smart phone, I can barely work a calculator, and I am HORRIBLE on computurs past the point of facebook, blogging, and Word Document. However, I live with a computer programmer (which definitely comes in handy) and it works out because he helps me learn and grow technology wise, and if we were both like theatrically gifted then neither one of us would know how to do anything at home on a computer and probably our jobs and relationships and many other things that revolve around technology these days would suffer. Make sense? I have always considered myself a very well-rounded individual who is passionate about many different things and talented in many different areas as well....but do I think all of those things are my "calling"? No, I don't. And more and more I am becoming ok with that, because when I am taking steps on the path that has already been layed out for me and is in direct alignment with God's will then I see the amazing affects it not only has on me, but those around me as well!

**I told you this blog was random. Christmas, then Hancock. Now what? Oh let's talk about Matt Chandler briefly. I have a few of his sermons, one which is about the roles of husbands and wives. I have listened to it several several times, and will require whoever I date next (if there EVER is another guy I date haha) to listen to it too. Because he lays out SO clearly the roles of husbands and wives and SO bluntly (and sometimes aggressively) addresses the problems that arise today in marriage and what causes it. This guy is ANNOINTED I tell you and hearing him speak everyday driving home from work in my car has been a BLESSING on my life!

I know there was so much more but I can't think of it now. If and when more things come to me, I will certainly add a part two to CrazyTown. Have a blessed day,

In Him,

Meg

Another Night of Taylor Swift songs....

I recently counseled at a youth camp on the campus of Lipscomb University. The stay was about 2 weeks and the time I had there was WONDERFUL. I went with every intention on ministering to and loving on some kiddos, and while doing that, my world was ultimately changed. It isn't very often that I see a new season of my life coming or that I am aware when the seasons shift as theyre shifting. But my stay in Nashville proved a new experience for me in that way. I met some amazing Christian girls there, my roommates, who are SO utterly filled with the Holy Spirit and in tune with its' guiding that it opened up a whole new world for me to see. It was the re-charge my Spirit needed!

Coming home from camp, I knew I would be attacked spiritually. That typically is one of satan's cards he likes to play. 'Someone on a mountain? Looks like its ole attacking time!' I was correct in that satan did try to attack. Sunday evening laying in bed I was overcome with the feeling of being emotionally overtaken. Like if you are covered in honey and you see a HUMONGOID herd of BEARS coming at you, that's what it felt like to me-except it wasn't bears, it was negative emotions. I felt anger, anxiety, fear, heartbreak, depression, sadness, loneliness, and tons more. In the midst of this I was having this weird and out of nowhere confrontation with a good friend of mine whom I care for very much. All of it combined made me so physically ill I knew before the puking came that I was being just beaten spiritually. So I immediately texted some prayer warriors and within 20 minutes I was at peace again.

I notice that with me, I am most vulnerable to spiritual attack when I am in a weakened state physically, mentally, or emotionally. After having counseled all week I was definitely weak physically and after the confrontation with a person I had given a small part of my heart too, I was also very weak emotionally. Now, I know it is impossible to avoid ever being vulnerable, but it is very important to always try and gaurd your heart. When our heart breaks, even just the teeniest tiniest bit, satan uses that open door as a plan of attack in order to tell us that we aren't worth it, that we aren't loved, that everyone who loves us will leave us, things like that. It is no fun feeling that way, especially when other Christians people who are supposed to be gaurding and protecting your heart are some of the people who put you in those weak and vulnerable positions.

What I continually learn from situations like these are that God is the One true Romancer of my heart and Keeper of my love. He will NEVER leave me, never forsake me. He will ALWAYS love me and always DESIRE that I be His. People are imperfect, and they will always let us down....and that is ok. Because out of the broken messes we are, God creates the most BEAUTIFUL things! So sure, where I've had a few days of listening to Taylor Swift songs and crying while I sing them at the top of my lungs in my car, I am also reaping the benefits of the Almighty God having a HUGE plan and HUGE calling on my life, that maybe some people just don't fit in to.

I was told by a precious girl at camp who came to me crying saying "Meagan, if you only knew. God has HUGE things planned for you. Walk confidently in the Spirit girl!" and those words changed my life. So, on nights where satan is trying to whisper into my ear that I am unlovable. I declare that I am LOVED by the Creator of the Heavens. And when Satan tries to tell me that I will always be along. I will listen to the Spirit who says " I am ALWAYS here". And when Satan starts screaming at me that my heart is broken, I will walk confidently in knowing that God uses is BEST in our brokenness. He must become more and more, and I less and less.

The Blind Side

Holidays have the tendency of encouraging people to take some time out of their normal day to day life, to reflect on things they normally wouldn't think about. Some take time to meditate on the blessings God has given them. Some take time out to dwell over memories of the past. Regardless of what holiday it is, or what that holiday provokes you to do, more than likely you do something or think something slightly different then you would on any other random day.

This weekend being Easter and all, I have had reflected on my family. And I am not talking about my blood family, but all of the other people that surround me in my day to day life. You see, I have not always been a Christian-in fact, it is a fairly new deal for me. I did not have a typical "Christian' up-bringing. And never once did I feel a reason to need or depend on a group of people at the church I randomly attended in my youth. If you take a look at my life now, all of that has dramatically changed.

Upon having been saved and attending my current church home, I was adopted into a family who truly and genuinely loves me. They immediately accepted me, and not love me because of what I do but because of who I am. Have you ever found this familial connection in people who were not your blood family?

