Big Giant Jigsaw Puzzle Heart

This is a blog for all my young ladies out there. You are my sisters in Christ whom I love so much and treasure dearly. I hope this reaches you where you are in life at this very moment, and in it you find not judgement, but someone who is giving you a giant HUG!

Young girls today are faced with hardships that are beyond comprehensible for some to understand. There is your typical peer pressure: pressure to try drugs, to drink, to have sex, to do things that are almost sex, to THINK about sex, to cheat, to lie, and the list goes on and on. Then there is the pressure that lies behind every woman (even older, wiser, and mature women) to go to extreme measures to FEEL beautiful. We invest thousands of dollars a year in makeup, and even more then that in brand new clothes, jewelry, shoes, and other accessories. We are constantly comparing ourselves to women around us and letting our viewpoint of them dictate how we feel about ourselves. "Oh she is so thin, I am so fat. Oh but look at her, she has put on some weight, I think I look pretty good." We are constantly trying the latest diet trends and exercise craze in order to shed some lb's. We diet, we get dumped, we eat, we diet. We diet, we have a stressful day at work, we pig out, we diet. We diet, we get into a fight with our significant other, we buy chocolate-we eat said chocolate, we cry because we ate so much chocolate, then we diet again. It is a vicious endless cycle that needs to end.

Young women today have SO much pressure on them from the world that from the outside looking in I wonder, when and where is the time we get to just relax and be ourselves? Well ladies, God is ALWAYS calling us to be ourselves. But the trouble is, we get so lost in the ways of the world, the temptation, the failing diets, the exercise trends, the latest gossip among friends, the newest clothing lines, tanning, materialism, etc, that it consumes our identity, and we forget WHOSE we are.

One of my favorite Psalms is Psalms 139, and it romantically shows us a loving and protecting and all knowing Heavenly Father who knows us inside and out better than anyone on the planet (Ps 139:1-6), whom we cannot ever escape (Ps 139:7-12), and who created us perfectly, wonderfully, and fearfully in His own image and knew all that we would be and do before we even lived one day (Ps 139:13-18). I don't know about you guys but this is GREAT news to me!!! I love this news. Isn't it the female way to be understood and known better than we know ourselves? Isn't it a female desire that we are loved by a Lover whom we can never escape, no matter how crazy we get sometimes? And isn't it the female desperation to know how beautiful we are all the time? Well we have a Father who is all of these things for us. But so often we forget....and when we forget, we start getting holes in our heart that are "God-shaped".

Have you ever played that game as a kid (or more recently with small children) where you have to place the different shaped pegs inside of a box or bucket or something? The triangle peg will never fit into the circle hole. And the square peg will never fit into the diamond hole. That is not how those pegs were created to function. And when stretched to do something they were never intended to do, is when things get BROKEN. All of us--women, men, children even--have wounds and scars. Wounds being things we have not healed from and scars being things maybe we have healed from but situations which left an imprint behind as a reminder of what we had to go through to get it. And we most certainly all have holes in our hearts. Often times, one of those is a God-shaped hole as a wise friend once told me. All the women I have ever known including myself have used every tactic and resource in the book to fill that God-shaped hole. We use chocolate, girlfriends, our careers, obsession with looks, materialism, and certainly most dangerously---MEN!

We jump from relationship to relationship expecting these men to fill this hole that we have. But like the circle peg, we are trying to get them to fulfill a function that they were never created to do. And it isn't just our God holes where we try to place relationships. Have an absent father? Let's shove a boyfriend in there. Have dependency issues? Squeeze a guy in that hole. Have a crazy family? Let's shove several bad relationships in that spot. Yea ladies, it just doesn't work that way. Because here is what happens (and there is lots of bad things that can and will happen when doing this).

1. The men go crazy because of all of the pressure we put on them to serve in functions they were never supposed to serve in. 2. We continually get our hearts broken because we put all expectations into people who are just that, people. Imperfect humans whom no matter the good intentions, just fail sometimes because we all do. 3. We end up missing HUGE chunks of our hearts because we so freely and carelessly give it away to those who mistreat it in hopes that we will find what we are looking for. 4. We stray farther and farther away from God while believing this lie that satan has tricked us into believing until one day we wake up and realize we not only don't see God at all anymore but we look in the mirror and don't even recognize ourselves.

You may be wondering why this blog is called Big Giant Jigsaw Puzzle Heart. I spoke at a young girls retreat a few months ago. The theme of the weekend was being God's Princess-your identity in Christ. I feel like so much of knowing who you are in Christ, is recognizing where you once were. So for one of the sessions I spoke, I gave my testimony. I am an artsy and craftsy kind of gal so I used a visual aid for the talk. I used a piece of large colorful cardboard. On one side of the board was my life before Christ. I used a felt heart cut into jigsaw pieces to show this side. I started from the top of the heart, taking away one piece at a time as I talked about that piece and what it represented. It ranged from things like divorced parents, abandonment issues, alcoholic stepmother, etc. When I got to the bottom the very last piece of my heart said SAVED. And when I got there, I told my salvation story. And when I flipped the cardboard over, I slowly started putting back together a new heart! With pieces that this time said things like ministry, church family, healing, and ended with the last piece which said "to be continued"--because every single day God is working on new ways to heal my once shattered, tattered, and broken heart. And what I am realizing as He is doing that, is that although MANY circumstances happened beyond my control, it led to me making poor choices. Choices that were very much IN my control, and decisions were inevitably what was breaking my own heart into pieces.

I see and work with so many girls who are following that same destructive pattern. Using relationships with boys to fill a God-shaped hole. When you do that girls, you are walking down a slippery slippery slope that not only is creating an environment of temptation and impurity but also breaking your own heart when your expectations are not met. I know you are young, and you think you are in love (and maybe you are, who knows) but I STRONGLY urge you girls to use your youth to build relationships with other girls! We we are PURE-we are seeing more of God's beauty and grace and power! Mt 5:8 says "Blessed are the PURE in HEART for they shall SEE GOD!" WOW! I don't know about you guys but I certainly want to see me some Jesus can I get an amen!?

And please hear me if you have heard nothing else, this is not a blog to lay guilt or pass judgement, but to wrap you up in my cyber-arms and tell you how much you are so very very loved. That you are a precious little princess whom God wants to dance with all day long. He is just begging you for your attention! Won't you shut out the drama and temptation and boys of the world long enough to let Him have all of you for a little while? One song with Him might change the way you sing forever! I encourage you to pray about purity and what that looks like in your life right now...and to seek out other Christian women (older preferrably) to help mentor and guide you as you grow up in such a hard hard time. We are not saying that it is easy, but I am PROMISING that it is WORTH it!

In Him,

Meg

Welcome to Crazy-town!

So I try to blog as often as possible, but try only to blog when I know that God has really put a vision in my mind of what I need to speak about. Lately, that has been many things. I have been waiting for the ideas to "hatch" so to speak, into something more solid and beautiful, but as time slips away I am forgetting some of the things I have been mentally making a note of to blog. So, here are all of the recent inner workings of my chaotic brain, in which I am referring to tonight as "Crazy-town'.

The first thing I felt nudged by the Holy Spirit to talk about is Christmas (odd, I know). You know how during Christmas there are a few moments where the entire world feels....magical? The stars twinkle brighter, the crisp air refreshes your spirit, you feel giddy inside, you witness so many people helping those less fortunate, you love harder and laugh louder, in the silence you hear music-like wind chimes! and everything just seems....ENCHANTED!!! Well I felt it, the other day in my car, I felt....CHRISTMAS! I felt it inside of me and outside of me too despite the 106 degree heat index. And I was giddy and twinkly and all of those other wonderful Christmas emotions-and in that moment, I remembered how much I love Jesus so much and what He has done for me in my life! Had he physically been near me I would have given Him the world's biggest hug and just cuddled with him for the rest of the day! Something about that feeling enticed me to draw near to Him! And it was a wonderful feeling! Of course my brain thought, why can't everyday be Christmas?? We ask that as children, because of course we want toys everyday! But what about as adults? Are we doing the things in our life and in our relationship with God that make us feel Christmas? Or is our relationship with Him and the business of life causing us to forget that twinkling, silent, magical need to draw near to God and love on and be loved on by our beautiful Savior? For the rest of the day I listened to Christmas music, and prayed more it seemed like, even read more in my Bible then normal before bed that night. It's a feeling I want to happen everyday-and I think it CAN be Christmas everyday, if we are doing the things that keep us CLOSE to Him. Because remember, He doesn't leave. We are the ones who stray. And when we stray....it must be awfully hard to get back to Christmas.

Another thing on my mind came to me watching the movie Hancock today while dozing off into a deep and wonderfully needed NAP! If you have never seen the movie Hancock, it is about this Superhero (Will Smith) who is basically just a delinquent. Yea, he will save you from a burning building, but in the process he will destroy all of the things around the building and cause an even bigger mess--all out of lazyness, loneliness, and his persona of just not giving a darn what people think about him. He ends up saving this one guy, Jason Bateman, who decides to do some PR work for Hancock so the city will see how much they need him and that he really can change from his self-destructive ways. He convinces Hancock to turn himself in (be it that he had hundreds of missed court dates for theft and destruction of property and all kinds of charges against him) and he ends up in jail. During a visit to jail, while Hancock is on the brink of destroying the place and trying to leave, Bateman's character convinces him that all of these behavioral problems of his, and the fascade of not caring is really his way of masking deeper emotions going on beneath the surface. And in the midst of a superhero who was seconds away from punching him in the face he says this "You are called to do this! You are so angry all the time because you are constantly fighting what you were created to do in this life! You are meant to be a superhero!"