Growing up in the house I grew up in and with alot of the family I had was not only a nightmare, but hell on earth. I didn't know the Lord and I didn't know people who loved the Lord. I didn't know anything but fights and violence and anger and rage. Then came the abandonment and alcoholism and abuse. Not only did I endure this from my immediate family, but those who were on the outside looking in did not do enough (if anything) to stop it. I grew up never feeling safe. Never feeling wanted. And very rarely feeling loved. Now, being an adult now, the dynamic of these relationships have changed somewhat of course. I no longer desire for the mom who walked out on us to read me bedtime stories at night. I no longer desire for the sister who raised me (but resents me now) to protect me from the monsters of the world. My need for this blood 'family' who time and time and time and time again has let me down and left me broken, my need for them has changed.

Don't get me wrong, because I love them all. And sometimes when we get a chance to visit, we have fun. Other times it is awkwardly apparent how I don't fit in with them. Rarely it is wonderful and everyone gets along and we have fun and eat and hang out without getting annoyed with one another. Regardless, my blood family never really taught me what a family was in actuality, supposed to be like. My sister will tell you that that kind of "family"-the kinds who take family vacations together and love each other and go to church together and are happy-she will tell you those are just fairytales....that it never really happens like that. The opposite of that is all she's ever known.

But you see, I have had the amazing and unique oppurtunity to witness that kind of family, that kind of love, firsthand. I live with a family whom I also go to church with, met at church last year in fact, and in the past 6 months or more I have witnessed family dinners, amazing and fun-filled vacations that didn't end with someone verbally abused, homework time with kids. I have gotten to see a husband and wife work in a partnership and bring a new baby into the world, a new baby who will never be more loved then by her amazing parents-parents who know how to love her because they know how much they in turn are loved by our Creator. I have witnessed basketball games, and picnics in the front yard, and walks around the neighborhood, and Disney World, and most importantly....LOVE!! Because I am not an intruder into their family, I am part of their family. They are my family.

And not just the family I live with, but there are so many more people who have invested into my life as well. After church today, I was asked by 3 beautiful women what my Easter plans are and if I wanted to join their family for their Easter activities. I am LOVED. People who did not physically give birth to me, did not change my diapers, did not see my very first softball game or meet my very first boyfriend--these same people LOVE me like I am one of their own. Like I am their own daughter, or sister, or aunt, or whatever! COUSIN even I don't know haha. What a wonderful feeling huh? To be loved by so many people, GOOD people who love the Lord, and want to invest into your life because they know maybe you don't have anyone else who wants to.

And I am not trying to bash my own family by any means-they all of characteristics about them that are wonderful and some that are not so wonderful, just like we all do. No one is claiming to be perfect here. But I will put it like this, once you have put the babydoll into the trash compactor and hit the "on" button....baby doesn't come out looking the same anymore. And after that she will never be the same. I wouldn't call her unfixable-because my God works miracles (even on baby dolls). But I would call her remnant. No longer will she be the same, look the same, work the same, or play the same as she once did.

We all have people in our lives who have hurt us so much so to the point that keeping them close, in the end only hurts us more. We all have situations in our past that have left us so broken that although feelings may change, what's done is done. I have been accused before of "running away"--but what I like to call it is walking away from abuse. When I was young, and in the midst of witnessing abuse firsthand, I never had a safeplace to go. Now that I am older, and i have family and friends and angels of people surrounding me at all times, I DO have a safe place to go. I do not have to be scared, or hurt, or alone anymore.

Last night I was watching the movie "The Blind Side" with Sandra Bullock, where she picks up a young boy off the street to keep him out of the cold for a night-then ends up loving him and adopting him and making him a part of her family. I couldn't help but be over-emotional, because that same scenario has happened to me most of my young adult-adult life. It started with one set of people taking me in when I had nowhere to go, loving me, being my family, etc. Then another, then another, then more. Then I accepted Christ and went to church and now I have even more amazing people who open their doors, their family, and their hearts to me every week! I have the biggest family in the world! These people are crucial to my life, and vital to my success as a person in this world.

Like Sandra Bullock says in that movie, all these kids need is someone to invest in them. To love them and show them that they have potential and to help them see what that potential can lead to. After the family adopted Michael Oher (the kid she picks up who also goes on to be an NFL football player) they enlist in a whole community of other people (tutors, teachers, friends, etc) to invest into his life, his education, his sports, and most importantly...his heart. He was forever changed. Just like I am.

I owe where I am today to my family. You know who you are. You are angels, living out a mission from God, making sure one of his orphans has a home and family, and KNOWS Love like she's never known it before. And for that, my dear friends, you will be rewarded. Thank you

In Him,

Meg

Distractions

While driving to town today, without hesitation, I preceded to do something 70% of all women do in the car. I started to put on my makeup! I remember being a kid and watching my mom, or my aunt, or when old enough-my big sister, put on their makeup while driving me to school, or running errands, or what have you. The more experienced veterans often see no use for a rearview mirror, while other women know how to strategically place their mirrors 70% on face, 20% on baby in the backseat, and 10% on the road. This being a method that has worked for generations and generations of women!

While applying the last little bit of my "beauty" (the lip gloss of course) it occurred to me what a potential distraction it is to put on your makeup while driving! (yes, i chuckled out loud just now) It also brought to mind that probably do ANYTHING while driving that isn't, oh...DRIVING, is considered a distraction.

This past weekend at the retreat I spoke at, we talked about distractions of life. Distractions in a classroom for example might be your best friend beside you trying to talk to you, your empty stomach rumbling in anticipation of lunch, an unscheduled fire drill in the middle of your math test, the kid 4 seats up who blows his nose throughout the entire class, etc, etc. Distractions are EVERYWHERE!!