It reminds me, how so often we compare ourselves to other people. "Oh she is a much better singer than I am", "How can I ever be that patient of a parent?","She is a super-Christian, when will God use me in that way?", "Why hasn't God asked me to travel the world for Him?" "They have a double-doctor family-I wish I had that kind of money.", "Her husband is so wonderful, why can't I find someone for me?" and the list goes on and on and on and on and on. I know that there are things I was called to do. One is being a wife and mother. I know that one for a fact. I am not sure of other things I am "called" to do persay. I know that there are things I am gifted in and things I am annointed in that I try and live out everyday. But sometimes it is still hard. I see people who have been Christians forever, who travel all over the world to do these outrageous missions for God, and I get sad and jealous-wondering why I am not there. Well, a hard hitting fact guys is that we are all called to do different things, be different places, have different talents, etc etc etc. And that is because, we are one BODY of Christ, and if we were all the same-with the same talents and lacking in the same areas, then there would never be in growth among us. I know for a FACT that I was NEVER meant to do ANYTHING in my life that regards fixing, working on, programming, etc COMPUTERS....I am technology-dumb. I can' work a smart phone, I can barely work a calculator, and I am HORRIBLE on computurs past the point of facebook, blogging, and Word Document. However, I live with a computer programmer (which definitely comes in handy) and it works out because he helps me learn and grow technology wise, and if we were both like theatrically gifted then neither one of us would know how to do anything at home on a computer and probably our jobs and relationships and many other things that revolve around technology these days would suffer. Make sense? I have always considered myself a very well-rounded individual who is passionate about many different things and talented in many different areas as well....but do I think all of those things are my "calling"? No, I don't. And more and more I am becoming ok with that, because when I am taking steps on the path that has already been layed out for me and is in direct alignment with God's will then I see the amazing affects it not only has on me, but those around me as well!

**I told you this blog was random. Christmas, then Hancock. Now what? Oh let's talk about Matt Chandler briefly. I have a few of his sermons, one which is about the roles of husbands and wives. I have listened to it several several times, and will require whoever I date next (if there EVER is another guy I date haha) to listen to it too. Because he lays out SO clearly the roles of husbands and wives and SO bluntly (and sometimes aggressively) addresses the problems that arise today in marriage and what causes it. This guy is ANNOINTED I tell you and hearing him speak everyday driving home from work in my car has been a BLESSING on my life!

I know there was so much more but I can't think of it now. If and when more things come to me, I will certainly add a part two to CrazyTown. Have a blessed day,

In Him,

Meg

Another Night of Taylor Swift songs....

I recently counseled at a youth camp on the campus of Lipscomb University. The stay was about 2 weeks and the time I had there was WONDERFUL. I went with every intention on ministering to and loving on some kiddos, and while doing that, my world was ultimately changed. It isn't very often that I see a new season of my life coming or that I am aware when the seasons shift as theyre shifting. But my stay in Nashville proved a new experience for me in that way. I met some amazing Christian girls there, my roommates, who are SO utterly filled with the Holy Spirit and in tune with its' guiding that it opened up a whole new world for me to see. It was the re-charge my Spirit needed!

Coming home from camp, I knew I would be attacked spiritually. That typically is one of satan's cards he likes to play. 'Someone on a mountain? Looks like its ole attacking time!' I was correct in that satan did try to attack. Sunday evening laying in bed I was overcome with the feeling of being emotionally overtaken. Like if you are covered in honey and you see a HUMONGOID herd of BEARS coming at you, that's what it felt like to me-except it wasn't bears, it was negative emotions. I felt anger, anxiety, fear, heartbreak, depression, sadness, loneliness, and tons more. In the midst of this I was having this weird and out of nowhere confrontation with a good friend of mine whom I care for very much. All of it combined made me so physically ill I knew before the puking came that I was being just beaten spiritually. So I immediately texted some prayer warriors and within 20 minutes I was at peace again.

I notice that with me, I am most vulnerable to spiritual attack when I am in a weakened state physically, mentally, or emotionally. After having counseled all week I was definitely weak physically and after the confrontation with a person I had given a small part of my heart too, I was also very weak emotionally. Now, I know it is impossible to avoid ever being vulnerable, but it is very important to always try and gaurd your heart. When our heart breaks, even just the teeniest tiniest bit, satan uses that open door as a plan of attack in order to tell us that we aren't worth it, that we aren't loved, that everyone who loves us will leave us, things like that. It is no fun feeling that way, especially when other Christians people who are supposed to be gaurding and protecting your heart are some of the people who put you in those weak and vulnerable positions.

What I continually learn from situations like these are that God is the One true Romancer of my heart and Keeper of my love. He will NEVER leave me, never forsake me. He will ALWAYS love me and always DESIRE that I be His. People are imperfect, and they will always let us down....and that is ok. Because out of the broken messes we are, God creates the most BEAUTIFUL things! So sure, where I've had a few days of listening to Taylor Swift songs and crying while I sing them at the top of my lungs in my car, I am also reaping the benefits of the Almighty God having a HUGE plan and HUGE calling on my life, that maybe some people just don't fit in to.

I was told by a precious girl at camp who came to me crying saying "Meagan, if you only knew. God has HUGE things planned for you. Walk confidently in the Spirit girl!" and those words changed my life. So, on nights where satan is trying to whisper into my ear that I am unlovable. I declare that I am LOVED by the Creator of the Heavens. And when Satan tries to tell me that I will always be along. I will listen to the Spirit who says " I am ALWAYS here". And when Satan starts screaming at me that my heart is broken, I will walk confidently in knowing that God uses is BEST in our brokenness. He must become more and more, and I less and less.

The Blind Side

Holidays have the tendency of encouraging people to take some time out of their normal day to day life, to reflect on things they normally wouldn't think about. Some take time to meditate on the blessings God has given them. Some take time out to dwell over memories of the past. Regardless of what holiday it is, or what that holiday provokes you to do, more than likely you do something or think something slightly different then you would on any other random day.

This weekend being Easter and all, I have had reflected on my family. And I am not talking about my blood family, but all of the other people that surround me in my day to day life. You see, I have not always been a Christian-in fact, it is a fairly new deal for me. I did not have a typical "Christian' up-bringing. And never once did I feel a reason to need or depend on a group of people at the church I randomly attended in my youth. If you take a look at my life now, all of that has dramatically changed.

Upon having been saved and attending my current church home, I was adopted into a family who truly and genuinely loves me. They immediately accepted me, and not love me because of what I do but because of who I am. Have you ever found this familial connection in people who were not your blood family?

Growing up in the house I grew up in and with alot of the family I had was not only a nightmare, but hell on earth. I didn't know the Lord and I didn't know people who loved the Lord. I didn't know anything but fights and violence and anger and rage. Then came the abandonment and alcoholism and abuse. Not only did I endure this from my immediate family, but those who were on the outside looking in did not do enough (if anything) to stop it. I grew up never feeling safe. Never feeling wanted. And very rarely feeling loved. Now, being an adult now, the dynamic of these relationships have changed somewhat of course. I no longer desire for the mom who walked out on us to read me bedtime stories at night. I no longer desire for the sister who raised me (but resents me now) to protect me from the monsters of the world. My need for this blood 'family' who time and time and time and time again has let me down and left me broken, my need for them has changed.

Don't get me wrong, because I love them all. And sometimes when we get a chance to visit, we have fun. Other times it is awkwardly apparent how I don't fit in with them. Rarely it is wonderful and everyone gets along and we have fun and eat and hang out without getting annoyed with one another. Regardless, my blood family never really taught me what a family was in actuality, supposed to be like. My sister will tell you that that kind of "family"-the kinds who take family vacations together and love each other and go to church together and are happy-she will tell you those are just fairytales....that it never really happens like that. The opposite of that is all she's ever known.

But you see, I have had the amazing and unique oppurtunity to witness that kind of family, that kind of love, firsthand. I live with a family whom I also go to church with, met at church last year in fact, and in the past 6 months or more I have witnessed family dinners, amazing and fun-filled vacations that didn't end with someone verbally abused, homework time with kids. I have gotten to see a husband and wife work in a partnership and bring a new baby into the world, a new baby who will never be more loved then by her amazing parents-parents who know how to love her because they know how much they in turn are loved by our Creator. I have witnessed basketball games, and picnics in the front yard, and walks around the neighborhood, and Disney World, and most importantly....LOVE!! Because I am not an intruder into their family, I am part of their family. They are my family.

And not just the family I live with, but there are so many more people who have invested into my life as well. After church today, I was asked by 3 beautiful women what my Easter plans are and if I wanted to join their family for their Easter activities. I am LOVED. People who did not physically give birth to me, did not change my diapers, did not see my very first softball game or meet my very first boyfriend--these same people LOVE me like I am one of their own. Like I am their own daughter, or sister, or aunt, or whatever! COUSIN even I don't know haha. What a wonderful feeling huh? To be loved by so many people, GOOD people who love the Lord, and want to invest into your life because they know maybe you don't have anyone else who wants to.

And I am not trying to bash my own family by any means-they all of characteristics about them that are wonderful and some that are not so wonderful, just like we all do. No one is claiming to be perfect here. But I will put it like this, once you have put the babydoll into the trash compactor and hit the "on" button....baby doesn't come out looking the same anymore. And after that she will never be the same. I wouldn't call her unfixable-because my God works miracles (even on baby dolls). But I would call her remnant. No longer will she be the same, look the same, work the same, or play the same as she once did.

We all have people in our lives who have hurt us so much so to the point that keeping them close, in the end only hurts us more. We all have situations in our past that have left us so broken that although feelings may change, what's done is done. I have been accused before of "running away"--but what I like to call it is walking away from abuse. When I was young, and in the midst of witnessing abuse firsthand, I never had a safeplace to go. Now that I am older, and i have family and friends and angels of people surrounding me at all times, I DO have a safe place to go. I do not have to be scared, or hurt, or alone anymore.

Last night I was watching the movie "The Blind Side" with Sandra Bullock, where she picks up a young boy off the street to keep him out of the cold for a night-then ends up loving him and adopting him and making him a part of her family. I couldn't help but be over-emotional, because that same scenario has happened to me most of my young adult-adult life. It started with one set of people taking me in when I had nowhere to go, loving me, being my family, etc. Then another, then another, then more. Then I accepted Christ and went to church and now I have even more amazing people who open their doors, their family, and their hearts to me every week! I have the biggest family in the world! These people are crucial to my life, and vital to my success as a person in this world.