Other than putting on makeup while operating a large motor vehicle, what are some other distractions on the road? Playing with your car radio? Texting/talking while driving? A crying baby in your backseat? Roadkill you have to dodge? Running out of gas on the side of the road? All of these distractions are things that keep you from getting where you need to be.

So clearly, there are distractions in all areas of life from the important things like taking a test or driving to a meeting, down to the less important things like trying to watch your favorite tv show or playing a hard video game. If there are a million distractions per every incident in life we try to do, how many of those do you think apply to our relationship with God? We are not only distracted by the distractions of life, but we let even the things that seem important to us become distractions in our relationship with God.

For example, we KNOW that nothing is more important than God and our relationship with Him. But do we treat it as important as we know it should be when we have say, a serious boyfriend who demands all of our time and attention? When we have an extremely important deadline to meet in school? When we are in the worst fight we have ever had with our best friend? When our mom is sick and we have to take care of her? Jesus is the one who said to let the dead bury the dead in Mathew 8! He said this because there is NOTHING that is more important than following Jesus Christ. So if you are not following Him, then everything else is rightly considered a distraction.

There are times when I feel the Holy Spirit inside me urging me to just open up and talk to God, but then a good song comes on the radio and I would rather turn it up and sing to it as loud as I can. There are times when I feel the Holy Spirit asking me to run away with Him for a day, but there is something happening amongst my friends or family that I don't want to miss so I turn Him down. There are times when at the end of the day, I look back at all I have accomplished and am proud of myself for being so productive-then I sadly realize, I went the WHOLE entire day without acknowledging my Love and Creator once.

DISTRACTIONS. We are all guilty of having those things in our life that keep us from falling deeper in love with the Lord, and we might have those things in our life that are even hindering our relationship with the Lord. Whether it be facebook or a relationship or drama or work or your children or whatever--they are all distractions!

Have you ever experienced watching a mom or dad or coach or even another player on the sidelines of a child's game, cheering him/her or their team on? Sometimes I feel like we push God to the sidelines of our lives, and He is over there screaming "Meg! Pass me the Ball!" or "Meg, I love you so much, won't you just give me some time today!?" or "I know you won't put me in today but I will never stop cheering you on, Meg!" Does it break your heart to know we dribble or run that ball straight across the court or feild, with our eyes so glued on the PRIZE that we never even look to see who is around us?

We have it all wrong, you see, God is not supposed to be on the sidelines. He is supposed to be the PRIZE. And our eyes should be SO fixed on Him, that we bypass all of the other players and obstacles and just, crap of this world, and focus on getting to Him! He is begging for our attention everyday, and it probably makes Him very sad when we pay Him no attention.

I encourage you to re-visit the things going on in your life. Eliminate the excess garbage that doesn't belong (that should be the easy part). Then re-evaluate how you are spending the rest of your time. If you see that God has no set place in your life, then you should change something. Because there is infinite blessing in doing things His way, and even if you feel like it is wrong to put Him before your marriage or your kids or your family, it isn't. It is what He calls us to do. Because if our relationship with Him is out of whack, then the rest of that stuff will just fall apart anyway.

Give God some time this week. He misses you.

In Him,

Meg

Beautiful For Me

I had the absolute pleasure of speaking and leading worship at a girl's retreat this past weekend. We had about 10 girls there and had a blast all weekend. We played fun ice breaker and get to know ya games. We learned about 3 aspects of worship: thanks/praise, wonder at creation, and surrender. We learned about being God's Princesses and what that should mean and look like in our lives. We got to wear tiara's and pig out on candy and watch princess movies. It was an absolute BLESSING to be at this retreat!

One of the things I was most excited about for the weekend, was being able to share my testimony! I have never really shared my full testimony as a "speaker" before to a group of people, so it was a completely new experience for me. Being able to do that was confirmation in a way that I am where I need to be and on the track God wants me to be on. He is doing things in me lately that are blessing me beyond my wildest dreams! And this weekend was icing on icing on icing on a huge cake I feel is my life now as a devout follower of Christ.

However, NOBODY is perfect (I am the farthest from it). So it did not surprise me that after leaving the girls and being on a spiritual high, I caught myself listening to and believing the untruths of Satan. For the last few days he has been whispering into my ear that I am gaining weight, that I am not pretty enough, that I need to lose weight in order to find someone to love and marry me-just all kinds of CRAZY nonsensical garbage. But, I didn't catch that it was nonsensical until I let it sit heavily on my mind for a few days.

Talking with a girlfriend of mine last night, I came to realize that girls and women of ALL ages struggle with feeling beautiful. The girls we spoke to at the retreat struggle with knowing they are beautiful (whether they know it or not) because it is apparent in how they dress, the language they use, etc. They had forgotten (or maybe not ever known) that we are Princesses, Brides of Christ and are BEAUTIFUL and have SO much worth to Him.

But even knowing that truth, I still forget it!....ALOT! And I find that other women have that same problem too! My biggest enemy used to be my mirror. I would look into it and see ugly. big. worthless. needs improvements. I don't know when it happened, but all of that changed! And now I look into the mirror and see pretty smile. big blue eyes. decent weight. hey, I'm ok! BUT the enemy in the mirror moved to pictures. Because when I see pictures of myself ALLLLLL I do is point out how HORRIBLE I look. Oh this needs to be fixed, or I look so bad in that dress, or geez my legs and arms look huge, etc etc! When did my enemy in the mirror switch to my enemy in pictures? And when my enemy in pictures in conquered, where will I find him next?

Being a woman in this world is H.A.R.D!!!! Having to fight battles with image, make being a woman even harder. The world's standards for beauty have changed, and even though we as Christian women claim not to live of this world, we let the world's standards of beauty tell us how we should feel about the way we (and others) look. God has fought the enemy. And won. Our battles are in His hands. So why do we continue to insist on taking control ourselves, only to find ourselves crying on the floor hovering over a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream? Or running and sweating like a dog counting every calorie we take in and everyone that leaves, living in such bondage? Why is satan so clever that he knows he can ALWAYS defeat us if he just starts talking 'body image' into our ears.

Our God is more powerful than satan. And you know what? The same God that sent His son to die on the cross and rise again, the same God that healed the blind and raised the dead, that SAME God-lives inside of us. So we have the power through Christ to defeat satan. God created women dead last-we are the CROWN of all creation. And like man, are made in HIS image. So you see, we have no flaws-to say that we do is saying WHOA WHOA WHOA NOW, Lord of the Heavens and Earth, Creator of all the Universes...I think you messed up somewhere. If that is the convo YOU want to have with the Lord Almighty, then be my guest!

We are not perfect. At 12 years old....to 69 years old. We are not perfect. And satan will insist on telling us how not perfect we are, every second of every day for the rest of our lives. Let the Lord surround you with peace. Ask Him to romance you, to show you His glory, and to show you how beautiful you are to Him. He will answer those prayer-ask, and you shall recieve.

Oh, and as Christian women, young and old, we could all help each other out by building one another up instead of constantly tearing others down. Even when you don't know someone, or are observing from afar-that person is still God's beautiful creation whether you see the beauty in them or not. And to talk about yourself is just as bad as talking about others. Don't you think it breaks God's heart when He hears us talk that way about our beauty? Which is in turn....talking about HIS beauty??

"Has anybody told you, youre beautiful? You might believe if you could see what I see. Cause everything about you, is incredible! You should have seen Me smile the day that I made you, BEAUTIFUL....for Me!"--Love always, God.

In Him,

Meg

A Song for Baby Sister

Before You Came Along
Before you came along the world was not a perfect place. Gas prices were high and simplicity had been replaced.
Natural disasters destroyed what once was whole, and terroristic actions shook our nation to its core.
But God has always had a plan, and His plans are never wrong. Everything was waiting, before you came along.
Before you came along the house was full of blue. Boys, boys, boys-was all your parents knew.
Baseball gloves and Buzz Lightyear were sprinkled in the hall. Rocketships and comic strips and deflated basketballs.
But God knew what He was doing when He sent you from above. Cause every family needs a princess to show a Father's love.
Before you came along your mommy felt your body move. With every beating of your heart, her heart could feel it too.
Daddy liked to sing to you, his precious little girl. And ask God everynight for your safe entry to this world.
God answered every spoken prayer and unspoken ones too. You see, before you came along...our life was missing you.
Before you came along there once was nothing here, but God created Beauty to show us that He's near.
The stars reveal His glory and the whales all sing His praise. Rainbows show His promises and the wind whispers His name.
When He looked at His creation and heard the Heavens sing their song, there still was one thing left to do...Before you came along.

Parental Guidance Suggested

I commute back and forth from Paragould to Jonesboro almost everyday. Other then the increasing gas prices, this is a great thing for me because I find amazing solace driving in my car, singing at the top of my lungs, window down enjoying the new beautiful weather and having that extra hour a day where I can be alone, and think! Most often, when God presents a vision or idea to me, or when He just wants to chat, it is during one of these times for me.

A few nights ago I was listening to the Glee Volume 5 cd (yes, I am a Gleek, no the cd isn't actually mine...although, I DO have volumes 1-3! haha) and the song "Landslide" came on (per one of Gwyneth Paltrow's numerous cameos on the show. Originally, this song was done by Fleetwood Mac, a band my daddy joked about or referenced many times in the past, so immediately upon hearing the song, I thought of him.

I was not only reminded of my dad generically, but I was also reminded of the many things we shared...and sadly, the many things we never got to share. See, my dad was a coach-he LOVED coaching, any sport he could get his hands on he found a way to ref it or to coach it. My older sister and I started early in life being groomed for a sport's lifestyle. Deep down, it was never really my thing. So, after winning a talent show in 7th grade, we realized I had some vocal talent. So my dad shifted his focus from sports with me, to music-something we both passionately loved and did well.

Softball games turned into gigs at fairs, basketballs turned into guitars, and quality time meant teaching me chords on a guitar! I loved sharing this with my dad. I got the complete music-side of him to myself. My sister got the complete sport-side of him to herself. So we both won!

However, upon getting older, things changed some. I was interested in boys and dating. I was hardly ever home due to my social life. Dad's marriage to my stepmother began (or continued) falling apart so to keep busy and stay away from home he would spend hours and hours at work, til 10pm or later most nights. Our paths, simply never seemed to cross. We did not develop a bad relationship, but we had a distant one. When we were together, he would be drinking or partying with his own friends, and he would want to play and me to sing...but it was different somehow. It was fun quality time with my daddy, I was a monkey with a drum entertaining people on a crowded street. Other times, I simply denied singing with him because I was being stubborn and didn't want to, or because I was embarrassed (like most teenage excuses lead to).
We both missed out on several years of really being able to jam with one another!

A few months before my father died, I called him up and told him I missed playing with him and that if he found an excuse to play and for me to sing that we should do it! A week later he called back, having formed an idea to hold a fundraiser to raise money for the softball team at the school where he taught/coached. We went to work immediately on a song list and copying cd's for the other musicians. He came down to my house and had a couple of acoustic jam sessions with me, and was also working with some musically talented students at his school as well! It was all coming together and the fundraiser was to be scheduled for the end of January mid February.