Like Sandra Bullock says in that movie, all these kids need is someone to invest in them. To love them and show them that they have potential and to help them see what that potential can lead to. After the family adopted Michael Oher (the kid she picks up who also goes on to be an NFL football player) they enlist in a whole community of other people (tutors, teachers, friends, etc) to invest into his life, his education, his sports, and most importantly...his heart. He was forever changed. Just like I am.

I owe where I am today to my family. You know who you are. You are angels, living out a mission from God, making sure one of his orphans has a home and family, and KNOWS Love like she's never known it before. And for that, my dear friends, you will be rewarded. Thank you

In Him,

Meg

Distractions

While driving to town today, without hesitation, I preceded to do something 70% of all women do in the car. I started to put on my makeup! I remember being a kid and watching my mom, or my aunt, or when old enough-my big sister, put on their makeup while driving me to school, or running errands, or what have you. The more experienced veterans often see no use for a rearview mirror, while other women know how to strategically place their mirrors 70% on face, 20% on baby in the backseat, and 10% on the road. This being a method that has worked for generations and generations of women!

While applying the last little bit of my "beauty" (the lip gloss of course) it occurred to me what a potential distraction it is to put on your makeup while driving! (yes, i chuckled out loud just now) It also brought to mind that probably do ANYTHING while driving that isn't, oh...DRIVING, is considered a distraction.

This past weekend at the retreat I spoke at, we talked about distractions of life. Distractions in a classroom for example might be your best friend beside you trying to talk to you, your empty stomach rumbling in anticipation of lunch, an unscheduled fire drill in the middle of your math test, the kid 4 seats up who blows his nose throughout the entire class, etc, etc. Distractions are EVERYWHERE!!

Other than putting on makeup while operating a large motor vehicle, what are some other distractions on the road? Playing with your car radio? Texting/talking while driving? A crying baby in your backseat? Roadkill you have to dodge? Running out of gas on the side of the road? All of these distractions are things that keep you from getting where you need to be.

So clearly, there are distractions in all areas of life from the important things like taking a test or driving to a meeting, down to the less important things like trying to watch your favorite tv show or playing a hard video game. If there are a million distractions per every incident in life we try to do, how many of those do you think apply to our relationship with God? We are not only distracted by the distractions of life, but we let even the things that seem important to us become distractions in our relationship with God.

For example, we KNOW that nothing is more important than God and our relationship with Him. But do we treat it as important as we know it should be when we have say, a serious boyfriend who demands all of our time and attention? When we have an extremely important deadline to meet in school? When we are in the worst fight we have ever had with our best friend? When our mom is sick and we have to take care of her? Jesus is the one who said to let the dead bury the dead in Mathew 8! He said this because there is NOTHING that is more important than following Jesus Christ. So if you are not following Him, then everything else is rightly considered a distraction.

There are times when I feel the Holy Spirit inside me urging me to just open up and talk to God, but then a good song comes on the radio and I would rather turn it up and sing to it as loud as I can. There are times when I feel the Holy Spirit asking me to run away with Him for a day, but there is something happening amongst my friends or family that I don't want to miss so I turn Him down. There are times when at the end of the day, I look back at all I have accomplished and am proud of myself for being so productive-then I sadly realize, I went the WHOLE entire day without acknowledging my Love and Creator once.

DISTRACTIONS. We are all guilty of having those things in our life that keep us from falling deeper in love with the Lord, and we might have those things in our life that are even hindering our relationship with the Lord. Whether it be facebook or a relationship or drama or work or your children or whatever--they are all distractions!

Have you ever experienced watching a mom or dad or coach or even another player on the sidelines of a child's game, cheering him/her or their team on? Sometimes I feel like we push God to the sidelines of our lives, and He is over there screaming "Meg! Pass me the Ball!" or "Meg, I love you so much, won't you just give me some time today!?" or "I know you won't put me in today but I will never stop cheering you on, Meg!" Does it break your heart to know we dribble or run that ball straight across the court or feild, with our eyes so glued on the PRIZE that we never even look to see who is around us?

We have it all wrong, you see, God is not supposed to be on the sidelines. He is supposed to be the PRIZE. And our eyes should be SO fixed on Him, that we bypass all of the other players and obstacles and just, crap of this world, and focus on getting to Him! He is begging for our attention everyday, and it probably makes Him very sad when we pay Him no attention.

I encourage you to re-visit the things going on in your life. Eliminate the excess garbage that doesn't belong (that should be the easy part). Then re-evaluate how you are spending the rest of your time. If you see that God has no set place in your life, then you should change something. Because there is infinite blessing in doing things His way, and even if you feel like it is wrong to put Him before your marriage or your kids or your family, it isn't. It is what He calls us to do. Because if our relationship with Him is out of whack, then the rest of that stuff will just fall apart anyway.

Give God some time this week. He misses you.

In Him,

Meg

Beautiful For Me

I had the absolute pleasure of speaking and leading worship at a girl's retreat this past weekend. We had about 10 girls there and had a blast all weekend. We played fun ice breaker and get to know ya games. We learned about 3 aspects of worship: thanks/praise, wonder at creation, and surrender. We learned about being God's Princesses and what that should mean and look like in our lives. We got to wear tiara's and pig out on candy and watch princess movies. It was an absolute BLESSING to be at this retreat!

One of the things I was most excited about for the weekend, was being able to share my testimony! I have never really shared my full testimony as a "speaker" before to a group of people, so it was a completely new experience for me. Being able to do that was confirmation in a way that I am where I need to be and on the track God wants me to be on. He is doing things in me lately that are blessing me beyond my wildest dreams! And this weekend was icing on icing on icing on a huge cake I feel is my life now as a devout follower of Christ.

However, NOBODY is perfect (I am the farthest from it). So it did not surprise me that after leaving the girls and being on a spiritual high, I caught myself listening to and believing the untruths of Satan. For the last few days he has been whispering into my ear that I am gaining weight, that I am not pretty enough, that I need to lose weight in order to find someone to love and marry me-just all kinds of CRAZY nonsensical garbage. But, I didn't catch that it was nonsensical until I let it sit heavily on my mind for a few days.

Talking with a girlfriend of mine last night, I came to realize that girls and women of ALL ages struggle with feeling beautiful. The girls we spoke to at the retreat struggle with knowing they are beautiful (whether they know it or not) because it is apparent in how they dress, the language they use, etc. They had forgotten (or maybe not ever known) that we are Princesses, Brides of Christ and are BEAUTIFUL and have SO much worth to Him.

But even knowing that truth, I still forget it!....ALOT! And I find that other women have that same problem too! My biggest enemy used to be my mirror. I would look into it and see ugly. big. worthless. needs improvements. I don't know when it happened, but all of that changed! And now I look into the mirror and see pretty smile. big blue eyes. decent weight. hey, I'm ok! BUT the enemy in the mirror moved to pictures. Because when I see pictures of myself ALLLLLL I do is point out how HORRIBLE I look. Oh this needs to be fixed, or I look so bad in that dress, or geez my legs and arms look huge, etc etc! When did my enemy in the mirror switch to my enemy in pictures? And when my enemy in pictures in conquered, where will I find him next?

Being a woman in this world is H.A.R.D!!!! Having to fight battles with image, make being a woman even harder. The world's standards for beauty have changed, and even though we as Christian women claim not to live of this world, we let the world's standards of beauty tell us how we should feel about the way we (and others) look. God has fought the enemy. And won. Our battles are in His hands. So why do we continue to insist on taking control ourselves, only to find ourselves crying on the floor hovering over a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream? Or running and sweating like a dog counting every calorie we take in and everyone that leaves, living in such bondage? Why is satan so clever that he knows he can ALWAYS defeat us if he just starts talking 'body image' into our ears.

Our God is more powerful than satan. And you know what? The same God that sent His son to die on the cross and rise again, the same God that healed the blind and raised the dead, that SAME God-lives inside of us. So we have the power through Christ to defeat satan. God created women dead last-we are the CROWN of all creation. And like man, are made in HIS image. So you see, we have no flaws-to say that we do is saying WHOA WHOA WHOA NOW, Lord of the Heavens and Earth, Creator of all the Universes...I think you messed up somewhere. If that is the convo YOU want to have with the Lord Almighty, then be my guest!

We are not perfect. At 12 years old....to 69 years old. We are not perfect. And satan will insist on telling us how not perfect we are, every second of every day for the rest of our lives. Let the Lord surround you with peace. Ask Him to romance you, to show you His glory, and to show you how beautiful you are to Him. He will answer those prayer-ask, and you shall recieve.

Oh, and as Christian women, young and old, we could all help each other out by building one another up instead of constantly tearing others down. Even when you don't know someone, or are observing from afar-that person is still God's beautiful creation whether you see the beauty in them or not. And to talk about yourself is just as bad as talking about others. Don't you think it breaks God's heart when He hears us talk that way about our beauty? Which is in turn....talking about HIS beauty??

"Has anybody told you, youre beautiful? You might believe if you could see what I see. Cause everything about you, is incredible! You should have seen Me smile the day that I made you, BEAUTIFUL....for Me!"--Love always, God.

In Him,

Meg

A Song for Baby Sister

Before You Came Along
Before you came along the world was not a perfect place. Gas prices were high and simplicity had been replaced.
Natural disasters destroyed what once was whole, and terroristic actions shook our nation to its core.
But God has always had a plan, and His plans are never wrong. Everything was waiting, before you came along.
Before you came along the house was full of blue. Boys, boys, boys-was all your parents knew.
Baseball gloves and Buzz Lightyear were sprinkled in the hall. Rocketships and comic strips and deflated basketballs.
But God knew what He was doing when He sent you from above. Cause every family needs a princess to show a Father's love.
Before you came along your mommy felt your body move. With every beating of your heart, her heart could feel it too.
Daddy liked to sing to you, his precious little girl. And ask God everynight for your safe entry to this world.
God answered every spoken prayer and unspoken ones too. You see, before you came along...our life was missing you.
Before you came along there once was nothing here, but God created Beauty to show us that He's near.
The stars reveal His glory and the whales all sing His praise. Rainbows show His promises and the wind whispers His name.
When He looked at His creation and heard the Heavens sing their song, there still was one thing left to do...Before you came along.