On a Friday night I called my dad to make sure he was still coming down Saturday afternoon to rehearse with me. He told me he had some errands to run in the morning but would hollar at me when he got into town and we would meet up sometime around lunch. I told him I loved him, and we hung up. The next day, January 17th, 2009, I waited....and waited...and waited. All day I waited. I called. I drove around trying to find something to do. I was getting angry thinking he had forgotten all about me. I went to Hastings to find a dvd, but had no luck. I drove home and found my cousin Kevin, knocking on my front door. He was there to tell me, that my father had been killed in a car accident earlier that morning. It had happened more than 5 hours previous to anyone finding out because the police could not find or get a hold of anyone.

That day, changed my world forever. See, now, when I hear songs like "Landslide" I think, if I just would've sang with him when he wanted me to. If I just would've done the songs he wanted me to do. If it wouldn't have taken so long for me to grow up and realize how much I loved performing with him, then I would not feel that void within me when the music brings him to the forefront of my mind.

We don't always get the chance to tell people we love them, or show them how much we care. But not just that, we don't always get the chance to be selfless and just, indulge someone in something that means SO much to them. Had I not been a selfish brat, a child, so much of the time, I would have a million more memories of spending time with my daddy.

And writing this blog, God is showing me that that is so often what we do to him. See, when I was young I wanted boys and friends and adventures. I wanted to make my own mistakes, not listen to authority. I didn't take good care of my heart at all, and I was disgusted at anyone who tried to tell me what to do. And sometimes, I am still that selfish selfish child. I become impatient almost daily because God has not sent me my future husband-well, maybe He hasn't sent me anyone, because like my earthly father, is trying to just spend time with me. And He wants so badly for me to just be satisfied in that, and stop searching for anything else. Are the boys and friends and adventures that I search for now any different then the ones when I was a teenager? Sure, different scenario, but they are both taking away from time and energy and love that I could be showing my Father. God is telling me "Look Meg, I have let you make your mistakes, but now I want to show you what it's like when you do it MY way, and how infinitely blessed you will be when doing that."

Do we ever listen? Do we ever fully surrender that control? Do we ever relinquish the idea of "You know what Dad? YOU actually DO know better. So ever though it goes against all of my selfish and childish feelings and emotions, I am going to TRUST that You are protecting my heart-the heart You created."? Do we ever get there??

Maybe not. But not getting there, will lead to a life of sad what if's and regrets of great memories that could've been made....and weren't.

In Him,
Meg

This is How We OVERCOME

With today feeling like the first day of true spring (even though technically, the first day of spring is sometime next week), I decided some major spring cleaning was in order. One of my favorite parts of a good deep cleaning has always been discovering things I had forgotten about. I am the kind of deep-cleaner who likes to go through and read every piece of paper before I throw it away, stop to look at old pictures or flip through scrapbooks, and dance around to good songs I hear on the radio. Needless to say, cleaning today has been an all day job.

I have a spiderman backpack that I got over a year ago for fall semester (I also got a Spidey lunchbox but that is simply irrelevant). I haven't needed to use ole Spidey this year because the majority of my classes have all been online and I have not had to tote a ton of things around campus. However, Spidey saw me through some great times...and also through some rough times.

Upon opening him up today (him being Spidey, Spidey being my backpack...not the lunchbox-clearly) I discovered a ton of papers and a few books and a notebook and pens galore. I dumped it all out and began going through the papers piece by piece. What I discovered on those papers was not leftover homework and to-do lists and birthday cards and trash (which yes, I did find all of that in there) but it was so much more. It was my entire life-over the past year-hidden away in a backpack I had all but forgotten existed.

So, what did your life look like the past year? You may be asking. This time last year I was a very new Christian. I was in a foreign country, Berlin, Germany, on a school trip and struggling to find my new place in this world as someone who devoutly loved Jesus and was still holding onto the things of this world. I was just getting involved at Southwest Church (via their Easter musical I was in). I had just finished up a play, Snow White-which was my very first lead. I was entering what would be a few months of utter darkness, which would build strength and character for me and ultimately, bring me closer to my lover and creator Jesus Christ. Last summer I was a camp counselor at a Christian camp, for the very first time in my life, and I adored every second. I made lifelong friends and got to see what it was like minstering to youth and relating to them on a level that only God Himself could have His hand involved. I was recovering from heartbreak-heartbreak that had haunted and taunted me all the days of my life up until then. I was meeting new people, who would forever impact and change my entire life. In the fall I became extremely involved in ministry oppertunities at my church, and surrounded not by other members, but by my new FAMILY.

All that, and so much more, happened over the past year. And as I opened Spidey, and read the papers inside, I realized how much I have grown over that time. Notes which held thoughts and quotes and scriptures from someone so HUNGRY for the Word of God-were all inside the bag. Memories from the plays and the camp and the people I have met along the way-were all inside the bag. Books and devos and pens and highlighters which all lent a hand in my transformation, were all inside the bag. Most importantly, all of those things were together, inside the bag-my JOURNEY is what the bag held. My redemption, my transformation, what God was doing in my heart before the bag came along and what He will continue to do in me all the days of my life were ALL INSIDE THE BAG.

My mind was blown. To realize I did not recognize the person I was once. To see the change happening to me as if I was watching a television show. To read the words of this broken hearted person, this new Christian, this hungry for Jesus young girl, this...ME....was, awe-inspiring.

God is so good right? So so good. SO good, that even in the MIDST of a 'forever-transformation' He is allowing me to see how far I've come, where I've been, and both of those will help me to trust Him in where I am going.

What an incredible path I have been on. Thank you Spidey, for holding it all together for me and waiting for a great spring cleaning to reveal to me all you have been waiting to do. Thank you Jesus, for giving me Spidey and the inspiration to clean! haha I hope you all have a wonderful SPring Break-and in the middle of family vacation or road trips or parties or what have you, that you remember to stop and thank God for Rescuing you, and for guiding you along your journey!

In Him,

Meg

Trashy Teen Television

Since having made the move from Jonesboro to Paragould, I find myself still struggling find my, once memorized, favorite television networks. For example, after living in Paragould a few months now I can tell you that msnbc in on channel 40, and The Nanny comes on 54 and 55 (what those networks actually are, I'm not sure!). However, as far as Jonesboro channels go I can tell you that abc family is on 35, tlc on 37, lifetime on 30, lifetime movie network on 76, tbs on 17, and the list goes on and on. This knowledge comes from living in Jonesboro the past 23 years and nothing having changed really in those years, and having my staple shows on my staple networks that I watch at their staple times (i.e. LockUp, The Nanny, American Idol, etc).

In my teenage years, one of those staples was none other than (you guessed it!-those of you who read the title of this blog and already knew what it was going to be about) MTV! MTV (standing for music television) is a television network out of New York City who originated with the sole effort of bringing music to television. They played music videos which were "guided" by music hosts called VJ's. However, since mtv's debut in August 1981, much has changed. Now, when you glance at a day's lineup for the popular network you see shows like "True Life: I'm a bisexual". "Teen Mom", "Teen Mom 2", "16 and Pregnant", "Engaged and Underage", "Jersey Shore", "The Real World 300" (or whatever number they're on), "SKINS", and I could seriously go on all day just listing the trash alone.

What's wrong with these shows, is that the content within them is feeding the minds of our youth today. Media is the number one influencer now in a teen-young adult's life over family, over school, and over friends. What they are reading in magazines and books, seeing on television, and listening to in music is ultimately shaping the person they will become-because these things are taking the place of parents and friends and adults in their life, and essentially is the sole place they seek comfort, the seek advice, and they seek the "life lessons" that shape their entire character.

Today, while flipping channels to find some music to listen to while I got ready, I came across MTV and the newest episode of Teen Mom 2 was on. I am not going to lie, I have watched this show more than once. But the difference in me watching it, and a 15 year old kid watching it, is I don't look up to these girls or idolize the fact that they are 17 years old and mommy's. I look at these girls and my heart breaks for them, and for every teenage girl who watches them thinking "Wow, I want to be like that!" because they simply don't know any better! So today, as it was on in the background, God began tugging on my heart. I wasn't sure why, but I sat down and started watching more intently-this time, trying to figure out what the Lord wanted me to see within it.

Instantly it hit me-if teenagers/young adults had a safe alternative for MTV to go to then their number one source of TRASH I will boldly say will become obsolete and maybe we as a society will start to see a turn around in the youth of the world!

I have no idea if I will ever see this in my lifetime, but God showed me what He wants. A network, whose target is the same bracket as MTV, but is the complete opposite of what MTV provides. Think about if you were a parent and not only could stop worrying about what your child is finding to watch on television but could encourage them to watch specific shows!?

As I was brainstorming around the issue of this network all day various things kept coming to me. As far as show-wise, this would be completely different from the Christian television you find on the lower half of your channel guide :) These shows would not star an old man in a leather chair who verrrrryyyyy sllllooooowwwwwllllyyyy reads the Bible to viewers. These shows would be what teenagers and young adults can relate to and find entertaining without loading the show with cussing, sex, and inappropriate behavior.

For example, what if there was a semi-reality show (similar to the MTV show "My Life as Liz") about a young girl who daily is trying to make a difference in the lives of those she encounters. The show could follow her to the homeless shelter she volunteers at, to her church youth group where she helps minister to the young girls in the group, to school where she defeats the mean girls of the school by finding that soft spot in their heart and loving them no matter how mean they are to her, and many more exciting places. BEING A CHRISTIAN IS NOT UNCOOL! I am still the same old goofy random and spontaneous Meg that I was before having been Saved. This fictional girl I just spoke of...there are SOOOO many young girls in the world like this, whose efforts and spirit to help and to love are being crowded out by the role models that MTV is feeding us.

What if there was another show on this new network (similar to the MTV show "The Burried Life") where a group of Chrisitians go out and cross off things on their bucket lists as well, and loving on folks as they do it (which would be the EXACT same thing as Burried Life but....) then they spread the Good News of Jesus Christ!? What if the youth and young adults of the world got to see people going out and doing amazing things like that? But in the name of and to glorify God?

There are so many options for a network that takes the broken and abandoned and confused and angry and heartbroken and DESPERATE youth of this world to start feeding them HOPE, and LOVE, and PEACE, and EMPOWERMENT, and STRENGTH, and all of the necessary tools to get them off their feet and start being the change in the world they wish to see!

We can not expect children to make better choices if there are not better choices out there for them to make.

Being involved in children and youth ministry I am constantly surrounded by children like this. I strongly feel, if people had an alternative to filling their spirits with trash, then we as a world would start to see a change. There is no better way to influence an older adult too then to see a young person doing something kind or productive or amazing even! The time to do something about the state of the souls in this world is now-we can not save people, only God can do that. But we can SHOW the unsaved what it looks like for God's kingdom to be here on earth!

"The only time I'll ever watch a show called 16 and pregnant is if it stars a girl named Mary" :)

In Him,
Meg

God's Calling

Love is a hunger, but love won't leave you empty. See it's the language of the heart. Love can steal your pride, but love won't let you hide. It takes everything you've got. Love's not easy...but it's worth it.