Parental Guidance Suggested

I commute back and forth from Paragould to Jonesboro almost everyday. Other then the increasing gas prices, this is a great thing for me because I find amazing solace driving in my car, singing at the top of my lungs, window down enjoying the new beautiful weather and having that extra hour a day where I can be alone, and think! Most often, when God presents a vision or idea to me, or when He just wants to chat, it is during one of these times for me.

A few nights ago I was listening to the Glee Volume 5 cd (yes, I am a Gleek, no the cd isn't actually mine...although, I DO have volumes 1-3! haha) and the song "Landslide" came on (per one of Gwyneth Paltrow's numerous cameos on the show. Originally, this song was done by Fleetwood Mac, a band my daddy joked about or referenced many times in the past, so immediately upon hearing the song, I thought of him.

I was not only reminded of my dad generically, but I was also reminded of the many things we shared...and sadly, the many things we never got to share. See, my dad was a coach-he LOVED coaching, any sport he could get his hands on he found a way to ref it or to coach it. My older sister and I started early in life being groomed for a sport's lifestyle. Deep down, it was never really my thing. So, after winning a talent show in 7th grade, we realized I had some vocal talent. So my dad shifted his focus from sports with me, to music-something we both passionately loved and did well.

Softball games turned into gigs at fairs, basketballs turned into guitars, and quality time meant teaching me chords on a guitar! I loved sharing this with my dad. I got the complete music-side of him to myself. My sister got the complete sport-side of him to herself. So we both won!

However, upon getting older, things changed some. I was interested in boys and dating. I was hardly ever home due to my social life. Dad's marriage to my stepmother began (or continued) falling apart so to keep busy and stay away from home he would spend hours and hours at work, til 10pm or later most nights. Our paths, simply never seemed to cross. We did not develop a bad relationship, but we had a distant one. When we were together, he would be drinking or partying with his own friends, and he would want to play and me to sing...but it was different somehow. It was fun quality time with my daddy, I was a monkey with a drum entertaining people on a crowded street. Other times, I simply denied singing with him because I was being stubborn and didn't want to, or because I was embarrassed (like most teenage excuses lead to).
We both missed out on several years of really being able to jam with one another!

A few months before my father died, I called him up and told him I missed playing with him and that if he found an excuse to play and for me to sing that we should do it! A week later he called back, having formed an idea to hold a fundraiser to raise money for the softball team at the school where he taught/coached. We went to work immediately on a song list and copying cd's for the other musicians. He came down to my house and had a couple of acoustic jam sessions with me, and was also working with some musically talented students at his school as well! It was all coming together and the fundraiser was to be scheduled for the end of January mid February.

On a Friday night I called my dad to make sure he was still coming down Saturday afternoon to rehearse with me. He told me he had some errands to run in the morning but would hollar at me when he got into town and we would meet up sometime around lunch. I told him I loved him, and we hung up. The next day, January 17th, 2009, I waited....and waited...and waited. All day I waited. I called. I drove around trying to find something to do. I was getting angry thinking he had forgotten all about me. I went to Hastings to find a dvd, but had no luck. I drove home and found my cousin Kevin, knocking on my front door. He was there to tell me, that my father had been killed in a car accident earlier that morning. It had happened more than 5 hours previous to anyone finding out because the police could not find or get a hold of anyone.

That day, changed my world forever. See, now, when I hear songs like "Landslide" I think, if I just would've sang with him when he wanted me to. If I just would've done the songs he wanted me to do. If it wouldn't have taken so long for me to grow up and realize how much I loved performing with him, then I would not feel that void within me when the music brings him to the forefront of my mind.

We don't always get the chance to tell people we love them, or show them how much we care. But not just that, we don't always get the chance to be selfless and just, indulge someone in something that means SO much to them. Had I not been a selfish brat, a child, so much of the time, I would have a million more memories of spending time with my daddy.

And writing this blog, God is showing me that that is so often what we do to him. See, when I was young I wanted boys and friends and adventures. I wanted to make my own mistakes, not listen to authority. I didn't take good care of my heart at all, and I was disgusted at anyone who tried to tell me what to do. And sometimes, I am still that selfish selfish child. I become impatient almost daily because God has not sent me my future husband-well, maybe He hasn't sent me anyone, because like my earthly father, is trying to just spend time with me. And He wants so badly for me to just be satisfied in that, and stop searching for anything else. Are the boys and friends and adventures that I search for now any different then the ones when I was a teenager? Sure, different scenario, but they are both taking away from time and energy and love that I could be showing my Father. God is telling me "Look Meg, I have let you make your mistakes, but now I want to show you what it's like when you do it MY way, and how infinitely blessed you will be when doing that."

Do we ever listen? Do we ever fully surrender that control? Do we ever relinquish the idea of "You know what Dad? YOU actually DO know better. So ever though it goes against all of my selfish and childish feelings and emotions, I am going to TRUST that You are protecting my heart-the heart You created."? Do we ever get there??

Maybe not. But not getting there, will lead to a life of sad what if's and regrets of great memories that could've been made....and weren't.

In Him,
Meg

This is How We OVERCOME

With today feeling like the first day of true spring (even though technically, the first day of spring is sometime next week), I decided some major spring cleaning was in order. One of my favorite parts of a good deep cleaning has always been discovering things I had forgotten about. I am the kind of deep-cleaner who likes to go through and read every piece of paper before I throw it away, stop to look at old pictures or flip through scrapbooks, and dance around to good songs I hear on the radio. Needless to say, cleaning today has been an all day job.

I have a spiderman backpack that I got over a year ago for fall semester (I also got a Spidey lunchbox but that is simply irrelevant). I haven't needed to use ole Spidey this year because the majority of my classes have all been online and I have not had to tote a ton of things around campus. However, Spidey saw me through some great times...and also through some rough times.

Upon opening him up today (him being Spidey, Spidey being my backpack...not the lunchbox-clearly) I discovered a ton of papers and a few books and a notebook and pens galore. I dumped it all out and began going through the papers piece by piece. What I discovered on those papers was not leftover homework and to-do lists and birthday cards and trash (which yes, I did find all of that in there) but it was so much more. It was my entire life-over the past year-hidden away in a backpack I had all but forgotten existed.

So, what did your life look like the past year? You may be asking. This time last year I was a very new Christian. I was in a foreign country, Berlin, Germany, on a school trip and struggling to find my new place in this world as someone who devoutly loved Jesus and was still holding onto the things of this world. I was just getting involved at Southwest Church (via their Easter musical I was in). I had just finished up a play, Snow White-which was my very first lead. I was entering what would be a few months of utter darkness, which would build strength and character for me and ultimately, bring me closer to my lover and creator Jesus Christ. Last summer I was a camp counselor at a Christian camp, for the very first time in my life, and I adored every second. I made lifelong friends and got to see what it was like minstering to youth and relating to them on a level that only God Himself could have His hand involved. I was recovering from heartbreak-heartbreak that had haunted and taunted me all the days of my life up until then. I was meeting new people, who would forever impact and change my entire life. In the fall I became extremely involved in ministry oppertunities at my church, and surrounded not by other members, but by my new FAMILY.

All that, and so much more, happened over the past year. And as I opened Spidey, and read the papers inside, I realized how much I have grown over that time. Notes which held thoughts and quotes and scriptures from someone so HUNGRY for the Word of God-were all inside the bag. Memories from the plays and the camp and the people I have met along the way-were all inside the bag. Books and devos and pens and highlighters which all lent a hand in my transformation, were all inside the bag. Most importantly, all of those things were together, inside the bag-my JOURNEY is what the bag held. My redemption, my transformation, what God was doing in my heart before the bag came along and what He will continue to do in me all the days of my life were ALL INSIDE THE BAG.

My mind was blown. To realize I did not recognize the person I was once. To see the change happening to me as if I was watching a television show. To read the words of this broken hearted person, this new Christian, this hungry for Jesus young girl, this...ME....was, awe-inspiring.

God is so good right? So so good. SO good, that even in the MIDST of a 'forever-transformation' He is allowing me to see how far I've come, where I've been, and both of those will help me to trust Him in where I am going.

What an incredible path I have been on. Thank you Spidey, for holding it all together for me and waiting for a great spring cleaning to reveal to me all you have been waiting to do. Thank you Jesus, for giving me Spidey and the inspiration to clean! haha I hope you all have a wonderful SPring Break-and in the middle of family vacation or road trips or parties or what have you, that you remember to stop and thank God for Rescuing you, and for guiding you along your journey!

In Him,

Meg

Trashy Teen Television

Since having made the move from Jonesboro to Paragould, I find myself still struggling find my, once memorized, favorite television networks. For example, after living in Paragould a few months now I can tell you that msnbc in on channel 40, and The Nanny comes on 54 and 55 (what those networks actually are, I'm not sure!). However, as far as Jonesboro channels go I can tell you that abc family is on 35, tlc on 37, lifetime on 30, lifetime movie network on 76, tbs on 17, and the list goes on and on. This knowledge comes from living in Jonesboro the past 23 years and nothing having changed really in those years, and having my staple shows on my staple networks that I watch at their staple times (i.e. LockUp, The Nanny, American Idol, etc).

In my teenage years, one of those staples was none other than (you guessed it!-those of you who read the title of this blog and already knew what it was going to be about) MTV! MTV (standing for music television) is a television network out of New York City who originated with the sole effort of bringing music to television. They played music videos which were "guided" by music hosts called VJ's. However, since mtv's debut in August 1981, much has changed. Now, when you glance at a day's lineup for the popular network you see shows like "True Life: I'm a bisexual". "Teen Mom", "Teen Mom 2", "16 and Pregnant", "Engaged and Underage", "Jersey Shore", "The Real World 300" (or whatever number they're on), "SKINS", and I could seriously go on all day just listing the trash alone.

What's wrong with these shows, is that the content within them is feeding the minds of our youth today. Media is the number one influencer now in a teen-young adult's life over family, over school, and over friends. What they are reading in magazines and books, seeing on television, and listening to in music is ultimately shaping the person they will become-because these things are taking the place of parents and friends and adults in their life, and essentially is the sole place they seek comfort, the seek advice, and they seek the "life lessons" that shape their entire character.

Today, while flipping channels to find some music to listen to while I got ready, I came across MTV and the newest episode of Teen Mom 2 was on. I am not going to lie, I have watched this show more than once. But the difference in me watching it, and a 15 year old kid watching it, is I don't look up to these girls or idolize the fact that they are 17 years old and mommy's. I look at these girls and my heart breaks for them, and for every teenage girl who watches them thinking "Wow, I want to be like that!" because they simply don't know any better! So today, as it was on in the background, God began tugging on my heart. I wasn't sure why, but I sat down and started watching more intently-this time, trying to figure out what the Lord wanted me to see within it.

Instantly it hit me-if teenagers/young adults had a safe alternative for MTV to go to then their number one source of TRASH I will boldly say will become obsolete and maybe we as a society will start to see a turn around in the youth of the world!

I have no idea if I will ever see this in my lifetime, but God showed me what He wants. A network, whose target is the same bracket as MTV, but is the complete opposite of what MTV provides. Think about if you were a parent and not only could stop worrying about what your child is finding to watch on television but could encourage them to watch specific shows!?

As I was brainstorming around the issue of this network all day various things kept coming to me. As far as show-wise, this would be completely different from the Christian television you find on the lower half of your channel guide :) These shows would not star an old man in a leather chair who verrrrryyyyy sllllooooowwwwwllllyyyy reads the Bible to viewers. These shows would be what teenagers and young adults can relate to and find entertaining without loading the show with cussing, sex, and inappropriate behavior.

For example, what if there was a semi-reality show (similar to the MTV show "My Life as Liz") about a young girl who daily is trying to make a difference in the lives of those she encounters. The show could follow her to the homeless shelter she volunteers at, to her church youth group where she helps minister to the young girls in the group, to school where she defeats the mean girls of the school by finding that soft spot in their heart and loving them no matter how mean they are to her, and many more exciting places. BEING A CHRISTIAN IS NOT UNCOOL! I am still the same old goofy random and spontaneous Meg that I was before having been Saved. This fictional girl I just spoke of...there are SOOOO many young girls in the world like this, whose efforts and spirit to help and to love are being crowded out by the role models that MTV is feeding us.

What if there was another show on this new network (similar to the MTV show "The Burried Life") where a group of Chrisitians go out and cross off things on their bucket lists as well, and loving on folks as they do it (which would be the EXACT same thing as Burried Life but....) then they spread the Good News of Jesus Christ!? What if the youth and young adults of the world got to see people going out and doing amazing things like that? But in the name of and to glorify God?

There are so many options for a network that takes the broken and abandoned and confused and angry and heartbroken and DESPERATE youth of this world to start feeding them HOPE, and LOVE, and PEACE, and EMPOWERMENT, and STRENGTH, and all of the necessary tools to get them off their feet and start being the change in the world they wish to see!

We can not expect children to make better choices if there are not better choices out there for them to make.

Being involved in children and youth ministry I am constantly surrounded by children like this. I strongly feel, if people had an alternative to filling their spirits with trash, then we as a world would start to see a change. There is no better way to influence an older adult too then to see a young person doing something kind or productive or amazing even! The time to do something about the state of the souls in this world is now-we can not save people, only God can do that. But we can SHOW the unsaved what it looks like for God's kingdom to be here on earth!

"The only time I'll ever watch a show called 16 and pregnant is if it stars a girl named Mary" :)

In Him,
Meg

God's Calling

Love is a hunger, but love won't leave you empty. See it's the language of the heart. Love can steal your pride, but love won't let you hide. It takes everything you've got. Love's not easy...but it's worth it.

A little over a year ago, I was introduced to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Ever since that day, my life has looked radically different....because when He came into my life, my life radically changed. This past year of newfound freedom in Christ has been amazing yes, but also a struggle. Immediately I felt ready for God's plan, I could absolutely not wait for Him to reveal it to me. I prayed every single second, day and night, had other people praying for me for visions from Him...and where there were plans, where there were oppertunities, where there were amazing blessings, where there were great visions of what's to come...there was still, no "calling."

I was finding myself so defeated, wondering "why"? Am I not ready for what You have in store for me? Am I doing something so wrong with my life right now that You don't feel I'm worth having my calling revealed to me? Is Your plan for me staring me right in the face but I don't see it yet? Every single day I was questioning God and doubting myself, and found myself in many a challenging season. In the midst of these amazing things God was using me to do, I was more focused on what the "plan" was!

Isn't that funny how we do that in life, too? We sit down to eat a meal with our kids and we are worried about how to pay the bills due at the end of the week. The kids are too busy quickly shoveling their food in their mouths so they can play video games or talk on the phone. As humans it seems our minds are always on preparing for what's to come, and not taking enough time to look around and realize we are in the middle of our own life-and we are missing out on it.

I am an imperfect human. So of course, during these seasons of ups and downs and ease and challenge, and across the board varying life lessons, I attempted to have patience-but failed. I attempted to be proactive and move forward with my own plans-and failed. I was in a constant state of "striving"-never fully being able to rest in the peace that comes with knowing the Lord is in control of what happens in my life, and His plans for me are GOOD!

I don't know when the impatience subsided some, if it ever did. I don't know when I stopped trying to figure it all out so hard-if I ever did that. But over the past couple of weeks, God has really been laying some amazing things on my heart.

I basically grew up without a mother. I completely grew up in not only a disfunctional home, but a home designed more for a horror movie because it was that much of a nightmare. Family vacations, dinners, ballgames, basically my life memories have all been tainted with darkness that hangs over it. Since having become a "gypsy" (as I like to call myself) I have had the amazing blessing of being able to live with various groups of women, friends, families, etc who have all taught me SO much about what it means to be a wife, to be a mother, to be a partner, to be a family, to LOVE others. My whole life it seems like, I have been prepared (definitely with what NOT to do when I have my own family) but also with what TO do.

The last couple of weeks God has placed several staples of peace in my life (staple of peace meaning these things, like your old teddy bear or soft blanket, that brings you deep joy and comfort and peace and stability). On the way home from Zumba class a couple of weeks ago, I heard a talkshow on the radio about a book called "Life Ready Woman". The author of the book talked briefly about some key points that are in her book one being that in the beginning of Genesis, we are given the blueprint for how we are created and what we are created to do.
-One being "leave and cleave" to form a superbond called marriage.
-Two being "fruitful and multiplying" (bringing up a generation of people that look like God)
-Three, "rule and subdue", advancing God's kingdom here on earth.
She talked about how sometimes we are in a season where we are doing one or two more than the other and vice versa, and how easy it is to start making productive decisions when we have this bluprint as our basis. For example, for the stay at home mom who's entire life is dedicated to bringing up children who look like the Lord, if given the oppertunity to go on a week long trip with some friends somewhere it would be easy to make that decision by saying "you know what? I am in a season where I am being fruitful and multiplying, I need this week to minister to these young women so that I can rule and subdue and advance God's kingdom here on earth" When put this way, something inside my head clicked-and I "got it" (my first aha moment of this whole process). Shaunti, the author of Life Ready Woman says "when we try to do things we were not designed to do, we breakdown". She gave the example of trying to take her car through roads that were closed due to flooding-she says "my car does not have gills, it is not a fish, it was never made to do that-so it broke down!" And so often we as women try to do so many things because we are convinced that we can 'have it all, do it all' and then we BREAK DOWN. I definitely am investing in this book! That car ride sparked a new, amazing journey for me.

My very wise friend Emily told me once, that when I am having trouble making a decision about something or trying to figure something out that I may be asking from the Lord, to get confirmation in the Word and confirmation in the world-meaning, look it up, find in scripture a "blueprint" persay of how to handle this particular situation, pray for God to show you where he wants you to go. And secondly, look for things around you, things in your life that are pointing to this situation and decision you're making.

In my case, after hearing the radio show, everything in my life started pointing towards wives, and mother's, and families. Several months ago, God planted this idea in my brain to write a parenting book (which may sound outrageous to you guys because I am not a parent). He showed me which women to use, what questions to ask, and everything I needed to do. I never did anything with it, but every now and then I think about that idea. Well, in the period of the last couple of weeks, I thought about the book again-and this time, from a different perspective. A perspective of it actually being written, and there being a season that I would work on it and to start getting ready for that. Well, needless to say God is amazing, and has beeng putting me in the places I need to be to get ready for that. Several months ago when I had this idea I was living with some girlfriends and leading a random life. Since then, I have formed amazing friendships with several of the women to be interviewed in the book. I have lived with a few of them and had the chance to observe their family and their love and their kiddos and just, the lives of Christian wives and mother's. I attend church with several and through life group and other various events, through babysitting and things like that, have gotten to know them and their parenting style as well too. God as set up this amazing oppertunity, CREATING this amazing chance for me to live out the calling he has prepared me for.

Beyond reading a book, and writing a book, something much deeper and much bigger was happening-and it took the new Francesca Battistelli cd to show me. On her cd is a song called "A Hundred More Years", it starts off talking about this young girl's dream coming true by finding this person to love her and she wants to stay wrapped up in this moment with him for a hundred more years. Then, it talks about that same young man, a dad now, watching their 3 year old daughter twirling around for him to gain his attention and how he wants to stay right in that moment for a hundred more years. **While listening to this cd, God showed me my future husband and myself, dancing at our wedding. He showed me my future husband and myself, laying on a blanket under the stars with our daughter in the middle and us holding her hands as we tell her about God's love. He whispered into my soul that I am to be a wife and a mother. I smiled all night, at the peace and the joy that came with knowing this little secret. I never thought I wouldn't be a wife and a mother, but now I not only know I am to be one, I know I am CALLED to be one. The peace, and the feeling of being able to rest in what you know the Lord is calling you to do, is unlike any other feeling in the world.