A little over a year ago, I was introduced to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Ever since that day, my life has looked radically different....because when He came into my life, my life radically changed. This past year of newfound freedom in Christ has been amazing yes, but also a struggle. Immediately I felt ready for God's plan, I could absolutely not wait for Him to reveal it to me. I prayed every single second, day and night, had other people praying for me for visions from Him...and where there were plans, where there were oppertunities, where there were amazing blessings, where there were great visions of what's to come...there was still, no "calling."

I was finding myself so defeated, wondering "why"? Am I not ready for what You have in store for me? Am I doing something so wrong with my life right now that You don't feel I'm worth having my calling revealed to me? Is Your plan for me staring me right in the face but I don't see it yet? Every single day I was questioning God and doubting myself, and found myself in many a challenging season. In the midst of these amazing things God was using me to do, I was more focused on what the "plan" was!

Isn't that funny how we do that in life, too? We sit down to eat a meal with our kids and we are worried about how to pay the bills due at the end of the week. The kids are too busy quickly shoveling their food in their mouths so they can play video games or talk on the phone. As humans it seems our minds are always on preparing for what's to come, and not taking enough time to look around and realize we are in the middle of our own life-and we are missing out on it.

I am an imperfect human. So of course, during these seasons of ups and downs and ease and challenge, and across the board varying life lessons, I attempted to have patience-but failed. I attempted to be proactive and move forward with my own plans-and failed. I was in a constant state of "striving"-never fully being able to rest in the peace that comes with knowing the Lord is in control of what happens in my life, and His plans for me are GOOD!

I don't know when the impatience subsided some, if it ever did. I don't know when I stopped trying to figure it all out so hard-if I ever did that. But over the past couple of weeks, God has really been laying some amazing things on my heart.

I basically grew up without a mother. I completely grew up in not only a disfunctional home, but a home designed more for a horror movie because it was that much of a nightmare. Family vacations, dinners, ballgames, basically my life memories have all been tainted with darkness that hangs over it. Since having become a "gypsy" (as I like to call myself) I have had the amazing blessing of being able to live with various groups of women, friends, families, etc who have all taught me SO much about what it means to be a wife, to be a mother, to be a partner, to be a family, to LOVE others. My whole life it seems like, I have been prepared (definitely with what NOT to do when I have my own family) but also with what TO do.

The last couple of weeks God has placed several staples of peace in my life (staple of peace meaning these things, like your old teddy bear or soft blanket, that brings you deep joy and comfort and peace and stability). On the way home from Zumba class a couple of weeks ago, I heard a talkshow on the radio about a book called "Life Ready Woman". The author of the book talked briefly about some key points that are in her book one being that in the beginning of Genesis, we are given the blueprint for how we are created and what we are created to do.
-One being "leave and cleave" to form a superbond called marriage.
-Two being "fruitful and multiplying" (bringing up a generation of people that look like God)
-Three, "rule and subdue", advancing God's kingdom here on earth.
She talked about how sometimes we are in a season where we are doing one or two more than the other and vice versa, and how easy it is to start making productive decisions when we have this bluprint as our basis. For example, for the stay at home mom who's entire life is dedicated to bringing up children who look like the Lord, if given the oppertunity to go on a week long trip with some friends somewhere it would be easy to make that decision by saying "you know what? I am in a season where I am being fruitful and multiplying, I need this week to minister to these young women so that I can rule and subdue and advance God's kingdom here on earth" When put this way, something inside my head clicked-and I "got it" (my first aha moment of this whole process). Shaunti, the author of Life Ready Woman says "when we try to do things we were not designed to do, we breakdown". She gave the example of trying to take her car through roads that were closed due to flooding-she says "my car does not have gills, it is not a fish, it was never made to do that-so it broke down!" And so often we as women try to do so many things because we are convinced that we can 'have it all, do it all' and then we BREAK DOWN. I definitely am investing in this book! That car ride sparked a new, amazing journey for me.

My very wise friend Emily told me once, that when I am having trouble making a decision about something or trying to figure something out that I may be asking from the Lord, to get confirmation in the Word and confirmation in the world-meaning, look it up, find in scripture a "blueprint" persay of how to handle this particular situation, pray for God to show you where he wants you to go. And secondly, look for things around you, things in your life that are pointing to this situation and decision you're making.

In my case, after hearing the radio show, everything in my life started pointing towards wives, and mother's, and families. Several months ago, God planted this idea in my brain to write a parenting book (which may sound outrageous to you guys because I am not a parent). He showed me which women to use, what questions to ask, and everything I needed to do. I never did anything with it, but every now and then I think about that idea. Well, in the period of the last couple of weeks, I thought about the book again-and this time, from a different perspective. A perspective of it actually being written, and there being a season that I would work on it and to start getting ready for that. Well, needless to say God is amazing, and has beeng putting me in the places I need to be to get ready for that. Several months ago when I had this idea I was living with some girlfriends and leading a random life. Since then, I have formed amazing friendships with several of the women to be interviewed in the book. I have lived with a few of them and had the chance to observe their family and their love and their kiddos and just, the lives of Christian wives and mother's. I attend church with several and through life group and other various events, through babysitting and things like that, have gotten to know them and their parenting style as well too. God as set up this amazing oppertunity, CREATING this amazing chance for me to live out the calling he has prepared me for.