The fear, the doubt, the anxiety, the impatience....all of that has subsided. Because my soul and my heart have been touched by the Creator of those things, and He has assured me that I am to be a wife and a mother. Simple as that. Sure, I will do other things too! I will write a book. I will minister to youth. I will teach kiddos. I will love on those around me. But I know now, what I am designed for.

Maybe it sounds silly to some of you, especially the wives and mothers out there who maybe didnt think about this being their "calling"-but for someone like me, who grew up the way I grew up and who has walked the path I have walked, getting this calling is a blessing. All of the things I have wanted to "accomplish" or "strive for"-the goals I have set for myself, they just...don't seem to matter anymore, as long as I get this one thing right. I know God has a specific person planned for me, and that person will be loved like they have never been loved before-because I was created to love them, and I will wait until I know God has given me this person as a gift. I won't settle, because I don't want to cheat myself or anyone else out of what God intends for us both. When I become a mother, I will struggle sure because I am imperfect-but there will never in the world be more loved kids than mine, because I am designed to love those kids.

If you know me, you know this is a huge deal. Not only discovering my calling, but surrendering to it as well. Yea, I want to travel the world, I would love to be recording artist, I would love to sky dive in random parts of the world-but when I have a family, that will be first and foremost what is important. God is so so good, and so so faithful. And He has GOOD things planned for all of you.

I know this blog was sort of all over the place, but it is insight to my deepest heart of hearts-and for those of you who find the time or patience to read it in its' entirety, I hope that you are encouraged and motivated to praise God for His faithfullness and His plan for your life!

In Him,
Meg

I Get By with a Little Help from my FRIENDS!

This morning I was watching Cold Case files (for no particular reason except that Lifetime all but stopped showing sappy movies and now plays crappy sitcoms all day) and as I was watching, I started thinking about the few days that followed my dad's death. It is such a traumatic experience to lose someone you care about, especially a parent you are so close to, and especially in such an unexpected way. When I think back to losing him, which was just 2 years ago, I am reminded of how amazing God is. He placed me in the middle of the busiest season of my life-friendwise-that I had ever been in. I was living with 2 great friends of mine, and we always had people over at the house. Some of them girls I had known since I was a baby because our parents grew up together. Others were new friends who were just as amazing as our old ones. And then we had a faithful group of guys we hung around, who are like brothers to me!

When I got the news that my dad had died, my friend and roomate Lindsey Coker immediately left work and came home to comfort me. My lifelong friend Lindsey Hawkins also came over, and both girls went to my grandparent's house with me, where the family was gathering. Coker and I were growing closer by the day having been roomates at the time and all, but Hawkins and I were not as close as we were when we were younger due to just, what happens when you grow up! But on this occasion, it was like I was 10 years old again and reaching out to my best friend, and she was there. They both were.

That night, another lifelong friend of ours Katie Spencer came to the house to love on me. Ashlynn and Carissa and so many others, including their mothers, came to the house to visit and to show their sympathies. They made food and brought me a sleepaid, and were really just, angels. I can't remember who passed through those days and nights, but everyone who was there, helped keep me afloat-and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I don't know if it was the night he died, or after, or maybe the funeral...but at some point in the chaos and sadness, I was laying in bed, surrounded by my angels. Dillan and Katie and the Lindseys and Stimpy and so many others. They were there to ensure I got a good night's sleep. I would dose off and wake up minutes or hours later, and they were all still there, talking or dozing off too, or watching me to make sure I was ok. I guess at some point in the night, people trickeled out of the room, and when I awoke I was wrapped in the arms of Katie and Dillan. And as I started crying, remembering I was now fatherless, both still half-asleep, they hugged me so tight and lulled me back to sleep.

I will never forget the many nights I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to sleep, I was scared if I fell asleep then I would wakeup and the hurt would start all over again. And it did. But Coker was there for me. She stayed up with me til all hours of the early morning and late night, even with a small son, a job, and school to worry about for herself. Me and my dog slept were welcomed into her bed with her and her dog many a sleepless night. She was there for me, like good angels should be.

I had many visitors, Matt and Brandon and Kelsey and so so many others. I had many phone calls, Cindy and Becky and Amber and so so many others. I had LOVE. I was so surrounded by LOVE from family and friends that I felt surrounded by GOD'S love, even though I was not a "Christian" then. I knew I was not alone in this awful period of my life.

I can never thank these angels enough, for being there for me when I needed them the most. I hope those of them who are reading this know I will ALWAYS be there for them too, if EVER they need a shoulder to cry on, a friend to listen to them, or someone to pray over them. I am indebted to these amazing people, some of you I have lost touch with, and some of you I am still best friends with. Whoever you are, I LOVE YOU, and you and your acts of love for me will forever be in my heart and in my mind and in my memory. You will never be forgotten.

In Him,
Meg

No One Says You Have to be Perfect.....

Maybe it is just me, but I do not take well to being yelled at, being called names, having my character attacked, hurtful sarcasm, and most of all, people being hateful just because they have no harness on their thoughts, and no remorse to the things they say and do that crush other people. People like this, most of the time, crush others because they are so insecure and angry with who they already are that they see joy when they make others feel as miserable as they feel.

It's an age old lesson that we are taught from the time we are in grade school. Someone is picking on you on the playground and you go home upset about it, what do your parents say? I don't know about yours but my dad spoke to me like an adult, and told me these people were trying to bring me down to pick themselves back up. (Later on he told me I was allowed to punch anyone I wanted to who was physically harming me, and that if I got in trouble he would ALWAYS back me up! haha Maybe not the best parenting advice, but I never doubted that my daddy was on my side when I was doing what was RIGHT.)

We continue to learn this lesson in Jr High and Sr Highschool, when a mean girl spreads hateful and harmful rumors about you. You go home and cry on your bed for hours, and let the pain fester for weeks before telling your parents how awful it is and that you never want to go to school again. I don't know about you guys, but my dad always told me "to kill them with kindness" and it never actually made THEM hurt as bad as they had hurt me, but it always made me feel better about who I was.

Not that my school days were particularly drama-filled by any means, this is stuff I bet 9 out of 10 girls have dealt with too. It's just how girls are. But what happens when you are no longer a girl, but instead a young woman. A young woman who gets to choose her close circle of friends. A young woman who tries her best to love on everyone she encounters. A young woman who is devout in her faith, and striving every second to show others how much God loves them. Does this young woman have to worry about being crushed by "mean girls" on the playground?

I would like to say no, but I would be lying. Because I find myself struggling with this recently. Why do people we know are hurtful angry people, and whom we know do NOT give us our identity, why do we LET them get the better of us?

Once upon a time, there was a child who was left by her mother and abused by a man. There fighting and violence in her once stable household. There was fear, and emptiness, and heartache. When the young girl's stepmother entered the picture, things only worsened. The stepmother abused the young girl in every way that she knew how. She mentally traumatized the girl and everything the young child once held safe and true. There was nowhere to turn, no way to escape. Until one day....she did. Out on her own things were only slightly better, as people will go to any means necessary to make someone else miserable. The young girl was forever trapped inside of a nightmare.

You never know when this story is the past and present that someone has to deal with. You never know the pain and the torture that people have endured, people you walk alongside every single day. This is why the golden rule is doing unto others what you would have done unto you. I would call the above story a "fairytale" but it's not. It's a tragedy. And it's only a small part of my own tragedy.

Having endured a life like this, and healing from this type of living for so long, I would say that my heart is not only as strong as a thousand giants, but also as frail as a dying flower. I have survived alot (and not just me, so many people have this or worse backgrounds to them) so wonder daily, "Since I am old enough to get myself away from people who treat me like this, to own my own emotions, and to fight for the healing of my heart-do I still have to deal with this horror?"

And the answer is. Yes. Sadly, yes I do. Because there are always going to be mean girls on the playground. And there are always going to be wicked stepmother's. And no matter how good the deeds look on the outside that someone might be doing, people are not stupid and they know the truth. They know through your actions if you are hateful. They know through the ugly words that you use that you are angry. They know through your drama that you have gone through drama yourself. They know through the harsh texts, the useless fights, the knee-jerk reactions, the defensive conversations, the swearing, the dissatisfaction in things that are good, and just your everyday behavior-they KNOW if you are a "MEAN GIRL ON THE PLAYGROUND".

And it is ok. To those of us who are still that broken and upset child on the playground, who try and see and try and do GOOD in this world, we have a Heavenly Father on our side who has sent his angels in the Heavenlies to fight for justice, to fight for our souls, and to fight our battles. And to those of you who can't just be NICE to others, and let God enter your heart FULLY so that you will be transformed to a new person-to those of you, God LOVES you so much...and guess what? He is still fighting for YOU TOO! Just because you feel forgotten doesn't mean you are. But that does not mean too that you can stomp around treating other people so badly. Because then you are not dealing with the Heavenly Father who is fighting for you, you are dealing with the Wrathful God who will JUDGE you for the things you do and say on this earth.

No One says you have to be perfect. I am nowhere near perfection, and I know that. I see my flaws, I see my wounds, and I see my imperfections. But I also see and talk to a God who daily is correcting my flaws, healing my wounds, and making me perfect for Him through His Son.

The moral of this story. JUST BE NICE!
In Him,
Meg

YOU are beautiful beyond description....

My morning, was rough to say the least. I woke up in a foul mood when all resources of waking me up failed. Needless to say, I missed church. Since I have been having such a hard time at my church the past few months, I tried to tell myself it might have been a blessing in disguise. Feeling anxiety ridden and upset at people and mad at myself for sleeping through my alarm, and shaking off several bad and weird dreams the previous night had granted me, I decided to fall back asleep. I chanted "surround me Lord, surround me Lord, surround me Lord" over and over again, until I drifted into a beautiful slumber.

I re-awoke around 11, extremely rested and ready to start the day. God was tugging on my heart, needing and wanting time alone with me. I opened up to Proverbs and spent some time in the Word and then some time in prayer afterward. That did not seem to do it, for He was so actively at the forefront of my mind this morning (which is a great thing, don't get me wrong!) So I got ready, and had limited time to travel into Jonesboro, grab a bite to eat, and meet my friend for a play we were seeing. I decided to call my grandfather, who is my best buddy. It had been a while since we last saw each other and I missed his company. He treated me to lunch and great company before I headed off to the play.

The day was absolutely beautiful to say the LEAST, so all day I felt God kissing me on the cheek and giggling at my surprise weather :) The play we saw "The Secret Garden" only intensified the gratitude I felt toward Papa for making today my weather-perfect day. **What started out as rough, was turning around so quickly, and bringing such glory to my Father!

After the play, I decided I needed to take that road trip-to enjoy the weather, to listen to and sing songs of praise to my God, and to visit some family who had been on my heart. I drove a couple of hours away to a town called Cord-Charlotte, and Batesville. First I went to Cord where my father's grave is. I set out a blanket, grabbed my Bible and my camera, and sat and worhipped for over an hour. The weather was so beautiful and the wind was captivating my heart so much, there was no way I could sit there and NOT worship such a wonderful Creator!

After worshipping and praying and really just taking in God's splendor, I decided to go see my step greatgrandmother in Batesville. She has always loved me so much, and I had never before came to visit just her. So, I decided it was time. And on the way from Cord to her house in Batesville (about a 30 minute drive in the middle of nothing but farm land) I passed the most amazing sights! Pastures full of the most beautiful animals I had ever seen! They were unlike any cow or any horse or any goat I had ever seen in my life, they were....God! I know that sounds weird, but every where I looked, I saw His face! The clouds, the weeds, the cracks in the pavement, the tree branches, the bugs-EVERYTHING reflected His love, and I was so happy I was hysterically laughing. It was as if God took off his God-glasses and said "Here my Beloved, see the world as I see it" and placed them on me. All of a sudden everything was better, cleaner, crisper, more detailed, and just shone of God's awesomeness!

It was such an intense, and much-needed encounter with Papa I couldn't help cry and laugh and everything all at once! When I prayed that morning after reading Proverbs, and again at the gravesite after reading more of it, I asked for wisdom. I felt compelled to ask for wisdom. And for Papa to show me His glory, to lend me His eyes so I can see things the way He sees them. See, I have been feeling so negative lately what with things at church, and lacking motivation in school, and unreliable friends who hurt my feelings all weekend. I was down, and I cried out to my God to just bring me some joy through granting me wisdom and His eyes. And He did. BOY DID HE!!!!

I would give anything to see the world the way I saw it today, every single day for the rest of my life. People were beautiful, wind was beautiful, trash was beautiful, and even in its own weird way roadkill was beautiful. There was just something so amazing in SEEING things. Not overlooking, but SEEING them for what they are. There was beauty in the emotion that seeing these things brought to my soul. Whether it was the kiss of the wind which brought happiness, or the death of the animal lying on the side of the road which brought sadness, it was all still CAPTIVATING!!

My God is so good. My GOD is SO FAITHFUL! Gosh He really stinking loves us! And I hope you, whoever you are reading this, realize how much the Creator of the entire universe, absolutely ADORES you :)

In Him,
Meg

Does Anybody Hear Her?

She is running, a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction.
She is trying, but the canyon's ever widening in the depths of her cold heart.
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find,
She's another two years older and she's three more steps behind.

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple,
with all the lost and lonely people,
searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me.
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning for shelter and affection, that she never found at home.
She is searching for a hero to ride in , to ride in and save the day.
And in walks her prince charming, and he knows just what to say.
Momentary lapse of reason, and she gives her heart away.

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does she even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple,
with all the lost and lonely people,
searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me.
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

Y.O.Y.O!

My best girlfriends and I used to have a favorite catch phrase "YOYO!" which means, You're Only Young Once. When one of us didn't feel like going out one night, we were sure to get a "yoyo" texted our direction. When there was an adventure awaiting us we shouted "yoyo" and would conquer the world, just a bunch of silly girls, our huge dreams, and our strong friendship that protected us from everything.

Now we are all getting older, some of us married, some of us with children, some of us engaged...and the adventures seem to be ceasing. My heart, however, is not settled down and is still longing for adventure.

I moved out of my house when I was 16 years old and have been uprooted from place to place ever since. My home life wasn't stable by any means, so it wasn't like I was leaving a home. I was just leaving, a place. To go to another place, to shortly leave that place and go to another, etc etc. Now, almost 8 years later, I am still living that way. I think my heart has multiple personalities, or well, maybe 2 distinct ones.

The first: Domestication. I want so badly to be a wife, and to be a mother, and to raise a family, and to glorify God through all of that. I want support and a partnership that makes my calling and my ministry stronger. I want someone to come home to, to talk about my day to, to pray with, to cry with, etc. I don't want to face the trials of this world alone anymore, I am sick of being a survivor! I finally want to relax in my own skin and be comfortable finally having stability.

The second: Gypsy. I have been born to handle not only a lifestyle of moving around, but also am most comfortable in my own self when my spirit is able to be completely free. This lifestyle speaks to the part of my soul that wants to hop in an RV and travel the world, playing music, getting random jobs to support myself, and spreading God's love through every life I encounter. This road is lonely because if dating were even an option he would have to want to live that sort of life with me, and those type of guys are hard to find too.

These two parts of my heart are in a CONSTANT state of battle, and it wears down on me a little each day. Because when I am in a season where I want so much to give someone all the love I have, I find my dating life desolate and lonely. That is where I am at right now, I feel pushed more toward the gypsy part of my life just by association of having no one in my life right now to keep me grounded. Which I guess, is ok.

I am also struggling with feeling like I am special. I have dated some (well, jerks but who hasn't haha but also) AMAZING men who truly feel I am such a prize, and so unique, and so special! I even have just guy friends who tell me this, everyday! So, I find it hard when dating or attempting to date, people who just don't see it. I not only know that I am a princess because the Lord tells me that, but I too feel like I am a kick-butt girlfriend, and would make a guy freaking happy by being a kick-butt wife too! So when I date, mediocre guys, who don't have the passion for love that i have, or the will to put any effort into a relationship I am instantly defeated. I am awesome enough to WANT to text and to WANT to call and to WANT to communicate with, I shouldn't have to chase you down!!! And....I won't do it anymore, not for anyone. Because I am worth the fight, I am worth the chase!

This blog is sort of word-vomit of a bunch of crap I have had to deal with this week, and no I know, it is not as cheerful and Jesus-loving as it usually is, but it is the truth. You, readers, or...reader-whoever you are haha, are bearing witness to my heart of hearts right now. I am facing the facts that I am a survivor through life, and my heart will remain open for whoever wants to test it out...because I can't hide who I am. I have SO much love to give! Whether it be to kiddos I teach or my friends or a dog or the future love of my life!!!! But I will NOT settle for having my heart broken by people who are not even worth it! So, if you get booted out of this gypsy's life then you clearly weren't worth the pain it would've caused me in the long-run!

Tomorrow, I am hopping into my car with one of my besties and we are driving until we run out of road-because that is what gypsy's do! If you pass me along the journey, then be cautious...I may bite ;)

In Him,

Meg

Church Didn't Save Me....GOD DID!

Tonight, I was hit with the very hard and very painful realization that there are people in my family who do not know Jesus, the way I know Jesus. I am not talking about my blood family, I mean...my Christian one. People I go to church with, people I eat lunch with on Sundays, people who open their home to me, people I am around several times a week. My heart shattered. Not only because they do not know the Savior as I know Him, but because I DIDN'T KNOW that they didn't.

I feel the question that lingers in the untouched air of today's Christian society is "Where is the disconnect?" When does it happen that people no longer are hungry for the Word, no longer want to know Jesus, no longer aim to live Biblically accurate lives? Christians have created a way that it is easy to be a "Christian" without ever having to know Jesus at all. Who doesn't want to be a Christian when it is that easy? Guess what? IT IS NOT THAT EASY! Nor, was it ever promised to us that it would be. When you are SAVED, your life should look radically, totally, and DRASTICALLY different then the rest of the world-because you are not living in the world or of the world's standards, but you are called by God to rise above and live your life set apart from that way of life.

I was 22 years old before I met Jesus. Before that, I would have called myself a Christian. My parents took me to church when I was a child. My uncle is a minister and all my family had a great reputation as God-loving, God-fearing people. I went to youth group, sang the songs, did the camp thing, played on inflatable jumping toys. And most importantly, I believed that God existed. Well do you know what? Come to find out that devil worshipers believe in God too! So, what is that saying about our faith when the one thing we fall back on in regards to defending our personal action of faith is nothing different than people who worship satan?

GOD SAVED ME. GOD SAVED ME. GOD SAVED ME. I was in a dark hole of a nightmarish life and GOD SAVED ME. He appeared to me and I heard the story of Jesus out of God's mouth himself. GOD SAVED ME. He thrust His Holy Spirit upon and broke my hard yet bleeding heart. GOD SAVED ME! In one instant, my entire life was DRAMATICALLY changed. Upon accepting Jesus it was if someone snapped their fingers and I was a completely different person. I thought differently, I spoke differently, I acted differently. EVERYTHING was changed, because I was no longer old Meg. I became transformed through God's love for me. Why isn't that everybody's experience with meeting Jesus for the first time?

Maybe you are thinking "Well, I have never gone through trials of anykind where God had to pull me out of something dark?" Ok, but nobody is perfect and God is trying to meet you in the trials you face today, even small things, and asking you to rely on Him and let Him change you but you are not even aware of that much because you are not even aware that you are desperately hungry for Him to begin with. Maybe you are thinking "I grew up in church, my parents are Christians, I don't ever remember not loving the Lord" Well that is AMAZING!! But are you acting like you love the Lord in all that you say? All that you do? Does every breath you breathe Glorify the One who gave you that breath?