Beyond reading a book, and writing a book, something much deeper and much bigger was happening-and it took the new Francesca Battistelli cd to show me. On her cd is a song called "A Hundred More Years", it starts off talking about this young girl's dream coming true by finding this person to love her and she wants to stay wrapped up in this moment with him for a hundred more years. Then, it talks about that same young man, a dad now, watching their 3 year old daughter twirling around for him to gain his attention and how he wants to stay right in that moment for a hundred more years. **While listening to this cd, God showed me my future husband and myself, dancing at our wedding. He showed me my future husband and myself, laying on a blanket under the stars with our daughter in the middle and us holding her hands as we tell her about God's love. He whispered into my soul that I am to be a wife and a mother. I smiled all night, at the peace and the joy that came with knowing this little secret. I never thought I wouldn't be a wife and a mother, but now I not only know I am to be one, I know I am CALLED to be one. The peace, and the feeling of being able to rest in what you know the Lord is calling you to do, is unlike any other feeling in the world.

The fear, the doubt, the anxiety, the impatience....all of that has subsided. Because my soul and my heart have been touched by the Creator of those things, and He has assured me that I am to be a wife and a mother. Simple as that. Sure, I will do other things too! I will write a book. I will minister to youth. I will teach kiddos. I will love on those around me. But I know now, what I am designed for.

Maybe it sounds silly to some of you, especially the wives and mothers out there who maybe didnt think about this being their "calling"-but for someone like me, who grew up the way I grew up and who has walked the path I have walked, getting this calling is a blessing. All of the things I have wanted to "accomplish" or "strive for"-the goals I have set for myself, they just...don't seem to matter anymore, as long as I get this one thing right. I know God has a specific person planned for me, and that person will be loved like they have never been loved before-because I was created to love them, and I will wait until I know God has given me this person as a gift. I won't settle, because I don't want to cheat myself or anyone else out of what God intends for us both. When I become a mother, I will struggle sure because I am imperfect-but there will never in the world be more loved kids than mine, because I am designed to love those kids.

If you know me, you know this is a huge deal. Not only discovering my calling, but surrendering to it as well. Yea, I want to travel the world, I would love to be recording artist, I would love to sky dive in random parts of the world-but when I have a family, that will be first and foremost what is important. God is so so good, and so so faithful. And He has GOOD things planned for all of you.

I know this blog was sort of all over the place, but it is insight to my deepest heart of hearts-and for those of you who find the time or patience to read it in its' entirety, I hope that you are encouraged and motivated to praise God for His faithfullness and His plan for your life!

In Him,
Meg

I Get By with a Little Help from my FRIENDS!

This morning I was watching Cold Case files (for no particular reason except that Lifetime all but stopped showing sappy movies and now plays crappy sitcoms all day) and as I was watching, I started thinking about the few days that followed my dad's death. It is such a traumatic experience to lose someone you care about, especially a parent you are so close to, and especially in such an unexpected way. When I think back to losing him, which was just 2 years ago, I am reminded of how amazing God is. He placed me in the middle of the busiest season of my life-friendwise-that I had ever been in. I was living with 2 great friends of mine, and we always had people over at the house. Some of them girls I had known since I was a baby because our parents grew up together. Others were new friends who were just as amazing as our old ones. And then we had a faithful group of guys we hung around, who are like brothers to me!

When I got the news that my dad had died, my friend and roomate Lindsey Coker immediately left work and came home to comfort me. My lifelong friend Lindsey Hawkins also came over, and both girls went to my grandparent's house with me, where the family was gathering. Coker and I were growing closer by the day having been roomates at the time and all, but Hawkins and I were not as close as we were when we were younger due to just, what happens when you grow up! But on this occasion, it was like I was 10 years old again and reaching out to my best friend, and she was there. They both were.

That night, another lifelong friend of ours Katie Spencer came to the house to love on me. Ashlynn and Carissa and so many others, including their mothers, came to the house to visit and to show their sympathies. They made food and brought me a sleepaid, and were really just, angels. I can't remember who passed through those days and nights, but everyone who was there, helped keep me afloat-and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I don't know if it was the night he died, or after, or maybe the funeral...but at some point in the chaos and sadness, I was laying in bed, surrounded by my angels. Dillan and Katie and the Lindseys and Stimpy and so many others. They were there to ensure I got a good night's sleep. I would dose off and wake up minutes or hours later, and they were all still there, talking or dozing off too, or watching me to make sure I was ok. I guess at some point in the night, people trickeled out of the room, and when I awoke I was wrapped in the arms of Katie and Dillan. And as I started crying, remembering I was now fatherless, both still half-asleep, they hugged me so tight and lulled me back to sleep.

I will never forget the many nights I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to sleep, I was scared if I fell asleep then I would wakeup and the hurt would start all over again. And it did. But Coker was there for me. She stayed up with me til all hours of the early morning and late night, even with a small son, a job, and school to worry about for herself. Me and my dog slept were welcomed into her bed with her and her dog many a sleepless night. She was there for me, like good angels should be.

I had many visitors, Matt and Brandon and Kelsey and so so many others. I had many phone calls, Cindy and Becky and Amber and so so many others. I had LOVE. I was so surrounded by LOVE from family and friends that I felt surrounded by GOD'S love, even though I was not a "Christian" then. I knew I was not alone in this awful period of my life.

I can never thank these angels enough, for being there for me when I needed them the most. I hope those of them who are reading this know I will ALWAYS be there for them too, if EVER they need a shoulder to cry on, a friend to listen to them, or someone to pray over them. I am indebted to these amazing people, some of you I have lost touch with, and some of you I am still best friends with. Whoever you are, I LOVE YOU, and you and your acts of love for me will forever be in my heart and in my mind and in my memory. You will never be forgotten.

In Him,
Meg