There is a disconnect in the church and relationship to God. On any given day God is something different to me. On days where I miss my earthly dad who passed away, He is not only my strength and my comfort but He is my Father! On days I feel adventurous and need to get away, God is my playmate. On days where I feel sad and need to vent, God is my best girlfriend. On days where I am lonely, God romances me and becomes my Lover. He is the only one who knows what we need, and He always gives that to me. And if I don't feel it, I ask to. It is really as simple as that. We take for granted how powerful He is and also the power of Prayer. We take for granted the WORD of God, which is direct communication with how He wants us to live our lives. So many people use the excuse of "well I don't understand what I am reading!" I had the same trouble, but you know what I did that worked? I PRAYED. I prayed for God to lend me His spiritual eyes so that I could understand what I am reading. Instantly, I got it. He wants us to get it, He wants us to know these things so when we don't get it or don't understand then ASK Him to help you. That is what He is there for. Don't discredit the power of the Holy Spirit and how it transforms your life. WE are not powerful! We hold NO power. BUT GOD DOES! And He is going to use us whether we think we are worthy or not. We should not fear going out into the world and spreading His message because it is not us that is spreading it, it is the power of the Almighty God living inside of us.

Church did not save me. Church gave me a family whom I adore. Church gave me a support system that I need. Church gave me an avenue for all of the passions and talent God has given me in order to use them in ministry. But church did not Save me. God saved me.

There is a problem when church expects the unsaved to come to them, instead of going to the unsaved. There is a problem when people in the pews of a congregation question who Jesus is after 30 years of being a Christian. There is a problem when leadership in aims for bigger numbers to fill a multimillion dollar facility full of pews. There is a problem when the sermon becomes a motivational speech and not about Jesus Christ. There is a problem when the Bible is watered down. There is a PROBLEM when the message of Christ is twisted and contorted to make the people in the pews feel comfortable with living a Biblically inaccurate lifestyle. THERE IS A PROBLEM WHEN THERE ARE PEOPLE IN YOUR PEWS WHO ARE CONTINUOUSLY STARVING FOR THE WORD AND DESPERATE TO BE FED!!!

WAKEUP CHURCH! THERE. IS. A. PROBLEM!

In Him,

Meg

Guys and Dolls

The past week or so, I have been hit hard with the realization that I am single. And not just that I am single (because I have been that way for a long time now) but that unlike other times in my life, there are not even any prospects in the wings. My life consists of online classes, teaching small children, church, and meetings with girlfriends. So far, no men have popped up in my online classes dying to take out the girl who submits papers on child abuse and jevenile delinquency. The children I teach at church seem to have married parents and no older male siblings. At the theater I teach at I only see the children's mothers. And church....you would think this would be a wonderful place to find an amazing, God loving, Christian (SINGLE) man. Not the case in my congregation. So I am left wondering, what are some things to do in this town where I can meet new people. The answer I have been given (by friends and my own logic) are bars downtown. This serves as a problem for me, because unless that guy is in the bar to minster it seems unlikely that he will be the type of guy I am looking for.

So, what kind of guy am I looking for? (First of all, I would not necessarily say I am looking. Actually, I am quite content with him falling into my lap via help from the Lord or someone reading this very blog who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who will be PERFECT for me) This has inspired me to write down what I need in a man. If you see this list, and know this man, please....by all means.... :)

1. First and foremost he must LOVE THE LORD with every fiber of his being. Being a "christian" is simply not going to cut it, because it takes more than warming a pew with your butt on Sunday mornings to really be the kind of guy who will be able to handle and support me in my calling.
2. If he is religiously legalistic then....NEXT. I am a radical Jesus loving follower and require that someone I am with has that same wreckless abandonment for my God that I have.
3. Called to ministry. Which, honestly, I feel like we are all called to ministry-just in different avenues. I need someone who recognizes that calling and regardless of if you are a lawyer or cop or whatever, are living out that calling in your profession.
4. I need someone who longs to travel with me. I refuse to be stuck in Jonesboro Arkansas for the rest of my life, and quite frankly am hesitant on even dating guys here because most of the people here are already stuck!
5. It is absolutely required that I end up with someone more intellectual than myself. I like it when my guy can teach me new things. I need to be challenged because I get bored very easily.
6. His sense of humor must be witty in order to keep up with my bantor and pop culture references. I love to laugh, and I love to make people laugh. So being with someone I can do that for and does that for me is a plus.
7. One of the most important things for me is being able to be myself. I am the kind of girl who takes her shoes off and dances in the middle of WalMart and I need a guy who stands back and smiles and thinks to himself "Man I love her" OR better yet, a guy who joins in and dances with me because when we are together nothing else in the world matters. If you make me feel weird or try to restrict my free spirit in anyway then you will never make it in the world of Meg so there is no sense in trying.
8. I need someone who is compassionate. I have the world's most tender heart and if I am seeking compassion or empathy from a guy and he tries to "toughen me up" oh heck to the no, see ya :) My heart breaks for the things of this world that breaks God's heart. I am called to the frontlines of working with the broken hearted, the abandoned, the children of the world who feel unloved and unwanted, and at the end of every day I am sure that all I could really use is a hug and the option to cry it all out on your shoulder if I need to.
9. I want to matter to someone. I want to be so important to somebody that my opinions matter, what I am doing throughout my day matters, and seeing me matters. If a guy does not attempt to see me as much as he can, or communicate with me on a constant basis then it will not work. See, because I know that I am a princess and I know that I deserve the best. My God has told me that and I will not settle for a guy who makes me feel anyless than what I deserve. And maybe I wont find that guy, but I will be single forever before I settle.
10. I am at the point in my life where I am done casually dating. I am "looking" for my husband. So I need a guy who is also at that same point in his life, because I will not wait 5 years to marry you when I am ready now. That's just the way it is. I want marriage and kids and I need a guy who also wants those things.

So see, for the most part it would seem pretty simple. But no, it has not been. So what is my plan of action? Continuing doing the Lord's work, knowing that in His perfect timing He will work all of it out for me. Also, travelling more and meeting men outside of this large small town. And lastly, leaving it up to the amazing Christian men and women in my life to recommend guys to me!

My friends and family think I am picky. But I refuse to get married for the sake of getting married. 30-40year olds today who struggle in their marriage realize that their reasons for getting married in the first place were wrong and they are paying the price for it. Marriage is tough no doubt about it, but it is also beautiful. And it was created to bring GLORY to our LORD and I want that for my life. So yes, I will continue to be picky so that my marriage will do everything the God created marriage to do.

In Him,
Meg

Once Upon A Time...

Once upon a time, in a not so far away land, lived a young girl. This girl was more beautiful than she would ever know, for the evils of the world had done everything to ensure that she would never find out her true identity. You see, this was no ordinary girl. No. She was the daughter of a king. A PRINCESS.

However, her journey in life resembled nothing of royalty. This "princess" was born to ordinary parents whom both, she lost. She was an orphan drowning in a sea of abandonment, and accustomed to fighting her way through life in order to survive. She went to any means necessary to show her strength, because she knew if she were weak the world would swallow her alive.

Walking through life scared, alone, angry, and broken-the most amazing thing happened. She met a Prince. This Prince took one look at the raggedy orphan and wept, for he knew of the pain she had gone through. With his hand to her chin he lifted her sight to meet his awaiting eyes.

"You, My Beloved" he whispered "have CAPTIVATED me."

The Prince and the young girl spent everyday together. They walked hand in hand through their mornings. They shared meals together. She shared with him the inner most desires of her quickly healing heart. She cried on his shoulder. She laughed until her heart ached. For the first time in her whole life, she felt safe. She was home.

The prince loved the young girl so much that he could not wait to introduce her to his Father. When the girl caught a glimpse of the glory of the King she fell to the ground, unable to move. Paralyzed by shame and the guilt of her former life, she dared not face such a powerful king.

"My Daughter" he said, lifting her off of the ground. "I love you more than you will ever know. And not because of what you have done, but because of who you are. My son thinks highly of you. You are my Daughter whom I adore."

Looking back at her Prince, the new Princess wept in joy! Shedding the rags of her old clothing, the King wrapped around the Princess the most beautiful cloak one had ever seen. He placed a ring on her finger that sparkled greater than any star in the sky. He placed a crown on her head that reflected every color in the rainbow plus colors she had never even seen before. The King kissed the Princess on her cheek and placed her hand back into the hands of her Prince.

The little princess walked with her Prince into a beautiful garden. He sat her down and said to her:
"There are people in the world, like you once were, unaware how much my Father loves them. In His name, will you tell them how much they are wanted? Will you share your life with them so that my Father can do His work through you?"

"Of course, my Prince. I will do anything you ask."

He placed his hand on her heart.
"I will live in here forever my Beloved. You will never know another lonely night. You will never feel like you are unwanted or unloved, ever again. If you start to doubt it, cry out to me my princess. I will immediately surround you with peace and comfort. I will kiss you every morning when you awake and wrap my arms around you every night as you fall asleep. I am sending a counselor to help you, for I know how indecisive you are my precious girl. I know you will need help figuring out what to do, and I want nothing more than to help you. I long to hear you cry out to me. Never forget that the power of my father is how you will accomplish your mission. Love Him, because he loves you so. And love others, so that they may know Him too. Do you think you can do this little princess?"

The princess thought about it for a moment. Though it would be hard, leaving her safe home with her Prince and re-entering the world that was so cruel to innocent heart, she knew what she had to do. The other princesses of the world must know about their Prince and how much their Father, the King, adores them. So she would tell them.

"Yes, my Prince. I will be a vessel to bring light to dark places. When I am sad, when I am scared, when I feel like I am the only one fighting for justice, when I don't feel I have a voice, when I am tempted, when I am persecuted, or when I am in danger, I will remember that you are in my heart, and the power of the King lies in my faith that He can do the impossible."

The Prince kissed the little princess goodbye.
"Until we meet again, my Beloved."
"Yes" she smiled. "Until we meet again, my Prince."

In Him,
Meg